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[sangreine]

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Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

Yeah? Good. [ Revving that engine, then. What voice of concern, all she hears is roaring bike! ]

Just tell me if I take a wrong turn.

Re: Day 497 | I

[at_heart]

Hah, I'll try.

[ And surreptitiously check his phone. There is a city map on there, even if it doesn't always load properly.

...Beat, before: ]

Gotta say, I'm surprised you bought a bike.

Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

This was Nem's bike. Call it a parting gift.

[ This isn't a tick, this is a GIANT RED FLAG ]

I promised to be a daredevil with it. She bought flammable hoops and everything.

Re: Day 497 | I

[at_heart]

[ And his grip does tighten on her noticeably for a beat before he forces it to relax again. Haaaah. ]

...I'm sure she'd like that.

Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

[ god don't squeeze her like she should be sad she might crack open and start spilling feelings, the vaguely hollow smile is much easier thanks ]

There's got to be some Live I can configure where it's reasonable to jump the thing from one roof to another, don't you think?

Re: Day 497 | I

[at_heart]

[ Sucks in a breath. Opens his mouth to say one thing, then closes it. After a long moment, he murmurs into her ear, ]

Still an improvement over a letter, huh?

Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

[ wow Lupine, wow. She expected this to come up, but not like that. ]

[ She puts her head down and roars the engine again, then thinks better of it and hits the breaks just gently enough not to flip them, planting her boot into the road and skidding to a stop. ]

And where does slowly falling into a decades-long sleep where you'll forget everyone you ever knew, including yourself, fit on the spectrum? Just so I know what sort of gift you're expecting. [ This doesn't come out as bitter, surprising even Aliza. She just sounds -- quiet. Resigned. ]

Re: Day 497 | I

[at_heart]

I mean, figured I'd be the one doing the gift-giving there. Practicality, you know?

[ ...Would he want a heads up when she starts falling asleep? Yeah. But not a present. ]

Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

You clearly wanted to talk about this. So, talk. Does ranking them help? Because I'll do it, if it will. Getting this bike didn't do much. Everyone seems to handle it better than I do, so I keep waiting to be let in on the secret.

[ She swipes at her face angrily, the first emotion she's shown during this exchange. Clearly directed at herself, and not him. ]

Re: Day 497 | I

[at_heart]

Does ranking what help?

[ Gently. ]

Or is that a who?

Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

Either. Is it worse to get a note, or for them to vanish without warning? Or is it smiling in their face when they say they might see you again even though that's never going to happen?

[ She pauses, finally giving in to being miserable. ]

It's started already. I'm feeling tired now and then. A little more all the time. And I didn't tell her. [ Nemesis, primarily. Any of them really, because they left before she had the chance, but this one was a flat-out lie. ]

Re: Day 497 | I

[at_heart]

[ ...Okay, well, motorcycles make it easy to get in a stealth-hug without anybody feeling too weird about it. ]

—So, what you're saying is, I'd better get started on that gift-shopping.

[ Not a joke, not exactly. ]

Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

[ She huffs a humorless laugh ]

Something like that.

...Was I wrong? Not to tell her when we were saying goodbye?

Re: Day 497 | I

[at_heart]

Mmm. I don't think there's a right and wrong when it comes to things like that. There's a 'would Nem have wanted to know', and there's a 'does Zari want one last memory of someone she cared about where nobody's crying', and probably a few other considerations.

[ Beat. ]

I didn't know Nem as well as you did. If it were me? I might be kind of pissed later. But — I'd get why you'd done it, too. And really, if there was anything I regretted not saying to you... well, that'd be on me, because I would've already known I was probably saying goodbye forever.

Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

[ She lets go of the handlebars and leans back against him, no longer bothering to whisk away her tears. This just sucks. ]

No matter what I do, I hurt people. I always hurt people.

Re: Day 497 | I

[at_heart]

[ Drawing her gently closer, then. A squeeze around her middle. ]

Heh. That part's very much a... 'welcome to the human experience' thing, I'm pretty sure.

[ Even though she doesn't mean just like this. Squeeze. ]

The trick is that it's still worth it.

Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

[ She rests a hand over his, grateful amidst everything else. ]

I wish I knew.

[ She's only just learning how to do any of this, and soon it'll be taken away. A few months isn't enough -- but evidently it's all she has. So her free hand reaches up to wipe at her cheeks to try and get herself under some semblance of control. ]

I'm sorry, I didn't want to do this. I should be stronger by now.

Re: Day 497 | I

[at_heart]

Hey.

[ Very soft, squeezing her again. ]

'Strong' has nothing to do with it. It's not weak to care about other people. It's not weak to cry.

Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

[ Normally there'd be a useless debate over what's strong and what isn't, insistence that she's not the only one who's lost people so handing her burdens over for others to shoulder is cruel and unfair, the usual. ]

[ She doesn't have it in her. So with another murmured, automatic apology, she only sobs for a few minutes. One of these days she'll get it together. Ideally before she forgets her entire life and everyone in it. ]

[ Soon enough she starts calming down, and can't think of a single thing to say. So he's stuck breaking the sniffling silence. ]

Re: Day 497 | I

[at_heart]

[ And then he'd argue that being weak isn't bad, and we'd be here all day. ] [ But he is going to keep holding her instead, letting her get it out.

Eventually, in a murmur, ]

If we stop caring about each other, this place'll really be hell.

Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

[ Her tears subsiding at least, she slowly nods. ]

I know. [ Better to have loved and lost and all that. ] And I don't think I could stop if I tried anyway.

Thanks. [ She feels absolutely wretched at this moment, and also probably needed that. Leaning back against him still, her arms folded over his because she doesn't want him to let go quite yet. ]

Re: Day 497 | I

[at_heart]

[ Squeeze. ]

Heh. Anytime? If that's not too crappy to say.

Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

It's not. Loss is inevitable for everyone, but especially those who live on forever and occasionally hibernate for most of a mortal lifetime.

Having someone to lean on at least makes it more bearable.

Re: Day 497 | I

[at_heart]

[ A humming noise. ]

Just bearable, huh? Sounds like I really need to up my game.

Re: Day 497 | I

[sangreine]

[ Elbowing him gently, but yeah a tiny chuckle ]

You're impossible.

[ She appreciates impossible! ]