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[sangreine]

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[retirementsnotsopeachy]

My point isn't that they're completely the same. It's that if it's something that you can control, it's something that you're actively working to prevent, then it's not who YOU are.

And in MK's case, when a loss of like that almost results in the unravelling of the entire universe it becomes more than just a fear. He could very well be a threat greater than anything I've ever seen...IF he continues to treat it as something to fear and resist. You're not in exactly the same boat, but the idea is to learn focus and control over yourself.

I learned control before having any doubts, so I can't relate to that part. But I can say that your stance that "This is me, I have to have ironclad control" isn't going to help you master this side of yourself. It's actually going to make it harder, and possibly easier for a snap since the tension is already there. Even with training.

[sangreine]

[ She doesn't seem to much like what he's saying, until that last part. ]

--Really? How so?

I understood that I'd have to release that control to try and master it, we talked about that, but I don't see how my mindset every other time changes things.

[retirementsnotsopeachy]

[He pulls a hair from his tail and turns it into a sturdy rope.]

Let's say this is the hold you've got on your killer instincts, the thing you're using to keep that wild violent side in check.

[He winds one end tightly around his tail, the other in his hand.]

My tail is that instinct, my hand is you, and- [He starts to pull with his hand while locking his tail so the rope starts to fray from the strain.] -this is what gradually happens by keeping that tension in place. Now, you can give it slack while training, sure. [He lets the rope go slack.] But the effects are still there. And technically you can periodically repair things, but the rope can still only take so much before it snaps.

And if you've been pulling too hard- [He yanks and the rope snaps, his tail slaps the nest from the sudden release, and his hand snaps back.] -then the force behind your snap could be at best the same as any other time, and possibly worse than any other time.

Not saying it will, but it could, and I know you would be devastated.

[sangreine]

[ Saya watches the demonstration, the rope snapping, and promptly buries her face against his shoulder. ]

[ If he was trying to make her feel hopeless with that, mission accomplished. ]

[retirementsnotsopeachy]

Now, I'm not saying that you're a lost cause. Don't take it that way.

[He hugs her tight, with both arms and his tail.]

What I'm saying is that you need to rethink your perspective on this side of yourself. And that's why I offered to help you, isn't it?

[sangreine]

[ She just shakes for a long moment. ]

I'm not sure I even know how to relax that control if I wanted to. My handlers hollowed me out so many times I don't even know where it ends.

[retirementsnotsopeachy]

That's okay. It's part of what we're working on.

[He starts to nuzzle her hair, purring softly.]

All I need is for you to trust me, as your teacher and your friend. I want to help you through this.

[sangreine]

I do trust you.

...But I want there to be some plan in place before we start anything. I know killing me will snap me out of it, but I get the feeling no one want that to be Plan A.

[retirementsnotsopeachy]

The plan is to help you with the control and the focus. I know you don't think your self-image is important, but it actually is more than your self-esteem.

But for a more, hands-on thing...pick someone, maybe two of us, to keep updated if anything starts making you feel that side of you stirring. For any reason. And especially when we're training or even just sparring.

[sangreine]

That's not what I meant... I mean, of course I'll do all that.

I mean a plan if I lose it. What's going to be done to contain me. I can't really be stopped from my frenzy other than if I lose enough blood to get weak. Or I guess if there was a sedative that I wouldn't immediately metabolize. The last time they just killed me, which is easiest, but it seems like that's pretty hard on everyone.

[retirementsnotsopeachy]

So, planning out things like that isn't my strong point. That's more of an MK or Red Son deal. I'm good at reaction and working on the fly. I mean, I can come up with a plan that's not wrong, but I still need work.

[He thinks for a moment though, actually wracking his brain a bit.]

I do have some tricks I picked up that could definitely help in the moment though. But I need to know. Have you ever come out of it eventually on your own?

[sangreine]

I'm good at planning, so maybe between us it might be okay. [ She's trying. ]

I had a panic room attached to Red Son's workshop. You can get into it from the outside, shut me in. It's comfortable but secure.

...No, I've never just come out of it. It takes a big shock. Death, unconsciousness in some form, blood loss until I weaken. I have no idea if I could, just that I never have.

[retirementsnotsopeachy]

Okay. Well, I know I can definitely both stop and get you into that panic room. And knocking you out I could manage easier than you'd think. Especially with help from MK.

So that should be fine.

[sangreine]

I can't be knocked out with physical damage alone unless I'm anemic already, thanks to the instant healing. But if I have to heal a series of bouts of severe damage that would make me anemic. You'd have to beat me about the head for awhile is all.

Stuffing me in the panic room and waiting for me to run out of blood is probably the least difficult option, but if I get beat up a bunch beforehand it would speed up the process.

[retirementsnotsopeachy]

Now you're just underestimating me a bit. I might have overestimated you the first real fight, but I've mastered the art of "enough force to get the job done".

I've got you covered there, trust me. Especially since I'm practically my own army.

[sangreine]

I was close to my hibernation then. And also anemic. And I only used a fraction of the effect my mind attacks can have because I didn't want to hurt you. And I never fight with all my abilities when I'm in my right mind because I don't want to lose control.

I know you're able to handle me fine but you can't operate on the assumptions of when we sparred or fight before. All that goes out the window when I'm out of control.

[retirementsnotsopeachy]

I wasn't basing that on our fight before. I was saying that was the only time I've made that mistake. That's two different things. And even if you hit me with your strongest mind attack, could you hit 15 or more of me all at once? Especially if each one is literally me in every way, down to the tiniest power?

Because if you can then you've been holding out hard.

[sangreine]

I don't know if I could use telepathic attacks on your clones, actually. It depends if they think for themselves.

But if they do, then yes I could. [ Diva had been preparing to reach into the minds of literally millions of people when Saya caught up with her. ] It's possible I could hit every inhabitant of this world at the same time. My sister was trying exactly that when I finally took her down.

[retirementsnotsopeachy]

Possible's worth knowing, because my clones do think for themselves. I mean, you've met Porty right? But, keep in mind that I have a clone for every hair I have, and each of them have the same.

And if MK's helping he's got the same advantage.

I can also seal your powers and just immobilize you with magic. So, you know, so can all of the clones.

[He's taking the threat seriously, but he's not worried it's something that they won't be able to manage it. Overconfident? Maybe a bit, but when you've only really had a couple of beings that you couldn't beat it's a given to not be too worried.]

[sangreine]

I'm not worried about you winning. [ She's practically crying by now. ] I'm worried about hurting someone. If not your or MK than someone less able to handle me.

It doesn't matter how minor the injuries are, harming anyone while I'm like that eats at me.

[retirementsnotsopeachy]

That's why the first line of defense is the training. You know the saying.

[He presses his forehead to hers.]

You're the first line of defense so we work on beefing that up. The rest of us are your safety net. So that's your focus. Leave the if-then to us.

[sangreine]

[ Saya breathes for a second and tries to focus past the fear. She concentrates on him, every place they're touching, how much she trusts him. ]

[ But she keeps seeing images of herself slaughtering innocent people, cutting and clawing her way through a room of people she loves who were all ready for it, all extremely powerful in their own right. This feels like tempting fate. ]

I do trust you. Even so, it's hard to sign up for my worst nightmare.

[retirementsnotsopeachy]

Not your worst nightmare. You're signing up for a new security system. And a full security detail.

[He purrs quietly, watching her eyes. His are nearly back to being cheerful for the first time in awhile.]

It's not an overnight change to get over a fear like this. But you're not dealing alone.

[sangreine]

[ She huffs a laugh. Her eyes slowly open and look at his, comforted by what she sees there. It helps with the tension. ]

Watch yourself, if you keep giving me hope then I'll be even more of an emotional terrorist, and then where will you be?

[retirementsnotsopeachy]

Your level of emotional terrorism I don't mind. And you keep pushing me to having hope so I've gotta use it somewhere.

[That's what he's been waiting for.]