The only reason I can put things into words is because of you.
I never needed to put things into words. Mother and I understood each other. Father and I were still struggling to find a way to connect and words wasn't how either of us did.
And I'm going to talk about them, but there is a point.
MK and Mei pursued me. They bothered me. I ran from them because our situation made me afraid what would happen if I didn't, you've certainly heard my fears, and they just kept coming, until circumstances forced me to reach out to them. If not for the Samadhi Fire, if Mei hadn't needed me specifically, I would have kept running after the Lady Bone Demon. The entire basis of our friendship is because they refused to give up on me and because Mei's ancestor.
Then I came here.
And in not so many words, you asked me what I wanted.
I spent my whole life never...really giving that any true thought. Of course I wanted my father back, I wanted my mother happy, but if mother hadn't been so determined to free him...would I have dedicated my whole life to that goal? Or would I have tried to move on and live my own life?
Ultimately, I never really had to think of anything I wanted for myself, free of what my parents wanted me to do. And the only thing I had wanted independent of them made me afraid of losing them, so I didn't think about it. I didn't try to put it into words.
But you wanted to know what I wanted. Did I want to explore something new, did I really want to dedicate so much time to helping you, did I want you.
I love you for many reasons. You're strong, you're powerful, you're beautiful, you're kind, you would do wonderfully in a demon court, you're fun to be around, you're passionate, you have a lovely smile.
But when it comes down to people I 'need' in my life...
I needed someone to ask that question.
What did I want.
Because if you hadn't asked, I would have taken years to realize I loved you, if I ever did. The same would be true of MK and Mei because I would have refused to even think about it. Because what it comes down to...I never had to think about what I actually wanted for myself. But you wanted to know. You pushed me to find that answer, but were patient, giving me the pressure and the time I needed to actually figure out what that answer was.
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Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 01:38 am (UTC)The only reason I can put things into words is because of you.
I never needed to put things into words. Mother and I understood each other. Father and I were still struggling to find a way to connect and words wasn't how either of us did.
And I'm going to talk about them, but there is a point.
MK and Mei pursued me. They bothered me. I ran from them because our situation made me afraid what would happen if I didn't, you've certainly heard my fears, and they just kept coming, until circumstances forced me to reach out to them. If not for the Samadhi Fire, if Mei hadn't needed me specifically, I would have kept running after the Lady Bone Demon. The entire basis of our friendship is because they refused to give up on me and because Mei's ancestor.
Then I came here.
And in not so many words, you asked me what I wanted.
I spent my whole life never...really giving that any true thought. Of course I wanted my father back, I wanted my mother happy, but if mother hadn't been so determined to free him...would I have dedicated my whole life to that goal? Or would I have tried to move on and live my own life?
Ultimately, I never really had to think of anything I wanted for myself, free of what my parents wanted me to do. And the only thing I had wanted independent of them made me afraid of losing them, so I didn't think about it. I didn't try to put it into words.
But you wanted to know what I wanted. Did I want to explore something new, did I really want to dedicate so much time to helping you, did I want you.
I love you for many reasons. You're strong, you're powerful, you're beautiful, you're kind, you would do wonderfully in a demon court, you're fun to be around, you're passionate, you have a lovely smile.
But when it comes down to people I 'need' in my life...
I needed someone to ask that question.
What did I want.
Because if you hadn't asked, I would have taken years to realize I loved you, if I ever did. The same would be true of MK and Mei because I would have refused to even think about it. Because what it comes down to...I never had to think about what I actually wanted for myself. But you wanted to know. You pushed me to find that answer, but were patient, giving me the pressure and the time I needed to actually figure out what that answer was.
I can say what I want because of you.