"Yeah. I'm trying." She wants to be better for everyone around her.
"I know that I've forgiven you for the whole mess that ended with me popping you, and I think you've forgiven me for thinking the worst inside MK's heart game, and maybe for the mistakes I made too, but that all is still... sorting itself out in my head."
"I know 'bout tryin' ta be better. Especially right now. And like, I get that too. I do forgive you. For the poppin' and the heart game. Like I fucked up and hurt Kantera and held people hostage at a porty when I didn't have to. I messed up. We make mistakes and then our dumb brains get dumb and all screwed up and stuff."
Porty gently brushes Saya's cheek with the back of his fingers.
"It takes a while to untangle it all and make it not feel like a trash fire in yer head."
Saya looks at him, slight surprise melting into gratitude.
"Yeah. And I've been a trash fire for centuries. I just got all my memories back, did I tell you that?" She's pretty sure she didn't. "They were all pretty awful, but they're mine. It's taken a while to sort it all out."
Porty smiles and then his eyes widen. The smile stays on but oh boy is that a bit of a bombshell.
"Ooooh fuck. That had to suck yeah. Like, I get it. That...that's gotta be a lot. Like whoa. Like, only thing I can think of that would be kinda like that is OG rememberin' every one of the cycles kinda shit and oooh boy. Yeah. Take yer time on that. That's...not easy, I bet."
"It's not. Especially since the two father figures I had, I only really knew the bad stuff they did to me and Diva before recently, and now I have the memories of how much I loved them at the time. It made me question a lot of things. Like what would it mean for me, now that I have a wider view of the things they did, to also remember loving them without feeling like total shit?"
"In all honesty, I could have done with more isolation than I had, but I couldn't bear to hurt people more."
"...Yeah. It's a mindfuck to know that all of my good memories, all of them, at least from my home world, are basically tainted. I was a little debutante for 50 years under the thumb of a monster. He did tests on me too, but he also treated me like his daughter. And my foster father a century later, he lied to me about everything. Neither of them so much as told me what I really am."
"It messes with my feelings about trust and love. Which I hate, because I want to love and trust the people in my life."
She nods. "I couldn't isolate. I wanted to, but I couldn't."
Porty is quite for a hot minute after Saya finishes all that. He holds her gently and tries to think of what to say or do. He knows this isn't a thing he can really fix or maybe even help. But that compulsion to try is there. He remembers therapy and takes a calming breath.
"So...uh. Do you want like some optimism to help with that? Like a silver lining kinda thing? Or do you need me to just validate and say hey that fucking sucks major lemons? Or do you want a distraction?"
"Alright. I don't know about the first one. But the second foster dad? I think in his own way, maybe he was trying to protect you. Because he did really care about you. I'm not saying he was right, like, at all. But people do stupid stuff out of love. They try to protect the people they love with lies. It isn't good or right...but it's cause they're stupid with love."
Porty says with a surprising level of sincerity and softness.
"So. Even if he was a big dummy, he loves you. Even if he isn't around anymore."
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Re: Text, UN: MonkieMan
"I forgive you. I mean, shit was complicated. I'm glad yer not avoiding everyone anymore. That's a good thing."
Re: Text, UN: MonkieMan
"I know that I've forgiven you for the whole mess that ended with me popping you, and I think you've forgiven me for thinking the worst inside MK's heart game, and maybe for the mistakes I made too, but that all is still... sorting itself out in my head."
Re: Text, UN: MonkieMan
Porty gently brushes Saya's cheek with the back of his fingers.
"It takes a while to untangle it all and make it not feel like a trash fire in yer head."
Re: Text, UN: MonkieMan
"Yeah. And I've been a trash fire for centuries. I just got all my memories back, did I tell you that?" She's pretty sure she didn't. "They were all pretty awful, but they're mine. It's taken a while to sort it all out."
Re: Text, UN: MonkieMan
"Ooooh fuck. That had to suck yeah. Like, I get it. That...that's gotta be a lot. Like whoa. Like, only thing I can think of that would be kinda like that is OG rememberin' every one of the cycles kinda shit and oooh boy. Yeah. Take yer time on that. That's...not easy, I bet."
Re: Text, UN: MonkieMan
"In all honesty, I could have done with more isolation than I had, but I couldn't bear to hurt people more."
Re: Text, UN: MonkieMan
At least Porty is being open there. He doesn't pull away. He's just processing that real quick.
"I am glad yer not isolating. Even if you could have."
Re: Text, UN: MonkieMan
"It messes with my feelings about trust and love. Which I hate, because I want to love and trust the people in my life."
She nods. "I couldn't isolate. I wanted to, but I couldn't."
Re: Text, UN: MonkieMan
"So...uh. Do you want like some optimism to help with that? Like a silver lining kinda thing? Or do you need me to just validate and say hey that fucking sucks major lemons? Or do you want a distraction?"
Re: Text, UN: MonkieMan
She cracks a little smile, he's trying so hard for her.
"A silver lining works." Sometimes it doesn't work, but since he gave her the choice maybe she'll be more receptive.
Re: Text, UN: MonkieMan
Porty says with a surprising level of sincerity and softness.
"So. Even if he was a big dummy, he loves you. Even if he isn't around anymore."