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[sangreine]

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[sangreine]

Asshole older sister types don't give you nicknames you *like*. We can't all be as stunningly clever as you with "Miss Alien".

You're supposed to believe him when he says he's happy and he likes you the way you are. Easier said than done, I know.

[katsuking]

At least Miss Alien sounds cooler than Izu-chan.

And trust me, I believe that he's happy and he likes me the way I am. But I also think he's got something wrong in the head for it.

It works out for me either way, though. If I'm not with him, I won't be with anybody. No one else can handle me at my worst.

[sangreine]

If it was supposed to sound cool I might care about that.

I know what you mean, actually. I spend way too much time convinced that my husband is out of his mind. I made him promise not to wait for me while I'm sleeping. I'm still not sure what's going to happen there, but if he sticks around I'll be grateful for it.

[katsuking]

You can't convince crazy people to stop being crazy. So if he's stuck around this far, you'll never get rid of him.

[sangreine]

[ there's an odd pause here that goes on just a little too long. Yeah, about that. But she can't tell Katsuki about that mess, the uncertainty that she'll still be married by the time she sleeps, despite all the teasing she can see him getting something like protective. ]

Not if you kill me first, I guess.

[katsuking]

Hopefully I won't actually need to.

[sangreine]

[ ouch ]

There will be a group of people there, it's not on you.

[ Turns out Katsuki will probably have to watch and listen to Red Son burn her alive so that'll. Surely be less traumatizing all around. ]

[katsuking]

Hopefully WE won't need to.

[sangreine]

[ Now she's in a bad position, because she can't really comfort him about it and she can't go back on her request. Not only would he be offended if she did, she needs him there. And Izuku. ]

It could go wrong a thousand different ways. It might just put me to sleep early. [ Which she's saying so he can be prepared for it. ]

[katsuking]

Can't you at least just pretend like everything will be okay in this one conversation? I don't want to think about depressing stuff right now.

[She better not take her request back!! He's a Hero, and he's determined to help even if it ends up hurting him in the process. But... this is supposed to be a happy conversation.]

[sangreine]

[ That request is both fair and entirely unfair. She'd love to stop thinking about it for more than twelve seconds at a stretch. ]

Right, sorry. I can come up with new ways to insult you, just gimme a second to find my list.

[katsuking]

You don't have to apologize. It's something that's part of your life, and is looming over you all the time and it's hard to deal with. I get it.

But sometimes it's nice to just pretend like you're the strongest person in the world. To act like you're a god, and you're better than everyone else.

Sometimes it's a good way to cope when you feel weak. Like you can't do anything.

[definitely not speaking from experience]

[sangreine]

[ ...that is entirely not something she can do, because of her dark side. However it's very sweet that he'd try to help her feel better. ]

I don't think a big head would look nearly as good on me as it does on you. Ah how about that, I rallied.

...Thanks, Katsuki. I'll try.

[katsuking]

Confidence looks great on everybody.

But good, you better. When I'm scared, I force myself to act like I don't give a shit about anything and that I can do anything. And I force myself to smile, too.

It works surprisingly well.

[sangreine]

[ It's honestly a miracle she ever smiles, so she's doing pretty good all considered. ]

Any tips? I'm terrible at hiding my feelings, you might have noticed.

[katsuking]

Any time you feel like being down on yourself, just say the opposite. That's pretty much the best tip I've got.

When I feel like I'm going to lose a battle, I smile and tell my opponent that I'm going to kick their ass. It gives me the confidence and motivation to at least try to live up to my own words.

[sangreine]

I never have confidence problems when I'm fighting, or when I'm with one of my partners. I guess adrenaline solves everything.

[katsuking]

It doesn't need to be with combat, either. If you feel like you're a piece of shit, just try to tell yourself you're not.It works for any situation.

How do you think I get by? By being an open book and letting everyone know how I'm actually feeling every moment? No. I tell people that I'm fucking great and if they have a problem with it to fuck off.

Especially when I feel really shitty about myself.

[sangreine]

[ She assumes this isn't stuff he'd share with just anyone, which is touching. ]

It'll take some practice to get my heart off my sleeve, but I've got nothing to lose.

For whatever it's worth, I think you're great. Even when you might not feel that way.

[katsuking]

[This absolutely is something he wouldn't share with just anyone. He hasn't even told Izuku about this.. but the kid's so amazed by Katsuki that he can't break the illusion for him.]

Oh, I know I'm great. There's just days sometimes where I feel like the biggest loser on the planet, but I don't let other people know that. I want people to think that I'm fucking crazy and I've got all the confidence in my own abilities at all times.

I'm someone my friends rely on. I'm one of the people that, when they see me arrive, they all feel relieved and like we're going to win. I like that. I want to stay that person.

[sangreine]

[ She gets what he's saying. Fake it 'till you make it. Trouble is, she's not that person, and soon enough she'll start losing her faculties so any sort of faking might not be possible. And her sour moods don't stem from feeling underconfident, they stem from being a walking war crime. But it won't help anything to tell Katsuki that. ]

It takes a strong person to do that. [ And Saya's not sure she's that sort of strong. ]

[katsuking]

[It's a bittersweet conversation, that's for sure. And Katsuki can tell a bit from her reply that Saya's feeling a little effected by it. So, he decides now is a good time for a subject change.]

And a lot of practice.

But, you know, I originally wanted to thank you for talking some sense into me. Even though my nose still hurts like a son of a bitch, we're both... a lot happier.

It's still weird, but I like it.

[sangreine]

[ Bless him for the subject change. There's only so much she can put on a good face, even over text. His advice works for him and she's glad of it, but she's not sure she can manage it. ]

You had plenty of sense. You just had to find it underneath all the other stuff. I'm glad I could help.

[katsuking]

No, I really needed you to talk to me when you did. Otherwise I'd still be in that hotel room right now instead of laying here with the nerd using me as a pillow.

It's gross by the way. He's a drooler.

[sangreine]

[ pics or it didn't happen, Katsu-chan ]

I have unique experience in that area, at least it was good for something.

A little grossness is worth it, I'm sure. It shows he's comfortable with you. [ If she can drink her partners' blood you can handle a little drool, take it like a man! ]