Don't say that. Surely the investigations into stopping your hibernation cycle are progressing, right?
[He doesn't want her to, for all intents and purposes, disappear. It would cast a whole bunch of people here into grief, that he's sure of without even having a solid overview of her relationship network.]
Why shouldn't I say it? It's true. I won't know what that concoction will do before it goes into my vein. Maybe it'll stop my hibernation. Maybe I'll sleep for three thousand years. Maybe it makes me lose my mind. Maybe it does nothing.
[ She finishes with the bandage and stands up to look him in the eye (more or less, she's short). ]
I can't control what happens with that whole thing. I can control whether I let the people around me know they mean something to me. I'm not great with words, though. Touch is easier. I can say a thousand things with a kiss that I'd never be able to express otherwise.
[Much as he'd like to protest, she's right. This isn't exactly a common problem with a known solution, and getting her hopes up too high might be just as fatal as giving up her hopes too soon.
Part of him wants to encourage her to do as much of that - expressing her feelings for her loved ones - as she can during the time she can be certain of having left, but of course he can't get the words out. She already knows, anyway. He gives her a smile that he hopes transports his gratitude for the medical treatment - and for forgiving him the mess he made out of their sparring session.]
Well, I'm not good at either. So you've got an advantage there.
[Good. Smooth. How is that even relevant?! He kind of wants to sink into the ground.]
I shouldn't hold you up longer than I already have.
[ Saya breathes a laugh, covering her mouth as she does so out of pure habit, despite that he obviously knows she has fangs. She looks nothing but charmed, he's fine. ]
You don't have to look so nervous, I'm not going to bite... without permission, anyway.
And you're not holding me up. At least come eat something before you run out. I'd rather not send you packing and have you get woozy halfway home. There's all sorts of baked goods out in the kitchen.
Besides, your shirt is still open. [ She lightly flicks one of the lapels. ] I could try and get the bloodstain out and sew it up, if you like. Goodness knows I have experience.
[He's glad that she's so easy-going about this! It allows him to recompose himself as he takes off the bloodstained shirt.]
Are you sure? It was my mess-up, you don't need to do all of this for me.
[He isn't saying no, though, instead letting her take the shirt and the less stained, but also damaged vest from him. He'll just follow her into the kitchen topless - but not without first grabbing his mayonnaise bottle from his uniform jacket (which was luckily willowing out when he got struck and didn't get cut).]
You're fine. I take good care of my sparring partners as well as my donors. Besides, you've been nothing but nice to me. [ And no one in this house will bat an eye about someone walking around shirtless. ]
[ She presents him with an array of scones and bread and cookies. ] Help yourself.
[ Saya disappears into a bathroom and emerges with a bottle of cleanser and a brush as well as her sewing kit. She starts scrubbing the blood off in the kitchen sink. Another thing people who live here are used to. Her hand moves so fast that it's a blur. ]
...You do know that I really wouldn't hurt you without permission, right? Accidental sword nicks during a spar aside. I feel like you spend most of your time around me looking uncomfortable.
If it's about Rosen, I promise I don't mind. [ She saw something going on at the maid café, but she was busy so didn't examine it too closely. If she had she would have squished Hijikata's face so it's for the best ]
[He makes himself a mayonnaise sandwich. Saya's reassurances put him at ease - as far as the inconveniences are concerned, that is; he didn't think she'd intentionally harm him at any point. Hell, their first meeting involved her putting her life in his hands, which is quite the opposite of being a threat. As for his discomfort... it makes him feel embarrassed that it's apparently so obvious, but since 95% of it boils down to him feeling inferior to her in strength and unable to keep up with her (with the remaining 5% being down to him being a prude), he doesn't know how to explain without feeling even more awkward.
While he internally struggles to find a starting point she mentions Rosen, which makes him perk up with surprise.]
Huh? About Rosen? What do you mean, you don't mind?
[He distinctly feels like he's missing some information here...]
Just that. Whatever you were playing at in the maid café or anywhere else.
[ She wrings out the shirt, examines it, adds more cleanser and scrubs some more. ]
I'm guessing that's not it, so it doesn't really matter, but just for the record. He's one of the few I'm officially attached to. Seeing each other, I guess you could say. [ It's more intense than that but she'll put it in human terms, you're welcome. ] But it's not like I police his time and attention.
[ Clearly she assumes something was going on there. Lucky for Hijikata she seems to think it was consensual flirting. ]
[He was bullying Rosen there, alright, but only because he had bullied him at work before! Honestly, their relationship is a big question mark to Hijikata, despite him being half of it. Rosen was a fair adversary to him in the arena, despite the blatant power discrepancy, and while he constantly pushes Hijikata's buttons, the only thing stopping him from leaving him be is Hijikata's own stubborn refusal to ask for just that. There is excitement in the tension between them, but if Hijikata is honest with himself, he frequently feels in over his head with him. He just doesn't admit it.
Hearing that Saya is involved with Rosen leaves him with obvious surprise on his face, but after a moment it turns into a grin.]
Hah... that bastard. Playing around with me when he already has you?
[It's honestly a relief, in a strange way. Rosen and Saya are far more equally matched - she won't only keep up with him but challenge him to keep up with her, he's sure of that. (Part of him wonders - isn't she married -, but clearly she and her husband have arrangements in place.)]
[ She chuckles and adds some peroxide to the shirt. ]
Now, now. He likes to enjoy himself, nothing wrong with that. And it would hardly be fair of me to restrict him when I have no intention of being restricted myself. I'm far too much for any two hands to manage, even delightful as his happen to be.
In any case, it's not a problem unless you do something awful to me and he finds out. He can be a little protective. [ She says this like it's a compliment. ] So can I, if I'm honest, though I try not to be overbearing if I can possibly avoid it. But I can't picture you doing anything like that.
[ Yep she's married, and in addition to Rosen she has two others she's officially partnered up with and a whole host of casual partners. Monogamy wouldn't suit her at all. ]
[ Oh please, Saya's way harder to wrangle than Rosen is. Give her a little credit. ]
There are ways to treat someone terribly that have very little to do with physical injury. In fact, physical injuries are far easier to cope with.
[ It's not the experiments that got to her most, it's the emotional manipulation. It's the hiding things until Saya quite literally stumbled upon them and learned the truth of it. Same for her time in hell, the mental effects were far worse. ]
Although I wouldn't recommend anyone try it, for their own safety. I wouldn't take such an intrusion lying down. But again, you don't seem the type. [ But if she's wrong about that, this should serve as sufficient warning. ]
[He wouldn't know better! He feels equally in over his head with both of them.]
I wouldn't hurt Rosen.
[He says it with sincerity. Despite how Rosen seems to enjoy keeping him on his toes, and despite how intimidating he can get at a flick of the wrist, Hijikata thinks of him as a good man - all the more after getting to see his memory of his little daughter. Behind all the bombast, he's convinced, is a caring and devoted man, fae or not.]
Or you.
[Who'd want to hurt a woman who's already been hurt in so many ways? Not to mention that she's been kind and decent to him ever since he first met her. Part of him is irked at being warned like this - at her feeling the need to intimidate him -, but given all that was done to her, he isn't inclined to take it too personally.]
[ He's free to take it personally, that's his business. What was done to her for centuries, and what was done to her in her last place of residence, and what's been done to her here by certain people, using her want to trust others and her big heart against her in some of the worst ways imaginable... they tend to make one a bit paranoid. And Saya knows exactly how mentally fragile she is. ]
Like I said, you don't seem the type. [ If he wanted to mess with her, the treanpire aftermath would have been the time. ]
By the same token... if you ever see me acting unlike myself, get away from me by whatever means necessary. Whatever you have to do. Some of the effects I've seen here, if they ever sent me in the wrong mental direction, could be very dangerous. Speaking from very unfortunate experience, if that happens I can't be talked down with logic. Just appeased. Lie if you have to.
I don't want to hurt anyone either, but I have. I easily could. Given a strong enough set of drugs, I absolutely will. And waking up from that spell and realizing what I've done is something I never want to experience again.
[He'd balk to hear that she had such bad experiences even here on Ellipsa. The worst that happened to him since his arrival, in terms of interpersonal unpleasantries, has been not getting along with Ozymandias and getting bullied by some little girls. How could Saya constantly attract such misfortune?
He listens carefully to her words, and the discomfort creeps in bit by bit. This is how he feels whenever Rosen suddenly demonstrates his power after he aggravated him enough... that sense of inferiority, of weakness. Back home he only deals with other mortals - humans and amanto -, and if anyone there warned him that they might go berserk on drugs or such (which actually has happened when people overdosed on some newfangled imported stuff from outer space), he'd be able to give them a cocky grin and assure them that he'll take care of them if need be. Here? With these powerful immortals? Not so much.]
...
I'll keep it in mind.
[He should say something more - thank her for cautioning him, maybe - but instead he just finishes his sandwich in a few bites. This better not have been foreshadowing.]
[ Unfortunately, when you're powerful, disgusting people see that the benefit in using you for their own purposes outweighs the risks. ]
[ She wrings out the shirt and vest again and seems satisfied that the stain is gone. ]
I didn't mean to alarm you. Hopefully it's just hell making me paranoid. But better safe than sorry, right?
I didn't have that conversation until it was too late before, is all. And you're a good person, which means you might be inclined to give me the benefit of the doubt.
That said, I'm not sure it's very likely. Ellipsa seems to lean much less toward that sort of extreme effect. Thankfully.
It's not naïve to think the best of things. Or hope for it.
[ Alas, it's not something Saya can fathom when it comes to herself, what she's capable of given the wrong set of circumstances, but it's a nice thought. ]
I think you're right about the intentions. I hope we can help them.
What the natives see as dangerous and what's actually dangerous when applied to a monster like me, though, are very often different. And it's not their job to protect others from me, it's mine.
[He smiles, but he still means it. He can't really imagine what it's like to be at risk of losing control of one's powers and harming innocents, even one's own loved ones... once more he feels glad that, if nothing else, Saya has a solid support system around her here.]
It's what anyone in my position would do. [ Never mind that most of the others in her position didn't. Saya still believes people are good, against all odds. ]
Thank you for not... running, I guess. For not being afraid of me. Plenty of people have been. I don't blame them, of course, but that doesn't make it a fun thing to know.
[ While she talks, she threads a needle and begins sewing up the slice in his shirt and vest. She seems practiced at it. ]
[He hesitated to say that - his experience as a "demon child" and "thorny boy" whom people avoided due to his half-feral, violent behaviour certainly doesn't measure up to the actual abuse and persecution Saya experienced. He was, after all, still a human among humans. But the feeling of being an outcast, of other people being scared of you, is something he can understand all too well.]
[ Saya doesn't compare her life to others (usually)(and she's trying to get better about it). Pain is pain. Exclusion is exclusion. He doesn't have to fit some minimum amount of misery for her to be empathetic. ]
[ She walks around the counter to sit beside Hijikata with her sewing. Rests her hand on his arm. ]
[It's not only the general possibility of being met with a derisive response along the lines of "What do you know?" (which Saya, in fairness, has given him absolutely no reason to expect from her) that made him hesitate, it's also the opposite - pity. Hijikata doesn't want pity for his shoddy adolescence.
Her simple response isn't that, it's just sympathy - something he can easily accept. He smiles again, running his own hand over hers for a moment (a bold move from him). His life has been a lot better for quite some years already.]
Well, you know what they say: What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
[They both found people who accepted them, after all.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 9th, 2023 12:05 am (UTC)I've got to have fun somehow, don't I? I have a lot of living to pack into a few months.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 10th, 2023 12:00 am (UTC)[He doesn't want her to, for all intents and purposes, disappear. It would cast a whole bunch of people here into grief, that he's sure of without even having a solid overview of her relationship network.]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 10th, 2023 12:18 am (UTC)[ She finishes with the bandage and stands up to look him in the eye (more or less, she's short). ]
I can't control what happens with that whole thing. I can control whether I let the people around me know they mean something to me. I'm not great with words, though. Touch is easier. I can say a thousand things with a kiss that I'd never be able to express otherwise.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 10th, 2023 01:55 am (UTC)Part of him wants to encourage her to do as much of that - expressing her feelings for her loved ones - as she can during the time she can be certain of having left, but of course he can't get the words out. She already knows, anyway. He gives her a smile that he hopes transports his gratitude for the medical treatment - and for forgiving him the mess he made out of their sparring session.]
Well, I'm not good at either. So you've got an advantage there.
[Good. Smooth. How is that even relevant?! He kind of wants to sink into the ground.]
I shouldn't hold you up longer than I already have.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 10th, 2023 02:09 am (UTC)You don't have to look so nervous, I'm not going to bite... without permission, anyway.
And you're not holding me up. At least come eat something before you run out. I'd rather not send you packing and have you get woozy halfway home. There's all sorts of baked goods out in the kitchen.
Besides, your shirt is still open. [ She lightly flicks one of the lapels. ] I could try and get the bloodstain out and sew it up, if you like. Goodness knows I have experience.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 10th, 2023 02:20 am (UTC)Are you sure? It was my mess-up, you don't need to do all of this for me.
[He isn't saying no, though, instead letting her take the shirt and the less stained, but also damaged vest from him. He'll just follow her into the kitchen topless - but not without first grabbing his mayonnaise bottle from his uniform jacket (which was luckily willowing out when he got struck and didn't get cut).]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 10th, 2023 02:32 am (UTC)[ She presents him with an array of scones and bread and cookies. ] Help yourself.
[ Saya disappears into a bathroom and emerges with a bottle of cleanser and a brush as well as her sewing kit. She starts scrubbing the blood off in the kitchen sink. Another thing people who live here are used to. Her hand moves so fast that it's a blur. ]
...You do know that I really wouldn't hurt you without permission, right? Accidental sword nicks during a spar aside. I feel like you spend most of your time around me looking uncomfortable.
If it's about Rosen, I promise I don't mind. [ She saw something going on at the maid café, but she was busy so didn't examine it too closely.
If she had she would have squished Hijikata's face so it's for the best](no subject)
Date: Jun. 10th, 2023 03:00 am (UTC)While he internally struggles to find a starting point she mentions Rosen, which makes him perk up with surprise.]
Huh? About Rosen? What do you mean, you don't mind?
[He distinctly feels like he's missing some information here...]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 10th, 2023 03:10 am (UTC)[ She wrings out the shirt, examines it, adds more cleanser and scrubs some more. ]
I'm guessing that's not it, so it doesn't really matter, but just for the record. He's one of the few I'm officially attached to. Seeing each other, I guess you could say. [ It's more intense than that but she'll put it in human terms, you're welcome. ] But it's not like I police his time and attention.
[ Clearly she assumes something was going on there. Lucky for Hijikata she seems to think it was consensual flirting. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 10th, 2023 03:25 am (UTC)Hearing that Saya is involved with Rosen leaves him with obvious surprise on his face, but after a moment it turns into a grin.]
Hah... that bastard. Playing around with me when he already has you?
[It's honestly a relief, in a strange way. Rosen and Saya are far more equally matched - she won't only keep up with him but challenge him to keep up with her, he's sure of that. (Part of him wonders - isn't she married -, but clearly she and her husband have arrangements in place.)]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 10th, 2023 03:40 am (UTC)Now, now. He likes to enjoy himself, nothing wrong with that. And it would hardly be fair of me to restrict him when I have no intention of being restricted myself. I'm far too much for any two hands to manage, even delightful as his happen to be.
In any case, it's not a problem unless you do something awful to me and he finds out. He can be a little protective. [ She says this like it's a compliment. ] So can I, if I'm honest, though I try not to be overbearing if I can possibly avoid it. But I can't picture you doing anything like that.
[ Yep she's married, and in addition to Rosen she has two others she's officially partnered up with and a whole host of casual partners. Monogamy wouldn't suit her at all. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 11th, 2023 12:40 am (UTC)I don't think I could do anything awful to either of you, even if I wanted to.
[He's just a human-- but then again it was a human who experimented on Saya like on a lab rat.]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 11th, 2023 12:51 am (UTC)There are ways to treat someone terribly that have very little to do with physical injury. In fact, physical injuries are far easier to cope with.
[ It's not the experiments that got to her most, it's the emotional manipulation. It's the hiding things until Saya quite literally stumbled upon them and learned the truth of it. Same for her time in hell, the mental effects were far worse. ]
Although I wouldn't recommend anyone try it, for their own safety. I wouldn't take such an intrusion lying down. But again, you don't seem the type. [ But if she's wrong about that, this should serve as sufficient warning. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 11th, 2023 01:30 am (UTC)I wouldn't hurt Rosen.
[He says it with sincerity. Despite how Rosen seems to enjoy keeping him on his toes, and despite how intimidating he can get at a flick of the wrist, Hijikata thinks of him as a good man - all the more after getting to see his memory of his little daughter. Behind all the bombast, he's convinced, is a caring and devoted man, fae or not.]
Or you.
[Who'd want to hurt a woman who's already been hurt in so many ways? Not to mention that she's been kind and decent to him ever since he first met her. Part of him is irked at being warned like this - at her feeling the need to intimidate him -, but given all that was done to her, he isn't inclined to take it too personally.]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 11th, 2023 01:49 am (UTC)Like I said, you don't seem the type. [ If he wanted to mess with her, the treanpire aftermath would have been the time. ]
By the same token... if you ever see me acting unlike myself, get away from me by whatever means necessary. Whatever you have to do. Some of the effects I've seen here, if they ever sent me in the wrong mental direction, could be very dangerous. Speaking from very unfortunate experience, if that happens I can't be talked down with logic. Just appeased. Lie if you have to.
I don't want to hurt anyone either, but I have. I easily could. Given a strong enough set of drugs, I absolutely will. And waking up from that spell and realizing what I've done is something I never want to experience again.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 11th, 2023 02:30 am (UTC)He listens carefully to her words, and the discomfort creeps in bit by bit. This is how he feels whenever Rosen suddenly demonstrates his power after he aggravated him enough... that sense of inferiority, of weakness. Back home he only deals with other mortals - humans and amanto -, and if anyone there warned him that they might go berserk on drugs or such (which actually has happened when people overdosed on some newfangled imported stuff from outer space), he'd be able to give them a cocky grin and assure them that he'll take care of them if need be. Here? With these powerful immortals? Not so much.]
...
I'll keep it in mind.
[He should say something more - thank her for cautioning him, maybe - but instead he just finishes his sandwich in a few bites. This better not have been foreshadowing.]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 11th, 2023 02:40 am (UTC)[ She wrings out the shirt and vest again and seems satisfied that the stain is gone. ]
I didn't mean to alarm you. Hopefully it's just hell making me paranoid. But better safe than sorry, right?
I didn't have that conversation until it was too late before, is all. And you're a good person, which means you might be inclined to give me the benefit of the doubt.
That said, I'm not sure it's very likely. Ellipsa seems to lean much less toward that sort of extreme effect. Thankfully.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 11th, 2023 04:05 am (UTC)[He definitely does agree with that, even if he does hope that he won't actually end up in a situation where he'll have to apply her advice.]
Call me naive, but I do believe that the people here really just need our help. So far we've always been warned of any danger.
[So far.]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 11th, 2023 04:12 am (UTC)[ Alas, it's not something Saya can fathom when it comes to herself, what she's capable of given the wrong set of circumstances, but it's a nice thought. ]
I think you're right about the intentions. I hope we can help them.
What the natives see as dangerous and what's actually dangerous when applied to a monster like me, though, are very often different. And it's not their job to protect others from me, it's mine.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 11th, 2023 04:45 am (UTC)[He smiles, but he still means it. He can't really imagine what it's like to be at risk of losing control of one's powers and harming innocents, even one's own loved ones... once more he feels glad that, if nothing else, Saya has a solid support system around her here.]
Thank you for looking out for us.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 11th, 2023 06:37 pm (UTC)Thank you for not... running, I guess. For not being afraid of me. Plenty of people have been. I don't blame them, of course, but that doesn't make it a fun thing to know.
[ While she talks, she threads a needle and begins sewing up the slice in his shirt and vest. She seems practiced at it. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 11th, 2023 09:35 pm (UTC)I know.
[He hesitated to say that - his experience as a "demon child" and "thorny boy" whom people avoided due to his half-feral, violent behaviour certainly doesn't measure up to the actual abuse and persecution Saya experienced. He was, after all, still a human among humans. But the feeling of being an outcast, of other people being scared of you, is something he can understand all too well.]
You've given me no reason to run from you.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 11th, 2023 09:53 pm (UTC)[ She walks around the counter to sit beside Hijikata with her sewing. Rests her hand on his arm. ]
I'm sorry you know.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 12th, 2023 04:01 am (UTC)Her simple response isn't that, it's just sympathy - something he can easily accept. He smiles again, running his own hand over hers for a moment (a bold move from him). His life has been a lot better for quite some years already.]
Well, you know what they say: What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
[They both found people who accepted them, after all.]
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 12th, 2023 04:05 am (UTC)I'm fairly sure the calculus is different when you don't die, but I catch your meaning.
And I'm very glad you're stronger instead of the alternative.
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