IC Contact/Inbox || Thread Overflow

[sangreine]

request an audience

Comments

[sangreine]

I hope that doesn't mean we're eating roots and berries for dinner. [ He could probably make them taste good, actually. People who are good at everything are a baffling mystery. ]

[at_heart]

[ Snorts into his fist. ]

We're like a five minute flight from the closest grocery store, don't worry.

[sangreine]

I did bring snacks, too. But I wouldn't know what to bring to cook with so I left it to you two. [ If that means flitting off for ingredients, so be it. She was promised dessert. ]

[ Just gathering a few more logs and then trucking her collection back to the campsite, after the fire's going they can decide whether they want the tent she dragged along or just the sleeping rolls. ]

[at_heart]

[ Admires that, then says: ]

Well, we'll see what Venti has in mind.

[ Venti wanted to teach you to cook, Venti is being indulged, Venti definitely gets to take point on this whole endeavor. ]

[sangreine]

Right, I'm sure it won't be humiliating at all. [ She agreed to go along with this, not to be thrilled about it. ]

[at_heart]

[ Emotionshare is still active, so she's going to feel a flicker of concern before he tries to shove it down. Light: ]

I mean, it for sure won't be. Maybe a little embarrassing at the absolute worst.

[sangreine]

[ A bit of confusion, then worry ]

I didn't mean it like either of you intentionally want to make it that bad. My reaction to that is pretty intense no matter what.

[at_heart]

[ ...He can't not be a little amused at the way the emotionshare just — refracted between them, bouncing the same feelings. ]

Good.

[ He wrestles with himself for a moment. She knows most people suck when they first try new things, right? It'd be silly to say that, and it's not going to be much comfort, because there are so many things she doesn't suck at when she tries for the first time... ]

And hey, you better not get too good. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I couldn't make up for a misstep by promising you cake.

[sangreine]

I doubt there's much chance of that. But even if a miracle happened and I got that good, having someone else bake for you is still great.

Alternatively, you could avoid missteps.

[at_heart]

I'm not that deluded.

[ Warmly. ]

[sangreine]

You don't have such an awful track record. I just have an especially volatile temper.

[at_heart]

[ His eyebrows lift a little. ]

I must have a great track record, then, because I don't think I've seen much of that.

[sangreine]

[ A bit embarrassed -- a few streaks of her hair turn a pleasant dusty rose color. ]

I try to reign it in. Especially for people that have put up with a lot from me already.

[at_heart]

[ ...The color-changing hair is pretty, but he's sorry about it, which she'll feel, and then his tail lashes irritably because he doesn't wanna make her feel pitied, which she'll also feel. Shoves a hand through his bangs, says airily, ]

That's okay. You're worth it.

[sangreine]

[ Her emotional reaction to the almost-pity is the equivalent of a shrug. If there's anyone who understands how stray thoughts aren't under your own control, it's Aliza. At the "you're worth it" thing, however, there's a rush of very intense guilt and wondering how much of that is a result of her manipulating Lupine into caring about her, and her hand flies up to pat her suddenly deep blue hair. ]

You're really too nice, you know. It's a problem.

[at_heart]

[ ...well, that's an unpleasant little knot of feelings. He tries not to frown at her, only somewhat successfully. ]

Telling people how you feel about them isn't 'nice', it's... neutral.

[sangreine]

[ She sighs, resigned. ] I can't help it.

-- The stray feelings, I mean. Not the bad joke to try and cover them up. That I can help, but it's a habit by now.

[ She's feeling very slightly defensive, but it's not directed at Lupine. She's thinking about Izanagi and how he said she was torturing him because she couldn't stop beating herself up, like she was doing it at him for the sole purpose of ruining his day. It's not pleasant for her either. ]

[at_heart]

Which is fair.

[ Hums, turning his attention back to the firewood for a moment. ]

And you're allowed to make bad jokes, too. I might just keep arguing, is all. Sorry in advance!

[sangreine]

I don't actually think you're sorry at all.

[ Behind the amusement: she doesn't actually hate that he argues, she hates what her brain does with it when he tries, but she can't help that either. ]

[at_heart]

...I'm a little sorry.

[ Warmth and affection and just the smallest tinge of regret. ]

I'm sorry it's so hard for you to hear stuff like this.

[sangreine]

[ She opens her mouth, then closes it. Whether the game or her hair, she'd be given away if she tried to divert again. ]

Me too. All I want is to be a good person, but I'd never be able to believe someone telling me I'd finally gotten closer.

[ And then the emotional equivalent of a wince. Hearing herself whine about how bad she has it slips out but she always feels gross about it. Poor little mass murderer, feeling sad that she's awful. Ick. ]

[at_heart]

Mm. I'm not sure that's how it works anyway.

[ But he slides in closer. Closer than he already was, stupid status ailment. ]

Hurting other people... I don't think that's something you can really make up for. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe there's a big cosmic scale out there, weighing out what we've done, and rescuing a thousand kittens from trees balances out that time you killed a guy.

[ Beaaaaat. ]

But I dunno that I'd trust a scale that worked like that anyway.

[sangreine]

[ She tenses up, as if she can keep the resigned despair from hitting poor Lupine between the eyes, but it's useless. ]

...Yeah. I know. [ There's nothing she can do, of course. Except make sure it never happens again, and there's only one way to make sure of that. ]

I don't want to hide things from you, but you won't like what I have to say about it.

[at_heart]

[ His eyebrows lift a tiny bit. Leans in, until his shoulder bumps hers, and then just stays there. ]

Well. There's a lot of stuff I don't like. [ Head tipped back to look up at the night sky. ] Especially here.

[ Slants a smile her way. ]

Can't protect me from all of it.

[ He's not pushing? But he'd like to hear it. ]

[sangreine]

[ She sighs. He should remember in a minute that he asked for this. But she does have substantial appreciation for the shoulder bump, and for him being willing to listen. ]

Like you said, there's nothing I can do to fix the past, and however miserable I am that small suffering isn't enough to make up for what I've done. And I can't die on my own even if I wasn't here, not any way that I can tell. So...

Assuming I can avoid my hibernation long enough to graduate [ which is absolutely not certain ], I think my wish will probably be to stop existing.