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[sangreine]

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[sangreine]

Maybe he didn't want to give me false hope.

If he runs, I'm not entirely sure what I'll feel. I want to say of course I'd forgive a momentary weakness, because I really do understand. I've always said this is harder on everyone I love than on me.

[at_heart]

[ Chafing a bit to hear it called false hope. ]

I don't think it'll have anything to do with you, if he does.

[sangreine]

[ Sorry Yuri she's in her feelings, you should be used to this. ]

You know how badly I can take it when people hurt me. How my temper gets.

[at_heart]

That's not why he'd leave.

[sangreine]

I'm just trying not to make a bad situation worse. This isn't his fault.

I don't want him to be in pain. If being around me hurt him, I should let him go. Not be selfish for once in my life.

[at_heart]

I think the fact that he doesn't actually want to be let go makes it a lot less selfish for you to hold on.

[sangreine]

I guess. [ She's not agreeing so much as wants to not argue. ]

This sucks.

[at_heart]

...Yeah, it does. I'm sorry.

[sangreine]

Don't be sorry. I shouldn't have asked someone to get so close to me, knowing what it would be like. It wasn't a fair thing to ask of anyone.

[at_heart]

[ Okay, his expression is now very much just-bit-into-a-lemon. ]

Excuse me?

[sangreine]

You heard me. It's too much to ask anyone to go through.

Having to watch someone you love fade away and then decades later smile in their face when they don't remember you is -- cruel.

[at_heart]

[ But it's fine to do that to friends? would be the exact opposite of helpful. Thanks, brain, for suggesting it. Yuri's lips purse white. ]

That's why no one's asking him to do it alone. We'll all be there with him. And we'll help you remember him.

[ Literally, in Venti's case, but, ]

[sangreine]

[ Friends are inclusive too, actually. But it's just an added layer when it's romantic. ]

...I know you're trying to make me feel better, but I don't see it working right now. Maybe sometime it will. Thank you for trying, though.

[ This situation just feeds into all her fears, all her shame, all her doubt. There's no talking her out of it. ]

[at_heart]

Nothing to thank me for.

[ Especially when it didn't work. ]

Anytime you wanna talk...

[sangreine]

I don't want to talk anymore. [ She's perfectly clear on that. ] It won't help anything. Sort of wishing I could get drunk, though.

The only drug that'll work on me is adrenaline, so if you're good for a fight or two sometime soon that'd help. [ Fighting probably leads to other forms of adrenaline, so it all works nicely. Don't judge her too hard when she brings over a man who calls her "mistress." ]

[at_heart]

Heh. I meant—

[ But he stops. It doesn't really matter. ]

I'm always down for that, too.

[sangreine]

...What did you mean? Sorry, I'm... my head is spinning, so I'm probably missing things.

[at_heart]

...I meant if you wanted to talk later. About this, about anything.

I'll always listen.

[sangreine]

Oh.

Thanks. Maybe I'll feel like it later, it's possible. Right now I feel like I need to just make this as easy on everyone around me as I can.

[ Hearing that Doctor knew before they got married and didn't tell her until far later will turn her around on the issue somewhat. In that she'll want someone to scream at about how goddamn unfair that is. Right now she just assumes Doctor had every reason to believe it wouldn't be a problem until like, yesterday. ]

[at_heart]

I don't think that needs to be your biggest concern.

[sangreine]

Well, it is. It's no one else's fault that all this is happening.

I know it's not my choice either, but shouldn't I want to make this less hard if I can? I have the easy role in this mess, since I won't know what I lost.

[at_heart]

You know right now.

[ Simply. ]

The time to start discounting what you feel is when you're actually asleep, or you actually don't remember him.

In the meantime, it's not any easier to be you.

[sangreine]

There's plenty of reasons to discount it. Other people's comfort is only one of them.

Another one is that I don't have a lot of time and I don't want to spend it feeling this way. [ So clearly pretending that she's not feeling this way will help. Somehow. She's grasping at every straw. ]

[at_heart]

Sounds like we should all be trying to help you feel better, then.

[sangreine]

You know I can't be talked out of a bad mood, it takes time or adrenaline, this will probably be both. I really wish I could get drunk right now, though.