You've not done anything wrong - I'm the one who's wronged you, if anything.
[He's quick to reassure her of that much, though how reassuring that actually is is up for debate.]
...When I came here, I regained the rest of my memories, such as they were in that dream. And a few memories I'd gained in that dream of the life before that. I remember who I - who the real Kantera - no, who I killed.
...It was Grandfather. The grandfather who taught me everything I know about medicine, who I respected so dearly... became old, and his mind deteriorated. And selfishly, I could no longer bear to see him that way. So - I killed him.
[ Saya can understand some of this. Not exactly in the same way, although she did kill her father so he wouldn't lose his mind when he turned. He asked her to, though, so... ]
[ She has no idea what this has to do with her hibernation because that's not a leap she can make, but that doesn't matter. She loves him and he's hurting. So she reaches over and hugs him tight. ]
...I'm afraid, Aliza. Now that I know this about myself - even if it wasn't the same me, I am that kind of person. Knowing how I responded to one loved one's mind degrading, losing memories... I am terrified of how I will respond if we can't stop your hibernation.
[ Her arms around him loosen by slow degrees. He can't kill her, so. Is he saying...? ]
[ Saya tightens her hold once again. It's only fair that he might not be able to handle it. She gets it, and she doesn't blame him. It hurts, but how could she be so selfish as to ask him to stay with her if it caused him such pain. It doesn't matter anyway; she loves him. If that's only going to last until she starts sleeping more and more, then that's how it has to be. ]
[ Part of her really wants to ask what he was thinking agreeing to get married after they got here, since he had his memories back by then. Maybe he didn't realize the extent of it? But, again, it doesn't matter. ]
[ Her inhale is shaky, but she doesn't cry. This isn't his fault and she won't make him feel worse. ]
Just... tell me before you go, okay? Please. So I can say goodbye.
-I spoke to Yuri about it. Who told me that things would be easier, since I wouldn't be the only one taking care of you. Because we have ways to return some of your memories to you, instead of you simply continuing to waste away forever. That things would be different.
So - I understand if you don't believe me. But at the moment, I have no intention of leaving you.
[ Everything in her wants to yank away, because not knowing sounds even worse than certainty that he'll leave. But... could she bear to tell him so if maybe he'd stay? Not a chance. ]
...Okay. [ It doesn't sound like she particularly believes him, no. It's self-preservation, not doubt in him. ]
[ There has to be a way to change this. Stop her life cycle. Something in all this magic that can fix it, because she can't lose another love. ]
[ She nods and rests her cheek against his shoulder. It occurs to her that this is why her kind was meant to have Chevaliers, so they can't be left behind. Even so, she'll never make another one. Even if they ever make it to Teyvat, she'd be alone. ]
I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to hurt because of me.
I love you, too. [ Despite that he's hurt her this way. It's not his fault, it's hers. ]
...If I go out for a while to unwind, you won't read into it, will you? I just need to move.
[ And think. She needs time to get her sobbing out so she can come back and not make the time they do have miserable and steeped in pre-emptive grief. ]
No matter what happens, I'll never regret marrying you. And I'm not going to spend the time we have in mourning, either.
So when I get back, I'll do whatever I can to make things as good as they can be for as long as we have. I promise. [ She can't promise to fix her life cycle before it's too late, but that much she can do. If it eats away at her, then that's fine. It's her burden to bear. ]
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[He's quick to reassure her of that much, though how reassuring that actually is is up for debate.]
...When I came here, I regained the rest of my memories, such as they were in that dream. And a few memories I'd gained in that dream of the life before that. I remember who I - who the real Kantera - no, who I killed.
...It was Grandfather. The grandfather who taught me everything I know about medicine, who I respected so dearly... became old, and his mind deteriorated. And selfishly, I could no longer bear to see him that way. So - I killed him.
[He pauses here to take in her reaction.]
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[ Saya can understand some of this. Not exactly in the same way, although she did kill her father so he wouldn't lose his mind when he turned. He asked her to, though, so... ]
[ She has no idea what this has to do with her hibernation because that's not a leap she can make, but that doesn't matter. She loves him and he's hurting. So she reaches over and hugs him tight. ]
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He was my family. He took care of me, he did so much for me, and I killed him. What kind of person...
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You were in a very sad situation, and that makes people do drastic things. [ It's not her place to excuse what he did, but she understands it. ]
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...I'm afraid, Aliza. Now that I know this about myself - even if it wasn't the same me, I am that kind of person. Knowing how I responded to one loved one's mind degrading, losing memories... I am terrified of how I will respond if we can't stop your hibernation.
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[ Her arms around him loosen by slow degrees. He can't kill her, so. Is he saying...? ]
[ Saya tightens her hold once again. It's only fair that he might not be able to handle it. She gets it, and she doesn't blame him. It hurts, but how could she be so selfish as to ask him to stay with her if it caused him such pain. It doesn't matter anyway; she loves him. If that's only going to last until she starts sleeping more and more, then that's how it has to be. ]
...I understand. It's okay.
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[He hates himself for it. He wouldn't blame her for hating him, too.]
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[ Her inhale is shaky, but she doesn't cry. This isn't his fault and she won't make him feel worse. ]
Just... tell me before you go, okay? Please. So I can say goodbye.
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-I spoke to Yuri about it. Who told me that things would be easier, since I wouldn't be the only one taking care of you. Because we have ways to return some of your memories to you, instead of you simply continuing to waste away forever. That things would be different.
So - I understand if you don't believe me. But at the moment, I have no intention of leaving you.
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...Okay. [ It doesn't sound like she particularly believes him, no. It's self-preservation, not doubt in him. ]
[ There has to be a way to change this. Stop her life cycle. Something in all this magic that can fix it, because she can't lose another love. ]
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...There must be some way to stop your hibernation. I'll search tirelessly until I can promise you it will never trouble either of us.
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I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to hurt because of me.
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[That will always be true, no matter what.]
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...If I go out for a while to unwind, you won't read into it, will you? I just need to move.
[ And think. She needs time to get her sobbing out so she can come back and not make the time they do have miserable and steeped in pre-emptive grief. ]
I'll be back tonight, I promise.
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[He might do a little crying of his own while she's gone.]
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No matter what happens, I'll never regret marrying you. And I'm not going to spend the time we have in mourning, either.
So when I get back, I'll do whatever I can to make things as good as they can be for as long as we have. I promise. [ She can't promise to fix her life cycle before it's too late, but that much she can do. If it eats away at her, then that's fine. It's her burden to bear. ]
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Good. That's all I need to know.
[ That and the location of some hyper-caffeine berries or something. She's a fighter, she's not giving him up without a fight. ]