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[sangreine]

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[sangreine]

[ She hands Evangeline a second handkerchief. ] For your neck.

[ She accepts a glass and peers at it for a second, then in a shrug that clearly communicates FUCK IT she drinks it down. ]

[ Hm. ]

It's having some effect, yes. [ Not immediate drunkenness but there is a spreading warmth that seems familiar from the only other time she managed to get drunk, bless BiT and their magic booze. ] Thanks.

[abnormalizes]

[Evangeline wipes her neck off, then drinks from her own glass. Her face immediately begins to flush red.]

-Woo! Yeah, for us mere mortals this stuff's a lot.

[sangreine]

[ Saya giggles and helps herself to more of the glowing drinks. If she's going to keep up with her metabolism she'll have to drink at a steady clip. ]

What were we going to talk about, again? Having a shitty past and other people not knowing how to deal with it, something like that?

[abnormalizes]

Something like that! Like, yeah, my life sucks, but when they get upset I feel like I have to comfort them and that's not fair.

[sangreine]

It's really not. I've lost count of the ways people find to be extremely dismissive.

Like call it whatever you want to, friend or lover or whatever you are, disregarding people's wishes is shitty no matter what you dress it up as.

[abnormalizes]

Yeah, yeah. Like, I want to be treated like a normal person and have a good time here, I don't want to dwell on the bad stuff. Is that so much to ask?

[sangreine]

I sometimes do want to dwell on it. Sometimes I want to isolate myself or do other things that are objectively unhealthy. But that doesn't mean I want to be lectured to or disregarded or treated like they're doing things for my own good, which is a pretty gross and dismissive concept.

I do get that it's frustrating for them, though. I really do. Especially when it's not my past we're talking about, but the present.

[abnormalizes]

Do you wanna, like. Just yell about it sometimes. Just get really loud?

[she's DEFINITELY drunk]

[sangreine]

I'm not really one to yell. I more shut down and get really cold. It's not pretty.

[ Also a lot harder to convince people it was out of emotion. ]

[abnormalizes]

I don't think I could do the cold thing. It'd be easier if I could, I guess. Like yeah it's probably not healthy, but it hurts less sometimes than feeling everything so strongly.

[sangreine]

You've got it backwards. It makes everything harder. People are a lot more hurt by cold cruelty than by a little shouting, even if the words are the same ones. They see the emotion behind yelling, it's obvious. When someone goes cold there's this veneer of rationality to it. Think about the words people use to describe the two: emotions running high versus cold indifference. But they don't account for the fact that I'm not human, and I don't work the same way, so... [ she makes a gesture that somehow indicates "shit gets really complicated". ]

And it's not out of a lack of strong feelings, I assure you. My species has feelings that hit like a freight train. It's more like... a power surge that leads to a blown fuse knocking out the lights.

[abnormalizes]

The more you look like a human, the more people assume you work like one.

[She's seen it firsthand in her work.]

-but I'm sorry people don't get you.

[sangreine]

[ Another gesture, this one amounting to "what are ya gonna do?" ]

Human-centrism is a problem even in multi-dimensional places, apparently. I don't mind it so much most of the time, but there are times when I wish people made more of an effort to remember things.

Like oh, you think I shouldn't think in short-sighted ways? Thanks for that, sure no problem, except that I don't get a long-term because it's not possible. At least have the good grace to look like you're sorry once I remind you. If I got an extra month for every time someone said something boneheaded about being patient I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

[abnormalizes]

Humans aren't even that understanding of other humans that have different circumstances than them, so it's not surprising. We kind of suck sometimes.

[She's not the biggest fan of humans, unsurprisingly.]

For me it's like, 'your world is awful you should revolt against the system-' if I do that I will instantly be killed and I would rather not, thanks.

[sangreine]

Oh, I know. My home world is genocide and imperialism central, and my species didn't do all that. I love humans as individuals, but yeah.

...People say that to you? Wow. I think everyone should care about systems that are awful but if you say there's nothing to be gained by fighting it then I believe you. I guess it's easy to cash checks from someone else's wallet.

[abnormalizes]

Not only that, but one guy even said that the people in my world are weak and basically deserve to be miserable for not fighting back harder.

[This conversation was with Red Son, incidentally, which is why he's the only person Evangeline Does Not Like.]

People do try to change things, and they die miserably for it every time. I'm not any stronger than any of those people were, and I have a family to take care of before I go serving up my own head on a platter.

[sangreine]

Seriously? Some people spend way too much time in their own sheltered worlds. Either that or they're so scared of the concept that they can't win every fight that they've deluded themselves. [ If Saya knew who said that she'd get why, but she'd give him hell over saying something so gross. Honestly, she adores the man but he needs to take several seats. ]

Sometimes people don't get choices. Especially people who can die.

[abnormalizes]

Yeah, seriously. I've cleaned up too many of my coworkers' bodies not to be aware of my own mortality.

[She's stronger and better-equipped than the average human, but she's still just a human.]

I already don't expect to have that long a time alive. Is it so wrong for me to try to enjoy the time I have?

[sangreine]

[ Saya lays back and considers this. ]

I've been on both sides. One where I was the only one who could change things for the better. And I don't mean I was the strongest person or the person who felt chosen by fate or whatever, I was literally the only one. It was me, or nothing. And I hated it every day. I didn't get close to anyone except unwittingly, and even then I kept them at a distance. It was misery.

And I've been in a situation where I had as much power as the others around me over things, which was none. So I took comfort in those around me however I could, as did many others. If a chance arose to change things, I'd have taken it, but I wouldn't have resented those who chose otherwise.

I don't know if it's wrong for you on your world, I doubt anyone not from your circumstances could say one way or the other, and trying to would be the height of arrogance. [ Which explains Red Son, lol. That and a massive inferiority complex that he's overcompensating for. ]

So I'll say... I think wanting to enjoy the time you have is understandable. I wouldn't judge you for any choice you made.

[abnormalizes]

Sayaaa, can I hug you.

[She absolutely needed to hear all of that and feel validated in her feelings.]

[sangreine]

[ Saya glances over like she's mildly surprised, then places her drink on the night table. ]

Of course you can.

[abnormalizes]

[Evangeline gives her a tight hug.]

I really needed to hear all that, so... thanks.

[sangreine]

[ Saya flops and an around her and gives her a single weak squeeze before releasing her. ]

Sure, of course. That was the point of this.

[ Although Saya's beginning to seriously doubt that there even exists anyone who could make her feel understood. Hazard of killing your whole species she guesses. ]

[abnormalizes]

Do you want to talk about your stuff too? -I can't promise I'll get it, but I promise to listen and not try to provide any advice.

[sangreine]

[ Another second of thought. ]

You might not like the things I say. Not because they're about you or anything, but in general.