Saya walks into the kitchen and heats the full kettle with a touch of her hand, then she pours two cups of green tea with jasmine. She slides one over to Candid.
"But if I hadn't killed that doll, you wouldn't have been able to try. I set it in motion. Because all I do is hurt and kill things, and you must have seen that in me to give me that setup."
"That wasn't why I set things up the way I did. Honestly, that was plan C because Macaque and Wukong ruined my plan A. Then Macaque and Red Son ruined plan B. I saw that you would do anything to protect the people you love. And knowing a battle doll Wukong is like a huge fuck that kinda thing, I let the idea of it build into a genuine fear. And then you destroying Wukong made things fracture so I could get Little MK finally. I didn't do it because I knew all you do is hurt and kill, Saya. I did it because you protect and are willing to fight the biggest scariest things to protect the people you cherish most."
"Artsy had already run away by then, and the others weren't there yet. I could have run away and spared the doll, but I didn't. I killed it because I wanted to. Because I don't know any other way to do things. It wasn't protection, it was vengeance."
She wipes at a few tears. "I wish I was the person you think I am, that everyone thinks I am. But I'm not."
Candid is quiet for a moment. He blows on his tea as he thinks.
"I'm not the good person anyone thought I was. Or the good person I thought I was. But if people see the goodness in us, it can't all be their imagination, can it? So...we have the good and the bad. I try to be helpful and become obsessive with people I love at the detriment of others. I went full yandere monster. Yes. You kill and hurt people. And you feel guilty for it after. That guilt means something, doesn't it?"
"I'm not sure if the guilt means much. I still did the terrible thing. Feeling guilty doesn't fix it or make it better."
"I wish I wouldn't do those terrible things in the first place. Or I wish I could sleep and forget them. Start over. I've been wishing that Red Son never fixed my hibernation cycle. I've wished for that so often. When I'm sleeping seems to the the only time I'm not hurting anyone."
"...Doing the terrible thing or things doesn't mean it invalidates all the good and kind things you do for people. That...is sad to hear. Saya, do you think on or remember the good things you've done for people? The ones you've saved, the people who have fallen in love with you, and friends who care about you? Or is it just the bad things that seem to stick right now?"
"Can you try to remember the good? How you and Kantera fell in love? Got married? How you and Wukong hit it off? How you helped Red Son discover new aspects of himself and how he fell in love with you too?"
"Of course not, but their mistakes aren't on the same scale as mine. I've murdered and massacred and perpetrated a genocide, and I hurt everyone around me."
"Maybe not. I mean, Wukong killed a lot of people and demons back before and during the journey. A lot of people have killed others. And I hurt everyone around me and so has MK. All of us have, I would think. The genocide part. I'm not gonna say, oh everyone does it and that makes it okay. I'm saying other people have, like you, did terrible things. And they try to be better people and you support them. We do want to support you too, even with knowing all of that. Because you also care, you support people, love them. You save people. You make them feel understood and not alone. You listen and help remind them of their good parts, the parts you see in them. I just wish you could see those parts of yourself too. And I'm so sorry what I did to you, manipulated you into doing, did this. I am so so sorry, Saya."
"You're not telling the truth. You knew I'd kill that doll, you had to know it. And that's what you really think of me. And so it must be what MK thinks of me too."
"I'm not lying. And yes. I hoped you would kill the doll since my plan hinged on it. I didn't have a plan D. And you know that isn't how it works. You fuck Porty and he finds you sexually attractive. MK doesn't. The clones and the original can have different feelings on things. MK doesn't think art can seep into his pores when he paints his face, Artsy does. I don't know how the original thinks of you now exactly. But I remember he thinks of you as one of his best friends and I seriously doubt that has changed at all."
"You and I never interacted before the heart game, therefore your thoughts on me must have come from MK. There would be no other basis for your opinion."
"My opinions of you can be based on MK's memories but come to different conclusions. MK didn't feel attracted to you. Porty, who had MK's memories of meeting you, was attracted. So no. My thoughts about you, my designs and interpretations, can be different than MKs. Fuck, they have to be. Sure, MK and me and the others all have this constant nagging feeling of being expendable but I warped that into me being able to replace MK and be better than he ever was and that was a fucking lie. I was delusional, clearly. MK isn't."
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"I almost got MK killed, so..." Not very well.
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"I was the one who almost got the original killed."
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"Artsy had already run away by then, and the others weren't there yet. I could have run away and spared the doll, but I didn't. I killed it because I wanted to. Because I don't know any other way to do things. It wasn't protection, it was vengeance."
She wipes at a few tears. "I wish I was the person you think I am, that everyone thinks I am. But I'm not."
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"I'm not the good person anyone thought I was. Or the good person I thought I was. But if people see the goodness in us, it can't all be their imagination, can it? So...we have the good and the bad. I try to be helpful and become obsessive with people I love at the detriment of others. I went full yandere monster. Yes. You kill and hurt people. And you feel guilty for it after. That guilt means something, doesn't it?"
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"I wish I wouldn't do those terrible things in the first place. Or I wish I could sleep and forget them. Start over. I've been wishing that Red Son never fixed my hibernation cycle. I've wished for that so often. When I'm sleeping seems to the the only time I'm not hurting anyone."
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"You're not telling the truth. You knew I'd kill that doll, you had to know it. And that's what you really think of me. And so it must be what MK thinks of me too."
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