It's not so easy to take myself out of it and be objective about something like this.
[ But fine, she'll try. This takes a moment. ]
I guess I'd say that loving someone can only be a good thing, and that fear about it is counterproductive. And probably that she should talk to MK about it.
[ But Saya can't talk to MK, that's not a thing anymore. ]
I spent years, centuries, being told, conditioned, manipulated, to put my own feelings last. To become a monster and a genocidal killer of my own family for the sake of the world and everyone in it. And then I went to Hell to be tortured and I had to do the same thing for the sake of myself and those relying on me not being tortured even worse.
There have been exactly two times that I put my own feelings first. Once was ten minutes before Haji died, and the other was in Hell where I insisted on not sending out poison in that game I told you about, where my punishment was hurting and trying to kill everyone I loved and getting chained up like a dog for five days.
I get the point you're making and not one bit of it makes me less afraid to give my own feelings any priority whatsoever.
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Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 01:56 am (UTC)[ But fine, she'll try. This takes a moment. ]
I guess I'd say that loving someone can only be a good thing, and that fear about it is counterproductive. And probably that she should talk to MK about it.
[ But Saya can't talk to MK, that's not a thing anymore. ]
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 02:01 am (UTC)Talk to MK about his feelings or....?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 02:05 am (UTC)And I'd say that she should talk to you about feeling like she had to pull away or stay away, whatever one calls it.
[ Which is what Saya's been trying to do here. ]
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 03:24 am (UTC)And anything else Mei should cover?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 03:30 am (UTC)Probably apologies for making assumptions.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 03:37 am (UTC)And what do you think MK should say to Mei?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 03:46 am (UTC)I spent years, centuries, being told, conditioned, manipulated, to put my own feelings last. To become a monster and a genocidal killer of my own family for the sake of the world and everyone in it. And then I went to Hell to be tortured and I had to do the same thing for the sake of myself and those relying on me not being tortured even worse.
There have been exactly two times that I put my own feelings first. Once was ten minutes before Haji died, and the other was in Hell where I insisted on not sending out poison in that game I told you about, where my punishment was hurting and trying to kill everyone I loved and getting chained up like a dog for five days.
I get the point you're making and not one bit of it makes me less afraid to give my own feelings any priority whatsoever.