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[sangreine]

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[sangreine]

[ A hotel? What the hell happened? ] [ If it helps she'll probably cry too, for her own reasons, so. They'll be a pair of embarrassed ones. ]

Be right there. Tell me what room.

[ It's maybe ten minutes later when Saya's silver-skinned shift form plummets out of the sky and lands neatly in front of the hotel. Assuming he told her where to go, she reverts to a humanlike appearance and heads on up to knock on the door. (Is this place even occupied? Even money either way, though she can't say she cares.) ]

[katsuking]

[When he hears that knock, Katsuki gets up from his hotel bed to open the door for her, wordless as he lets her enter the room and closes it behind her. He's in a hoodie with the hood pulled over his head and bags under his eyes.. they look red, too. Like he'd been crying recently but he'd never tell.]

Sorry to make you come out here like this.

[Is how he'll start the conversation. He's not good with words, so he's not sure how to really explain what happened...]

[sangreine]

[ She makes note of his appearance but says nothing. He's trusting her and she's not about to call more attention to how miserable he seems. ]

You didn't make me, I offered.

So... why do you think you ruined everything? [ Saya can't think it's really possible. What she does think is that she and Katsuki are a good deal alike, and she catastrophizes exactly this way. Easy to have insight when she's not the upset one, of course. ]

[katsuking]

[The sigh Saya gets as a reply says more than enough, but Katsuki moves to take a seat on the edge of his bed. So he can at least be comfortable and miserable.]

It's... a lot to explain.

[His head lowers, staring at his hands for a moment as he gathers his thoughts properly.]

First, I think I need to explain our relationship. It's.. complicated. It's so fucking complicated, and so easy to fuck it all up.

[It's always been like this. One moment things are going alright, then Katsuki tortures Izuku for no good reason while Izuku smiles through it all.

But this time, he's not smiling. And he shouldn't be.]

We grew up together. Our moms are friends, and we live just a block away so we were playmates from day one... pretty much.

[sangreine]

[ There's complicated and there's the boundaryless, personality-overwriting, world-hopping mess that is Saya's life. But she's taking his word for it that it feels complicated. (She, too, tends to make things far more complicated than she need to be.) ]

Okay. I'm with you.

[katsuking]

Right, so... there's a Hero named All Might. He used to be the world's strongest Hero, and basically every kid in Japan idolized him and wanted to be like him. Deku and I were no exceptions, and we bonded over the fact that we both were crazy about All Might.

[Katsuki reaches his hand into his hoodie pocket, and pulls a card out. It looks like a trading card, with a muscular Hero on the front. He looks out of a comic book, with a wide grin plastered on his face. He shows it to Saya.]

That's him. He won every fight against every Villain and everyone felt so safe when he was still active as a Hero. Deku and I both wanted to be just like him. No-- better than him. And when I first got my Quirk, I saw how powerful it was and got a huge ego. I thought I was for sure going to be better than All Might, no matter what... but I didn't like how Deku wanted the same goal.

He grew up Quirkless. He had no Quirk until he was given one in his teenaged years, and I tortured him with that when we were kids. He followed me around because he liked me, and wanted to learn how to be like me. But I saw him as a threat, and I started to tease him which turned into bullying, then harassment, then... well.

It turned into straight abuse after a point.

[sangreine]

[ ...Oh. The mundane but also very Difficult form of complicated. ]

You were just a child, Katsuki. You're not that person anymore.

[ But that's all she'll interject for now. Just waiting to hear the rest. ]

[katsuking]

No, I am.

[Katsuki replies so easily, his voice so serious when he says that and he shoves his card back in his pocket.]

It's only been a couple months since I learned to stop acting like that. And even then.... I went and did it to him again.

He's only ever been nice to me, and only ever helped me and saved my ass even when no one else wanted to. But I've only been mean to him, and have only pushed him away when he tried to help and I was only just starting to get good at keeping those shitty thoughts about him to myself and accepting his help.

[He pulls a hand up to his face, covering his eyes as he feels tears starting to sting the corners of them. So he speaks through grit teeth.]

But then this stupid place happened! This stupid place where the only thing people need help with is-- is holding hands and being gushy to one another! I've never dealt with these things before, and I didn't think I was ever going to but then I-- th-things just started going so fast and the closer we got the more I started to want to physically hurt him again...

[sangreine]

[ She wants to argue because he's absolutely grown up, enough to hear her out after the fact and message her with an apology, but she wants to be a comfort more than she wants to make a point. ]

[ She takes a slow step closer, just one. Not too close, not touching him or even attempting to. ]

You want to hurt him... to accomplish what? [ There's wanting to hurt someone to shove them away, and then there's... other reasons. ]

[katsuking]

I don't...

["I don't know." is what he was going to say but.. he does. Doesn't he?]

I-it's just... it's just what.. I want to do when-- when these feelings... these stupid feelings crawl up..!

[He grips at the front of his hoodie, trying desperately to keep his tears in as he continues.]

I didn't even know I had them in the first place but.. it just makes sense. Th-that the reason I pushed him away wasn't just because I felt threatened by him it-- it's because I... [He's scared of being in love with him. But he can't say it.]

[sangreine]

Because anger is easier than feeling other things?

[ This isn't her being startlingly insightful, it's just -- obvious. Saya is a lot of things but she knows love when she sees it... as long as it's outside her own life, of course. ]

[katsuking]

[Wordlessly.. Katsuki just nods. And then he has to bring both of his hands to cover his face, because it's so painful having to talk about this. It's so embarrassing having Saya-- someone who has to deal with so much more-- sit here and hold his hand through some stupid teenage romance drama.

But he's also... very thankful that she has the time for him, anyway. And he speaks up after a few seconds, muffled and voice cracking a bit as he tries to keep it steady.]

I kissed him! I went and kissed him without his permission and I-- I just wanted to strangle him so bad after I did that and I don't know why but I knew that I-I didn't want to hurt him again a-and that I had to leave and the look on his face was.. w-was so fucking....

[Awful. Just awful.]

[sangreine]

[ Please, this is so much more worth her time then wrangling her own stupid life. ]

[ She steps forward and rests her hand on his shoulder to give it a comforting squeeze. ]

Hey. It's going to be okay. He forgave you for everything before, didn't he? He'll forgive this too. If... if there's anything to forgive.

It sounds like he didn't get much of a chance to react before you left, so you don't really know what he's thinking.

[katsuking]

[Katsuki allows her to rest a hand on his shoulder, becoming more and more used to physical contact as he spends days in this place. It's comforting too, admittedly... he sinks forward a little bit, until his forehead rests against her a little.]

He's forgiven me too many times already...!

[He really feels like this was the last straw. He's scared he ruined their relationship permanently. Forever.]

[sangreine]

[ She slowly, lightly slides her arm around him. ]

You don't know that he's angry, or even upset. He may have been just surprised, or dismayed that you were leaving right after.

But if you feel like you owe him for the past, then what you need to do is go and look him in the eye and tell him the truth. Why you kissed him, and why you left. If you don't...

[ She hesitates. She doesn't want to trauma dump all over him again. ]

I know what it's like to regret not telling someone how you feel until it's too late. I don't want that for you, or for him.

[katsuking]

[He won't hug back, instead opting to cling to the front of his shirt right over his heart as the tears start to spill down his chin. He's still desperately trying to keep it together, but his voice sounded strained and was barely over a whisper at this point.]

I've been gone for six days...!

[How is Izuku NOT upset with him? How is he supposed to even look him in the eye after not coming home for so long?]

[sangreine]

And? He knows you. I bet he'll understand if you give him a chance to. [ Her voice is gentle even if her words might not be. She gets it. ]

Six days feels like forever when you're in pain, I know. But he deserves the chance to decide whether he forgives you. He's worth that much, isn't he? [ She damn well knows Katsuki can't say no to that. ]

[katsuking]

[Goddammit... when she puts it that way, he really can't say no.]

He's worth... h-he's worth so much more than that.

[He truly is. Izuku is such a special, one of a kind person who deserves to be recognized by everyone in Katsuki's eyes. He deserves the whole world.

Not to be treated like dirt. How Katsuki always treats him.]

[sangreine]

[ yep she's a regular pain in the ass when she's right and knows it ]

Good. And you're strong enough to do it. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Even if it's the scariest thing you've ever done.

Go back. Tell him everything. Let him forgive you. And make it the last time he needs to.

[katsuking]

[Make it the last time he needs to... that's so much easier said than done when you're a boy who's intrusive thoughts are violent and plenty. But.. he is strong. He's overcome so many things, and this is just one of those hurdles he needs to get over.


He can't really say anything, but he gives Saya a nod.]

[sangreine]

[ her heart;;; ]

For whatever tiny bit it's worth, I'm proud of you. It took me two hundred years to do what you're doing. [ So she knows how hard it is. ]

[katsuking]

I-I just...

[It's so hard. It's so damn hard, but it's helping immensely having someone with some kind of experience talking to him about it. If he had stayed alone.. who knows how long he would've waited to come home.]

I-I just spent so long hurting him. I spent so many years insulting him, and hitting him, and blowing up his stuff, and humiliating him and... and everyone was so scared of me that they didn't want to be around him like he had some kind of disease and I-- I.... I just can't hurt him again. I don't want to see him be hurt again.

H-Heroes-- heroes aren't supposed to hurt people. [Especially not the people they love.]

[sangreine]

[ She feels far too much of that far too personally. ]

Not even heroes are perfect. [ Especially teenage ones. ] What matters is that you admitted you were wrong and started to set things right.

You and I are a lot alike. I worry about those things, too. [ She hurts people, and worries about hurting them worse. If not from her direct actions, from her hibernation and amnesia. ] That I don't deserve the people around me, that I'm bound to hurt them again. But when I tried to push them away, they told me that I had no right to make that choice for them. That I had to trust and value them enough to let them decide whether to take that risk. And they were right.

[katsuking]

[Katsuki honestly didn't expect Saya to relate to this so well, or to be able to give advice that he resonated with so much. He reached out to her because she was the first person he could think of-- she's married, so she at least has some kind of success with romance. So her telling him exactly what he needs to hear hits harder for him than he really... could ever expect.

"They told me I had no right to make that choice for them." Those words in particular resonate so much that it hurts. His chest hurts. And he doubles forward a little more, his head pressing into her stomach as he grips tighter at his shirt. Desperately trying to keep it together.]

I... fuck. I-I'm such an asshole.

[He croaks that out. Because he really regrets leaving like that. Not giving Izuku the proper chance to make a choice for himself if Katsuki had overstepped a boundary or not.

He did seem into the kiss just as much as Katsuki... god. It's all too confusing.]

I... I don't know how to talk to him again. Do I just sh-show up? Text him? What if he doesn't...

What if he doesn't want to see me again?

[sangreine]

[ Well he's definitely getting a proper hug now. ]

You're not. You were scared. It happens to the best of us when we feel things too intensely.

[ As for how to do this... she hums as she considers. ] If it were me, I'd text and tell him I want to come home and talk. Maybe get a snack you both like on the way home or offer to cook something so you have something to do with your hands.

But it doesn't really matter how, as long as you talk. Do the whole thing over text if you think it'll be easier to get things out.