"If you can't yet, you work on it. Ask for help. And write down what they say. So you can read it and practice. Knowing they won't lie to you. Why would they? They can't be wrong about how they feel. They can't be wrong that they love you."
Saya nods and flops over onto the counter, hiding her face in her folded arms. MK knows how to get more tea, she figures, and she doesn't especially feel up to showing her face yet since she's still crying.
MK plucks out a hair and makes a clone to make tea. He stays near Saya and is going to just keep rubbing her back and wrapping an arm around her. He isn't leaving her. Not right now.
Eventually, Saya sits up and wipes her face with a handkerchief.
"I'm not used to having to deal with this. Usually I'd get depressed and closed off and then I'd go to sleep and wake up happy because I didn't remember anything." She's literally never gotten herself out of a depression before. It always solved itself.
"It's always hard. And I get why it's so hard for you since that's how it would go all the other times. It's like learning a whole new thing that is all unknown for you. Sounds scary on top of difficult."
"Especially when I have a habit of making everything I touch worse." From her perspective, at least.
"It was naive to think that Red Son giving me a shot of medicine would fix this. I have to fix it. And I'm still wavering on whether I want to. I told you that I'll try and I will, but that's my honest feeling."
"Did it make it better at all after? The shot. I remember me and Monkey King sitting with you and you didn't go crazy or anything so there was that but did it help at all? I'm just wondering if maybe, it did, a few more might be a help for you to work on fixing it. Like a boost?"
"I thought it did. But it was just euphoria because I thought my troubles were more or less over. But once that wore off I was left with this." She gestures at her sorry state. "It did prevent me from sleeping, so it was still worth doing."
"Not really. I go to work and plaster on a smile because it's my job, which is exhausting. Then I come home and sulk. I haven't even been feeding properly, I've been using Red Son's blood bags in IV form."
Not feeding isn't a good sign at all. And it's probably driving her husband and mate bonkers.
"Not feeding doesn't sound good. And can you take a vacation from work for a month? Maybe you should try to take some time to feed a little. The normal bitey way and not the IV form way?"
"I guess I could. But right now it's the only reason I've been leaving the house." She's not sure it's a good idea to stop doing it.
"I don't know about feeding. Getting my memories back has made me a lot more averse to it. I miss it, but at the same time I used to be disgusted by it so getting the memories back has that feeling churning up." She's not really sure what to do with it all.
"Alright. Um...oh. Then take a vacation from your job and come work at the Dealer's Den for a month. You can be in the back or you can be up front but people aren't going to be grabbing you and hounding you there. It'll be easier."
The feeding part though...
"I mean, you do need to eat though. But I get it. Maybe instead of it being all uh hospital like, you could instead ask them to like put it in a glass? Make it like half and half? And you'll get to spend time with them too."
"At your bar? I don't know if my boss will let me work for a competitor. I can ask, though. If I'm not bartending and not public facing they'll probably mind less."
"I can talk to them and see what we want to do. It's probably better if I just bite the bullet, pun intended. Maybe if I just do it I'll remember why I liked it."
"Yeah. I always need help with like the backroom stuff. Accounting and math and all that. Plus you can help me plan some theme nights. Max is coming up with some fun music stuff and I know you love music. I bet he'd love your input," MK said with a happier tone.
"Heh. I like that pun. I think that's a really good idea. And they'll be there for you if you get nervous or the bad all mixed with the good in the wrong way."
"You mean Macaque's friend Max?" That's the only context through which she knows Max, so.
"Let me ask, and I'll let you know. But I'm not really sure how working for you would be any different than going to my job as normal, in terms of helping me." She gets paid a fortune at her job so it's tempting to just stick it out.
"I'll try that, I guess. I can imagine Kantera and Red Son aren't delighted with me taking IVs." So aat least some biting will make them happy, if nothing else.
"If he has two different color eyes and sharp teeth? Yes," MK nods. He can't keep track of all of Macaque's friends really.
"Thanks. I figure if you get out but don't have to interact with a bunch of strangers, it might help with both getting out and not going home all exhausted. That's all. You got a plan now. That's more than you had before."
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"I'm so scared."
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So Saya just keeps right on crying.
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She hasn't entirely stopped when she whispers, "I'll try." It's the best she's got. Even if she feels like she's already failed.
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I'm trying too.
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"We need more tea."
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"I'm not used to having to deal with this. Usually I'd get depressed and closed off and then I'd go to sleep and wake up happy because I didn't remember anything." She's literally never gotten herself out of a depression before. It always solved itself.
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"It was naive to think that Red Son giving me a shot of medicine would fix this. I have to fix it. And I'm still wavering on whether I want to. I told you that I'll try and I will, but that's my honest feeling."
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Not feeding isn't a good sign at all. And it's probably driving her husband and mate bonkers.
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"I don't know about feeding. Getting my memories back has made me a lot more averse to it. I miss it, but at the same time I used to be disgusted by it so getting the memories back has that feeling churning up." She's not really sure what to do with it all.
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The feeding part though...
"I mean, you do need to eat though. But I get it. Maybe instead of it being all uh hospital like, you could instead ask them to like put it in a glass? Make it like half and half? And you'll get to spend time with them too."
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"I can talk to them and see what we want to do. It's probably better if I just bite the bullet, pun intended. Maybe if I just do it I'll remember why I liked it."
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"Heh. I like that pun. I think that's a really good idea. And they'll be there for you if you get nervous or the bad all mixed with the good in the wrong way."
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"Let me ask, and I'll let you know. But I'm not really sure how working for you would be any different than going to my job as normal, in terms of helping me." She gets paid a fortune at her job so it's tempting to just stick it out.
"I'll try that, I guess. I can imagine Kantera and Red Son aren't delighted with me taking IVs." So aat least some biting will make them happy, if nothing else.
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"Thanks. I figure if you get out but don't have to interact with a bunch of strangers, it might help with both getting out and not going home all exhausted. That's all. You got a plan now. That's more than you had before."
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