That stuff again? What is it with interdimensional kidnappers and that particular effect? [ Which is to say: no, she hadn't heard, but yes she knows exactly what it is. ]
You're worried about me smelling the blood, I assume.
I hate that there's nothing I can do, but you're probably right that it's better for me to be at a distance. If there's any way I can help, just say the word.
Then I'm glad you had a supply of blood handy. At least I helped indirectly.
Sometimes a ticking clock is motivation. Skeevy as hell logic from the powers that be, but giving someone this affliction and forcing them into a confession is gross in general so who's shocked?
--Anyway. I won't keep you.
Let me know when you're better and ready for some comfort. Love you.
A friend of mine came in badly hurt. (Not someone you are also particularly close to, I'll say that and no more in the name of patient privacy.)
[He's not going to just say it was Korone, she deserves to control who knows she's hurt and how much they know, but he doesn't want Saya to worry that it's someone important to her.]
'Tis the first time I've had to repair an eye. I was terribly afraid I wasn't going to be able to fix it. Even with putting in all I had to heal them, they'll likely have impaired vision for a long time.
Oh, how awful. I'm sure it was terrible for everyone. I'm glad they're not worse, but I can imagine it's cold comfort when they weren't able to be healed fully.
Thank you, my dear. My shift ends in an hour, I'll be home then.
[And true to his world, as soon as his shift is over, he uses the Infinite Rootie he'd gotten as a reward ages ago to teleport directly to his front door. Usually he enjoys walking home, but today he wants to be in Saya's arms as soon as possible.
Oh, that. I don't really have a schedule yet. But you can take whatever part of the day you need with MK, and honestly if you need to see me on another day, I'm great with that. I know it gets tricky and I don't care about the date, as long as you make time for me.
I was thinking more of what your schedule is since you have several people to account for. I didn't want to step on toes, especially if none of them have other partners to take out on Valentines. It feels like they should get slight more priority in that case.
You and Nenonen are the only ones that are spoken for elsewhere, so that leaves three others.
...Wow, the logistics get complicated when I read myself saying it. But no one has asked for my time specifically, although I imagine my husband is planning some ludicrously overdone something.
But doesn't MK have two others that he needs to take time for? You'll have some free time yourself.
I know. I'm asking him his schedule, though I imagine one isn't going to be much for a time sensitive schedule, so really its what plans he has for Cole that are going to have anything set in stone.
Eugh, bad choice of words.
Lets see, if Kantera is trying to plan something and is making it something of a surprise if he hasn't said by this point, it'd likely be the evening? And MK isn't a morning person, so we could do something in the morning?
Did Kantera tell you about helping the Pigeon Girl? I assume he did. It was a whole thing. Anyway. For the next two weeks if you see me alone, there is a blanket permission to have your wicked way with me. I need
My body to feel real again and I need grounding for it.
More like I couldn't really help it. I told you before, connection is how the Samadhi Fire was made. I was acting as a bridge for
Seven.
Seven people. That is a lot of breaking down my own barriers with reality. For an extended period of time. After doing a lot of prep spells that lowered my barriers.
Then there was some unreality experiences from her memories.
So I was kind of losing it after a certain point.
Nyssa is a fucking bitch.
I also fought my dad.
This alien thing was also pretty bad.
Kantera had to fight himself, may want to make him feel extra loved.
Then some other bitch.
Impurity is what I need. All the attachment to flesh and debauchery.
[ She'll try to only rip her hair out minimally. (It is ludicrous that MK thinks he's second to Saya, who does Red Son run to first always? She's over it, but she still notices.) ]
[Kantera left a note for Saya this morning - 'helping Korone with something, might be home late, please don't worry'. And indeed he is home late, and immediately throws himself into baking in a way that might resemble how he acted after a bad game in Imeeji.
Roughly an hour later, he emerges from the kitchen (now filled with a small mountain of sweets) and goes to find Saya and smoosh his face into her shoulder.]
[ There has never been a more worrisome phrase in all of eternity than "please don't worry", but she doesn't make a thing of it. Instead, she waits. And sees him come home pale. And smells him stress baking. ]
[ She leaves it alone. He'll come to her when he's ready. She occupies her time trying to get Eclipse to visit him in the kitchen. ]
[ She's waiting in their room when he finds her, looking no better for all his efforts. Her arms welcome him in and she puts a warm blanket over his back, below his wings. ]
[He absolutely does. Taking her hand and leading her over to the bed.]
So, when I said this got away from me, I meant it. I was doing a very...cursory exploration at first. At least that was my intent.
And then apparently the moment I decided to entertain the thought, I was just very easy to slam neck deep into the situation and things got out of hand really, really quickly. So there was no intent to hide, it just hit really fast.
There has been a lot. And I think that situation made it also get out of hand, but well...
Well.
Macaque had....well, he said he moved on from Wukong. I'm not sure how true that was, but I had noticed a...shift in how he treated me. It was different. It added more...feeling than just the casual sex had been.
And I thought...okay, maybe I would explore that space. See if it led anywhere.
I'm sure it's okay. I sort of wish he'd give me the time of day so we could at least be cordial to each other, but that can come with time. I don't even know what his problem is with me.
He was jealous of your relationship with Wukong. [Listen. Its true.] I think now its just him trying to pretend his opinion of you was rational, but he'll come around eventually.
...he does. Make me happy.
I probably wouldn't have made near the progress I have with Wukong if not for him. I needed...someone I could talk to without feeling bad about it.
Nothing like a lot of free booze to sweeten a deal. Besides, I make a point to bleed my employers dry. [ If she's going to tolerate getting grabbed every other day they're gonna pay for it. ]
[ He's more than welcome to her hand. ] How good of you to notice. Maybe recommend he come talk to me at work sometime, there will be enough distractions that it shouldn't be too intimidating.
[ Saya knows enough to get it with only a few clues, but not this few. Her species' mating calls are directed by physical signs and blood call, not by a certain time of year. ]
What would those safety items be? Best be prepared and all.
I'll want to make this easy for you, at least as easy as possible. We all will.
But...
You can't touch my husband while you're in a heat cycle. I'll lose my mind. I allow it all other times despite my reluctance, just not that one. [ Sorry Kantera, she has to draw the line somewhere. A mating cycle is a hard no from her. ]
Gotcha. We can figure something out. If nothing else, my room is well scented quite on purpose. That was the entire point of it after all. I'll stock it with things you can take out when you need them.
--You mean the biting. Yeah, definitely for the best then. [ She tries to have as few lines as possible but that is a huge one. No one bites Kantera but her. She'd never ask Red Son to observe that with his own partners the same way she doesn't, but yeah. It's different. ]
Scent items are fine as long as you can get them ahead of time or I can bring them to you so here's no risk of anyone getting carried away. I know myself, and I just got over my jealousy so I'd rather not backslide.
Biting. Being claimed. The, uh... [Candles like up around the room and his hair STILL manages to crackle.] The usual purposes of...heat cycles. And depending which way I'm presenting, I can get aggressive or crave it.
I'm asking ahead of time. Then it can be something with a strong scent that'll last.
That is also another hiccup up. When I'm actively with you, this room works, but I'll need to go back to my room after. Its...
One scent is...
Lonely.
Maybe its different when the one scent is a mate versus family, but...
Whichever one, or both, are exactly the reasons I'd say no touching him during that time. I can explain it to him so you don't need to. [ She's fine taking that on. ]
So... would you like me to come to your room? Just during that time. Fair warning that I might get aggressive with the mixture of scents.
It would be appreciated because I still need to have this conversation with Noodle Boy, I'm not entirely sure if he knows heats are a real thing or just a kink thing and if its the latter, I'll need to check for any potential misinformation.
[Face in hand and even the hand still holding hers is running hotter than normal.]
Plus a few others who count as 'safe' scents and I'd rather have something ahead of time in case knowing they exist made me try and get them. I'm working with a lot of new factors this year.
I would probably enjoy aggressive.
I would...also be more aggressive. A lot more aggressive.
I'll let him know. And I'll make sure we have some scent items for you. His will probably be something with kitty ears. [ Just a guess. ]
Don't worry about MK, he'll take it in stride. He probably won't even tease you if he sees that you're distressed. Just make sure he knows that he doesn't get to hog the entire time, sharing is caring. [ She would also take big preferential treatments during a heat cycle as offensive, but it would have to be obvious. She's not going to catalog his time. ]
Hey, I like aggressive. I like how you treat me like a lady, it's sweet, but I'm not one. Chiropteran are monsters. Beasts, to use your word. Our mating practices have been known to destroy buildings.
Just make sure its something I can bury my face in. There is...a lot of nuzzling. [There is So Much.]
There's definitely no hoarding the full time. I'll want to be with everyone. I would be whining for you if I didn't see you. May be best to just do two days at a time. It would also give people rest.
It would, yes. It would also probably soothe something. The being provided for instincts.
MK should definitely be getting some rest and its the fairest way to do it, I think. I haven't heard of it being much less than a week, so there is at least two days to go around and then its just switching out until my body decides its done.
You may need some different care for a few days after, too. I can imagine you'll need to rest up. [ She smiles like she's planning on him being quite worn out. ]
I can't say that hearing you beg isn't a charming prospect. And as you know, I couldn't possibly deny you anything.
Alternatively, I could use one of these new chocolates I got. If I feed you one of the Delay ones you won't be able to get off until we both do it together. Would you like to drive me wild? Because that might do it. [ Let her be a tease, it'll be so much fun~ ]
Very well, sweetling. I'll just jump you in the living room half-dressed then, shall I? [ The one and only benefit of having the house (nearly) to themselves (and Porty won't care except possibly asking to join). ]
You are the most beautiful woman who has ever lived, even more so in the throes of pleasure. Without those chocolates I think I could climax without you touching me, or just from you sitting on my face and letting me taste you.
Woman? Hm. I thought you might want my male shape to make an appearance. But it's your call, dear one. Perhaps the only one I'll let you make in the next few hours. [ He does usually like her bossy side. ]
[ The front door opens and shuts, and then, from the living room: ] Come and help me off with these clothes. My shifting would ruin them. The corset in particular.
[ She mentally bets herself how long he can remain in the bedroom. ]
[Answer: not at all! The moment she calls for him, he comes out to the living room entirely naked. Porty can absolutely deal if he's here, Kantera is officially Too Horny To Care.]
Edited (i know how pronouns) Date: Jun. 6th, 2024 12:09 am (UTC)
Of course. I'll proceed at a sedate pace to give you time.
[ With that, she makes her way over at a leisurely pace, taking a flying tour of the city on her way. This, of course, takes far less time than it would anyone else, and she's there in what would, for a normal person traveling at a normal speed, be short order. She folds up her silver-white bat wings as she lands. ]
[She lands in Nightwake in front of a rather tall building. The windows are covered in sheets of butcher paper. A simple 'Coming Soon' sign hanging on the pair of double doors. He opens them and walks out to greet Saya as she lands.]
Saya! Hello! [He walks over to give her a hug.] So good to see you again in person. Come on in. Come on in. I can't wait to show you what's going on here. And your gift is nice and wrapped, just for you. Come on!
Hey, there. [ She embraces him easily. ] You've been quite busy, I see. It's adorable how excited you are. [ She allows herself to be ushered inside. ]
Ha ha! What can I say? I get to go into business with my daughter and a certain bus boy isn't around to get in the way.
It's glorious!
[Inside is obviously a lobby of a hotel. It has a check in desk, a bar, a nice fireplace and seating area, everything is reds, golds, and whites. Like his own color scheme.]
You get a sneak peek at the Haven Hotel. Your safe have for a second chance! I came up with the tag line. What do you think?
[ It's cute as hell, pardon the expression, is what it is. Saya smiles as she glances around, taking in everything and making appropriately appreciative noises. ]
[ Even if she nearly swallows her tongue at that line about second chances. ]
Thank you! Oh we are so excited. We're aiming for July for the opening. We're still sourcing guests and staff but that will come as it needs to, I'm sure.
Oh yes. Your gift. Follow me. [He leads Saya deeper into the building and into his workshop here on the ground floor.]
I want to teach people how to make things. See if they can't channel their energies into something creative. And this is where I made this for you!
[He snags something off his work bench. He holds out a beautiful rubber ducky. It has a crown on its head, a dress, and beautiful eyelashes.]
Now, I am trying to do something different with this one. Take it. It should, if I did this right, attune to you.
Well, if you need any help that's in my power to give, just ask. I'd love to meet your daughter, either way.
[ She follows along, amused when the gift is, in fact, a duck. ]
Attune? [ With a smile, she accepts the Queen Duckling, and brings it up to eye level. "Attune" means only one thing to her, and her eyes glow red as she looks at the pretty duck. ]
I'll definitely take you up on that. A queen guest at the grand opening would be fantastic. And let me know if you ever want to work here. The staff and guests here won't be so grabby. Just a thought. You would be such a good listener and could teach people music. Help them learn a skill that's good and not destructive.
Or self defense. Anything you'd want.
[The duck sits there as Saya stares at it. The duck's eyes glow red and opens its beak. It lets out a soft lovely little melody. Like a music box.]
The more you hold it, he more the music should change to suit you. Your mood, what you want to listen to, what you're singing. I hope it works. Let me know if there's any kinks, alright? It is one of the more complicated ducks I've made.
[ Saya looks up and giggles, her eyes dulling back to their normal auburn. ] I doubt you could afford to pay me what they do to be a side of meat. Besides, I'm used to it now. Everyone knows that if you try to grab me, you're not getting that hand back intact. [ No mercy for asshats. ]
And I'm not sure I'd be a very good counselor on second chances. My background is a dark one and I haven't redeemed myself for it. I'd be more suited to be a client.
[ The duckling makes her giggle again, and she trots over to give Lucifer a kiss on the cheek as the duck plays a bright tune. ] You're sweet. Thank you, I love it.
I'll think about it. [ She thinks that she might be an utterly frustrating exercise for whoever tries to help her. She doesn't especially want absolution. ]
[ She places the duck on her shoulder, perfectly balanced, and hums for it so that the music continues. ]
I try my best. What could I gift you in return, I wonder? There must be something.
That's all I ask is you think about it. This is a place for a second chance or just working through things. Rehabilitation and self-improvement. It isn't like we're trying to get souls into heaven here.
[He chuckles.]
Whatever you wish to. I wanted to make it for you for being my friend. Someone who doesn't judge me. I appreciate you very much, Saya. And that's why I made it for you.
If your goal is getting souls into heaven, I think I might be a lost cause. Maybe the time would be better spent on others. [ Who haven't, you know, perpetrated a genocide on their own families. How many commandments does that break? ]
[ She gives him a smile. ] Of course I wouldn't judge you. You're lovely. And you haven't judged me, either.
[He notices the shudder but doesn't bring it up. She moves on quickly to another difficult subject.]
No one is hopeless. And I believe in you. But if you do not want to, then I will not push. Just the idea is there and our doors will always be open. Even if you just need a hug and a stiff drink.
It's not a lack of wanting to. I'd love to meet your daughter, for one thing. [ Turns out they're going to meet in the least favorable situation, but anyway. ]
I have a hard time getting into what I did, especially with anyone who is generally understanding. Being soothed or comforted feels like it's diminishing the weight of it. And then I start arguing because I feel I have to, on behalf of those I wronged so horribly, and it starts to sound like I just want to be miserable. It's never gone well.
[Lucifer hums.] Sounds like you want to talk to someone who acknowledges the gravity of what you've done. Not attempts to soothe your feelings over it but tackle the gravity of the sins. Am I understanding correctly?
That's more or less it. I can't possibly see any hope unless I know that there's agreement on the scale of the problem. Everyone always wants to jump to the comfort and skip the middle. I understand that they want to make me feel better but I don't think I should feel better, so it ends up that I stop responding in order to get out of the discussion with a minimum of damage to them or to the relationship.
You sinned. You feel guilty and that guilt you want acknowledged, not buried. Whatever the context, that's important. Your guilt is important. I understand that. We can't just erase the mistakes and decisions of the past by soothing ourselves and not looking at what we did. Why we did it. And know the gravity of it.
It's more that what those who I wronged went through needs to be at the center of any discussion. My guilt is what it is because I took away their voice. Any comfort or reassurance for me takes away from that, and how can that possibly be good?
...I always fail entirely at explaining this well. But I feel like, generally, the goal of getting me to feel better is a bad one and so the discussion is doomed before it begins. The only time I've felt like there was any good resolution is when Wukong agreed to train me to prevent what I did from happening again. At least that was productive. Making me feel better is not productive, and a pointless effort besides.
A discussion on them then. Since what you did to them is why you feel guilt. I think you're doing a fine job so far.
Did you want to talk about those people now? Either way is okay. I didn't mean to get us started down this path but if you would like to, I would listen.
Being proactive and productive does sound like a good idea. How has the training been going?
Right, because you don't know the specifics. You of all people would probably be safest to talk about it with, I'm sure you've seen everything. But I still don't want to. Not yet.
Training is... going. The trouble is that in order to really make progress I'll need to be tested in ways that might make it happen again. I'll have to let go of the tight grip I have on my control. Last time that happened I hurt one of my partners immeasurably and a whole slew of others. That's not an easy thing to risk.
I mean, I have seen the scope and breadth of depravity and sin, true.
Hmm. No, it wouldn't be. To let yourself go, you'd need to make sure that wouldn't happen. As in completely sure.
If you like, I could talk to Wukong about assisting? I think between the two of us, we could take you. And I can practice my Spring healing powers as well. We all win.
I'm quite sure he can confine or kill me if he wished to, given his army of clones. I might be able to outrun one of him when I'm lost, but not that many. [ But she's never seen Wukong's top speed... then again, he's never seen hers. She only pulls out all the stops when she's out of control, so. ]
I assume you have impressive capabilities? I don't mean to pry, I only want to be sure I couldn't possibly hurt you. I'm a handful when I lose control.
Oh quite impressive. I usually don't try very hard, I'll admit. But angelic power does have it's advantages. And I am immortal. You couldn't smite me even if you wanted to.
I do believe in Wukong though. I'm certain he can do the job. Though he isn't the only one with clones.
Wukong and I are immortal too, and we can still die here. I was always theoretically killable under certain specific conditions, it's just incredibly hard. And Wukong shouldn't be able to die at all under any circumstance. I have no desire to find out that you're able to be killed here by it happening at my hand.
That said, if you wanted to help I'm sure he'd embrace it. He isn't precious about it, he knows how important this is to me.
--That would mean I have to tell you everything, and I'm not sure I'm there yet. It's not a lack of trust, I promise.
It might. I know how hard that can be, when I was stuck in hell they made me mortal so that I could be killed same as the others, took my abilities away so it'd be easier. I had a uniquely bad reaction to dying, probably because some part of me knew that it was unnatural for me.
For whatever it's worth, it's as terrible as it sounds. I always came up fighting. [ Her loved ones had a whole ass protocol for reviving her. ] Revival here is kinder, that said. [ Why yes that does mean she's died here too. ]
Spending time together sounds nice. I could use a little nice. I haven't been quite right in a while, that's why I've been so scarce.
The whole point was that we die. For the amusement of the masses. So of course it was designed to make that happen. Even the healing powers they gave some of us were brutal and painful. Less like natural healing and more like medieval surgery.
[ Yeah, Imeeji sucked. ]
I'm finding myself partial to long walks lately, since my usual coping mechanisms are a no-go. Is that something you do?
How cruel. I mean, it is Hell but that's taking things to an extreme I despise. May that hell suffer and fall into the abyss. Bye bye.
[He nods.]
I do indeed love long walks. I would be glad to. We could walk through one of the segments. Just enjoy the weather and the environment. That sounds nice.
The program was shut down, so at least there's that. I hope it never reopens.
Long walks it is, then. I could probably manage some singing during those, I don't think that would be too difficult for me. It's been a long time since I got over my aversion to music.
Rinku saw me slice someone's arm off, and then she burned someone who grabbed her, but she managed to save her freak out until after we were safe? Honestly, I'm really proud of her. She was jittery for a while after but I think she'll be okay.
I should feel awful. He played me like a fiddle, telling me that he had feelings for me. Pressing every button I had, and I let him. And everyone was hurt by it.
I realize that my standards for this are not the best and I also left early, so before I answer that: was anyone killed, seriously wounded, or permanently traumatized? Besides the security, fuck those guys.
Okay. So the trauma part sucks, but I can at least say with confidence that Rinku is going to be okay with some time, and she's still planning to throw her own birthday party on schedule so it's not like she's scared of parties now. And Rinku is like, the ur-example of 'isn't used to this kind of thing'.
From where I'm standing, you seem like the person for whom this sucked the most.
It's what I signed up for. I went to bat for him to have more independence after he asked me to turn him and I refused, and MK didn't think it was a good idea. I said I'd be responsible for him, and I'd pop him if necessary. I watched him closely for the first few weeks and then he'd behaved, so I started doing quests again. Which was stupid.
He played me, but I should have known better. If it sucked for me then it's my own fault.
It was my responsibility. I agreed that if anything went wrong, I'd be the one to end it. I knew that I could, I killed my entire family because I had to. That doesn't mean I wanted to, or ever thought I would have to.
He was so sweet to me. I thought we cared deeply about each other. That's what he told me. It was a lie so that he could do what he did.
Okay, in the nicest way possible: you did not have to make that agreement and really shouldn't have. I know MK's pretty overpowered when he wants to be and so are his clones, but also there are other absurdly powerful people here who could have handled it. Just because you could handle it doesn't mean you had to.
I know you're used to being the only person who is capable of dealing with a problem no matter the emotional cost to yourself, but that isn't the case here.
You don't understand. That was the only way they'd let him stay out and even try to be on his own, if I promised to end it if anything happened. It had to be me. I promised.
...Okay. I won't say anything to him right now. But he shouldn't have even asked you to do that, let alone made you promise to! That's fucked up even by my standards!
Just because you CAN doesn't mean you should HAVE TO. Your emotional well-being matters to a lot of people, including me, and it should matter to MK too!
He cares about my emotional well-being, I'm his best friend here. Please don't think he doesn't care. It was a deal we made, that's all. That if I wanted Porty to get a chance to be independent then I had to be responsible for what he did. It was a reasonable consequence.
It sucks and I hate it for you. And I hate that Porty did this knowing you'd be forced to kill him over it! I'm way more mad about that than the whole hostage thing!
What the fuck. This whole situation is awful and you deserve to have someone get mad over how badly you were done wrong.
I understand you're not wrong. I know how being inattentive gets people hurt even if it's not you directly doing the hurting. I get that.
But also, this still sucks ass for you specifically, and I don't think denying comfort for that will make anyone else feel better about it, or make you more alert in the future, or do anything useful.
When I killed my family, my whole species, over centuries, the only thing that kept me held together through it all was this. I'm just doing my best not to break.
So please, I know you mean well, but please don't push me.
My dear, what would you like for dinner? I can make anything you desire.
[He doesn't want to fuss too much, or tell her that her feelings aren't valid, but... she's still miserable even with the passage of time, and his worry only grows.]
Saya not hungry is a flashing warning sign if he's ever seen one.
"...Let me rephrase myself. I want, more than anything, to treat you to something good right now. It isn't pushing myself in the slightest to make something for my beloved wife."
"You did no such thing." He very clearly remembers who threw him into that cello, and it wasn't Saya. "You trusted someone who was undeserving of it, but you didn't hurt me."
"I may as well have. I brought him here. I fought for him to be here. I didn't want to believe the risk was real. Then I was off on some stupid quest when you needed me, and a whole house full of people besides."
She shakes her head hard. "Don't ask me to forgive myself. I should know better by now, given how this keeps happening."
She's never asked him to call her Saya. Corrected him several times the opposite way, in fact. She maintained that she was Aliza because she didn't want to be Saya.
"I'm Saya. I'm the one who kills the ones I love, my family. I'm the one who stands oblivious until they hurt people and I have to stop them. That's who I am."
"You are more than only that. You are the woman I love, who has supported me in the worst times of my life. And..."
He hates saying this, but he doesn't know how else to get through to her. "To be asked to stand aside and watch as you torture yourself for what happened to me, hurts me. This is hurting me."
She's hurting him. Hurting him more. For a long moment, she doesn't breathe. (She hears the crackle of rain on stone as she stands over Diva's statue, Haji's arms around her, wailing.)
In a rush, whatever strength she has left leaves her and she crashes to her knees, ending up with her head bowed forward so that her short hair covers her face.
She doesn't wail, but she does cover her face and sob. It feels like the only thing she can do.
If he approaches her, for once she won't fight it.
Of course he kneels down next to her. There's no situation in the universe where he wouldn't go to Saya as she cries. He reaches out to try to squeeze her shoulder gently, if she'll allow that much.
[ ...Does she want to hang sometime? It'd be nice to do something fun, where she can be distracted from her troubles for a while. Much as she hates to use anyone for that, she desperately needs it. ]
Sure, we can do something. What'd you have in mind?
[Paulo is at the water park in a pair of red swimming trunks. He looks around for Saya. He knows he'll find her pretty easily. She'll be the one in the bikini, right? He loves that joke. It isn't like someone as beautiful as Saya is gonna be hard to pick out of a crowd.]
[SO THERE WAS A VERY NICE BIRTHDAY DINNER, something relaxed and chill, but Red Son of course gives presents.]
[Its what he does.]
[There are a pair of earrings that attach from lobe to helix, made with rubies in rose gold settings.]
[There is also a robot cat.]
[Its made nicely, of course. Its body moves as well as a cat. Well, almost. Being practically liquid is hard to make into a robot, but its pretty close! There is also nice fake fur so they're nice to pet and they can even purr properly. Programmed to be pretty cat like, mostly based on Shen Hong. There's affection and rubbing and play with toys and also sometimes just leaving her alone as cats do.]
[But also a programmed subroutine. The robocat is designed to try and bring comfort to Kantera's cat in the hopes his cat will learn that even if Saya is a big, scary predator, she's THEIR big scary predator and thus fine.]
I wanted to see if you're feeling okay! And I restarted the Music Club, so I wanted to ask if you wanted to come back to it with everyone. You can invite more people too. Everyone's allowed.
Sooooo...I know it's not like we never see each other anymore, with training and stuff, buuuuut I feel like it's been awhile since we got to just hang out and be friends. Just us having a good time.
So I was thinking that if you're free, maybe we can hit a quest together this weekend, or just hang around.
So when you get this, let me know if you're open, 'kay? Byeeee~
I have an injection that should work. You'll need to take the dosage more regularly, but it shouldn't knock you out and cause the temporary amnesia, though I would not recommend operating heavy machinery for a few hours after.
"I love you too." She pauses, sighing deeply. "Can I lay down here for a while? I know that my husband means well but he's very concerned about me and I can feel it all the time and it's not helping with my guilt."
"Okay. It helps a little." Saya turns and shuffles toward the bed, placing the cooler on the night table and sitting, then lying on the bed. She scoots to leave plenty of room.
[Along with the seashell she always gives, Saya's holiday gift is a big gift card for the karaoke bar Rinku works at! She knows Saya likes that kind of thing and wants her to be happy.]
[So obviously Saya has been plied with many, many holiday desserts while Kantera has been baking for other people, and she gets an entire cake to split between the two of them, but besides that:
Hanging on her closet door is now a starry evening gown in exactly her size.
[When Kantera returns home from work at the clinic, Saya is there.
On its own, that wouldn't be noteworthy. This her home, why shouldn't she be there? But he remembers when her days were filled with activity and spending time with her other friends and lovers. Now, even after Red Son's medication, she seems to always be at home, instead.]
Aliza. [He sits down next to her.] I would like to talk about how you're feeling, please.
He's not wrong in his assessment that something is very wrong. He didn't know her before, on her original world, when this was normal. (He also doesn't know what happened on some of the other worlds, but that's not the main problem.)
At least she does him the courtesy of not pretending that she's fine.
"All right. I'm not sure how much it'll help, but we can try."
"Does it really matter if I bring someone joy for a while when I end up hurting them in the end? I haven't run from you entirely because I know that would make you sad, but I'll end up ruining this. It's inevitable with me. I'll hurt you or kill you somehow and then I'll have to live with that."
"-Then, thinking about it from a different perspective: I am a figment of someone's mind intended to teach them guilt. My entire purpose for existing is to cause someone's heart torment. Does that mean I should avoid interacting with anyone, because I'll inevitably do the same to them?"
"And when is the last time you actually did that? It's not a fair comparison, because I do it all the time. I fight and kill for fun or because I can't help it. Even MK knows it, or Candid wouldn't have been able to set me up as he did."
"Asking me to look at you and judge you based on that isn't fair. You didn't guilt anyone into almost destroying MK. Even Red Son and Wukong called me stupid for it, but they used the wrong word. Not stupid, it was cruel. That's what I am."
Kantera has killed people here as well, but he doesn't think bringing it up will be particularly effective - the people who kidnapped Korone deserved it, and Saya's victims did not, she'll say.
"MK doesn't hate you for what happened, even if you think he should. If you asked him, he would certainly say that pushing him away makes him sad, the same as it is for me."
There's a big difference between I've killed some people and I committed a genocide and at least one massacre then some when it comes to dealing with guilt, unfortunately.
"Of course he'd forgive me, that's his nature. But that doesn't change that he knows I'm a killer. He knows I'm cold enough to kill something with my dear friend and teacher's face. He must know it or the setup wouldn't have worked."
"He knows you are willing to do what has to be done, no matter how painful it is to you personally. And he cares for you all the same, even knowing that."
"But I don't want people to care about me. That's how they get hurt."
She deeply wants Haji right now. At least she can't physically harm him, and she's hurt him enough emotionally that he's prepared for it. Awful as that sounds.
"I'm so worried for you that I can barely stand it. Everyone, but you most of all."
Saya knows that he's hearing her, but she's still struggling.
"But I wouldn't recover. And I don't trust myself. If you were harmed and needed a heart game, I wouldn't be able to go in because I don't know what I'd do to you. Do you know how many times I've thought of moving out so you're safe?"
"This has been my struggle all my life. There's probably no easily fixing it. I thought that I had it under control, but that heart game ripped it all open again."
"I miss Yuri and Venti terribly all the time, but especially now. I need all of you if I'm going to get past this." And that's what she can't have.
"I can't bring them here, though I wish I could, and I certainly can't replace them. But you have me, and Red Son, and MK, and Porty. You have people who care for you very deeply and want to help you, no matter how difficult it is."
Is that enough? He has to hope so, because there's nothing he can do to bring Yuri and Venti back.
She's sitting on the bed waiting for him, looking not quite directly at him when he steps through. Usually she'd be sitting with sewing or otherwise keeping her hands busy while she waited, but this time her hands are empty.
Red Son moves to sit down beside Saya. Reaching to take her hand into his. "If I have learned anything, there is no quickly getting over anything with Noodle Boy," he said.
She doesn't fight him taking her hand, and at least she gently squeezes his. It's not his fault that she's a mess.
"The doll I killed, and how that almost got MK destroyed. The way my memories came back, and when, I never really processed what it says about me that I can -- and did -- so easily kill people I love. I didn't even hesitate to kill that Wukong doll despite the face it wore. And Candid knew that about me, which means that MK must know it, since Candid and I never actually meet until the heart game."
"I suppose I just don't trust myself very much around anyone right now."
"Did Candid say that about you?" Red Son asked. "I don't know how much you've told MK about...everything, but I do think a factor you have to consider is MK is self destructive. Candid thought I was going to be willing to kill him," he said. "And was going to kill a part of MK. Because when its MK, he's always someone who can be sacrificed and even the Wukong doll is him. Despite the face it wore."
He lifts up her hand, kissing her knuckles. "Not that I don't see why you feel bad, but it may be important to remember those facts."
"I wouldn't know what he'd say, but he gave me that setup on purpose. There's a reason for that." The logic parses if you ask her.
"But it's not just that. That was a reminder. The latest piece of a pattern. Being here let me forget what I am, and then my other memories came rushing back, and then the heart game, and I'm getting hit in the face with it all the time."
"I would not discount the amount of MK just does not value himself," Red Son said. "And Macaque and I default to running from Wukong when he's like that."
Red Son is never going to convince her that MK and Candid are the same person, that's probably a fruitless argument. Especially given her vastly different relationships with MK and Porty.
She nods. "I was born as a monster, and that's what I've been all my life. By my actions, not just biology. I thought I escaped it, but I've been reminded too often that I haven't."
Its more the acknowledgement of their own self perception. Porty has at least some level of self actualization. Candid needs to get there. Like a lot of emotions, it was less the truth of the matter, though difficult as it is to say what's true, so much as how people are perceiving things and going forward.
"....did you enjoy killing Wukong?" Red Son asked.
"A little bit of satisfaction, yeah. He'd been hunting us the whole game, and he was holding hostages, working with Relius. I wanted to kill it. Which makes me wonder what that says about me."
"Satisfaction and joy are different things. You can feel satisfaction finishing truly thankless tasks," Red Son said. "Especially when you were dealing with something you saw as a doll. Because you didn't see it as Wukong, or MK, did you?"
"No, but that's part of the problem. I know heart games. I knew we were in MK's soul, that everything in there was him. And I still only saw that doll as an enemy to be snuffed out."
"Yes, it was. But you were also stuck in a situation and you had to commit to the actions you had chosen, or else it would just be worse overall," he said. "Just like many of my regrettable decisions. Too far to go back once I'd started."
"Never is a very long time," Red Son said. "And we have forever. And there's also the question if you could destroy him forever, because I am great at problem solving."
A pause. "Which I know seems like a non-answer. But the fact is, you are asking a difficult question that I can't give an honest answer to because I can't say what I would do unless I was in the situation. I know you, and MK as well, seem convinced I play favorites and you think its to such a degree that I would easily forsake one of you for the other, but that's not the case. That situation is a lot of intense emotions so I can't say how the chips would fall. All I know is forever can change anything."
"I'm not convinced you play favorites. I just know that what I did was that egregious. And I'm always doing things like that. You'd think I'd have learned to be more careful by now. I had no business being in that heart game at all."
I have a lot of people to apologize too. You are one of them. Can I come over? If you're not ready, I understand. I just feel I should say it to you in person.
[It isn't long before Candid knocks on the door. He was over at Red Son's place so not a long walk to get here. He swallows and waits. He's sure he doesn't have the right to just walk in anymore.]
Saya walks into the kitchen and heats the full kettle with a touch of her hand, then she pours two cups of green tea with jasmine. She slides one over to Candid.
"But if I hadn't killed that doll, you wouldn't have been able to try. I set it in motion. Because all I do is hurt and kill things, and you must have seen that in me to give me that setup."
"That wasn't why I set things up the way I did. Honestly, that was plan C because Macaque and Wukong ruined my plan A. Then Macaque and Red Son ruined plan B. I saw that you would do anything to protect the people you love. And knowing a battle doll Wukong is like a huge fuck that kinda thing, I let the idea of it build into a genuine fear. And then you destroying Wukong made things fracture so I could get Little MK finally. I didn't do it because I knew all you do is hurt and kill, Saya. I did it because you protect and are willing to fight the biggest scariest things to protect the people you cherish most."
"Artsy had already run away by then, and the others weren't there yet. I could have run away and spared the doll, but I didn't. I killed it because I wanted to. Because I don't know any other way to do things. It wasn't protection, it was vengeance."
She wipes at a few tears. "I wish I was the person you think I am, that everyone thinks I am. But I'm not."
Candid is quiet for a moment. He blows on his tea as he thinks.
"I'm not the good person anyone thought I was. Or the good person I thought I was. But if people see the goodness in us, it can't all be their imagination, can it? So...we have the good and the bad. I try to be helpful and become obsessive with people I love at the detriment of others. I went full yandere monster. Yes. You kill and hurt people. And you feel guilty for it after. That guilt means something, doesn't it?"
"I'm not sure if the guilt means much. I still did the terrible thing. Feeling guilty doesn't fix it or make it better."
"I wish I wouldn't do those terrible things in the first place. Or I wish I could sleep and forget them. Start over. I've been wishing that Red Son never fixed my hibernation cycle. I've wished for that so often. When I'm sleeping seems to the the only time I'm not hurting anyone."
"...Doing the terrible thing or things doesn't mean it invalidates all the good and kind things you do for people. That...is sad to hear. Saya, do you think on or remember the good things you've done for people? The ones you've saved, the people who have fallen in love with you, and friends who care about you? Or is it just the bad things that seem to stick right now?"
"Can you try to remember the good? How you and Kantera fell in love? Got married? How you and Wukong hit it off? How you helped Red Son discover new aspects of himself and how he fell in love with you too?"
"Of course not, but their mistakes aren't on the same scale as mine. I've murdered and massacred and perpetrated a genocide, and I hurt everyone around me."
"Maybe not. I mean, Wukong killed a lot of people and demons back before and during the journey. A lot of people have killed others. And I hurt everyone around me and so has MK. All of us have, I would think. The genocide part. I'm not gonna say, oh everyone does it and that makes it okay. I'm saying other people have, like you, did terrible things. And they try to be better people and you support them. We do want to support you too, even with knowing all of that. Because you also care, you support people, love them. You save people. You make them feel understood and not alone. You listen and help remind them of their good parts, the parts you see in them. I just wish you could see those parts of yourself too. And I'm so sorry what I did to you, manipulated you into doing, did this. I am so so sorry, Saya."
"You're not telling the truth. You knew I'd kill that doll, you had to know it. And that's what you really think of me. And so it must be what MK thinks of me too."
"I'm not lying. And yes. I hoped you would kill the doll since my plan hinged on it. I didn't have a plan D. And you know that isn't how it works. You fuck Porty and he finds you sexually attractive. MK doesn't. The clones and the original can have different feelings on things. MK doesn't think art can seep into his pores when he paints his face, Artsy does. I don't know how the original thinks of you now exactly. But I remember he thinks of you as one of his best friends and I seriously doubt that has changed at all."
"You and I never interacted before the heart game, therefore your thoughts on me must have come from MK. There would be no other basis for your opinion."
"My opinions of you can be based on MK's memories but come to different conclusions. MK didn't feel attracted to you. Porty, who had MK's memories of meeting you, was attracted. So no. My thoughts about you, my designs and interpretations, can be different than MKs. Fuck, they have to be. Sure, MK and me and the others all have this constant nagging feeling of being expendable but I warped that into me being able to replace MK and be better than he ever was and that was a fucking lie. I was delusional, clearly. MK isn't."
"Didn't I just explain I don't think of you as some evil monster? Yes. I used you. I did that. That's on me. You killed a fear and doing that you weakened everything. Because I put things together. Shouldn't the blame be on me? The one who manipulated you?"
"I..." Candid deflates and looks at his tea for a moment. "...I feel like this is my fault. I deserve some of the blame. I didn't want any of this to hurt people this much. I really didn't. And I guess I'm...thinking if I can help you feel even a little better? That's me trying to make amends. Not just say sorry but show that I mean it and I want to make up for what I did to you."
"Maybe you don't yet? You could reach out on the network. Anonymously. See who answers. See if anyone can admit to doing things like you did and then see if they can help. ...If the people who love you and your best friend can't help, maybe this is one of those things where you gotta talk to a stranger. Someone who doesn't know you, has no reason to water anything down?"
"Maybe that's what the person will tell you? Or they'll say you are supposed to be able to feel better. Move forward. I don't know. ...Do you want to not feel better? Like ever?"
"...Are you sure you don't? I'm only asking because you did say earlier you wish you could go to sleep and forget. So you wouldn't feel this way anymore. I just want to make sure, you don't want to feel better or is it you feel you don't deserve to feel better?"
"Letting yourself feel happy doesn't mean you don't still feel guilty for the past. But you let yourself feel other things. Suffering all the time doesn't fix the things that you did. Your punishment won't undo it. To make up for it, to make amends, you have to let yourself feel other things so you can try and do something to move forward and help others move forward? That's what my therapist says, basically. Or what I think she's saying."
"Maybe the trick then is to not let yourself get too comfortable. Remind yourself. Once a day or a week or something? Keep yourself alert. But give yourself moments with people you know won't do that to do or you won't do that to them. The people who love you. Your husband. Red Son. More moderation maybe is part of the answer?"
"I know a lot of people would disagree with the should part. I hope you do want to. Or I hope you start wanting to. And I'm sorry I used you like that. That I set it up and that I thought of using your trauma for my own ends."
Candid nods. "That's fair. MK hasn't forgiven me. I know that. Azure MK made that more than clear. I still have a lot to do to earn that forgiveness. I've only just gotten started."
Candid came to MK shortly after his visit with Saya and told him what happened. Of course, MK is worried about his best sword girl guy friend. Also he's a little peeved that apparently Candid decided to mouth off and make Saya think that HE thought she was a monster. That doesn't help the feelings of anger he still has toward his clone. Feelings he's letting himself actually feel and express.
That's for another time. And a group therapy session eventually. Candid's fucking problems can wait. Saya's can't. Which is why MK is knocking on her door and wondering if Kantera is home. He hopes not. He wants to speak to Saya in private, if possible.
MK doesn't say the words that want to come up. Of course Candid is apologizing to other people before apologizing to him. Whatever.
He sits down at the table and takes his cup, just feeling the warmth seep into his skin.
"He did come blab to me everything you two talked about but I wouldn't be surprised if he left some things out like him putting his foot in his mouth or something."
"His foot was mostly fine. I said I couldn't accept his apology because it wasn't my place and he got a little heated over how upset I still am for some reason, but mostly it was fine I guess."
"What happened in the Heart Game was the real first time you hurt me for like real. The other times I was either possessed, or I was in my own head and hurting you back. And the Heart Game thing was...was..."
Fuck. Everything goes silent around them. He can't risk saying this out loud.
You couldn't know that losing Wukong could be the thing that shatters my entire soul. Losing him breaks me.
You didn't hurt me. I hurt me. I got it in my head that meant Red Son and I couldn't be together and I freaked out.
And you were trying to stop me from hurting Red Son when I was a weremonkey. I was definitely upset because I convinced myself talking to Red Son about my feelings was going to be useless, missed my chance, and I'd be alone forever. You didn't do that. I did.
I doubt they said you were stupid because you didn't know the fulcrum thingy of my soul is Wukong. They didn't even know that. No one but me and Relius knew that. So the clones did too. Which is why Candid did it. He would have probably used Macaque to kill Wukong doll instead he wasn't so obsessed with Macaque.
You couldn't know that's the big bad thing it would have done. In anyone else's Heart Game, it would have just like killed my fear of that happening or some thing, right?
They both did tell me I was stupid for not realizing that killing something with Wukong's face was a terrible idea. They literally did. And they're right.
And I knew better to kill or destroy anything in a heart game besides. So that's stupid twice over, along with cruel and careless and a bunch of other things.
Then they're both stupid too because they couldn't know it was THAT BAD!
It was a mistake! I was a broken mess. You made a mistake, it hurt, but I'm fine now. I'm recovered and doing fine. I got weird death power stuff and a computer in my head but like that's the worst of it.
Heart Games are stupid too! I get why they're like useful and like you gotta do them sometimes but fuck they are stupid.
Okay. You did a stupid thing. But we all do stupid stuff. You can't let it just eat at you forever.
I have a history of doing stupid, cruel and careless things that's much older than my first heart game. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that that's who I am.
People aren't just one thing. You aren't just someone who causes pain. You make people happy. You help them. You save them. They fall in love with you. There is way more to you than just that. That isn't who you are.
MK turns his cup in his hands. He feels bad but someone needs to talk to Saya. Figure out what is happening, why, and help. Somehow.
The happy doesn't erase the bad. But it isn't all bad. Tell me what happened then. What did you remember that makes you feel like all you are is a monster?
I killed my adoptive fathers, both of them. And I was horrible to Haji. And I was horrible to my little brother and then I killed him. Not to mention Diva and our entire family, and potentially millions of humans between directly slaughtering them and neglectfully getting them killed and all the wars fought for our blood.
And on the other worlds that I was stuck on even before Imeeji, I was awful to people on those too. I didn't want to get close to anyone for fear that I'd get them killed too, so instead I was awful.
It's one unending string of awful. Even the few good memories I have aren't really good, because I should have known that Diva was trapped in that cell and I was too selfish to be a good sister to my adoptive brothers.
Didn't both of your adoptive fathers use and manipulate you into fighting your sister and your own kind? Didn't one of them experiment on her and hurt your sister?
A lot of it sounds like you didn't know what you needed to make a better decision. And your brothers and your sister and Haji, I'm sorry you lost them.
You were scared to hurt people. So you decided to hurt them anyway? But you let yourself get close to people. Like Kantera. Like Red Son.
How were you supposed to know about the cell?
Would you apologize to your brothers? Tell them you didn't mean to be selfish and wished things had gone differently if they showed up tomorrow?
Well... I had happy times in Imeeji. Despite the torture. And here, before I remembered, before I found out Haji was still alive maybe, before I screwed up in your heart game.
I mean, not really a reason, but I didn't have a reason to go on the day I found her either.
She sighs. I'm not sure talking me out of feeling like a monster is a possible thing, MK.
We can be other things too. You aren't just a monster. I can't convince you you aren't one if you feel like you are. So I'm asking you, what else are you? What else am I?
They told me that Diva would kill all the humans. But I never tried anything else other than hunting her and all of our species down and killing them. I could have at least tried.
So it was let her kill everyone, try to talk her down and maybe it worked. Maybe it wouldn't. And if it didn't, it's let her do it or stop her.
So you are a monster for that. But it sounds like you are also a sister who wishes she and her sister could have been happy together. Instead of fighting each other. Because other people tortured her and ordered you to do it.
Because you think you're a monster and nothing anyone says is making it better. Can't convince you you're not.
I'm trying to get you to see you are other things. My best friend. My best friend who wanted to keep me from doing dumb stuff. Who wanted to help and save me. Who did help save me. Who took out Candid so he couldn't drop me into the void inside my heart.
You're Kantera's wife.
You're Red Son's mate and wife to be.
You're Wukong's friend and one of the first ever friends who accepts him completely. That's what he told me.
You are more than a monster. And you just being numb and thinking you're only going to hurt everyone and saying that is going to hurt the people who care about you.
So we're talking about it because we fucking should talk about it!
Don't you think that I want to be all those things properly again? Don't you think I haven't tried to will these feelings away a thousand thousand times? I'm trying!
Are you trying? Or are you thinking that if you just give in to them that people will figure out that they are better off without you even though they all keep saying they're not?
If willing them away isn't working, you gotta try something else. You say it happens over and over and over again but is it always the exact same? Is it always the same mistake or does it just feel like it is because it's easier to blame yourself than think about how it all actually got fucked up? Because then you'd have to put some of that blame on the people you love most and that feels wrong and it hurts and makes you feel even worse but maybe, just maybe, it isn't all on you and it's time you actually try thinking about it like that.
There's only so much you can will away and bury and hope nothing ever brings it up again because then are you learning or are you just bottling everything up inside and hoping to Buddha it explodes at the right person at the right time so no one ever has to see it aimed at them?
MK's lip quivers hearing the sound of her crying. He stands and walks around to stand beside her. He doesn't touch but he opens his arms in case she needs or even wants a hug.
"That's the first step. Knowing you don't want to keep being this. And you aren't alone. The people who love you are here to help. Let us all in. Let it out. We can take it. Don't push us away. Remember you are more than just one thing. Let us remind you of all the other things you are. The things you do."
Mk holds her a little tighter and his voice cracks. "A-And let yourself hear it. Don't...dismiss it because you don't feel like it's true. Because it is for us. For them. And that means so much."
"If you can't yet, you work on it. Ask for help. And write down what they say. So you can read it and practice. Knowing they won't lie to you. Why would they? They can't be wrong about how they feel. They can't be wrong that they love you."
Saya nods and flops over onto the counter, hiding her face in her folded arms. MK knows how to get more tea, she figures, and she doesn't especially feel up to showing her face yet since she's still crying.
MK plucks out a hair and makes a clone to make tea. He stays near Saya and is going to just keep rubbing her back and wrapping an arm around her. He isn't leaving her. Not right now.
Eventually, Saya sits up and wipes her face with a handkerchief.
"I'm not used to having to deal with this. Usually I'd get depressed and closed off and then I'd go to sleep and wake up happy because I didn't remember anything." She's literally never gotten herself out of a depression before. It always solved itself.
"It's always hard. And I get why it's so hard for you since that's how it would go all the other times. It's like learning a whole new thing that is all unknown for you. Sounds scary on top of difficult."
"Especially when I have a habit of making everything I touch worse." From her perspective, at least.
"It was naive to think that Red Son giving me a shot of medicine would fix this. I have to fix it. And I'm still wavering on whether I want to. I told you that I'll try and I will, but that's my honest feeling."
"Did it make it better at all after? The shot. I remember me and Monkey King sitting with you and you didn't go crazy or anything so there was that but did it help at all? I'm just wondering if maybe, it did, a few more might be a help for you to work on fixing it. Like a boost?"
"I thought it did. But it was just euphoria because I thought my troubles were more or less over. But once that wore off I was left with this." She gestures at her sorry state. "It did prevent me from sleeping, so it was still worth doing."
"Not really. I go to work and plaster on a smile because it's my job, which is exhausting. Then I come home and sulk. I haven't even been feeding properly, I've been using Red Son's blood bags in IV form."
Not feeding isn't a good sign at all. And it's probably driving her husband and mate bonkers.
"Not feeding doesn't sound good. And can you take a vacation from work for a month? Maybe you should try to take some time to feed a little. The normal bitey way and not the IV form way?"
"I guess I could. But right now it's the only reason I've been leaving the house." She's not sure it's a good idea to stop doing it.
"I don't know about feeding. Getting my memories back has made me a lot more averse to it. I miss it, but at the same time I used to be disgusted by it so getting the memories back has that feeling churning up." She's not really sure what to do with it all.
"Alright. Um...oh. Then take a vacation from your job and come work at the Dealer's Den for a month. You can be in the back or you can be up front but people aren't going to be grabbing you and hounding you there. It'll be easier."
The feeding part though...
"I mean, you do need to eat though. But I get it. Maybe instead of it being all uh hospital like, you could instead ask them to like put it in a glass? Make it like half and half? And you'll get to spend time with them too."
"At your bar? I don't know if my boss will let me work for a competitor. I can ask, though. If I'm not bartending and not public facing they'll probably mind less."
"I can talk to them and see what we want to do. It's probably better if I just bite the bullet, pun intended. Maybe if I just do it I'll remember why I liked it."
"Yeah. I always need help with like the backroom stuff. Accounting and math and all that. Plus you can help me plan some theme nights. Max is coming up with some fun music stuff and I know you love music. I bet he'd love your input," MK said with a happier tone.
"Heh. I like that pun. I think that's a really good idea. And they'll be there for you if you get nervous or the bad all mixed with the good in the wrong way."
"You mean Macaque's friend Max?" That's the only context through which she knows Max, so.
"Let me ask, and I'll let you know. But I'm not really sure how working for you would be any different than going to my job as normal, in terms of helping me." She gets paid a fortune at her job so it's tempting to just stick it out.
"I'll try that, I guess. I can imagine Kantera and Red Son aren't delighted with me taking IVs." So aat least some biting will make them happy, if nothing else.
"If he has two different color eyes and sharp teeth? Yes," MK nods. He can't keep track of all of Macaque's friends really.
"Thanks. I figure if you get out but don't have to interact with a bunch of strangers, it might help with both getting out and not going home all exhausted. That's all. You got a plan now. That's more than you had before."
"That's the guy. I served them a few bottles of our best scotch not long ago." For free, naturally.
"I guess being less tired would be a benefit. I'll think on it and let you know. As far as a plan..." She hesitates. "I don't want to get your hopes up. How I'm acting now is pretty much how I was for several hundred years on my world of origin, and it's how I was on two other worlds I got brought to before Imeeji. It took a lot for me to smile. I was very different than the person I was when you met me, and now I have back all the memories that tell me why. It might take a while for me to find a balance."
"You're trying and that's all I'm asking for. And hey. You can take however long you need to find the balance. It's you being open to the idea that is making me smile right now. That's a lot more than what you were saying when I got here."
The MK clone puts the fresh warm tea on the table and pours them each a cup before he poofs.
"I don't know what it was specifically, but you made me want to try harder. Maybe it's because it was your heart game that partially messed me up. Maybe I'm just ready. I don't know.
"You're welcome," MK will hug her if she cries. Sometimes just crying your heart out can help you feel better. Even if it gives you a headache, hiccups, and the runniest nose ever.
"Well the bar is going well. I've been putting a lot of work into it and the apartment above it. Macaque and I broke up for a day a bit ago. We're already back together. It was because I messed up but it's alright now. I got another new boyfriend who is a talking cat boy named Dick. He's really fun. And that's about it? Yeah. That's about it."
She's holding it back. She's done enough whining and crying by her estimation.
"Oh yeah? What kind of work are you doing?"
She blinks at the breakup line. "What makes you so sure it was your fault that you broke up? And good for you, about the cat boy. I can imagine the fur is fun to pet."
"Making sure to expand it and I'm looking to add more entertainment to the bar. And upstairs, I'm making rooms for each of my mates and my boyfriend. So they have their own space in my apartment and they can spend the night whenever they want," MK answers.
"I asked someone out without thinking of how it would make Macaque feel. I should have asked first but we did talk it out and only broke up for a day. I didn't think about it really. I mean, part of it is I didn't really know it would be an issue."
"Yeah? Those rooms sound fun. Like a special gift for each of them." She knows the power of having a special space for your loved ones.
"If you didn't have a habit of asking before you went out with people, and you had no idea it would be an issue, you should probably give yourself a break on it. Sometimes things just happen that put us at odds with what the people we love want, and sometimes we just deal with it as best we can in the moment. It sounds like everything is fixed now, so..."
"That's what I was thinking too when I made them." MK wants that. And he is sure it's going to feel good when they are all done.
"That makes sense. It does. My brain keeps telling me though I should have thought of it. I'll try to give me a break. Still feels like I stepped in it. But I know better now. I know better for next time."
"I think you should give you a break. It was an honest mistake, that happens. Having multiple partners is all about communication and boy is it easier said than done sometimes."
"I have a hard time telling people about my heritage and history until I know them pretty well, that's all. I don't think I could go talk to a stranger and be honest."
"And I'm used to a fair bit of judgement for being what I am. It's something I like to trust people before I reveal it. And I'd pretty much have to disclose that right away in therapy."
"No offense intended to Lucifer. He's great, Charlie's great, their idea is wonderful and I'm sure it helps a lot of people. I just think I need a different kind of help."
"I think that's valid. What help looks like for everyone is different. So it's about finding the one or ones that works for you. And you got me here to help anyway I can."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Near the start of Hanahaki
Date: Jan. 12th, 2024 09:22 pm (UTC)It may be a few days.
Did you hear about Hanahaki mistletoe?
Re: Near the start of Hanahaki
Date: Jan. 12th, 2024 09:24 pm (UTC)You're worried about me smelling the blood, I assume.
Re: Near the start of Hanahaki
Date: Jan. 12th, 2024 09:27 pm (UTC)I won't die, just all the other blood loss effects.
Re: Near the start of Hanahaki
Date: Jan. 12th, 2024 09:30 pm (UTC)Someone's taking care of you, then? [ She assumes it's MK because why wouldn't she ]
Re: Near the start of Hanahaki
Date: Jan. 12th, 2024 09:32 pm (UTC)Re: Near the start of Hanahaki
Date: Jan. 12th, 2024 09:35 pm (UTC)I'm hoping you know how to fix the situation versus it being around for a specific time.
Re: Near the start of Hanahaki
Date: Jan. 12th, 2024 09:57 pm (UTC)I do. It's a confession. Any other option means losing emotions for a day and I don't trust myself for that.
Re: Near the start of Hanahaki
Date: Jan. 12th, 2024 10:00 pm (UTC)I hate that there's nothing I can do, but you're probably right that it's better for me to be at a distance.
If there's any way I can help, just say the word.
Take care of yourself or I'll be pissed.
Re: Near the start of Hanahaki
Date: Jan. 12th, 2024 10:04 pm (UTC)I thought so. The flowers grow back too fast to keep it under control for too long.
Because that's so conductive for confessions.
I'll do my best.
Re: Near the start of Hanahaki
Date: Jan. 12th, 2024 10:07 pm (UTC)Sometimes a ticking clock is motivation. Skeevy as hell logic from the powers that be, but giving someone this affliction and forcing them into a confession is gross in general so who's shocked?
--Anyway. I won't keep you.
Let me know when you're better and ready for some comfort. Love you.
Re: Near the start of Hanahaki
Date: Jan. 12th, 2024 10:09 pm (UTC)(Its not a love confession.)
I love you too. I'll let you know when my house stops smelling so strongly of blood.
un: kantera, text, on the day of korone's injury (cw: talk of horrible eye injury possible)
Date: Jan. 27th, 2024 06:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jan. 28th, 2024 06:22 pm (UTC)Of course, love. Whatever you need.
Something happened during your shift?
yep eye talk
Date: Jan. 28th, 2024 06:26 pm (UTC)[He's not going to just say it was Korone, she deserves to control who knows she's hurt and how much they know, but he doesn't want Saya to worry that it's someone important to her.]
'Tis the first time I've had to repair an eye. I was terribly afraid I wasn't going to be able to fix it. Even with putting in all I had to heal them, they'll likely have impaired vision for a long time.
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 28th, 2024 06:33 pm (UTC)I'll have your favorite tea ready, and the Pokémon, and if I can get Eclipse in the room then I will.
I'm sure someone can help me gather her.
to action
Date: Jan. 28th, 2024 06:35 pm (UTC)[And true to his world, as soon as his shift is over, he uses the Infinite Rootie he'd gotten as a reward ages ago to teleport directly to his front door. Usually he enjoys walking home, but today he wants to be in Saya's arms as soon as possible.
He lets himself in.]
I'm home.
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 28th, 2024 10:17 pm (UTC)Welcome home, my love. Come here. [ She folds him into her arms without hesitation. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 28th, 2024 11:58 pm (UTC)Thank you... thank you.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:16 am (UTC)...Wow, the logistics get complicated when I read myself saying it. But no one has asked for my time specifically, although I imagine my husband is planning some ludicrously overdone something.
But doesn't MK have two others that he needs to take time for? You'll have some free time yourself.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:23 am (UTC)Eugh, bad choice of words.
Lets see, if Kantera is trying to plan something and is making it something of a surprise if he hasn't said by this point, it'd likely be the evening? And MK isn't a morning person, so we could do something in the morning?
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:25 am (UTC)I assume you're planning on feeding me something since it's you, is morning going to work well for that?
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:27 am (UTC)And I can use the emergency blood as a transfusion for myself, I got really good with it last month.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:30 am (UTC)I wouldn't take that much if you couldn't afford it, for the record. I take good care of my donors.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:41 am (UTC)I'm fine not having a birthday. I don't know even vaguely how old I am.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:49 am (UTC)[DATES ARE IMPORTANT.]
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 03:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 04:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 04:12 am (UTC)Just message me by 7 if you're not ready yet and I'll find something else to do for a while.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:04 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:12 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:34 am (UTC)Would you prefer something spicy or something sweet?
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 13th, 2024 06:43 am (UTC)Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 05:41 am (UTC)Anyway.
For the next two weeks if you see me alone, there is a blanket permission to have your wicked way with me.
I need
My body to feel real again and I need grounding for it.
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 05:43 am (UTC)You can count on me. You've still got the blood supply, yes?
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 05:53 am (UTC)But we accomplished the goal and that is the most important thing.
Yes, I do, though I should avoid the fuzzy headed state for long stretches.
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 05:55 am (UTC)I guess being ravished is one way to get un-fuzzy. Do you want to text me when you're alone next, and I'll swing by?
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 05:59 am (UTC)My memory isn't the most aware of who was in what state other than Macaque since he brought me home. Everyone was everyone else and I was also them.
There were a lot injures and blood. I think most was Macaque because he had to fight not!Wukong.
The flesh is impure and I need to be impure or I'm going to set things on fire in a bad way.
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 06:02 am (UTC)Geez, having to fight Wukong, who'd he piss off?
Well, you know me, I'm as impure as it gets.
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 06:08 am (UTC)Seven.
Seven people. That is a lot of breaking down my own barriers with reality. For an extended period of time. After doing a lot of prep spells that lowered my barriers.
Then there was some unreality experiences from her memories.
So I was kind of losing it after a certain point.
Nyssa is a fucking bitch.
I also fought my dad.
This alien thing was also pretty bad.
Kantera had to fight himself, may want to make him feel extra loved.
Then some other bitch.
Impurity is what I need. All the attachment to flesh and debauchery.
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 06:14 am (UTC)Fought your dad... what a time you had.
Can you text me when you're alone next, and I'll come over? In the meantime I'll take care of my husband.
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 06:19 am (UTC)He's been having a time so he'll probably need time off.
Love on Kantera, tell him it sucked fighting him because I like him.
I'll text if I'm going to be alone.
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 02:54 pm (UTC)Just message me when you need me, hm? I know MK will want to be there for you, but so do I.
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 09:35 pm (UTC)Also need to talk about.
A thing.
Not bad thing just got away from me thing.
When my mind is less what word was she using
Soup.
Less soup.
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 09:37 pm (UTC)Your mind being soup isn't doing much to keep me from rushing through the mirrors. Do you need me to stop by until the clone gets there?
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 23rd, 2024 06:03 am (UTC)[Clone was on the doubletime.]
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 23rd, 2024 06:16 am (UTC)[ Waiting around isn't her forte but no choice here. ]
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 23rd, 2024 06:19 am (UTC)Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 23rd, 2024 06:22 am (UTC)Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 23rd, 2024 06:26 am (UTC)[Red Son just needs to go to people for comfort more (without Wukong involved), it'd be mixed up far more.]
Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 23rd, 2024 06:27 am (UTC)Re: Post Pigeon Heart
Date: Feb. 23rd, 2024 06:30 am (UTC)post-heart
Date: Feb. 22nd, 2024 08:48 pm (UTC)Roughly an hour later, he emerges from the kitchen (now filled with a small mountain of sweets) and goes to find Saya and smoosh his face into her shoulder.]
Re: post-heart
Date: Feb. 24th, 2024 12:20 am (UTC)[ She leaves it alone. He'll come to her when he's ready. She occupies her time trying to get Eclipse to visit him in the kitchen. ]
[ She's waiting in their room when he finds her, looking no better for all his efforts. Her arms welcome him in and she puts a warm blanket over his back, below his wings. ]
I'm here, my love.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 24th, 2024 12:22 am (UTC)Heart Game.
[That alone should be a good enough explanation, at least to start with.]
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 27th, 2024 04:09 am (UTC)I'm sorry. I know they're hard. Did you accomplish your goal, at least?
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 27th, 2024 04:11 am (UTC)[He's fucked up, but he would do it again in an instant to help her.]
The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 02:26 am (UTC)I'm alone again, though I would like to discuss that pinned conversation before any grounding.
[Because he absolutely would have had some grounding time with Saya by this point.]
I also realize its two subjects I need to go over. Though the second is a less serious manner.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 02:46 am (UTC)Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 02:58 am (UTC)I also have some plum daifuku.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 03:01 am (UTC)[ In the next minute she's emerging from her bedroom, where the mirror is stored. ]
Hey, you. Feeling any better?
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 03:04 am (UTC)[Well]
[He has been inviting his lovers to just have their wicked way with him and he's not gonna have all his nice clothes ruined.]
[But he is coming over to kiss her briefly and wrap an arm around her as he holds out the basket of daifuku.]
I'm not zoning out as much. Easier to keep up a conversation without being felt up.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 03:08 am (UTC)[ She will kiss him though and accept the basket and pluck one out to eat. ]
What'd you want to talk about?
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 03:15 am (UTC)Well...serious or less serious thing first?
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 03:18 am (UTC)Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 03:21 am (UTC)[He absolutely does. Taking her hand and leading her over to the bed.]
So, when I said this got away from me, I meant it. I was doing a very...cursory exploration at first. At least that was my intent.
And then apparently the moment I decided to entertain the thought, I was just very easy to slam neck deep into the situation and things got out of hand really, really quickly. So there was no intent to hide, it just hit really fast.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 03:38 am (UTC)...Okay. I know there's been a lot happening, whatever it is, it's okay.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 03:40 am (UTC)Well.
Macaque had....well, he said he moved on from Wukong. I'm not sure how true that was, but I had noticed a...shift in how he treated me. It was different. It added more...feeling than just the casual sex had been.
And I thought...okay, maybe I would explore that space. See if it led anywhere.
And it...did.
It led quite far to a where.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 03:43 am (UTC)[ Saya only smiles. ] As long as you're okay with that, I'm okay with that. I meant what I said on Valentine's Day.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 03:55 am (UTC)I knew I loved him platonically. He wasy best friend. Then the shift happened and it's gotten more intense.
Things just haven't slowed down enough for me to process.
You're sure it's okay?
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Feb. 29th, 2024 03:59 am (UTC)I'm sure it's okay. I sort of wish he'd give me the time of day so we could at least be cordial to each other, but that can come with time. I don't even know what his problem is with me.
If he makes you happy, then I'm happy.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 12:49 am (UTC)He was jealous of your relationship with Wukong. [Listen. Its true.] I think now its just him trying to pretend his opinion of you was rational, but he'll come around eventually.
...he does. Make me happy.
I probably wouldn't have made near the progress I have with Wukong if not for him. I needed...someone I could talk to without feeling bad about it.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 12:59 am (UTC)Then I'm glad you have him. It's that simple. He and I will work things out eventually, we have all the time in the world.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 01:02 am (UTC)We do.
[He squeezes her hand, pulling her hand close.] And you are quite charming.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 01:12 am (UTC)[ He's more than welcome to her hand. ] How good of you to notice. Maybe recommend he come talk to me at work sometime, there will be enough distractions that it shouldn't be too intimidating.
What was the other matter?
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 01:58 am (UTC)I'll try. If he's getting in a healthier place about his Wukong feelings, then he may be more open to the idea.
[Oh right.]
[He blushes.]
[Quite a lot.] Ah yes.
The....
Other matter.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 02:00 am (UTC)[ Saya just waits. ]
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 02:04 am (UTC)You see.
The year is getting on and spring is rolling around.
And I have a bit of a....
Short straw when it comes to biology.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 02:09 am (UTC)Oh?
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 02:15 am (UTC)Can follow some of the same patterns of that beast and....
Well...
[His hair is now crackling and he's looking to the side.]
A....
Possible....heat cycle.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 02:21 am (UTC)What will you need? Other than the obvious.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 02:24 am (UTC)Food, water, change of some of the bed linens.
Instinctually, things that make me feel safe and secure while in a weakened state.
It...usually lasts a month, but supposedly having a partner can reduce it down to just around a week.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 02:31 am (UTC)I'll want to make this easy for you, at least as easy as possible. We all will.
But...
You can't touch my husband while you're in a heat cycle. I'll lose my mind. I allow it all other times despite my reluctance, just not that one. [ Sorry Kantera, she has to draw the line somewhere. A mating cycle is a hard no from her. ]
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 02:36 am (UTC)Ah.
[He's blushing.] C-considering the way I'll be, that would be best anyway. I'd ask for things Kantera would not be comfortable with in the haze.
But I was going to ask about....scent since he's 'herd.'
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 02:43 am (UTC)--You mean the biting. Yeah, definitely for the best then. [ She tries to have as few lines as possible but that is a huge one. No one bites Kantera but her. She'd never ask Red Son to observe that with his own partners the same way she doesn't, but yeah. It's different. ]
Scent items are fine as long as you can get them ahead of time or I can bring them to you so here's no risk of anyone getting carried away. I know myself, and I just got over my jealousy so I'd rather not backslide.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 02:49 am (UTC)I'm asking ahead of time. Then it can be something with a strong scent that'll last.
That is also another hiccup up. When I'm actively with you, this room works, but I'll need to go back to my room after. Its...
One scent is...
Lonely.
Maybe its different when the one scent is a mate versus family, but...
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 02:55 am (UTC)So... would you like me to come to your room? Just during that time. Fair warning that I might get aggressive with the mixture of scents.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 03:17 am (UTC)[Face in hand and even the hand still holding hers is running hotter than normal.]
Plus a few others who count as 'safe' scents and I'd rather have something ahead of time in case knowing they exist made me try and get them. I'm working with a lot of new factors this year.
I would probably enjoy aggressive.
I would...also be more aggressive. A lot more aggressive.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 03:25 am (UTC)Don't worry about MK, he'll take it in stride. He probably won't even tease you if he sees that you're distressed. Just make sure he knows that he doesn't get to hog the entire time, sharing is caring. [ She would also take big preferential treatments during a heat cycle as offensive, but it would have to be obvious. She's not going to catalog his time. ]
Hey, I like aggressive. I like how you treat me like a lady, it's sweet, but I'm not one. Chiropteran are monsters. Beasts, to use your word. Our mating practices have been known to destroy buildings.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 03:44 am (UTC)There's definitely no hoarding the full time. I'll want to be with everyone. I would be whining for you if I didn't see you. May be best to just do two days at a time. It would also give people rest.
....I should probably reinforce the room then.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 03:55 am (UTC)The fact that you think I need rest tells me that you haven't seen enough of my stamina at work. But yes, taking turns is a good plan.
[ She grins. ] Reinforcing the room gives us more options. Eager to have me try to put you through a wall or two?
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 03:59 am (UTC)MK should definitely be getting some rest and its the fairest way to do it, I think. I haven't heard of it being much less than a week, so there is at least two days to go around and then its just switching out until my body decides its done.
....
I can't say I wouldn't be begging you to try.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 04:03 am (UTC)I can't say that hearing you beg isn't a charming prospect. And as you know, I couldn't possibly deny you anything.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 04:26 am (UTC)[There is definitely a keening, embarrassed whine.]
Well. There will be a lot of begging.
Or growling.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 04:35 am (UTC)Either sounds like something I can have fun with.
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 04:49 am (UTC)That is the hope. I just might be...more possessive than normal?
Re: The Day Before Macaque Went Boom
Date: Mar. 1st, 2024 04:59 am (UTC)Very little downside to that. I'm happy to be at your beck and call.
un: kantera, voice
Date: May. 16th, 2024 09:53 pm (UTC)un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 5th, 2024 11:21 pm (UTC)Re: un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 5th, 2024 11:22 pm (UTC)I'm never too busy for you, darling. But it will take me a few minutes to get home. Any way I can help in the meantime?
Re: un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 5th, 2024 11:25 pm (UTC)At the moment, if you tell me what you want to do to me, I might come from just that.
Re: un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 5th, 2024 11:29 pm (UTC)Alternatively, I could use one of these new chocolates I got. If I feed you one of the Delay ones you won't be able to get off until we both do it together. Would you like to drive me wild? Because that might do it. [ Let her be a tease, it'll be so much fun~ ]
Re: un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 5th, 2024 11:32 pm (UTC)[Even if it means he doesn't get to come for a good while, he needs to see her come undone.]
Re: un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 5th, 2024 11:35 pm (UTC)Re: un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 5th, 2024 11:36 pm (UTC)Re: un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 5th, 2024 11:38 pm (UTC)[ We'll see about this. ]
Three minutes. Tell me where your mind is at while I'm traveling.
Specifically, I mean.
Re: un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 5th, 2024 11:42 pm (UTC)Re: un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 5th, 2024 11:45 pm (UTC)Re: un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 5th, 2024 11:46 pm (UTC)Male please. Thank you, love.
Re: un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 5th, 2024 11:58 pm (UTC)[ The front door opens and shuts, and then, from the living room: ] Come and help me off with these clothes. My shifting would ruin them. The corset in particular.
[ She mentally bets herself how long he can remain in the bedroom. ]
Re: un: kantera, text, definitely nsfw
Date: Jun. 6th, 2024 12:01 am (UTC)Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 22nd, 2024 01:17 am (UTC)I have something for you~
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 22nd, 2024 01:21 am (UTC)Do you, now? How could I resist that? Probably not my house, I have a long term guest. But I'm happy to meet you anywhere else.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 22nd, 2024 01:45 am (UTC)[He'll send a location marker.] See you soon, I hope. I'll make sure your gift is wrapped by the time you arrive.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 22nd, 2024 01:48 am (UTC)Of course. I'll proceed at a sedate pace to give you time.
[ With that, she makes her way over at a leisurely pace, taking a flying tour of the city on her way. This, of course, takes far less time than it would anyone else, and she's there in what would, for a normal person traveling at a normal speed, be short order. She folds up her silver-white bat wings as she lands. ]
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 22nd, 2024 01:57 am (UTC)Saya! Hello! [He walks over to give her a hug.] So good to see you again in person. Come on in. Come on in. I can't wait to show you what's going on here. And your gift is nice and wrapped, just for you. Come on!
[He walks to the door and holds it open for her.]
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 22nd, 2024 02:00 am (UTC)Hey, there. [ She embraces him easily. ] You've been quite busy, I see. It's adorable how excited you are. [ She allows herself to be ushered inside. ]
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 22nd, 2024 02:10 am (UTC)It's glorious!
[Inside is obviously a lobby of a hotel. It has a check in desk, a bar, a nice fireplace and seating area, everything is reds, golds, and whites. Like his own color scheme.]
You get a sneak peek at the Haven Hotel. Your safe have for a second chance! I came up with the tag line. What do you think?
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 22nd, 2024 02:16 am (UTC)[ Even if she nearly swallows her tongue at that line about second chances. ]
It's really beautiful. You two did a great job.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 24th, 2024 03:57 am (UTC)Oh yes. Your gift. Follow me. [He leads Saya deeper into the building and into his workshop here on the ground floor.]
I want to teach people how to make things. See if they can't channel their energies into something creative. And this is where I made this for you!
[He snags something off his work bench. He holds out a beautiful rubber ducky. It has a crown on its head, a dress, and beautiful eyelashes.]
Now, I am trying to do something different with this one. Take it. It should, if I did this right, attune to you.
Give it a try.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 24th, 2024 04:40 am (UTC)[ She follows along, amused when the gift is, in fact, a duck. ]
Attune? [ With a smile, she accepts the Queen Duckling, and brings it up to eye level. "Attune" means only one thing to her, and her eyes glow red as she looks at the pretty duck. ]
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 04:12 pm (UTC)Or self defense. Anything you'd want.
[The duck sits there as Saya stares at it. The duck's eyes glow red and opens its beak. It lets out a soft lovely little melody. Like a music box.]
The more you hold it, he more the music should change to suit you. Your mood, what you want to listen to, what you're singing. I hope it works. Let me know if there's any kinks, alright? It is one of the more complicated ducks I've made.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 04:24 pm (UTC)And I'm not sure I'd be a very good counselor on second chances. My background is a dark one and I haven't redeemed myself for it. I'd be more suited to be a client.
[ The duckling makes her giggle again, and she trots over to give Lucifer a kiss on the cheek as the duck plays a bright tune. ] You're sweet. Thank you, I love it.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 05:11 pm (UTC)[He smiles and kisses her cheek in return.]
You're very welcome. You're sweet yourself, you know.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 08:32 pm (UTC)[ She places the duck on her shoulder, perfectly balanced, and hums for it so that the music continues. ]
I try my best. What could I gift you in return, I wonder? There must be something.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 09:45 pm (UTC)[He chuckles.]
Whatever you wish to. I wanted to make it for you for being my friend. Someone who doesn't judge me. I appreciate you very much, Saya. And that's why I made it for you.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 06:12 pm (UTC)[ She gives him a smile. ] Of course I wouldn't judge you. You're lovely. And you haven't judged me, either.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 08:44 pm (UTC)[He gives a soft smile back.]
And I'm glad neither of us are the judgmental type. It is why I enjoy being your friend so much.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 09:09 pm (UTC)I think I'm pretty hopeless. [ She meant that to come out as a joke, but it lands rather heavily. ]
There's a reason I'm not judgmental, is all.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 03:06 am (UTC)No one is hopeless. And I believe in you. But if you do not want to, then I will not push. Just the idea is there and our doors will always be open. Even if you just need a hug and a stiff drink.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 03:19 am (UTC)I have a hard time getting into what I did, especially with anyone who is generally understanding. Being soothed or comforted feels like it's diminishing the weight of it. And then I start arguing because I feel I have to, on behalf of those I wronged so horribly, and it starts to sound like I just want to be miserable. It's never gone well.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 04:10 pm (UTC)[Lucifer hums.] Sounds like you want to talk to someone who acknowledges the gravity of what you've done. Not attempts to soothe your feelings over it but tackle the gravity of the sins. Am I understanding correctly?
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 04:16 pm (UTC)Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 04:37 pm (UTC)Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 05:27 pm (UTC)...I always fail entirely at explaining this well. But I feel like, generally, the goal of getting me to feel better is a bad one and so the discussion is doomed before it begins. The only time I've felt like there was any good resolution is when Wukong agreed to train me to prevent what I did from happening again. At least that was productive. Making me feel better is not productive, and a pointless effort besides.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 05:32 pm (UTC)Did you want to talk about those people now? Either way is okay. I didn't mean to get us started down this path but if you would like to, I would listen.
Being proactive and productive does sound like a good idea. How has the training been going?
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 05:51 pm (UTC)Training is... going. The trouble is that in order to really make progress I'll need to be tested in ways that might make it happen again. I'll have to let go of the tight grip I have on my control. Last time that happened I hurt one of my partners immeasurably and a whole slew of others. That's not an easy thing to risk.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 07:53 pm (UTC)Hmm. No, it wouldn't be. To let yourself go, you'd need to make sure that wouldn't happen. As in completely sure.
If you like, I could talk to Wukong about assisting? I think between the two of us, we could take you. And I can practice my Spring healing powers as well. We all win.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 08:13 pm (UTC)I'm quite sure he can confine or kill me if he wished to, given his army of clones. I might be able to outrun one of him when I'm lost, but not that many. [ But she's never seen Wukong's top speed... then again, he's never seen hers. She only pulls out all the stops when she's out of control, so. ]
I assume you have impressive capabilities? I don't mean to pry, I only want to be sure I couldn't possibly hurt you. I'm a handful when I lose control.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 08:17 pm (UTC)I do believe in Wukong though. I'm certain he can do the job. Though he isn't the only one with clones.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 28th, 2024 07:57 pm (UTC)That said, if you wanted to help I'm sure he'd embrace it. He isn't precious about it, he knows how important this is to me.
--That would mean I have to tell you everything, and I'm not sure I'm there yet. It's not a lack of trust, I promise.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 28th, 2024 08:04 pm (UTC)I...what a novel concept. Huh.
[He's just gonna sit on that for a little bit.]
And that's completely fair. I'm am in no rush to rush you. And spending more time with you sounds lovely, either way.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 28th, 2024 10:33 pm (UTC)For whatever it's worth, it's as terrible as it sounds. I always came up fighting. [ Her loved ones had a whole ass protocol for reviving her. ] Revival here is kinder, that said. [ Why yes that does mean she's died here too. ]
Spending time together sounds nice. I could use a little nice. I haven't been quite right in a while, that's why I've been so scarce.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 28th, 2024 10:35 pm (UTC)At least here it doesn't sound as painful or tedious.
Then nice you shall have. Whenever you feel like and whatever you wish to do. Just ask.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 28th, 2024 10:44 pm (UTC)[ Yeah, Imeeji sucked. ]
I'm finding myself partial to long walks lately, since my usual coping mechanisms are a no-go. Is that something you do?
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 28th, 2024 10:54 pm (UTC)[He nods.]
I do indeed love long walks. I would be glad to. We could walk through one of the segments. Just enjoy the weather and the environment. That sounds nice.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 28th, 2024 11:06 pm (UTC)Long walks it is, then. I could probably manage some singing during those, I don't think that would be too difficult for me. It's been a long time since I got over my aversion to music.
Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 29th, 2024 02:59 am (UTC)Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 29th, 2024 04:00 am (UTC)Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 29th, 2024 04:41 pm (UTC)Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 29th, 2024 06:15 pm (UTC)Re: Voice - UN: KingofHell
Date: Jun. 29th, 2024 11:09 pm (UTC)un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 04:48 am (UTC)Are you okay?
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 08:29 pm (UTC)Are you okay? And the others?
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 08:36 pm (UTC)Rinku saw me slice someone's arm off, and then she burned someone who grabbed her, but she managed to save her freak out until after we were safe? Honestly, I'm really proud of her. She was jittery for a while after but I think she'll be okay.
Are you okay?
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 08:49 pm (UTC)I'm so sorry he did this. I really thought he'd be okay.
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 08:51 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 09:02 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 09:25 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 09:27 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 09:30 pm (UTC)From where I'm standing, you seem like the person for whom this sucked the most.
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 09:34 pm (UTC)He played me, but I should have known better. If it sucked for me then it's my own fault.
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 25th, 2024 09:38 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 12:55 am (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 12:56 am (UTC)Do you want more super-booze?
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 12:58 am (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 12:59 am (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 03:24 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 05:25 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 08:43 pm (UTC)He was so sweet to me. I thought we cared deeply about each other. That's what he told me.
It was a lie so that he could do what he did.
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 08:59 pm (UTC)I know you're used to being the only person who is capable of dealing with a problem no matter the emotional cost to yourself, but that isn't the case here.
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 09:01 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 09:04 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 09:10 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 09:11 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 09:12 pm (UTC)Please, don't make me regret talking to you. [ Because if she does, this will be the last time it happens. ]
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 09:15 pm (UTC)Just because you CAN doesn't mean you should HAVE TO. Your emotional well-being matters to a lot of people, including me, and it should matter to MK too!
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 09:18 pm (UTC)It was a reasonable consequence.
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 09:23 pm (UTC)What the fuck. This whole situation is awful and you deserve to have someone get mad over how badly you were done wrong.
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 09:28 pm (UTC)Please don't be mad, I did this to myself.
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 09:34 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 26th, 2024 10:20 pm (UTC)Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 01:00 am (UTC)I understand you're not wrong. I know how being inattentive gets people hurt even if it's not you directly doing the hurting. I get that.
But also, this still sucks ass for you specifically, and I don't think denying comfort for that will make anyone else feel better about it, or make you more alert in the future, or do anything useful.
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 01:07 am (UTC)So please, I know you mean well, but please don't push me.
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 01:10 am (UTC)You're a good friend. If time passes and there's something I can do, let me know, otherwise I'll leave you alone.
Re: un: abnormalitylover, text, day after porty's party
Date: Jun. 27th, 2024 01:12 am (UTC)action
Date: Jul. 5th, 2024 10:38 pm (UTC)[He doesn't want to fuss too much, or tell her that her feelings aren't valid, but... she's still miserable even with the passage of time, and his worry only grows.]
Re: action
Date: Jul. 9th, 2024 10:07 pm (UTC)"I don't need to eat for another few days, so no need to push yourself."
Saya, not hungry? Hmm.
"Thank you for the offer, though."
Re: action
Date: Jul. 9th, 2024 10:45 pm (UTC)"...Let me rephrase myself. I want, more than anything, to treat you to something good right now. It isn't pushing myself in the slightest to make something for my beloved wife."
Re: action
Date: Jul. 9th, 2024 10:50 pm (UTC)Her mouth works silently for a few moments.
"...I hurt you." She can't even look at him. When she does, she hears the sickly whine of a breaking cello and sees the splinters in his back.
Re: action
Date: Jul. 9th, 2024 10:53 pm (UTC)Re: action
Date: Jul. 9th, 2024 10:56 pm (UTC)She shakes her head hard. "Don't ask me to forgive myself. I should know better by now, given how this keeps happening."
Re: action
Date: Jul. 9th, 2024 11:01 pm (UTC)And, more importantly...
"Alizarin. I cannot stand to see you so miserable and not even be allowed to attempt to comfort you."
Re: action
Date: Jul. 9th, 2024 11:04 pm (UTC)She's never asked him to call her Saya. Corrected him several times the opposite way, in fact. She maintained that she was Aliza because she didn't want to be Saya.
"I'm Saya. I'm the one who kills the ones I love, my family. I'm the one who stands oblivious until they hurt people and I have to stop them. That's who I am."
She doesn't deserve comfort for it.
Re: action
Date: Jul. 9th, 2024 11:09 pm (UTC)He hates saying this, but he doesn't know how else to get through to her. "To be asked to stand aside and watch as you torture yourself for what happened to me, hurts me. This is hurting me."
Re: action
Date: Jul. 9th, 2024 11:16 pm (UTC)In a rush, whatever strength she has left leaves her and she crashes to her knees, ending up with her head bowed forward so that her short hair covers her face.
She doesn't wail, but she does cover her face and sob. It feels like the only thing she can do.
If he approaches her, for once she won't fight it.
Re: action
Date: Jul. 9th, 2024 11:21 pm (UTC)Re: action
Date: Jul. 9th, 2024 11:34 pm (UTC)And then she flops over to cry on his shoulder.
Re: action
Date: Jul. 9th, 2024 11:38 pm (UTC)"I love you. I love you more than anything in the world. We'll get through this together."
That's all he truly wants - is for her not to take everything on alone.
Voice - UN: SomaliHottie
Date: Jul. 10th, 2024 04:31 pm (UTC)Been a while. You wanna hang sometime?
Re: Voice - UN: SomaliHottie
Date: Jul. 10th, 2024 05:58 pm (UTC)Sure, we can do something. What'd you have in mind?
Re: Voice - UN: SomaliHottie
Date: Jul. 10th, 2024 10:43 pm (UTC)There's this cool water park. Opened up last month, I think? You wanna go on rides and swim? Get some junk food and just make a day of it?
Re: Voice - UN: SomaliHottie
Date: Jul. 11th, 2024 05:26 pm (UTC)That sounds nice. I haven't been. When were you thinking?
Re: Voice - UN: SomaliHottie
Date: Jul. 12th, 2024 09:35 pm (UTC)How about this weekend? Or when you're off work? I'm good whenever.
Re: Voice - UN: SomaliHottie
Date: Jul. 25th, 2024 09:16 pm (UTC)Re: Voice - UN: SomaliHottie
Date: Jul. 28th, 2024 10:02 pm (UTC)[Paulo is excited. Man Saya must have a lot of time to kill. He wonders what it's like to just not really sleep.]
Re: Voice - UN: SomaliHottie
Date: Aug. 2nd, 2024 12:09 am (UTC)Re: Voice - UN: SomaliHottie > Action
Date: Aug. 4th, 2024 03:30 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Aug. 24th, 2024 05:36 am (UTC)[Its what he does.]
[There are a pair of earrings that attach from lobe to helix, made with rubies in rose gold settings.]
[There is also a robot cat.]
[Its made nicely, of course. Its body moves as well as a cat. Well, almost. Being practically liquid is hard to make into a robot, but its pretty close! There is also nice fake fur so they're nice to pet and they can even purr properly. Programmed to be pretty cat like, mostly based on Shen Hong. There's affection and rubbing and play with toys and also sometimes just leaving her alone as cats do.]
[But also a programmed subroutine. The robocat is designed to try and bring comfort to Kantera's cat in the hopes his cat will learn that even if Saya is a big, scary predator, she's THEIR big scary predator and thus fine.]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 9th, 2024 03:32 am (UTC)I wanted to see if you're feeling okay! And I restarted the Music Club, so I wanted to ask if you wanted to come back to it with everyone. You can invite more people too. Everyone's allowed.
un: abnormalitylover, text
Date: Sep. 26th, 2024 11:31 pm (UTC)What's your shirt size?
Voice
Date: Oct. 10th, 2024 01:20 am (UTC)So I was thinking that if you're free, maybe we can hit a quest together this weekend, or just hang around.
So when you get this, let me know if you're open, 'kay? Byeeee~
Re: Voice
Date: Oct. 10th, 2024 01:26 am (UTC)I'm not really sure that I'd be very good company, as much as I'd like to hang out.
Re: Voice
Date: Oct. 10th, 2024 01:40 am (UTC)So if you do end up feeling up for it, let me know? I'll listen, or not.
Either way, if you need me, okay?
Re: Voice
Date: Oct. 10th, 2024 01:44 am (UTC)My situation is just... it's different. Lucifer and a few others are helping me with it when they can.
Re: Voice
Date: Oct. 10th, 2024 01:47 am (UTC)Speaking from experience, Lucifer's definitely good for support. So I'm glad he's among who's helping you. Really.
Re: Voice
Date: Oct. 10th, 2024 01:50 am (UTC)Re: Voice
Date: Oct. 10th, 2024 01:56 am (UTC)But I'm not going to push it. I just wanted to make sure you know. And that I'm thinking of you.
Re: Voice
Date: Oct. 10th, 2024 02:00 am (UTC)I know. If I have any energy for karaoke I'll let you know, yeah?
Re: Voice
Date: Oct. 10th, 2024 02:04 am (UTC)[If nothing else, he will one day make you believe it. At least from him.]
But I'll look forward to it, Saya.
Re: Voice
Date: Oct. 10th, 2024 02:09 am (UTC)Bye, Wukong. Take care of yourself.
Re: Voice
Date: Oct. 10th, 2024 02:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 12:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 08:54 pm (UTC)Would you recommend that I find some... help... to be with me when I take it? Just in case? I know that it can't be you.
AKA: should someone be on Murder Patrol?
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 08:57 pm (UTC)For the first one to be safe.
I wish to say it's unnecessary, but that's when the extreme unlikelihood WOULD happen.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 09:00 pm (UTC)She hates to ask Wukong or MK given what they've been through, but not just anyone can kill her.
It'll be okay. I'll see you after, and I'll be able to smile again.
Should I come pick it up?
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 09:04 pm (UTC)If nothing dramatic happens, contact me so I can get readings.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 09:09 pm (UTC)Please don't worry too much, okay?
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 09:14 pm (UTC)I just hope it does help.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 09:16 pm (UTC)In that case, just remember that I love you no matter what. Can you promise that?
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 09:20 pm (UTC)I love you too.
And I'll be here, whatever happens.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 09:23 pm (UTC)I'll contact you after. Or... someone else will, if the worst happens.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 09:29 pm (UTC)If there's no problem, we should go out when you're up for it.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 09:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 09:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 09:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 10:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 11th, 2024 10:10 pm (UTC)She won't bother correcting him even though she should. All she wants to do right now is lay around and stare at nothing.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 12:13 am (UTC)I do hope this helps. If it doesn't, we'll figure something else out.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 12:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 12:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 12:31 am (UTC)I'll be by to get it soon.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 12:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 12:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 12:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 12:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 12:50 am (UTC)Red Son will be waiting in her room with a small cooler box with the medicine.
When he sees her, he's going to hug her.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 12:52 am (UTC)"Hi, love."
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 12:57 am (UTC)"Hello," he said, stroking her hair. "If it helps, the possibility is very small. Smaller than previous experiments."
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 01:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 01:04 am (UTC)But he's no longer convinced he could take it. "I'm sorry."
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 01:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 01:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 01:15 am (UTC)Don't mind Saya as she mentally adds this to the list of reasons why she's the worst.
"It's not weak to not want to kill someone you love for a second time."
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 01:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 01:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 01:45 am (UTC)"But hopefully we can just go out tomorrow."
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 01:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 02:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 02:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 02:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 02:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 02:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 02:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 02:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 02:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 02:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 02:56 am (UTC)She rolls over and tucks herself against him rather than try talking about why.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2024 03:00 am (UTC)He pulls her close, breathing in her scent, trying to let himself relax with her.
gift
Date: Dec. 14th, 2024 11:26 pm (UTC)present time
Date: Dec. 27th, 2024 12:50 am (UTC)Hanging on her closet door is now a starry evening gown in exactly her size.
His stars and moon, as ever.]
delivery!
Date: Dec. 27th, 2024 12:52 am (UTC)Look, it's not explicitly a vampire thing, she's doing her best.]
action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 07:29 pm (UTC)On its own, that wouldn't be noteworthy. This her home, why shouldn't she be there? But he remembers when her days were filled with activity and spending time with her other friends and lovers. Now, even after Red Son's medication, she seems to always be at home, instead.]
Aliza. [He sits down next to her.] I would like to talk about how you're feeling, please.
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 07:33 pm (UTC)At least she does him the courtesy of not pretending that she's fine.
"All right. I'm not sure how much it'll help, but we can try."
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 07:37 pm (UTC)He might fail to help her, but he will definitely fail if he doesn't try.
"You've still been isolating yourself, even after Red Son's medicine."
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 08:03 pm (UTC)"I know. It's intentional. I don't want to hurt anyone."
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 08:04 pm (UTC)Gently.
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 08:06 pm (UTC)She sounds more tired than sad.
"I'm a weapon. I'm a killer. I tried to avoid it and deny it and pretend it wasn't there, but ever since MK's heart game I can't anymore."
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 08:08 pm (UTC)Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 08:11 pm (UTC)For the first time, her voice wobbles a little.
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 08:17 pm (UTC)Kantera gently gives her arm a squeeze.
"-Then, thinking about it from a different perspective: I am a figment of someone's mind intended to teach them guilt. My entire purpose for existing is to cause someone's heart torment. Does that mean I should avoid interacting with anyone, because I'll inevitably do the same to them?"
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 08:24 pm (UTC)"Asking me to look at you and judge you based on that isn't fair. You didn't guilt anyone into almost destroying MK. Even Red Son and Wukong called me stupid for it, but they used the wrong word. Not stupid, it was cruel. That's what I am."
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 08:32 pm (UTC)"MK doesn't hate you for what happened, even if you think he should. If you asked him, he would certainly say that pushing him away makes him sad, the same as it is for me."
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 09:04 pm (UTC)"Of course he'd forgive me, that's his nature. But that doesn't change that he knows I'm a killer. He knows I'm cold enough to kill something with my dear friend and teacher's face. He must know it or the setup wouldn't have worked."
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 09:07 pm (UTC)Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 09:09 pm (UTC)She deeply wants Haji right now. At least she can't physically harm him, and she's hurt him enough emotionally that he's prepared for it. Awful as that sounds.
"I'm so worried for you that I can barely stand it. Everyone, but you most of all."
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 09:12 pm (UTC)Kantera takes her hand in his to squeeze.
"Even if you were to hurt me, I would recover."
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 09:16 pm (UTC)"But I wouldn't recover. And I don't trust myself. If you were harmed and needed a heart game, I wouldn't be able to go in because I don't know what I'd do to you. Do you know how many times I've thought of moving out so you're safe?"
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 09:21 pm (UTC)Her feelings are valid and he understands where they come from.
"To me, having you in my life is worth that risk. I'm sure others feel the same."
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 09:23 pm (UTC)"I wouldn't survive it if I hurt or kill another person I love."
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 09:32 pm (UTC)"I wish I could promise you that wouldn't happen. I would do anything I could to take your worries away, my dear."
But they both know he can't promise that with certainty.
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 11:40 pm (UTC)"I miss Yuri and Venti terribly all the time, but especially now. I need all of you if I'm going to get past this." And that's what she can't have.
Re: action
Date: Jan. 20th, 2025 11:44 pm (UTC)Is that enough? He has to hope so, because there's nothing he can do to bring Yuri and Venti back.
mail
Date: Jan. 25th, 2025 01:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 09:18 pm (UTC)Would you like to try a new tiramisu recipe?
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 09:20 pm (UTC)She didn't bring up eating it first thing, there's Trouble.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 09:32 pm (UTC)You have been quiet a while.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 09:35 pm (UTC)There's no credible way of denying it, and she wouldn't want to lie anyway, tempting as it may be. So she responds with one word:
Yeah.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 09:36 pm (UTC)Do you want the tiramisu?
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 09:37 pm (UTC)Okay.
Apparently that is her answer to both items.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 09:40 pm (UTC)[He will be coming over in a few minutes with a container of tiramisu through the mirror.] Saya? Darling?
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 09:43 pm (UTC)"I'm right here."
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 09:46 pm (UTC)[He moves over, setting the container with fork on the bedside table.]
Do we need to give you another dose? Or is this different?
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 09:49 pm (UTC)"What happened in MK's heart game isn't something I should get over quickly. Right?"
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 09:51 pm (UTC)"Which part do you mean specifically?"
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 09:55 pm (UTC)"The doll I killed, and how that almost got MK destroyed. The way my memories came back, and when, I never really processed what it says about me that I can -- and did -- so easily kill people I love. I didn't even hesitate to kill that Wukong doll despite the face it wore. And Candid knew that about me, which means that MK must know it, since Candid and I never actually meet until the heart game."
"I suppose I just don't trust myself very much around anyone right now."
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 10:03 pm (UTC)He lifts up her hand, kissing her knuckles. "Not that I don't see why you feel bad, but it may be important to remember those facts."
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 10:09 pm (UTC)"But it's not just that. That was a reminder. The latest piece of a pattern. Being here let me forget what I am, and then my other memories came rushing back, and then the heart game, and I'm getting hit in the face with it all the time."
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 10:34 pm (UTC)Red Son frowned at that. "What you are?"
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 10:38 pm (UTC)She nods. "I was born as a monster, and that's what I've been all my life. By my actions, not just biology. I thought I escaped it, but I've been reminded too often that I haven't."
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 10:45 pm (UTC)"....did you enjoy killing Wukong?" Red Son asked.
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 10:48 pm (UTC)"A little bit of satisfaction, yeah. He'd been hunting us the whole game, and he was holding hostages, working with Relius. I wanted to kill it. Which makes me wonder what that says about me."
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 10:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 10:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 11:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 11:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 11:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 6th, 2025 11:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Feb. 7th, 2025 12:34 am (UTC)A pause. "Which I know seems like a non-answer. But the fact is, you are asking a difficult question that I can't give an honest answer to because I can't say what I would do unless I was in the situation. I know you, and MK as well, seem convinced I play favorites and you think its to such a degree that I would easily forsake one of you for the other, but that's not the case. That situation is a lot of intense emotions so I can't say how the chips would fall. All I know is forever can change anything."
(no subject)
Date: Feb. 7th, 2025 01:29 am (UTC)"I'm not convinced you play favorites. I just know that what I did was that egregious. And I'm always doing things like that. You'd think I'd have learned to be more careful by now. I had no business being in that heart game at all."
Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:19 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:23 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:30 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:33 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:37 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:38 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:40 pm (UTC)[It isn't long before Candid knocks on the door. He was over at Red Son's place so not a long walk to get here. He swallows and waits. He's sure he doesn't have the right to just walk in anymore.]
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:44 pm (UTC)"Would you like some tea or anything?"
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:46 pm (UTC)"I want to ask too how are you? After everything..."
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:48 pm (UTC)"I almost got MK killed, so..." Not very well.
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:49 pm (UTC)"I was the one who almost got the original killed."
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:50 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:54 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 10:57 pm (UTC)"Artsy had already run away by then, and the others weren't there yet. I could have run away and spared the doll, but I didn't. I killed it because I wanted to. Because I don't know any other way to do things. It wasn't protection, it was vengeance."
She wipes at a few tears. "I wish I was the person you think I am, that everyone thinks I am. But I'm not."
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:03 pm (UTC)"I'm not the good person anyone thought I was. Or the good person I thought I was. But if people see the goodness in us, it can't all be their imagination, can it? So...we have the good and the bad. I try to be helpful and become obsessive with people I love at the detriment of others. I went full yandere monster. Yes. You kill and hurt people. And you feel guilty for it after. That guilt means something, doesn't it?"
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:07 pm (UTC)"I wish I wouldn't do those terrible things in the first place. Or I wish I could sleep and forget them. Start over. I've been wishing that Red Son never fixed my hibernation cycle. I've wished for that so often. When I'm sleeping seems to the the only time I'm not hurting anyone."
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:10 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:12 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:19 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:24 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:27 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:31 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:32 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:32 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:36 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:40 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:41 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:51 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2025 11:59 pm (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 12:04 am (UTC)"You're not telling the truth. You knew I'd kill that doll, you had to know it. And that's what you really think of me. And so it must be what MK thinks of me too."
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 01:19 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 02:35 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 02:40 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 02:42 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 02:59 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:01 am (UTC)"Why are you so indignant? Didn't you say that you came here to apologize?" She might not want to hear an apology but he has no right to be uppity.
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:09 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:11 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:15 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:16 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:24 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:25 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:27 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:30 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:31 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:32 am (UTC)"But the people who love me do what me to feel better. So I don't know."
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:34 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:36 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:38 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:40 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:46 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:48 am (UTC)"I don't know. I don't think I should feel better and I'm not sure I want to. I just don't want to hurt them."
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:54 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 03:59 am (UTC)"It's not my place to forgive you."
Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 04:09 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 04:12 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 04:14 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 04:16 am (UTC)Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2025 04:17 am (UTC)Action
Date: Mar. 6th, 2025 11:12 pm (UTC)That's for another time. And a group therapy session eventually. Candid's fucking problems can wait. Saya's can't. Which is why MK is knocking on her door and wondering if Kantera is home. He hopes not. He wants to speak to Saya in private, if possible.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 6th, 2025 11:14 pm (UTC)"Come in. Do you want some tea?" No smile in sight, but she doesn't seem displeased to see him, more... numb about everything in general.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 6th, 2025 11:16 pm (UTC)"Yeah, it's me. Thanks. I'd love some tea," MK steps inside and takes off his shoes and his jacket to leave them by the door.
"Sorry about Candid, by the way. If he did or said anything to be a royal jerk."
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 6th, 2025 11:18 pm (UTC)"He was fine. Surprised me a little, but he said he was here to apologize."
She's distantly aware that MK isn't acting like MK, but isn't quite able to make the connection.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 6th, 2025 11:21 pm (UTC)He sits down at the table and takes his cup, just feeling the warmth seep into his skin.
"He did come blab to me everything you two talked about but I wouldn't be surprised if he left some things out like him putting his foot in his mouth or something."
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 6th, 2025 11:23 pm (UTC)"His foot was mostly fine. I said I couldn't accept his apology because it wasn't my place and he got a little heated over how upset I still am for some reason, but mostly it was fine I guess."
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 6th, 2025 11:26 pm (UTC)MK takes a sip of his tea.
"I don't think of you as just some powerful killing machine."
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 6th, 2025 11:28 pm (UTC)Oh, that.
"Are you sure? You wouldn't be wrong to think of me that way, given everything. I did hurt you pretty badly on a number of occasions."
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 6th, 2025 11:47 pm (UTC)Fuck. Everything goes silent around them. He can't risk saying this out loud.
You couldn't know that losing Wukong could be the thing that shatters my entire soul. Losing him breaks me.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 6th, 2025 11:49 pm (UTC)I hurt you when you found out that Red Son gave me his family crest, and again when you were a weremonkey. There's a history.
I should have known. Red Son and Wukong both told me I was stupid for not realizing it.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 6th, 2025 11:55 pm (UTC)And you were trying to stop me from hurting Red Son when I was a weremonkey. I was definitely upset because I convinced myself talking to Red Son about my feelings was going to be useless, missed my chance, and I'd be alone forever. You didn't do that. I did.
I doubt they said you were stupid because you didn't know the fulcrum thingy of my soul is Wukong. They didn't even know that. No one but me and Relius knew that. So the clones did too. Which is why Candid did it. He would have probably used Macaque to kill Wukong doll instead he wasn't so obsessed with Macaque.
You couldn't know that's the big bad thing it would have done. In anyone else's Heart Game, it would have just like killed my fear of that happening or some thing, right?
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 6th, 2025 11:57 pm (UTC)And I knew better to kill or destroy anything in a heart game besides. So that's stupid twice over, along with cruel and careless and a bunch of other things.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 12:00 am (UTC)It was a mistake! I was a broken mess. You made a mistake, it hurt, but I'm fine now. I'm recovered and doing fine. I got weird death power stuff and a computer in my head but like that's the worst of it.
Heart Games are stupid too! I get why they're like useful and like you gotta do them sometimes but fuck they are stupid.
Okay. You did a stupid thing. But we all do stupid stuff. You can't let it just eat at you forever.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 12:10 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 12:11 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 12:21 am (UTC)I got all my memories back finally, and that's exactly who I am. There's no amount of happy that can erase the things I've done.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 02:19 am (UTC)The happy doesn't erase the bad. But it isn't all bad. Tell me what happened then. What did you remember that makes you feel like all you are is a monster?
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 02:31 am (UTC)And on the other worlds that I was stuck on even before Imeeji, I was awful to people on those too. I didn't want to get close to anyone for fear that I'd get them killed too, so instead I was awful.
It's one unending string of awful. Even the few good memories I have aren't really good, because I should have known that Diva was trapped in that cell and I was too selfish to be a good sister to my adoptive brothers.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 02:37 am (UTC)A lot of it sounds like you didn't know what you needed to make a better decision. And your brothers and your sister and Haji, I'm sorry you lost them.
You were scared to hurt people. So you decided to hurt them anyway? But you let yourself get close to people. Like Kantera. Like Red Son.
How were you supposed to know about the cell?
Would you apologize to your brothers? Tell them you didn't mean to be selfish and wished things had gone differently if they showed up tomorrow?
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 02:40 am (UTC)I didn't have all of my memories when I got close to them so that's not really a fair comparison. I only had a few, actually. Barely a dozen.
It wasn't like the cell was hard to find.
I'd apologize to them if they were alive.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 02:44 am (UTC)Did you ever have a reason to go to where the cell was before you found it?
Monsters don't feel bad. Monsters don't apologize for the things they do. They make up reasons why it had to be done. You're not doing that.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 02:48 am (UTC)I mean, not really a reason, but I didn't have a reason to go on the day I found her either.
She sighs. I'm not sure talking me out of feeling like a monster is a possible thing, MK.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 02:51 am (UTC)What else am I besides expendable?
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 02:52 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 02:53 am (UTC)And I've been doing that over and over again for who knows how long.
I was made to be expendable.
And you keep saying you've always been a monster.
So what else are you? What else am I?
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 02:55 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 02:58 am (UTC)So I'm asking. What else are you? What else am I?
We can be other things too. You aren't just a monster. I can't convince you you aren't one if you feel like you are. So I'm asking you, what else are you? What else am I?
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:00 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:01 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:03 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:04 am (UTC)Did you walk away when you could have saved people?
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:05 am (UTC)Yes, I did. All the time.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:07 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:09 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:11 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:12 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:14 am (UTC)Sounds like she decided to be a monster too.
So it was let her kill everyone, try to talk her down and maybe it worked. Maybe it wouldn't. And if it didn't, it's let her do it or stop her.
So you are a monster for that. But it sounds like you are also a sister who wishes she and her sister could have been happy together. Instead of fighting each other. Because other people tortured her and ordered you to do it.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:16 am (UTC)Why are we talking about this right now?
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:20 am (UTC)I'm trying to get you to see you are other things. My best friend. My best friend who wanted to keep me from doing dumb stuff. Who wanted to help and save me. Who did help save me. Who took out Candid so he couldn't drop me into the void inside my heart.
You're Kantera's wife.
You're Red Son's mate and wife to be.
You're Wukong's friend and one of the first ever friends who accepts him completely. That's what he told me.
You are more than a monster. And you just being numb and thinking you're only going to hurt everyone and saying that is going to hurt the people who care about you.
So we're talking about it because we fucking should talk about it!
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:23 am (UTC)Don't you think that I want to be all those things properly again? Don't you think I haven't tried to will these feelings away a thousand thousand times? I'm trying!
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:27 am (UTC)If willing them away isn't working, you gotta try something else. You say it happens over and over and over again but is it always the exact same? Is it always the same mistake or does it just feel like it is because it's easier to blame yourself than think about how it all actually got fucked up? Because then you'd have to put some of that blame on the people you love most and that feels wrong and it hurts and makes you feel even worse but maybe, just maybe, it isn't all on you and it's time you actually try thinking about it like that.
There's only so much you can will away and bury and hope nothing ever brings it up again because then are you learning or are you just bottling everything up inside and hoping to Buddha it explodes at the right person at the right time so no one ever has to see it aimed at them?
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:31 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:32 am (UTC)Do you want me to drop the bubble?
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:34 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:35 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:37 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:38 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:41 am (UTC)"I'm sorry."
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:42 am (UTC)"I know. I know," he rubs her back and his voice is soft as a whisper now.
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:44 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:53 am (UTC)Mk holds her a little tighter and his voice cracks. "A-And let yourself hear it. Don't...dismiss it because you don't feel like it's true. Because it is for us. For them. And that means so much."
Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:55 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:57 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 03:59 am (UTC)"I'm so scared."
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 04:01 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 04:04 am (UTC)So Saya just keeps right on crying.
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 04:06 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 04:08 am (UTC)She hasn't entirely stopped when she whispers, "I'll try." It's the best she's got. Even if she feels like she's already failed.
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 04:11 am (UTC)I'm trying too.
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 04:19 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 04:32 am (UTC)"We need more tea."
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 06:01 pm (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 06:03 pm (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 08:18 pm (UTC)"I'm not used to having to deal with this. Usually I'd get depressed and closed off and then I'd go to sleep and wake up happy because I didn't remember anything." She's literally never gotten herself out of a depression before. It always solved itself.
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 08:52 pm (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 08:54 pm (UTC)"It was naive to think that Red Son giving me a shot of medicine would fix this. I have to fix it. And I'm still wavering on whether I want to. I told you that I'll try and I will, but that's my honest feeling."
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 09:02 pm (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 09:04 pm (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 09:13 pm (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 09:21 pm (UTC)Not feeding isn't a good sign at all. And it's probably driving her husband and mate bonkers.
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 09:23 pm (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 09:30 pm (UTC)"I don't know about feeding. Getting my memories back has made me a lot more averse to it. I miss it, but at the same time I used to be disgusted by it so getting the memories back has that feeling churning up." She's not really sure what to do with it all.
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 09:38 pm (UTC)The feeding part though...
"I mean, you do need to eat though. But I get it. Maybe instead of it being all uh hospital like, you could instead ask them to like put it in a glass? Make it like half and half? And you'll get to spend time with them too."
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 11:39 pm (UTC)"I can talk to them and see what we want to do. It's probably better if I just bite the bullet, pun intended. Maybe if I just do it I'll remember why I liked it."
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Date: Mar. 7th, 2025 11:49 pm (UTC)"Heh. I like that pun. I think that's a really good idea. And they'll be there for you if you get nervous or the bad all mixed with the good in the wrong way."
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Date: Mar. 8th, 2025 12:00 am (UTC)"Let me ask, and I'll let you know. But I'm not really sure how working for you would be any different than going to my job as normal, in terms of helping me." She gets paid a fortune at her job so it's tempting to just stick it out.
"I'll try that, I guess. I can imagine Kantera and Red Son aren't delighted with me taking IVs." So aat least some biting will make them happy, if nothing else.
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Date: Mar. 8th, 2025 01:43 am (UTC)"Thanks. I figure if you get out but don't have to interact with a bunch of strangers, it might help with both getting out and not going home all exhausted. That's all. You got a plan now. That's more than you had before."
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Date: Mar. 8th, 2025 01:47 am (UTC)"I guess being less tired would be a benefit. I'll think on it and let you know. As far as a plan..." She hesitates. "I don't want to get your hopes up. How I'm acting now is pretty much how I was for several hundred years on my world of origin, and it's how I was on two other worlds I got brought to before Imeeji. It took a lot for me to smile. I was very different than the person I was when you met me, and now I have back all the memories that tell me why. It might take a while for me to find a balance."
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Date: Mar. 8th, 2025 01:51 am (UTC)The MK clone puts the fresh warm tea on the table and pours them each a cup before he poofs.
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Date: Mar. 8th, 2025 08:02 pm (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 13th, 2025 05:03 pm (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Mar. 13th, 2025 08:31 pm (UTC)"I haven't been a very good friend lately. So... how are things with you?"
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Date: Mar. 16th, 2025 03:44 am (UTC)"Well the bar is going well. I've been putting a lot of work into it and the apartment above it. Macaque and I broke up for a day a bit ago. We're already back together. It was because I messed up but it's alright now. I got another new boyfriend who is a talking cat boy named Dick. He's really fun. And that's about it? Yeah. That's about it."
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Date: Mar. 19th, 2025 09:02 pm (UTC)"Oh yeah? What kind of work are you doing?"
She blinks at the breakup line. "What makes you so sure it was your fault that you broke up? And good for you, about the cat boy. I can imagine the fur is fun to pet."
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Date: Mar. 23rd, 2025 08:32 pm (UTC)"I asked someone out without thinking of how it would make Macaque feel. I should have asked first but we did talk it out and only broke up for a day. I didn't think about it really. I mean, part of it is I didn't really know it would be an issue."
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Date: Mar. 23rd, 2025 08:38 pm (UTC)"If you didn't have a habit of asking before you went out with people, and you had no idea it would be an issue, you should probably give yourself a break on it. Sometimes things just happen that put us at odds with what the people we love want, and sometimes we just deal with it as best we can in the moment. It sounds like everything is fixed now, so..."
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Date: Mar. 28th, 2025 02:47 am (UTC)"That makes sense. It does. My brain keeps telling me though I should have thought of it. I'll try to give me a break. Still feels like I stepped in it. But I know better now. I know better for next time."
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Date: Mar. 31st, 2025 04:23 pm (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Apr. 6th, 2025 11:09 pm (UTC)Re: Action
Date: Apr. 8th, 2025 09:03 pm (UTC)Therapy...? Saya doesn't touch that, because she finds that whole thought to be overwhelming. Telling a stranger all your trauma? Sounds hard.
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Date: Apr. 9th, 2025 03:43 pm (UTC)"Not a fan of therapy?"
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Date: Apr. 9th, 2025 05:21 pm (UTC)Re: Action
Date: May. 6th, 2025 03:01 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: May. 14th, 2025 02:12 pm (UTC)"No offense intended to Lucifer. He's great, Charlie's great, their idea is wonderful and I'm sure it helps a lot of people. I just think I need a different kind of help."
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Date: May. 27th, 2025 03:45 am (UTC)Re: Action
Date: May. 29th, 2025 11:02 pm (UTC)