That is the point of being cuffed, love. And that I can do as I like with you.
...But you can touch me now. They say skin contact is the best for hypothermia.
[ She extracts herself from him just enough to shimmy out of her dress, and then in an instant she's back against him, her leg curled over his. One hand starts working his clothes out of the way. ]
I wonder if you'd react as well to my bite on places other than your neck. Your hip, for example.
[Kantera grips her thigh, keenly aware of how much colder he is than her. Still, she's given him permission to touch her, so he won't second-guess that.]
[ Saya uses her free hand to unlace her corset enough to pop open the front busk, then she presses herself flush against him. ]
I just had this memory of the first time we were together, in that room with the pillows and the stormy skies in my dorm. I bit you and then tried to tease you and you asked me not to. Remember that?
Being cuffed to a headboard means you'll have to deal with it. Or do your best to negotiate while I sink my fangs into your hip and debate what is to be done with you.
[ Once the corset's gone she shimmies closer. ] Touch all you like. The cold doesn't bother me at all.
I would never judge you, just as you do not judge me for some of my less than wholesome inclinations.
[ He doesn't make a thing of her tendency toward sadism, for example, even if -- special tea excluded -- he doesn't engage with it himself. ]
[ She slowly kisses down his neck to get him more relaxed and comfortable. Nothing like a good dopamine buzz to get someone talking. ]
Tell me what you want, I'll feed the fantasy. I'm quite sure it'll be fun for me, too. [ Fulfilling these sort of wishes is nothing but gratifying. And then once he's well she can make it reality. ]
[He doesn't need much encouragement. He rubs his cold fingers briefly to try to warm them up even a tiny bit before stroking along the outside of her folds.]
[ She sucks in a breath as his cold fingers touch her, though not in a negative way. She doesn't mind a little shock now and then, and her warmth will heat him quickly enough -- as will her words, when she gets to that. Can't make this too easy. ]
[ Her mouth finds his in a kiss that's equally teasing and eager, and her hand starts working his pants open, slow and deliberate. ]
[Oh, she's kissing him, that keeps him from asking if his fingers are too cold. It was probably a silly question even. He slides the tip of one finger inside her, feeling just how warm she is for him.]
[ A silly question indeed. She huffs a very warm, sighing breath against his mouth. He always knows just how to touch her to wind her up immediately. ]
[ One hand curls through his hair to scritch the base of his horn, the other pries his pants open and slips inside them, stroking him slowly. Usually she'd tease more, in this case more contact is better. She'll warm him up in every way possible. ]
Don't hesitate. Consider me a hand warmer. [ She probably feels quite good around his finger, all slick heat, so no need to go slowly. ]
[ She doesn't bother telling him not to fret, instead she makes a soft, pleased sound against his mouth. It's probably more effective anyway. ]
More of that. You know what I like.
[ Her hand keeps right on teasing him, never forgetting that her first objective here is to keep him as warm as possible. That won't work if she's too quick about it. ]
[ Well, now. That's interesting. But she'll have to ponder the full implications and potential later; right now hearing him make that sound has her wanting much more than pawing at each other. And perhaps if she plays it right, it'll help with warmth too. ]
[ Saya withdraws her stroking hand and uses it instead to get his pants just out of the way enough, then gently tugs his wrist so his fingers slide out of her, instead rolling onto her back and pulling him on top of her, her legs curled around his hips. His chest pressing down on hers should be much more skin contact; outside of where they're in direct contact he's still clothed, and that will help with warmth too. She makes sure to pull the blankets along and tuck them in beneath her so they're encased in as much of a heat trap as she can manage. ]
[ It's a stunning amount of thought to put into sex, for her. But hopefully it'll help. ]
Go as slow as you can. Stop in the middle and breathe if you have to. It'll heat you up better. [ Whatever endurance he can manage will let heat build up beneath all the blankets, and at least when she has to leave to gather potion ingredients she'll be leaving him in a near-sauna. ]
[It's always difficult to go slowly, when she's so warm and perfect around him. But Kantera obeys her instructions, pressing in gradually and then stopping when he's fully hilted inside her.]
I feel warmer already. [He presses soft kisses to her lips, another point of warmth.]
[ She sighs when he's pressed flush against her, though only moves a little. It's not so easy for her to go slow, either. ]
Good. [ She kisses him back, purposefully languid. ] I love you more than anything. You're the best thing to happen to me. I want you to feel as warm and safe as you've made me feel. [ If affectionate words help, that'll be easy. She has no end of them. ]
Aliza... [He still struggles to internalize those words, but every time he hears them, it helps.] If I can make you feel safe, then that's the greatest accomplishment of my life.
[Kantera moves slowly, drawing back until just the tip of him is inside before pushing in too slowly to be called a thrust.]
You certainly have. [ Soon she'll be able to state that without any qualifications at all again, which will be very nice. ]
[ She exhales against his mouth, fighting the urge to move or moan or in any way speed him along. At least for her, this is creating a good deal of heat already, but she needs more. She wants them both sweating. Uncomfortably overwarm would be a benefit, so when she leaves there will be a bit of time before he cools down again. ]
He's not freezing to death. It's a cold sickness that should be slowed with contact, we've seen something similar before. Stay in bed with him and cuddle up as much as possible.
Kantera has it too. Let me see what I can find out.
It's going to be okay. I promise. [ And now that she promised she's going to the ends of this fucking world if she must. ]
[The fact that Saya knows what it is immediately has Katsuki's heart at ease. The two had been cuddling so far, but he wasn't sure if it was doing anything. It's a good thing he asked, or he was going to try to brave the weather to get him to a hospital.
He gives his currently snoozing boyfriend a soft kiss on the top of his head, and he holds him even closer to his chest.]
Okay.
So he has time. Even if his skin feels so goddamn cold? Even if he's barely able to stay awake?
He has time, Katsuki. Just stay with him. It might not feel promising but it does help. If you have control enough over your Summer abilities, it might also help if you can heat your skin a bit. [ She doesn't have to tell him to be careful with that, burns will not help anything. ]
I ran out to the Research Center [ various people flinched hard at seeing Saya's face but whatever ] And they've seen this before. Words of affection also help, in addition to contact, so get romantic on him. And they're making a potion. I'm going to help gather ingredients.
I have been cranking my body temperature to the limit. My Quirk also makes me run hot, so honestly I feel like I'm about to drown in sweat. But it's not like I'm not used to that.
Anyway, of course mushy stuff helps. Why didn't I just think of that before?
Thank god there's going to be some kind of cure. If you could help get some for us, that would be great. I really can't leave his side right now.
Don't hurt yourself, then he'll just be upset when he gets fixed up.
Of course I will. I'll get enough for my loved ones and Izuku as well, and as many others as I can carry ingredients for. I'll give you the first dose I get my hands on.
Is there anything you need before I run off? As fast as I am it'll only take a minute to get over there with anything you need.
[ That nickname is sweet, and she loves it, but it also makes her heart skip for awful reasons. The last person to call her that was her little brother, her second Chevalier, who she got killed. ]
I'll bring you a bundle of warmer blankets. Just unlock the door with your telekinesis and I'll come right in so you don't have to leave him.
Anything you can do with your hands, you can do with telekinesis. The only limit is how strong your ability is, and I know firsthand that yours is strong enough.
[It takes him a couple of tries-- some clicking here and there and jiggling of the door knob-- before it unlocks and she can come on in. When she does, she'll notice that the heater was up obscenely high, the two were snuggled right in front of a fireplace with a thin blanket over their shoulders, and an exhausted Izuku was wearing Katsuki's heat insulating Hero Costume.
[ She looks down on them, charmed and touched and a tiny speck jealous. She'd love nothing more than to stay with her husband and Venti, among others, and keep them warm. But this is her chance to repay some of the kindness she'd been given, to do something good for those she loves rather than inflict them with something terrible. Nothing can redeem her really, but if she can do something to take that worry off Katsuki's face, at least that's one thing she can say she did right before she hibernates. ]
All you need to do is stay with him. I'll keep you updated so you don't have to wonder how much longer. There's one ingredient in each segment, but the new teleporters are up and running so it won't take so long.
[ Saya fluffs out two of the thick blankets and tucks them over Izuku, careful not to disturb either of them. ]
[Katsuki nods, and he lifts his gaze from the cold boy to give Saya a small smile.]
I appreciate it, Saya-nee. And obviously he will too.
[It puts a lot of stress off his shoulders knowing he can just focus on Izuku, while someone else takes care of getting the necessary ingredients to save him. Though if he had to find them himself, he'd probably strap Izuku to his back like a backpack.
[ --Well it's a lot harder to be even slightly unhappy with her role in this when he says that. All Saya ever wants is to help the people she cares about, to be more than a source of pain. Here's her chance. (It's even, in some tiny way, a chance to redo what happened to Riku. To do things better, this time. To not let those who need her down.) ]
[ She reaches down to squeeze his shoulder. ] I'll be back before you know it.
Be careful. Don't do anything too stupid just for our sake.
[He has to tease a little, as he wraps the blanket tighter around the two of them. He's so thankful to have someone like Saya to rely on-- she fills the roles of his mentors, and of Pro Heroes, very well. A skilled adult who knows what to do in sticky situations, that he can rely on when he needs.
She doesn't see herself as one, but to Katsuki, Saya is one of the coolest Heroes he knows.]
[ Goodness if she could hear those thoughts she'd be horrified. Get better mentors Katsuki. ]
Please, who are you talking to? I do plenty of stupid things for my own sake.
[ With that, she takes off. All the better to get back in a hurry. She doesn't need to sleep so she'll be back in just a couple of days (exhausted and anemic but back). ]
[ Saya is exhausted and anemic but can honestly say she did something good for a lot of people. It's a shame her regular donors were laid up with cold sickness which taking their blood would have made worse, and she was too frazzled to go see Red Son and grab some of the stash he saved for her, but she helped Katsuki with Izuku and she helped her husband and Venti and Judith and she carted back enough of the ingredients to help a whole lot of others too. She was actually more than just a source of pain and misery. It's the best she could ever hope for, but dashing from segment to segment and back into the city that many times at that speed and without eating was draining as hell. ]
[ All that is to say, getting hammered and getting a decent meal sounds perfect. Sign her the fuck up. ]
Right now? I finally got everyone settled, your timing's great.
[ She sends Evangeline a map pin and drags herself off to turn down the bed in her bloodproof bedroom. She makes sure to shift into her silver harpy form before Evangeline gets there, she tries for a full monster shift but can't manage it. She is so damn tired. ]
You're leading with that? I must really look like hell.
[ Saya gestures toward the open door of the spare bedroom she decorated to be as resistant of bloodstains as she could manage: dark furniture, sleek dark sheets, patterned rugs. There's a padded bench at the foot of the bed where she flops unceremoniously down. ]
I hope you're okay with this look, even after a feeding I should probably keep shifting to a minimum. [ She's backlogged after all, and she doesn't want to take too much from Evangeline. Drinking won't be any fun if she's too hypoxic. ]
The form's fine, don't worry about that. [Evangeline plops down on the bed and sets the box aside, then pulls down her collar.] I'm told that people worrying about you is a normal part of friendships you can't escape.
"Can't escape" makes it sound like minor terrorism. Which I guess it can be, sometimes. [ Like when you're sure you don't deserve it... she'll probably get there once she's good and shitfaced. ]
[ Saya leans close, giving herself another stern reminder not to take too much, and then she bites into Evangeline's neck and her silvery wings flare out just a little. ]
[Evangeline doesn't hold back her moan when Saya bites her. Even if her plan is to drink before getting handsy, nothing wrong with showing a little appreciation.
There are the usual emotions present in Evangeline's blood (namely, horny feelings), but there's also a strong sense of relief. Thank god all that is over with and they can relax now, they deserve it.]
[ For once, Saya isn't too responsive to the handsiness. Not objecting, it's fine, she's just tired in every possible way and this won't be enough to get her back to an even keel. She'll probably need another two meals for that, and it will be some time before the secretive assholes she adores in this house are up to feeding her again. ]
[ She pulls back and dabs at her mouth, reaching over to the nightstand for a handkerchief. This room is well prepared for donors. ]
[ She hands Evangeline a second handkerchief. ] For your neck.
[ She accepts a glass and peers at it for a second, then in a shrug that clearly communicates FUCK IT she drinks it down. ]
[ Hm. ]
It's having some effect, yes. [ Not immediate drunkenness but there is a spreading warmth that seems familiar from the only other time she managed to get drunk, bless BiT and their magic booze. ] Thanks.
I sometimes do want to dwell on it. Sometimes I want to isolate myself or do other things that are objectively unhealthy. But that doesn't mean I want to be lectured to or disregarded or treated like they're doing things for my own good, which is a pretty gross and dismissive concept.
I do get that it's frustrating for them, though. I really do. Especially when it's not my past we're talking about, but the present.
I don't think I could do the cold thing. It'd be easier if I could, I guess. Like yeah it's probably not healthy, but it hurts less sometimes than feeling everything so strongly.
You've got it backwards. It makes everything harder. People are a lot more hurt by cold cruelty than by a little shouting, even if the words are the same ones. They see the emotion behind yelling, it's obvious. When someone goes cold there's this veneer of rationality to it. Think about the words people use to describe the two: emotions running high versus cold indifference. But they don't account for the fact that I'm not human, and I don't work the same way, so... [ she makes a gesture that somehow indicates "shit gets really complicated". ]
And it's not out of a lack of strong feelings, I assure you. My species has feelings that hit like a freight train. It's more like... a power surge that leads to a blown fuse knocking out the lights.
[ Another gesture, this one amounting to "what are ya gonna do?" ]
Human-centrism is a problem even in multi-dimensional places, apparently. I don't mind it so much most of the time, but there are times when I wish people made more of an effort to remember things.
Like oh, you think I shouldn't think in short-sighted ways? Thanks for that, sure no problem, except that I don't get a long-term because it's not possible. At least have the good grace to look like you're sorry once I remind you. If I got an extra month for every time someone said something boneheaded about being patient I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.
Oh, I know. My home world is genocide and imperialism central, and my species didn't do all that. I love humans as individuals, but yeah.
...People say that to you? Wow. I think everyone should care about systems that are awful but if you say there's nothing to be gained by fighting it then I believe you. I guess it's easy to cash checks from someone else's wallet.
Not only that, but one guy even said that the people in my world are weak and basically deserve to be miserable for not fighting back harder.
[This conversation was with Red Son, incidentally, which is why he's the only person Evangeline Does Not Like.]
People do try to change things, and they die miserably for it every time. I'm not any stronger than any of those people were, and I have a family to take care of before I go serving up my own head on a platter.
Seriously? Some people spend way too much time in their own sheltered worlds. Either that or they're so scared of the concept that they can't win every fight that they've deluded themselves. [ If Saya knew who said that she'd get why, but she'd give him hell over saying something so gross. Honestly, she adores the man but he needs to take several seats. ]
Sometimes people don't get choices. Especially people who can die.
I've been on both sides. One where I was the only one who could change things for the better. And I don't mean I was the strongest person or the person who felt chosen by fate or whatever, I was literally the only one. It was me, or nothing. And I hated it every day. I didn't get close to anyone except unwittingly, and even then I kept them at a distance. It was misery.
And I've been in a situation where I had as much power as the others around me over things, which was none. So I took comfort in those around me however I could, as did many others. If a chance arose to change things, I'd have taken it, but I wouldn't have resented those who chose otherwise.
I don't know if it's wrong for you on your world, I doubt anyone not from your circumstances could say one way or the other, and trying to would be the height of arrogance. [ Which explains Red Son, lol. That and a massive inferiority complex that he's overcompensating for. ]
So I'll say... I think wanting to enjoy the time you have is understandable. I wouldn't judge you for any choice you made.
[ Saya flops and an around her and gives her a single weak squeeze before releasing her. ]
Sure, of course. That was the point of this.
[ Although Saya's beginning to seriously doubt that there even exists anyone who could make her feel understood. Hazard of killing your whole species she guesses. ]
[ Another pause. Is she too tired to attempt this again? ]
I dunno, it might not be worth it. I'll be gone soon and all, it feels wrong to whine about things that in a few months I'd give anything to hang onto.
If I knew what would make me happier that would make everything a lot easier.
Human feelings are sort of like a line, right? On one end there's, let's say, joy, and on the other, misery. Where you feel at any point about something can be found somewhere along that line. It can move, but it's not all that hard to define.
My emotions... picture a room full of magnets that are always moving around and changing strength, and there's a compass in the middle. The magnets are making the needle swing around wildly. [ She does some wacky spinning movements with her index finger. ] Sometimes it settles on one direction and stays there if there's some equilibrium in the arrangement of magnets at that particular moment, sometimes it's all over the place.
Between the ultra-strong feelings of my species and the amount of times my personality got completely revamped, that's what my feelings are like. So I'll explain I feel a certain way, and then later I'll explain that I feel a different way, or I want contradictory things at the same time, and people get frustrated.
-- Which I get. It's frustrating to live through. But it does lead me to just give up most of the time.
[ Saya flashes a small smile, wry. At least Evangeline is trying, which is really nice of her. ]
I think it's more that they get really confused and upset at how often I "change my mind". Never knowing where I'm going to be about something has to be annoying.
And now layer on top of that mess the absolutely impossible situation my hibernation has me and everyone around me in, where there are only bad answers and everyone's feelings are running super high...
I will commonly say about myself that all I do is hurt people, and that's what I mean. When there's no way to avoid hurting people, that's what happens. It's inevitable. Any attempt I make to hurt people less ends up making things worse. I'm the very definition of the road to hell being paved with good intentions.
Take my first experimental cure test... thing. I'm sure you heard whispers about what a disaster it was. I knew it could go that way, so I asked a bunch of people to be in there to prevent me from getting out, hurting innocent people. There were some people I didn't want to be there for a lot of reasons, mostly being worried about what it would do to me or to them if things went the way they went, but I caved because they said it was what they wanted. And it went really badly, and I hurt everyone in terrible ways that I can't take back.
So now I'm thinking: okay. I have to try this again, and I'm scared to death. And I just want to avoid the same giant mess happening all over again. So I made other arrangements, so only one person would have to deal with it. And now people are hurt all over again that I'm "keeping them out" or however it was put to me... like I'm doing this out of spite or because I don't trust them. It's not that. I'm just trying my best, and my best sucks, but that's because this whole thing sucks. And I have to balance what I can handle with what everyone else wants, and not trying it again isn't an option because the people I love most in the world want me to keep trying and they deserve for me to keep trying...
So yeah, I'm pushing people away and at the same time wanting them close. I'm dumping my feelings all over people and at the same time holding back. Of course I am. Because shit is fucked, and my entire life and the feelings of everyone I love are on the line, and who could ever possibly deal with this gracefully?
[ Pausing here for more drinking. ]
Everyone has wants and expectations of me, and I can't meet any of them. Falling asleep is starting to sound like a relief.
No. Thanks, but no. What I want is to have been something other than a painful burden for others to carry, but I'd never believe anyone who said it.
...So you might as well tell me what you think. You can't do worse than some others have, trust me.
[ It helps that Saya's hibernation won't have much impact on Evangeline in the scheme of things. So there's only so much Saya could hurt her with a wrong decision (and they're all wrong decisions really). ]
I think... People want to help, because they care about you and this is important to your life and your future, and because feeling helpless kind of sucks. Which, okay, those are valid feelings. But when you say no, they assume it's a statement on them? Like you're worried that if they get hurt they'll be upset with you or traumatized, or you don't trust them to help, or whatever BS they've come up with. I don't know how you could be more clear with them that you're thinking about your feelings and they need to respect your wishes, because this is ultimately about you.
However bad it is for anyone else, it's worse for you, of course your emotions are all over the place. Sometimes people just have to take everything personally.
People find all sorts of reasons that what I want or feel isn't valid. Either it's not valid because I'm basing it on what someone I love said they want, like I'm not supposed to care about what my romantic partners want, or it's because I don't know what's best for myself -- I mean I sometimes don't, but that doesn't give anyone the right to go over my head -- or they're determined to save me or whatever. Nothing patronizing about a shove toward the self-actualization they've decided is best for me without my consent or consultation.
Or they'll say they respect what I want and then in the same breath try to talk me out of it. That's a favorite lately.
I honestly just... there are moments I hope this next attempt puts me under so I don't have to hear it anymore.
I know they're doing it out of love, that's the only reason I haven't. It's muddled and at times really insulting but I can forgive a lot when it's for that.
Besides, I think I've got the easiest role here. I get to just... forget. Painlessly. I won't know what I lost. Everyone else has to live with it.
It terrifies me now. But I've been through this before. Once the memories are gone, it doesn't hurt.
Smiling in the face of someone you love, knowing they're not that person anymore and probably never will be again, having to mourn what you lost while it's also right in front of you... that does hurt.
There really isn't. [ Insert a bunch of ponderings that everyone would hate here. ]
Nah. Thanks but I need to just... get over myself. I don't have a lot of time, and I'll have a lot less soon probably, I don't want to spend it this way. Even if I have to take some crap, I want to leave the people I love with more than a giant burden to haul around with them.
I think if I had to look at your face while talking about this, I would not get through it.
And it helps to keep my hands busy. Noodle Boy's blood has actually been surprisingly helpful for helping refine the adjustments we need to make. A lot of the base things of the Monkey King that's similar, none of all the magical nonsense that would muddle the data.
Can you tell me what this is about before shop talk? If there are scarier words in any language than "we need to talk but I can't look at you while we do" I've never heard them.
[ If this is a break-up text kindly be out with it while there's still time for her to take a coworker or two home with her. ]
I figure I should at least try to address it. As it is, I give myself another hour before one of the simians notice to try and drag me back to bed and nothing is more irksome than being forced to sleep when I can't. At least if I'm preoccupied with math or chemical compounds, eventually it gets meditative enough I'll sleep a few hours.
[ She answers and restrains the urge to answer like she's running the request like at a bordello. It's a shame her voice is perfect for it right now, husky from shouting over loud music for an entire shift. ]
I probably should have said to give you more leeway. I didn't realize they'd take to the task of dragging you out of that shop with such dedication. My fault. [ Sounding only about 10% guilty. ]
I am rather certain its ingrained into the Noodle Boy's DNA to be a thorn in my side with my work at every turn. Even when we're on the same side, he must always be my nemesis.
[There's definitely a crackle of fire when he huffs. The sound of clinking glass and rustling paper.]
He is very much a puppy. A very, very, very energetic puppy. Not that its a surprise, he's always had far too much energy.
Even when we met, he couldn't focus for more than ten seconds. Who gets distracted from the person threatening to incinerate them?
Frankly, I don't know where he and the Dragon Girl get all that energy. I don't even need to sleep that much, but a day with them, and I was always out like a light.
[Listen, he wasn't lying when he said he wouldn't get anywhere if he saw her.]
They're tiring.
And yet its charming. Stupidly charming. It was ridiculous and infuriating. I knew they were a bad idea. I knew letting them in was only going to lead to pain, but then they kept insisting on how much of a help I was, how much they wanted me on their side, and then started throwing the word friend around like it was that easy.
Like there were no way we wouldn't be on opposite sides again. My entertaining them was on the edge of treachery, but they just made it easy and I kept responding when they reached out. Not everytime, but enough that they still kept trying.
It was getting to the point I felt I would have no choice, but to admit to my treachery to ask my parents for a century. They're mortal. They'd be dead and I'd have no conflict, I just-
I just needed to believe my parents would love me enough to put aside their ambitions and their anger at my weakness to grant me that.
[The rustling of the paper stops. A longer pause this time.]
But they were at the beach. According to the Noodle Boy. Its still hard to believe, but even if Noodle Boy can lie, I don't think he would lie to me about that.
[ god is she really going to counsel him through this? Is she the right one to do so? But he called her, so evidently she is. Even if some part of her, instincts she hates which are just as selfish as Red Son insists he is, will probably hiss at her from their shadowed corners. She'll shut them up as she usually does. ]
[ She blatantly encouraged MK before, so it's not as though she has any doubt about where her feelings ultimately are. It's just as things always are, the dark and light of her clashing. ]
He's like me. We suck at lying, especially to people we care about. [ So no, not a lie. Red Son just has to stop being afraid of it and in disbelief about it and all the other things and accept it. Easy to say, perhaps not easy to do. ]
You've said this a few times. How knowing that changed things.
Oh, he can definitely lie to my face. He tricked me to let him stay in my home so he could steal from my father and did it with a smile. [He knows MK is definitely a capable liar when he decides to be. Its one of the more surprising things about him. But there had definitely been a plan that night.]
I just don't believe he would lie about something like this. I don't think he's so idiotic as to think such a lie wouldn't absolutely shatter my trust in him.
Whatever my reasons my parents had to be there at the beach, its enough to know I could have that century. Maybe longer if it turns out there is cause for them to live longer. As long as Wukong doesn't royally screw something up, its now a viable path. It means I don't need to hold them at a distance.
The heart ache will just be the limitations of their mortality. Still a pain, but a different pain from having to fight them.
And now thoughts I never entertained for what little guard I could keep around my heart have...started to bubble, as it were.
It's different when we get it in our head that it's for some grand reason. That's the one time I can harden my heart too. [ Face it Red Son you've got a Type. ]
[ She doesn't love that reference to Wukong but she expects that bitterness. Red Son earned that bitterness. So she accepts it despite her personal feelings (feelings Red Son would despise, so he'll never hear them). ]
It's only natural. You have options you never had before. Don't try to fight it.
I wouldn't call it a grand reason. Just...a sensible reason. Any relationship had a time limit from my point of view. I couldn't resist them entirely, it had just proven to be a fool's errand.
But I could hold back, at least. [He chuckles, a bit dryly.] Its how my emotions are. Its pointless to repress them entirely. So better to let them vent, a pressure valve so I could control how and when it shows itself. [Like how his fire will flare in his anger. Anger that made itself known, but never did anything he didn't want done.]
But now that the relationship doesn't have a time limit beyond mortality...
[There is a long pause.]
There is a Venn Diagram. With a rather large middle circle.
Of my feelings for you.
And my feelings for the Dragon Girl.
[Because of course he's not gonna talk about MK, he's not really to deal with THAT so directly.]
I've noticed. [ She likes the release. Especially now that she's got her own fire abilities. But that's not the point here. ]
[ She's slightly dismayed when he moves to talking about charts, even if the stuff about Mei isn't at all unanticipated. Red Son ain't slick about these things, he's too new to them to be. But this is how he explains the world to himself, and apparently explains himself to himself. So okay, a Venn Diagram. ]
And obviously I don't know my exact feelings. I'm figuring things out, but also I'm not so naive as to not see some writing on the wall.
At least the possibilities.
If I can fall in love with you, and there are numerous intense and similar feelings for the Dragon Girl, if not for the same reasons, just the general....sensation of feelings, it stands to reason that, given time...
What if I did fall for her too?
And that is the tangentially related because...
Well, I know our boundaries when it comes to flings and the like, but honestly, I never really thought I would have a serious interest in someone else and what that means.
I know you have people you love that aren't me, but also just assuming that its the same for me feels like poor form.
[ This is only a little bit where she thought this was heading. But it's not a difficult answer, at least. ]
If you fall for her too, then I'd support you. I'd be happy for you.
I have a good deal of experience with this. My instincts are what they are, but I manage them. [ "I'm possessive as hell but I've trained myself out of reacting most of the time". ]
What I want most is your happiness. I'd like to be part of that happiness, but I've never assumed I'd be the only piece of it. When I said I consider you an equal, I meant it in all ways. I love more than one person, and I'd never restrict you from that.
[ Royals get harems, them's the rules. If Mei (OR WHOEVER) tried to force Saya out of things there might be problems, but that's a bridge no one can possibly cross right now. If it happens, they'll deal with it. MK already said he wouldn't want Saya to give up what she and Red Son have, incidentally enough, so that's good to have in her back pocket. ]
I don't need to know about flings. [ In fact she almost prefers not to, but sometimes things crop up. ] More serious ones, I'd prefer to know when you do. And my husband is absolutely off limits for romantic entanglements -- not that it's a worry, he doesn't get involved with others in that way, that's not how our arrangement works. [ Bless him. ]
[His voice is soft. Genuine. Easier to say when he doesn't have to look at her, when his flustered embarrassment might make it hard when he's dealing with. Other feelings.]
But also with the rate people from home are showing up, and if the Dragon Girl showed up, and then she starts blindsiding me as she tends to do...
I didn't want to be in it before I could try to counter it.
If I have a reason to resist, I could, but it would have been harder to try after the fact and...
I didn't want to hurt you.
[A pause.]
Romantic entanglements are just romantic feelings, or does that include flings?
[ That is nice to hear. Incredibly nice. He really does better when he's not looking at her, and probably while his hands are busy. Duly noted. ]
I'd never give you a reason to resist your feelings for anyone else. Especially not someone you have such a bond with. As long as you don't shut me out, I never will. [ It's that easy. And he's made her feel quite the opposite of neglected so far. ]
As far as not hurting me... don't put up walls between us. That's all it takes, for the big picture. And I'm quite good by now at asking for what I want and need, so you won't have to wonder about the small things.
[ She laughs a bit. ] You're fine. Flings with Kantera are okay -- meaning, anything where romantic feelings aren't involved is permissible -- I just can't really talk about it much. I mean, I can, obviously we are right now, but if my possessiveness is going to flare up anywhere, it'd be about him. If it happens to come up casually then that's okay, just...
I can banter about a lot, but not about him and someone else.
[ She sort of expects that Red Son will get this. He has a claiming instinct too, and you can't get more claimed than being married. ]
I could never shut you out. [A pause.] As a longterm thing. My grace when it comes to emotions is...at times erratic, but it would not be a shift in the relationship paradigm. Just...my not dealing with something well.
It would be a temporary state of being.
[Listen, his family didn't deal with grief well and frankly its good she's a bully because he'll need it sometimes.]
[There is a sigh of relief.] All right. I just wished to check. And I wouldn't ask you to barter about him. Obviously he is always yours. I just wanted clarity.
...as well as the...
Dragon Girl situation. Which may not even come to pass, I can hardly claim to know of her own interests. I would say it would be a ludicrous possibility, but considering her choice of friendships, her taste may genuinely be that bad.
Which is not disparaging at myself, but usually murder attempts is not a love language.
I know. You've been quite clear about that. [ She hasn't seen it, but she knows it's accurate. ] I've told you, I also have a temper. Less so now, but if I come around to being a hatchling again I'm quicker on the draw.
I've learned how to cope with such moments by the way I was handled, thankfully. [ She can be taught! With time and a dump truck of patience. Fortunately Red Son missed the tutorial stage and now he's attached so he might actually not be driven to the brink of sanity by her ridiculousness. ]
[ She laughs again. Wryly. ] You're talking to someone whose natural mates are her enemies. I understand wanting to worship someone and murder them at once all too well. And if my understanding of mortal relationships is anything resembling accurate then it seems fairly normal there, too.
And given how you've reacted to seeing me fight in the past... [ she's just saying, there's precedent. ]
[Admittedly, Saya gets to sidestep a majority of them by getting around his worries about living up to his status and what his parents would think by being a powerful vampire queen and not literal former mortal enemies. That goes a very long way.]
Noted. Though I can usually deal with tempers. [Well, from other people. Maybe it will be harder from Saya, always hard to say when he's Personally Invested.]
Admittedly, there are a great many love stories that start on the battlefield. My parents met on the battlefield, but after that battle, father grew very uninterested in the fight with mother in his view.
And violence is less commonplace these days. Mortals are much softer, even demons.
Killing people is treated more severely than it was even a century before.
Also you've never tried to kill me and strength is always attractive.
[ She'll take a Cheat Code now and then when it gets her what she wants. Thinking that his parents would approve of her honestly delights her, she hopes she gets to meet them as herself and not as a glowing chrysalis that represents more time stolen from their son. ]
There's a reason for that. Violence and attraction kick up many of the same hormones. There's a reason I prefer the blood of those who have been fighting or who I've gotten in a different sort of ruffled state.
--Speaking of strength and attraction. I might have found something of interest to you. A topical treatment that suppresses otherworldly abilities, temporarily. I wanted you to test it before we actually try it, but...
[ She got it from a customer of all things, but went to the shop herself and it's not counterfeit or anything. Just highly kink-specific. ]
If the store owner is to be believed, one could control how long marks stay on me. Spring powers would still work on them, and it wears off eventually, depending on how much you use.
[ If she's going under in 6 weeks or so, she wants him to have some memories of that time with her that aren't just work. ]
Glad to hear it.
Want me to run the thing by sometime so you can make sure it's safe? [ She'd offer to leave it on his doorstep or something but with his luck the monkeys will find it and ask questions and then the house will be a smoking crater. ]
I must admit, this is on the short list of things I want to do before my next test. It's been on my mind for days. Different sort of trouble sleeping than you're having. [ Maybe not so different at this point, though. ]
I don't think it would hold up to fire. You can clean it off with water, according to the instructions. [ She was thorough in her examination! At least as much as she can be without test tubes at her disposal. This is a novelty toy, not a torture device. ]
As soon as you're sure it's safe, then. For the sake of my impatience.
[ Hopefully he's not still holding anything breakable-- ] I would never have thought I'd like the idea as much as I do. But if a lingering mark causes even a fraction of what I feel when your teeth bite into me...
Yes, but my fire is also a natural power. I just want to make absolutely sure there's not a surprise. I'm sure in any case, there's a way to make it work. [Either bring precise on how much is on her skin, or just be ready to drink some of it in an emergency. He's a true omnivore and hard to poison biologically, it's probably fine.]
[Or he purifies her blood in his mouth. Now that is a thought. He would need to drink less water then.]
[There is another crackle of fire.] I'm eager too.
I like how your marks look on me. I really want to see them longer on you.
I'm sure there is. I have faith in you. [ And that he's as interested in this idea as she is. ]
It's quite different, seeing them on someone else. Tangible evidence that they're yours, for the moment. And in my case, something I've only experienced with you. [ None of her other partners, not her Chevaliers, no one has been allowed to bite her before. ]
With a lingering mark it'll be impossible for me to move without tugging it or twinging it, and so impossible to keep it out of mind. Constantly remembering the bite that put it there. That alone could turn my eyes gold.
[ Saya is sleeping wherever he left her, probably the couch. She stirs when Red Son approaches and rubs her eyes, then smiles at him sweetly. She has only a few days left and values any time she can get with those she cares for. ]
[His face is getting red, but he pulls back his hand to hold out the box to her. Just a simple white box because he didn't want to get too nervous while wrapping.]
[Inside is a bracelet. The beads are garnet and gold, with a closer examination showing detailing of stylized bats and bulls moving amongst fire and wind lightly etched into the beads. With the main charm of the bracelet being a garnet with a symbol of the Demon Bull Family carved into it and filled with gold. Saya would have seen the symbol whenever Red Son has done ritual spells around her, it's a base symbol of sorts for him.]
[He blushes at the kiss, but there is a little less nervous and more relief in the smile.]
[He reaches out for her hand with the bracelet. Still wearing the mermaid bracelet she gave him.]
We...lost a lot, after father was imprisoned. Mother and I were always moving around, looking for solutions. We could only bring so much with us. Things would often get lost along the way.
Since we got him back, we have been trying to see what we could locate again. You know how mortals are. They love collecting things, putting them in museums. [He runs his thumb over the back of her hand, looking down at the bracelet on her.]
Mother and I were able to find her old jewelry box. Most of the pieces were from after father started courting her. She had missed it when she realized it had gotten lost, it was nice to find again.
It wasn't in the best state, a number of pieces were broken. I offered to fix what I could and she...
She said I could keep them for the future. I know, it may not sound the best, but mother knows me.
An heirloom that needed to be fixed. Something that was my family's, and something where I could make part of the gift.
[ The bracelet is stunning enough on its own, and then there's this story which is. Enough to amaze her. Is he saying that part of this gift belonged to his mother? To his family? Family being the most important thing to him... ]
[ She shouldn't be surprised. He's such a romantic. ]
[ Saya might have had something to say here, but she knows how he likes to meander around to the point. So she squeezes his hand and smiles up and him and hums softly to let him know she's listening. ]
[Something that belonged to his mother and something he created. Bats certainly weren't relevant to his parents.]
This piece was one of the earlier courting gifts mother accepted properly. It has his family's crest so when she wore it, it told him she accepted him as her suitor. It apparently caused quite the uproar amongst her family. [There is a small huff of amusement at the memory.]
It's not a courting gift. I'm not going to step into Kantera's place.
[But he looks up to her, face red, but the smile is fond.]
[ Yet again, Saya thinks she and Princess Iron Fan would get along famously... ]
[ That's not the point here. Admittedly it does take Saya a second to grasp the point because he's coming at this rather obliquely and her mind is preparing for stasis, and she tends never to take good news at face value. But even she can't mistake what he's saying, and she has neither the time nor the desire to thrash about in denial. ]
[ He really did cut this awfully close, which somehow makes her smile. ]
[ There's been a bit of a pause while she processes all that. She reaches up to brush the fingertips of her free hand over his cheek, then stretches to kiss him properly, slow and sweet, which expresses what she feels better than words ever could. ]
[ She has some questions. They can wait a moment. ]
[ He did manage eventually, and at least he didn't get there after she was under. She won't remember this moment, but he will. And she'll have this bracelet to see and touch and she'll know it means something important. ]
[ This also probably means he'll never be able to let up on trying to fix her hibernation cycle. She shoves that thought aside to feel guilty about later. ]
[ There's no hurrying through kissing him. She wants this moment to sink into her mind and heart so there's a chance her blank memory will still somehow feel it. ]
[ Eventually though she pulls slightly back, resting her forehead against his. Her eyes open enough to show that they're glowing mostly gold. ]
Will you say it plainly, please? Or else I'll convince myself that I somehow mistook your meaning.
[ Kantera had to admit his feelings for her when she had an effect where she was forced to believe anything someone told her, Venti had to do it in a mindshare, Haji when he had no other option to save her life, this is a Known Problem. ]
[To be fair, he was never going to let up anyway. He isn't one to break his word. One of the few things of his morals that is always present.]
[There is a bit of an amused huff.] Well, now I have wonder at my ability to be properly poetic. [The tone is teasing, though his face is also growing red. A soft crackle in the air that is almost assuredly his hair starting to light up.]
[He squeezes her hand on his cheek, his other hand moving to her side as he matched her gaze.]
I love you, Saya. [Tone soft, gentle, but it doesn't waver.]
[ Unfortunately seeing firsthand how much time he lost with his father makes her very hesitant to take up any more of it -- won't turn out to be an issue, shockingly. ]
[ She laughs softly at his light teasing. ] It's not your poetry that's at issue. I have a history of not believing good news the first time. [ SUCH a history. ]
[ The thing is though, that with Red Son she can't entirely disbelieve him. He was so deliberate and cautious with how he did this that he wouldn't say this casually. Even her looming hibernation isn't enough to make her run from it. ]
Besides, this way I get to say: I love you, too. [ Her smile turns a bit wry, ] Not that I expect you had any doubts. [ She's as subtle as a freight train. ]
I do have a few questions... [ Her tone indicates that this is nothing to be jumpy about ]
[At least this time he had friends before hand. Samadhi Fire was not conductive for friendships and those years between that and the imprisonment wasn't enough time for the fear of the fire to fade.]
[He hums. He does understand why she asked. He's not surprised she struggles with good news. It makes sense with her...everything.]
[The soft crackle definitely was more of that fwoosh sound, the blush getting worst, eyes flicking to the side, before meeting hers again with a shy smile.] I suppose that is a pretty good reason. Not that I had doubts.
[She is too much of a freight train to really doubt. As long as he wasn't deep in the insecurity.]
[ Much as she'd rather he be comfortable, the shyness is pretty cute. Her golden eyes aren't teasing in the way they look at him, though. ]
No, nothing unclear. It's more that "Kantera's place" thing. You could never step into his place... but he could never step into yours, either. I don't want us defining what we are based on what I have with him. Nor the other way around. What we have is only ours. [ She doesn't and will never rank the people she loves. She's not wired to think in that way. ]
So my question is... would you want this to be a courting gift? Because if you would, then I'll happily accept it as such. [ It's that simple, as far as she's concerned. ]
He's your husband. I didn't want to seem like I was disrespecting that. [The blush deepens at the question. Taking her hand, looking down at the bracelet, thumb tracing over her hand. Silent for several beats because he had already thought that it couldn't be a courting gift, so this was unexpected.]
I'd never think you were disrespecting my marriage to him. You value both of us too much for that. [ She has something of a different definition of "disrespect" than humans, is all. When you're from a truly polyamorous species this is how it goes. Kantera doesn't limit her and she can't imagine he'd have a problem with this. They might have to fiddle around with how much of their time they spend on Teyvat as a result, but again, she can't see a problem there. ]
[ The radiant smile on her face when he agrees was probably well worth the extra blushing. ]
Then a courting gift it is.
Which leads me to: I think we're at the point where I'll need an answer when I'm asked what we are to each other. [ The "no labels" thing doesn't work when you're wearing someone's family crest. And she doesn't think that's where he is anymore either. ]
[The room is definitely getting warmer with how much he's blushing and getting flustered, but he doesn't want to pull away either. Its]
[Its nice. There is a feeling of certainty now that helps his nerves. Knowing where he's at, and having those feelings returned. There are complicated emotions about a lot of other things, but having that much soothes something in him that he hadn't realized had been wound up.]
Ah...
I didn't think that far.
[A pause.] One who gives a courting gift is a suitor, and usually when courting progresses, its to fiance. Girlfriend and boyfriend is a term mortals have been using that is in that quasi point.
[ The warmth is pleasant actually, Saya's body temperature is cooling by the day. Even if she were uncomfortably warm she wouldn't want him to pull away, however. (She does feel herself getting tired again, but she shrugs it off. Her sleep won't take this moment from her.) ]
[ She wrinkles her nose in mild distaste. ] I never cared much for the mortal words. [ She spent so long letting humans define her. And anyway the words are so gendered. ] Chiropterans don't so much have a word for it, unfortunately. [ It's Chevalier or bust and she can't use that. ]
Suitor I like better. Or partner or paramour...
...It's not so important, I suppose. My resistance to being defined in human terms any further might be stretched too far in this instance, it's only semantics.
[He nods.] Labels can be difficult when the streamline between confirmed mutual interest to something like a marriage, or consort, or concubine was always so prevalent.
I would be fine with suitor. Or partner or paramour. [He kisses her hand again.] Since....well, you have more experience in regards to these things. I would be fine with a word that feels good to you.
Part of me belongs to you and part of you belongs to me and that's what mattes.
[ This discussion might be moot given that she has all of a handful of days to throw any such word around. But still... it feels nice to discuss little things as if that's not the case. ] A shame about consort, I like that one. [ She's teasing, clearly. Queens and consorts go together is all. ]
I do tend to use partner for even casual situations, just habit really. [ And so she doesn't call them hookups or something equally disrespectful, by and large these are people she cares for greatly. A whole slew of them. ]
[ Her smile softens when he kisses her hand. ] We can try some of them out. You're right, the sentiment is what matters.
I'm glad this could happen... before... [ well. The elephant in the room. ]
[Red Son hums and grins a bit despite the blush.] Consort might be a little too close to married and while I would not say that thought isn't appealing, I am pretty sure my mother would never forgive me if I ever had anything like a wedding without her present. She loves arranging an extravagant party.
We can start with partners as something solid, and try out the others to see what feels right.
Far be it for me to land outside your mother's good graces before we even have a chance to meet. [ Gotta stay in the parents' theoretical good books! ]
It's a little funny, assuming we get that far that would be my first wedding. My husband and I never really bothered. We did something together, made all the promises one makes, but not in front of anyone. [ They might also have had wedding trauma from D.Va's disappearing act. ]
[ Saya leans closer again to rest against him. Equally as a comfort as because she's tired. ] I know it will. I'll still know you. You called me back before, it won't be so hard to do again. [ Just a longer process. ]
It is best to air on the side of caution. Mother is extremely unforgiving.
To be fair, a demon wedding isn't quite the same of what humans do either. We do have our politics and proper etiquette, but that's usually only the start. Well, if you don't count the courtnapping as part of it, that is always debatable. It can get rather rowdy. There have been weddings that have wrecked villages before. [Demons go hard.]
[His smile gets a little more sad, but he pulls her close, moving to bury his face against her neck.] I did. I'll call you back again. If our next test fails. [Which it almost surely will, but he doesn't want her to think he lacks hope. He's just realistic of his own abilities.] It all just takes time.
I get more sure that I'll like your mother every time you speak of her. [ Saya is from a matriarchal species, she respects strong women. ]
That all sounds much better than the human version. Although now I'm wondering if I missed my chance to be courtnapped. That would be a shame.
[ Saya lets her expression falter when he pulls her close and can't see it, just for three seconds. Three seconds of being overwhelmed with grief about how very much she has to lose, and then she draws a breath and pushes past it. He needs her to. ] Whatever time it takes, it'll be worth it in the end.
Do you know when the next one will be? It's not an exact science to know how long before I...
She is quite the woman. [Just ignore how condescending she can be with Red Son. Centuries of codependency and depression isn't the best. They're working on it.]
Not necessarily. Courtnapping doesn't always have to be wholly unexpected. Its much like a proposal. If you've done the courtship right, you're aware your target isn't going to be truly invested in actually escaping. Testing is still common, of course, but not invested in succeeding at their escape.
...the next few days. I have some samples growing for the injections that will hopefully make the changes we need.
Much as I don't mind it here, I really can't wait to meet them. [ Hmm the Queen will ignore or not-ignore what she likes, thank you. But she does know how to be deft with diplomacy when she must, at least. One doesn't traipse all over the world peeking into hidden places without learning a thing or two. Also spending a year in Okinawa just outside the military base while being raised by an American put a fine point on things. ]
Wonderful. Do be sure to stash me somewhere comfortable, since I won't be wanting to escape. [ She's just lightly teasing, since the other thing they're discussing is so un-light. ]
[ She nods at his timeline. ] That should be fine. Ten days, perhaps, is my best guess. [ More like six but the progression is exponential toward the end, which none of them have any way to know. Nothing like getting a "surprise, it's now or never!" text, right? ]
They'll love you. [If they could decide to hang out with MK's family, then Saya would be a breath of fresh air honestly.]
[Sometimes your family is full of a lot of trauma, bad personalities, and codependency issues, and you just kind of need to work through it some months in the desert.]
Well, of course. Part of courtnapping is showing off your wealth. Strength, wealth, and capability. The room should be the nicest in the home with the best security.
[THE ABSOLUTE WORST TEXT.] That does seem to be the rate with how often you're sleeping. But I'm hopeful. [Hopeful he's on the right path, but working this time-]
That's the plan, yes. [ Wait until Red Son sees her aristocrat mode, he'll probably choke. Being a test subject to that human piece of shit wasn't fun but it did prepare her well for how to handle these things. She'll impress his parents or die trying -- although really she'd bet on her real trial being via combat. Which of course isn't a problem. ]
Best security indeed. It would take your technological wizardry to keep me locked away. Not that I recommend you try it at any other time. [ As she's mentioned, she doesn't do well with confinement. (This will get worse after her cure turns her instincts up to eleven.) ]
If things get desperate there's always trying to transfuse me with the blood of some of the various gods and immortals that are floating around here. [ Such as Wukong but she's not trying to poke that bear. ]
[Honestly, it just might be. Princess Iron Fan and Demon Bull King very much appreciate strength. And Princess Iron Fan will appreciate someone who can front better than her boys because Red Son and DBK are certainly the passionate and emotional sort.]
Of course not. I'll make sure its so nice you don't even notice. [He honestly would have skipped the courtnapping BECAUSE of that, but...well, she's the one expressing Interest.]
That is the base of the current premise. The Noodle Boy really was a lucky arrival. He's a clean stone monkey sample. Wukong has so much outside enchantments, it would be impossible to guarantee anything of the outcome, not without a lot more time than we had. Especially with Lao Tzu's work in the mix. A being born from a stone is closer to what you are than what we were working with before. [What with her turning to stone at death. There's definitely gotten be some similarities.]
[ Saya wouldn't bet on any test his parents have for her being easy, though she's confident she can at least be impressive throughout the process. ]
I don't doubt you for a second. You do things halfway about as often as I do. [ Which is to say, never. ]
[ The concept does interest her, mainly because it's a tradition of his culture's so how could it not? The confinement thing is easy enough to get around by wanting to be there, that's how she can be in small, crowded rooms without losing her mind. It's when she doesn't have the option, or can't convince herself that she has the option, that she starts getting twitchy. ]
Our initial chrysalis is petrified, as well. I wouldn't have made that connection until you mentioned it.
Hardly reason to not be excellent at everything you do. [Half assing things sounds like quitter talk.]
It did take me a bit to think of it. Noodle Boy offered to help with my project and while thinking about if there was something, I realized the similarities could be very helpful. And he was willing to just give me blood without asking questions...
[Since he hadn't known if she'd told him about it yet.]
My sentiments exactly. [ Saya's hardly exceptional at everything but mostly because she focuses on where her interests lie. Cooking being the lone exception and it's not that she's no good at it so much as she's convinced herself that she's not. Long annoying human-related trauma story. ]
I appreciate you letting me tell him myself. I didn't really know him yet, after all. [ And she generally likes to tell people about her horrific life herself. ] Even if doing it that way did lead to the scroll being here.
--By the way, his plan to use it to recover my memories won't work. While I was in there I found myself stumbling through the dark quite a bit. I thought there was something wrong with it until I started catching wisps of conversation or a flash of a scene. Only the memories I'm conscious of download into the thing and the rest is just a fog with occasional glimpses. Because I'm not from your world, I'm guessing.
He can get ahead of himself. Its the hero way. Rush off to help without really thinking it through. [A sigh.] If he had said something before had, I could have told him I had a tablet we could do tests with.
...more than likely, yes. Its a recorder. A robust recorder, to be sure, but if there is no reference, it can't make a copy. It likely only got as much of you as it did was because you went into it.
He was trying to help. He's probably not used to a situation he can't solve. I'd have told him no myself if I weren't completely out of it at the time. This was while I was still missing most of my memories. By the time I asked him what he meant, he had already requested the scroll.
In any case, I'm almost relieved. It would have been tempting if it had my whole history in there, and I can't imagine anything worse than walking through hundreds or thousands of years of memories that are mostly death and torture.
He has encountered situations he can't solve right away, and usually has to go back to them again. The whole reason we worked together during the Spider Queen thing was because he couldn't think of anything, so he decided to trust my plan. They had thought I was working for her at first, so that's where we were on the trusting scale.
That was also my concern. Its why I was going to wait a while to even try the tablet. Rewatching it all, especially that way...it could be far too overwhelming.
[ She was more referencing her hibernation as a problem that's impossible to solve, but if she says that then he won't love hearing it and she deeply doesn't want to have that discussion again. ]
Getting memories back suddenly, even one by one, is a shock to the system in my experience. We all went through it where we were last, and when you experience them in that way, devoid of all the surrounding context, it's more apt to cause distress.
[Not impossible. Just very hard. And still, not a reason to rush head long.]
Hm, that does make sense. That's why I want to be careful about that. At least that should be more doable. There's plenty of magic for recalling past lives and old memories.
Just...first we need to make sure you stay awake first. So that was a secondary concern.
[ Saya has always been sure that any attempt to retrieve her lost memories will be a disaster of epic proportions, but if she sleeps this time there's really no alternative. She needs these memories. Hopefully Red Son knows enough to make sure she's appropriately restrained, however much she'll hate that. ]
I'm sure you'll figure it all out in the proper order. Staying awake is far and away the first priority. It's the first fifty. [ After this cure test actually works she will push hard not to pursue her past memories. Too much could go wrong, and all she knows of her past tells her that she doesn't want them. She doesn't want her past back, she only wants to keep her present. ]
[ -- They've gotten off track. Saya cups his face in her hands and leans close, fighting exhaustion. ] I'm sorry. We don't need to talk about that right now.
How long of a break are you taking? [ She needs to lay down. She'd prefer not to do it alone. ]
It is. [Memories is a conversation for later. He could understand why she doesn't want them and....well, he offered to help and he won't take it back. But he wouldn't be terribly inclined to push.]
[Not for that.]
There hours. [He gently touches her cheek, pulling her close to kiss her forehead.] If things went well, you would want affection.
...if it had gone badly, I'd have to work through the feelings somewhere. [It's hard to silence the dark thoughts.]
But I thought it'd most likely be the affection thing.
[ Her skin is noticeably cooler than usual. Cooler than the last few days, even. ]
[ She hums when he says what he would have done if this had gone badly. She can't blame him for considering it, she'd have done the same. She did do the same, as a matter of fact. ]
If your breaks are based on how often I want affection, your poor workshop will be deserted. [ She knows he just means now, her tone is obviously teasing. Besides it's not like she's constantly here, she has three thousand beds to rotate through. ]
Would you want to rest with me a while? [ And they can just pretend it's purely affectionate and not because she can't stay on her feet much longer. ]
[She's definitely getting closer. Its fine. He can keep her warm, he's hot enough for three people.]
[Red Son was an overthinker and its easier to deal with the bad things if he already has a plan. And if he is ready to deal with the bad things, its easier to conquer his anxiety and take the risk.]
[He chuckles.] I really wanted to indulge you right now. Sometimes its fun when you have to persuade me. [He kisses her neck affectionately.]
I would. Do you want to stay here or move to the bedroom?
[ The warmth of his body and the affection in his actions feel very good, enough to distract moderately from how tired she is and how miserable that makes her. ]
[ She curls closer, sliding an arm around him. ] Sorry about the cold. But you're helping.
[ Lightly huffing at the payback comment. Yeah, eagerly awaiting for a few decades... she swallows hard and wills herself not to get emotional. No ruining this further. ]
Payback in spades. I'm a whirlwind of affection as a hatchling.
Ah. Then there will be no complaints when my hands wander. [ In this case, moving to stroke through his hair, since she loves doing it. ]
[ The thought of how long it might be before she remembers properly and can get that payback hits especially hard right now. She tries not to show it, but she's awful at hiding things. ]
I think the whirlwind of affection still applies, in that case.
Never, you say. I'm writing that down for the future. [ Dangerous, dangerous promises. ]
[ She swallows hard when he kisses her head. It doesn't feel okay, not when exhaustion is pulling at her and she feels like she just trapped Red Son in something that will only hurt him again and again, and for what? For the chance to maybe have a future together eventually? ]
[ But she can't say that. Can't give in to the unimaginable stress of her situation because it's harder on him, because he'll think she doesn't have hope, doesn't believe in him. There's only one answer she can give, and it's the truth, but somehow it also feels like a lie. ]
I know.
[ Her fingers move through his hair and she curls even closer to his warmth. ]
Can you talk a bit? I can listen for longer than I can speak myself. [ Even talking wears her out, but more the point it's easier to pretend she's not scared and stressed when she doesn't have to worry about her voice shaking. And she does like hearing him. ] Tell me the next project you're going to work on for fun.
[ She flashes one of those smiles that says she's not going to stop until she gets what she wants. ]
I'm rather certain I've made it clear how much I want you. [Said gently, reaching for her hand with the bracelet.]
[He meets her gaze and huffs.] Well, I do have an idea, actually. Iggy asked me to help him design a rather interesting go kart race. The sort of thing that has unexpected obstacles, provided by the track and the racers themselves.
Good. Declarations of love are not something to hoard away. [Even as he blushes quite a bit as he says it, a few candles flickering to life around the room.]
[MK is around. Maiming will be kept to a minimum.] Hmm, there is this idea of an item to temporarily disable the car at the front of the pack. That will be challenging, since it needs to know which car IS at the front and how to avoid a full on wipe out.
Some trackers would be good, but it does mean the track has to be firmly established and also avoid confusion is there are multiple lamps. Probably a counter each time the starting line is passed.
[ She glances around the slightly brighter room. ] It's nice to have a quantifiable mechanism for seeing how much I wind you up, солнце. [ Literally the word means "small sun", an obvious reference to how he very literally lights up when he's feeling especially Much, but it's specifically a romantic term of endearment that implies someone making your life brighter. ]
Go after the leaders, hm? I suppose that's one way to level a playing field.
[He huffs and buries his face on the top of her head.] Its a lot harder to avoid setting my bed on fire when you work me up.
[And yet a few more candles flicker to life with the petname.]
Hm, it encourages people to time tings better. You either need to be so far ahead you can recover before you're overtaken, or know how to be in second without overtaking first until you can win.
[ New petname confirmed. In private only, of course. (Unless he really needs taken down a peg.) ] As long as I'm working you up somehow or another, I'm happy.
I must admit I haven't raced with anything like that on the table. Mostly I just have to contend with someone who can drive on the side of buildings or glide through the air like a total cheat. [ Boundless affection in her tone, though. ]
Then I'm glad you'll be happy often since it doesn't take you very much.
[He huffs.] Well, I could certainly make vehicles like that but that level of all terrain does take some of the fun out of most races.
And it'd take a while to make a track truly befitting those kinds of vehicles for a fair race. I could do it. It just probably won't be the first go around. Its important to start a brand simple anyway. Then you have room to grow.
I have a talent for these things. [ And it's fun, too. ] You can work me up just as well when you get a mind to.
I'm sure you could. It's a natural ability on his part, though. Although if I could talk you into modding my bike for me I might stand a chance. [ Let's just pretend she's not about to fall asleep shall they? ]
I wouldn't know about starting a brand, I worked in the shadows like any good assassin. [ She doesn't call herself this very often, but it's true. Being tired makes her honest. ] But I have no doubt you'll make something incredible.
[ Saya laughs and makes her way over to the changing area and then tosses Karlach a glance over her shoulder as she starts undressing without a hint of shyness. ]
You'd be surprised how often that combination works for me.
[ Goodness she's so cute. Saya tends to be more the "strip in a sensual way while tossing suggestive glances around" type so she's a bit slower about it, but also she's just looking at Karlach because she's gorgeous and charming as hell ]
I like to think the rest of me is even harder to say no to. [ Indeed, by human beauty standards, she's just about perfect. Soft curves, perfect skin. A few tattoos, incidentally: a purple dragon on the back of her shoulder, a feather on her ankle, a cello bow with a blue ribbon around it on her wrist, and, when she lengthens her hair enough to pin it up (yes it resembles magic, her hair just gets suddenly longer) there's a fire butterfly on the back of her neck. ]
[ She turns to Karlach and stretches a bit in a very "please admire me" way. She's a show-off. ] All set?
It's all pretty fucking difficult to say no to. ( especially now that it was fully on display. Karlach, by comparison, was hardly perfect. Bright red skin marred with burns and various scars, a series of black tattoos of her own detailed along her left side. The little metal circles on her shoulders spouting steam to regulate the absurdly hot engine from burning her and everyone around her alive. One of her horns was broken, her hair was wild, flames licked around her - now, especially, while she was excited. She wasn't jealous if Saya or anything, but boy were they physically polar opposites.
She was already looking. Saya didn't need to make a point of it, really, because Karlach was shameless. ) Yeah, I'm good. ( Said after snapping back to attention, following her out to the baths. )
[ And yet Saya's admiring Karlach as if she is perfect... because to Saya's mind, she is. Saya's natural form isn't exactly human-appearing either and she has an absolute thing for fellow inhumans. She's only not shifting because why bother? There are better things to do. ]
[ Saya reaches out to take Karlach's arm as they're walking over to the bath and presses against her side, a pleasant bit of contact. Fingers exploring and admiring all those marks on Karlach's skin. ]
I remember you saying your blood burns... okay if I bite a bit anyway? If not, no problem. [ She's fireproof, she heals, and her hibernation cure put her bite instinct up to about fifty. ]
( Karlach, unsurprisingly, runs hotter than normal people might, her base temperature high above feverish while fire coursed through her veins. And yet she shivered from the contact, so unused to it as she was.)
If you think you can handle it. I don't - I don't want to hurt you.
( Karlach sank into the water, settling against the edge just as Saya surged in for the kiss. With only the faintest hint of hesitation born of instinct to not burn people alive with her touch, she wrapped her arms around her and tugged her into her lap, head tilted to deepen the kiss. )
[ Saya gets the slight hesitation, actually. She's sometimes been worried about hurting people accidentally with her strength or her bite. It's sweet. Karlach is charming in a myriad of ways. ]
[ Which isn't to say Saya doesn't appreciate when Karlach pulls her close and dives in, she absolutely does. She shows it by curling close, still needing to stretch up to reach Karlach's mouth but doing a very thorough job in kissing it, her mouth and body like a revving engine. Her hands move over Karlach's scars and marks, drinking her in with her fingertips. ]
( Karlach's own body was, quite literally, revving like an engine, the glow in her chest brightening until the amber hue turned into a sharp, bright blue, her eyes mirroring the change behind her eyelids. Karlach kissed her hard, needy and desperate for the contact as she wrapped the smaller woman tightly in her arms, bowed her head down to meet her, and coiled her tail around Saya's waist to keep her pressed against her.
After a moment she shifted one if her hands down between them, brushing her fingers between her thighs - two of which, funny enough, seemed to have been clipped a little shorter than the talon-like nails she usually had. )
[ The blue glow has Saya gasping, her own eyes flaring bright red with glowing flecks of gold. Way to tap into the mating instincts, Karlach. Saya presses closer and bares her fangs against Karlach's lip, scraping a bit of her burning blood out and licking it up eagerly, with no sign of discomfort. ]
[ One hand winds behind her back to find the tip of Karlach's tail, which she swirls her fingers around for a moment before stroking her tail to where it meets her back. She's learned that on most inhumans, the spot where things connect to their body is pretty sensitive. Being the occasional owner of wings and a tail herself, it seems a fair guess. ]
( Karlach groaned in return, the slight twinge of pain only making her now blue-tinted heart beat faster and her flames burn brighter.
Saya's assumption that the base of her tail was sensitive was not incorrect, the sensation making her shiver. Karlach's fingers continued their delve between Saya's thighs, finding their way to her slit to gently slide upwards, swirling around her clit. She eased back from the kiss just enough to kiss along her jaw. )
[ The blue is literally intoxicating. Saya keeps her red-flaring eyes open just enough to see herself bathed in it, and that as much as Karlach's seeking fingers makes her moan. She tips her head back so Karlach can kiss her jaw and neck, one hand curling into Karlach's hair and the other still toying with the base of her tail, fingernails grazing the skin there. ]
[ While keeping her neck exposed, Saya leans forward to lick her way to the tip of Karlach's long ear, then nip at it. She loves his feature on someone. ]
( The scrape of nails on sensitive skin sent a ripple of pleasure through the tiefling, her tail jittering with delight with each tease of Saya's fingers. Her own hand was now palmed against Saya's mound, fingers circling the delicate bundle of nerves to rouse more sounds out of her. Sharp teeth nipped just below her jaw, a growl of a moan rumbling from her chest just as Saya's tongue lolled over her ear. )
[ Saya chuckles breathily against Karlach's ear as her fingers work their slow way around the base of Karlach's tail, then up her spine. ] I didn't get so many lovers being a slouch.
[ She then moans sweetly, in such a way that makes it quite obvious she's a singer, and shifts her hips into Karlach's fingers. Her tongue winds its lazy way down Karlach's ear until her lips press just beneath it, at which point she bites down, fangs sinking in. Once again, the burning doesn't seem to bother her. ]
( Karlach purred, infernal engine rumbling and running as hot as it could without engulfing them both in flames. That bright blue remained, her back arching into the touch while her fingers continued to work between Saya's thighs; two fingers dipping inside her while her thumb continued to work her clit.
The touch of teeth in her skin was expected, but still vaguely alarming, the instinctive response being to shove Saya away so she didn't hurt herself. But since she didn't even flinch, neither did Karlach, head tipping back as another moan rolled out of her. )
[ She doesn't actually think that since it's a picnic, although Red Son might be one that would prepare a meal for someone to tell them things were over. ]
[ So long as they're not close enough that she frightens the poor things, pandas are supposed to be very nitpicky about their environment. ]
That sounds nice. I'll see you then.
[ She'll fly out because why not, so when he sees her arrive it'll be as a silver blur plummeting toward the ground at alarming speed. Her wings snap open and stop her descent exactly six feet above the grass and she steps gently down, folding and vanishing her wings, her silver skin and hair returning to their normal coloring. ]
[There is definitely plenty of space. Its a high hill, nearly a cliff, so its not easy for the pandas to get up here, but it gives them plenty of height to see the sights. And really, a sight that focuses on animals is better BECAUSE of that, Saya isn't likely to be missing out.]
[But Red Son will be there, having teleported over, and has laid out a blanket and weighed it down with some rocks, and unpacking a basket with sandwiches and fruit and things that are just easier to eat outside.]
[He looks up as she lands and he offers a small smile.] No, not really. Come have a seat? [And he's pulling out a box that definitely doesn't appear to be for food, something that size of a cellphone.]
I had it made, but yes. It took forever... you'll see.
[ She reaches into her hammerspace pocket and pulls out a small box that's wrapped in folded red and gold fabric, just scraps from some of the DBF clothes she's working on. When he opens it there's a solid metallic hair pin inside, rounded in a way that makes it clear it's to hold his ponytail in place. The design has a cut red gem in the center and is shaped in such a way that invokes thoughts of a bat without strictly being one, with more red gems curling along the sides. ]
That's some of my gems in it. I wanted to give you one to wear, but I didn't want to interfere with your hands since you work with them so often. [ And necklaces were out of the question, of course. ]
Part of what took so long is that finding a machine that could cut one made from a live Chiropteran was an endeavor, part was that the enchantment took forever to get right.
Heat it up. Gradually, but don't hold back the heat.
[ As he heats it, the gem starts to glow a deep crimson like the magic of Saya's fires. As the temperature increases, a red flame rises from the gem in the vague shape of a bat stretching its wings. ]
I made it extra durable, no need to baby it. That sucker will survive anything short of the Samadhi fire.
[He holds out his hands for the box and there's a bit of a chuckle when he first sees it, just because there is a bit of irony there.]
[Then he fully takes it in, smiling as he runs his hand over it.]
[Until she says its her gems and he looks up in surprise. He imagines gems from living Chiropteran wasn't as big of a deal as a live one, but he is also certain it still means a whole lot.]
[He hesitates a moment, looking down as he heats up the hair pin. And its thoughtful. Pragmatic too, with how often he sets his hair ablaze. He always has to regularly coat his hair ties in enchantments so they don't burn up like his clothes.]
[His face is getting red, embers flickering his his hair and]
[Ugh, he needs to talk to her, but this was-]
[He holds it back out to her with one hand.]
[Turning so his back is to her, tilting back his head so she can easily get to his hair.]
[ Having him wear a piece of her will Help with the talking, trust. ]
[ She watches him take it in, hoping the silence isn't a bad sign. She doesn't think this is overstepping but... ]
[ Oh, that's why he's turning his back. She scoots forward, removes his hair tie and puts the pin in his hair. Then a brief kiss to the back of his neck. And she takes a quick picture with her phone, which she shows him. So he can see it in. ]
I had wanted to get something you could see, but this will have to do. We can't have you wearing something that will get in the way of your work.
If calming down is what you're after then I'm pleased about that, but you being so passionate is part of what I love about you. I'd never try to change that.
[ Intensity isn't a bug, it's a feature. ]
[ She beams when he kisses her. ] I'm glad you like it.
--Do I get that box now? [ Or does the Talk come first ]
I can be passionate with less wanting to set my work on fire if I'm particularly frustrated.
[He's just saying.]
Yes, yes.
Its not as nice, but. [He'll open up the box for her to see a golden haircomb, with a red ruby heart and red ruby tears surrounding it.] The coincidence is amusing. [He takes the comb out of the box.] May I?
[She just gave him a very sweet and thoughtful gift and he doesn't want to utterly ruin the mood, but he's already delayed ONCE because it would have been THE WORST TIME and if he keeps delaying, MK may start thinking he's ashamed or something asinine and there is a greater risk of Saya finding out some other way that WOULD make it hurt more and-]
[Better to ruin a good mood, than a bad one.]
[He just might never get to air this hair piece in front of her and she may never be able to look at pandas again, but...but that was the real worst case scenarios, right? The reasonable ones?]
[ It's a good thing she's also a fast eater, because she has the sandwich down by the time he speaks. ]
[ The first thing Saya does is shut her eyes, because she knows they'll be glowing a fierce red. Her instincts rising up enough to choke her. She doesn't want to project the wrong idea, and she's scary when she's -- angry. Hurt. ]
[ But there is more than hurt and anger, much more. As she's said, she never feels just one way about anything. So it's not a lie when she says: ]
Thank every deity in the multiverse. You two were driving me crazy.
[ And if her voice is a little pinched, a little bit too cheerful to be fully genuine, don't mind it. She's doing her best. Even if her instincts are screaming and roiling and she wants to hoard what's hers and unleash her fists and fangs on the threat, to take and take and-- ]
[ No. Breathe. She curls her knees to her chest, arms wrapped tight around her legs. Protectively. ]
[ She's not a hatchling anymore, she can manage this. Her newly enhanced instincts can't compete with how much she loves both Red Son and MK and wants them to be happy. She encouraged this, she pushed for this. She knew it was inevitable. (If she tried to forbid it, to make Red Son choose, she's so certain that she wouldn't like what he chose.) And she has a new partner herself, her sixth, and he's not losing his mind over it, in fact he's happy for her, so don't be a hypocrite. Red Son is so understanding of her having so many partners, and they have an agreement, and she knew, she knew this was coming, she should have been ready, she thought she was ready-- ]
[ She has his bite on her neck, his family crest on her wrist. Her position with him is secure. Unless he goes back to his world without her, unless he forgets... a fear that will become all the more potent within a few days when Venti is suddenly gone. ]
[ She pictures her wings bursting out, how quickly she could be up and away, the air a cold snap in her lungs as she escapes this feeling. Flee from her problems as she is so wont to do, fly at top speed to the edge of the map and maybe outrun all the dark thoughts in her head. ]
[ Breathe. ]
[ It's going to be fine. She knows he loves her. Without question. She knows MK wouldn't want her to feel this way, feel threatened. He wouldn't want her to run, she'd only hurt them both. So she stays put. For now. That could change at any second. Doing this outside was perhaps not the best move, there's too many ways she could run. She's considering all of them. ]
[ She doesn't dare open her eyes yet, or say anything else. ]
[ She just needs a minute. It might be a rough minute. ]
[Red Son hadn't wanted her to feel cornered. He hadn't wanted to ruin some place important to her. He hadn't wanted to do this in a place where others would see. Even as he hopes it'll be fine, the dark voices are too strong to dismiss to not decide on the ultimal place to tell her.]
[And when there wasn't one....]
[Well, that's why there's a tracker in the hair comb.]
[A nice hair comb, a gift for her to keep, but in this specific instance, it was to be sure he would be able to go after her, regardless of how fast or where she chooses to run.]
[He'll tell her about it when this conversation is done and they're somewhere stable.]
[He glances at her at the sentence and just]
[Waits]
[Waits for her to say anything else. To ask questions. Or give a sign for him to talk.]
[Instead she just curls up and]
[This is difference. Because if she had any doubts in his feelings, it had been because he messed up. They had talked about Mei, but it was over the phone and hypotheticals, nothing solid and real.]
[This was something solid and real and it was the first time where Red Son had definitely turned eyes away from her for certain. Not pulled away, but his eyes weren't just for her.]
[He leans against her. Reaching out to put his arm over one of hers. Angles his arm so she can still see the mark.]
[ She flinches away when he leans against her. Eyes squeezed shut. She doesn't keep shying away past that initial burst, but she doesn't lean back against him. ]
[ Her feelings are what they are, and right now things are dark in there. She's wondering if she's destined to lose everything she loves, if part of him is already gone. ]
I just... need a minute.
[ She tries to focus on breathing. On the way her scar tugs when she moves her head. It doesn't work all that well, but it's something. ]
[ She doesn't want to hear that when she is struggling to believe it. And she tenses to move, to run, to get some space and do what she does, what she warned him about, which is be alone to punish herself. ]
[ She's not forceful about moving since she doesn't want to shove him off, so he has every chance to snag her. Hopefully he's ready for it. ]
[ That's not it at all. She doesn't begrudge MK who he is or the bonds he makes. She happens to think he's wonderful and deserves every good thing. ]
I lost every piece of my past. Most if it gladly. Some of it...
[ Like Haji. Like Kai. Like... she can't think of his name, but she knows the feeling she gets when she thinks about him. Like Nem and Ren and Pentium, and soon Venti-- ]
I'll never have that history with anyone again. And my instincts don't take well to being... substract. [ It's an archaic word, but it's the closest one she can think of. An accessory, inferior, unnecessary... it's some combination of all those. ]
[ She'll never again have a guarantee that someone won't leave her, because she doesn't make Chevaliers anymore. And that leaves the part of her that needs to be Always First for someone just adrift. ]
You'll never need me the way you need them. The way you never shut up about them. [ She hadn't meant to say that since she never wants him to feel like he can't speak freely, but there it is. ]
[ She forces a few deep breaths into her lungs. She doesn't exactly resent that Red Son talks about Mei and MK every other sentence, but she does feel it indicates where she stands. Why it took him months and months to even agree to be more than casual with her and for MK it was immediate. And she's not sure how to explain the obvious. ]
I don't think I can put it into words.
I'm very aware of that history and how separate I am from it.
[ It's like Venti with Lumine. Yuri with Flynn. A connection she can't find anywhere anymore. She doesn't begrudge anyone that, but it still hurts. ]
I'll be fine. I knew this would-- I'll be fine. I just need a minute.
The only reason I can put things into words is because of you.
I never needed to put things into words. Mother and I understood each other. Father and I were still struggling to find a way to connect and words wasn't how either of us did.
And I'm going to talk about them, but there is a point.
MK and Mei pursued me. They bothered me. I ran from them because our situation made me afraid what would happen if I didn't, you've certainly heard my fears, and they just kept coming, until circumstances forced me to reach out to them. If not for the Samadhi Fire, if Mei hadn't needed me specifically, I would have kept running after the Lady Bone Demon. The entire basis of our friendship is because they refused to give up on me and because Mei's ancestor.
Then I came here.
And in not so many words, you asked me what I wanted.
I spent my whole life never...really giving that any true thought. Of course I wanted my father back, I wanted my mother happy, but if mother hadn't been so determined to free him...would I have dedicated my whole life to that goal? Or would I have tried to move on and live my own life?
Ultimately, I never really had to think of anything I wanted for myself, free of what my parents wanted me to do. And the only thing I had wanted independent of them made me afraid of losing them, so I didn't think about it. I didn't try to put it into words.
But you wanted to know what I wanted. Did I want to explore something new, did I really want to dedicate so much time to helping you, did I want you.
I love you for many reasons. You're strong, you're powerful, you're beautiful, you're kind, you would do wonderfully in a demon court, you're fun to be around, you're passionate, you have a lovely smile.
But when it comes down to people I 'need' in my life...
I needed someone to ask that question.
What did I want.
Because if you hadn't asked, I would have taken years to realize I loved you, if I ever did. The same would be true of MK and Mei because I would have refused to even think about it. Because what it comes down to...I never had to think about what I actually wanted for myself. But you wanted to know. You pushed me to find that answer, but were patient, giving me the pressure and the time I needed to actually figure out what that answer was.
[ At first she's barely able to listen over the yelping din of her feelings, but as he talks she slowly relaxes. Memories flow with the words, and she's able to let things settle in a way that she struggles with when her instincts are galloping in every direction. ]
[ The natural question is probably to ask him what he wants. She absolutely doesn't want that answer. ]
I want you to have everything that makes you happy. I love you, and I love MK. [ Albeit differently. ] There's a reason I pushed you in his direction, too.
But I... that was never going to be easy for me. My husband doesn't have other romantic partners, nor do my others... except Venti, and he's the god of freedom, so it's a little different, and we were all friends and lovers before any romance happened. [ Yeah that's a whole kettle of fish, but it's one she has no problem digesting. ]
I hope it means something that I want that for you, even knowing what it would feel like for me.
I know. I understand. It's not an easy thing to let go of that desire to possess. To have. It's easier for me because I knew that was a fact before stepping forward with you. I got to accept the idea before hand.
Before Noodle Boy showed up, you couldn't have known if anyone would have my interest.
[....please understand, he doesn't know how painfully obvious he was.]
I understand you need time to adjust. To figure things out.
But I'm not going anywhere. I'm still here. I still love you. You make me happy and I'll do all I can to keep you. [His fingers brush over her neck.] That's why I made this mark. That's why I offered you to mark me first.
[ Painfully obvious, painful being the operative word. Saya has talked some about her partners, once about Rosen and briefly about her husband but that was part of their Big Discussion in the weremonkey's nest, but she doesn't think she's had quite the case of mentionitis that Red Son has. ]
[ So there are going to need to be some Logistics. ]
Can I ask for a few things? Just for a little while. I can tame my instincts given time, I just need that time.
[When one has built up their identity around those they love, it's a hard thing to avoid when letting someone see them. It's an unfortunate side effect.]
[ Well. Hopefully this won't give off the wrong idea. ]
I think I need some time apart. Not like -- broken up. I'd still want to talk over text or the phone or video or whatever. Talking, but at a distance. I just want to get my head on straight before I see any bite marks on you, because I know that would really kick me off. [ She knows he won't want to heal them, and she wouldn't feel right asking him to, so best that she get her stuff figured out all at once rather than drag it out. ]
And -- you and he can take some time. There's a masquerade on one of the airships in a while, so after that I'll assess where I am.
[ Venti's disappearance would have made that inevitable anyway. She won't want to see anyone but Yuri, and then she'll only want to see people she's okay being in that particular kind of pain in front of. ]
It would also help if I could add a bedroom with a bathroom to your house where we could stay when I'm over. Where only you and I go, and Shen Hong if she wants to, no one else. I know from my husband that it helps if there's a place where I won't smell someone else, especially someone else's blood. [ This would also eliminate the concern he had about other flings. Plus she could leave some clothes and things over and it wouldn't be in MK's face. ] We could also put the mirror portal in there so it's unobtrusive.
[ She's not going to ask him to moderate talking about MK, since she hadn't intended to say anything like that. ]
[There was definitely some tightening of his hold on her at that first part. He listens before he reacts more and...he had tried to ask for the same before. Well, sort of. That had been an emotional wall over a physical.]
[Which is still worrying and he wonders if this is wise with what she said before.]
[He would heal the bitemarks if asked. He'd be sad to do so, but he would understand. It was why he had been doing so the past week whenever MK got his hands on him.]
I can add another room. None of my room plans are time sensitive, I can make adjustments easily enough. [He just needed to get a bathroom, added on to one, which should be simple enough.] It's not too much. It's the same reason I had no problem with our living situations. It's different when the smells seem...invasive.
As for time, I...
I can agree to that.
IF.
You promise, promise me to not do the self isolate thing that you hurt yourself with.
Because you told me to not leave you alone and I am only considering this because of the phone contact and you seem to be thinking carefully of this and I think the dangerous isolation would involve you being more...impulsive.
But I'm not certain.
But you know how serious I take promises and I would frankly never forgive myself if my misjudgements caused you to be harmed when you warned me to watch for this vein of behavior. [He knows the last part is kind of manipulative and a selfish lens, but he figures if Saya doesn't want to take care of herself, the confirmation it would hurt Red Son to do it would keep her from doing so.]
[ But having him heal the bite marks doesn't serve anything. It won't help her get over it, all it will go is draw the process out. She needs time and space with her thoughts where it will be okay when she's not okay, and that means being out of his sight. And MK's. Once she's past it enough, any twinges she can handle. She does it every day. ]
[ Sylvain is living proof that she can conquer this particular problem, she just needs that time. ]
I can use one of my room expansions for it, I am honestly out of ideas for what else to add to our place. What more could I ask for than a training room and a music room and a hot springs?
--The room will help. I don't even have words for how much. I hate to make you stay else where but we can make sure it's to your liking and comfortable. Bloodproof and burnproof. Candles.
[ If she's pulling him out of his room sometimes, she wants to at least be kind and considerate about it. ] Thank you, I feel better already.
[ Not better enough to not need the time away, unfortunately. ]
This isn't self-isolation, I'll be with my husband and housemates and partners. I promise I won't isolate or punish myself.
But you and MK deserve better than to have me hurting and resentful when I look at you. This is something I can tame if I feel safe enough, and don't feel like I have to be constantly clenching down on my reactions. I need to be able to get ugly sometimes.
I'm sorry, though. I know how it sounds. Believe me that I'm not trying to put emotional space between us, not for more than I absolutely need. Because I'll miss being with you more than you can imagine.
Just take the time with him so that when I'm able, I can steal some of your attention again. [ She knows how new relationships are. You struggle to come up for air. That's also part of her wanting the time away, so she won't have to ask if he's free and then wonder why he might not be available. ]
When I can, [ aka no time soon ] I'll probably talk to MK about making some kind of non-rigid schedule so we're not both staying over at the same time for a while. Since I'm not there anything close to half the time it won't be an imposition on him, I'd hope. [ She has such demands on her time and her nights. She'd want to be there more than a sixth of the time but definitely nothing near half. ] Obviously if things come up then they do, but it would probably do both of us good to step into things slowly.
Are you okay with all that? If you're not, tell me and we can figure it out.
That would make it more timely, the expansion. [Also a little more fair since some of those rooms plans was to make more space in the place for MK. Since he lived there. And apparently the monkeys thought the living room and kitchen was also kind of his domain, so he wanted to make the shared feeling more overt.]
[But making the relationship dynamic work would take priority, but doing both is definitely better.]
Also soundproof. We should...definitely do that. [He knows he gets noisy and that was probably a better move overall.] And make sure its comfortable for you as well. Its both our room.
[His hold tightens on her and he kisses her temple.] Anything for you.
[He presses his face against her shoulder as he listens.] Thank you. [At the promise.] You just warned me and I wanted to be sure. [She said to pursue, and this was a kind of pursuit.]
You have been incredibly patient with me. Its only right I offer you the same. [He took weeks to figure out his own emotions. Took longer to figure out his issues with MK and even that probably has some more work to be done, they were just figuring it out. Patient with him when he broke down on her, at several points.]
[How could he not offer her the same?]
[Even if he hated the thought of being distant, of not being able to see her, if she needed time, he could give her time.]
[He nods if she asked it was okay.] Whatever you need. A schedule for as long as you need it. And...and it would probably be good for you and MK to talk anyway.
Our relationship was the first point we covered after the confirmation there were feelings, and he made no protests against it. Encouraged it in wanting you and I to be happy. But with how he is, [the garbage self worth] he may be panicking about your friendship, so if you weren't already planning it, I would like to ask that you reassure him in regards to that. If you can. And when you're ready. I can handle that part until you're in a space for it.
I'll pick up an expansion in a bit. And I'll use the time to buy the furnishings and things for it. I'm quite sure I know your taste well enough. It will be something concrete to occupy me and remind me that the separation isn't forever. [ Even though she's the one asking for the time apart, it still hurts. It's still hard. She's hoping that going through this small challenge will make things overall better. She doesn't want Red Son or MK to feel as though she's always in the background, hurt and disapproving. Getting over her rough feelings at once will be best for everyone. ]
--All the rooms here come sound proofed. Have you not noticed that? [ Living in a house with so many people, so many couples, so many booty calls, you figure these things out. ]
[ She moves her arms around him, the movements almost tentative. Holding him loosely. She's still fighting the urge to run off -- but she isn't. It's something. ]
We'll talk often. I'll make sure that at least once a day you can hear my voice. [ She doesn't want to fade out of his life, that's not the point here. ]
Just -- please use the time to work out whatever needs working out with MK the best you can. And if you need to process that with someone, I think that, for now, it would be best if someone else helped you with that. Although I'm very glad you trusted me that far.
[ She can't be the confessional anymore, not about this. Not for a while. ]
I'll let you know when I'm ready to ease back into talking about those things. I'm fairly sure I can do it gracefully. I'd never want you to feel like MK is off-limits entirely for discussion [ because probably it would mean he never says anything at all ] but as far as working out your relationship issues, it will take some time before I can manage to listen to it. Not much time, just a little.
[ There is a marked hesitation when he mentions her talking to MK, her entire body tensing sharply. ]
I need time for that. I can text him and let him know things are going to be okay, that's manageable because it's the truth. But he made me promise not to lie to him, and if I tried to tell him that I'm not angry right now, it wouldn't be true. My instincts are what they are -- but I'll simmer down. You described your emotions to me, the reactivity, how the initial burst isn't the real feeling, and my anger isn't the real feeling. It just takes longer for mine to burn away.
I'm not sure how long it will be until I can have a conversation with him, even over text. But I'll do it when I can. I have no desire to hurt him or have distance from him.
...I really am sorry. I know this isn't the way you wanted this conversation to go. [ She tried to run, she said things that probably hurt to hear, she's going to refuse to see him for weeks on end, and she can't talk to MK. It's not a fun list of things. But that's why she needs the time away. She can see what would happen if she didn't take the time, tried to grit her teeth and force it, and she knows it would be ugly. She doesn't want that even though she's hurting. ]
All right. I'll trust your tastes then. And at finding things that are hard to stay with blood. [There is a pause though.] No, I hadn't noticed they were soundproof. I suppose that's why I only heard things thudding against the floor. [Which really is more vibration than soundwaves.]
[He squeezes her briefly.] I'll be sure to prompt to answer your call. Even if it's a simple good morning. [It would help. Immensely. He doesn't like forceful separation. He knows it's temporary, but there are those lingering scars of what it's like to know where someone is and be unable to go to them. And while he had many tricks to try and remember things about his father....he had forgotten his voice.]
[Hearing her voice would keep him centered.]
[He doesn't say all that. He's brought this difficulty to Saya and he can swallow that anxiety for her sake.]
[She is right though. If she didn't want to hear about MK, he would never say anything at all unless it was entirely unavoidable.]
[It may be the case regardless going forward. It's hard for him to not overcompensate.] I'll work things out with Noodle Boy. I promise. [There's been enough pressure release that the fear is no longer choking him, eating at his rationality. He can make the promise.] Don't worry about us. Take care of yourself.
[He nods against her shoulder. A shuddering breath. He squeezes her again.] I understand. I appreciate letting him know, and I can take care of him until you can talk to him. Neither one of you wants the other to hurt. I'll keep his dark voices at bay until you're ready. Please have someone for your own.
What matters is you're okay. Don't rush. I can be patient for you, and take care of things on our end until then. I knew this would be a difficult conversation to have. It's why I didn't want it anywhere that mattered to you. The haircomb is affection, but less sentimental in case you couldn't stand to ever see it again. I wanted you to still have evidence of my care, but the freedom to burn it all if it became a painful association.
Whatever I hoped, what matters is what makes it the easiest for you. Even if it's something ugly for a while.
[ A tiny smile forms. ] My specialty is finding things that can withstand some blood spatter. And now I know how to enchant something and make it fireproof, so that's easy enough. [ It costs a pretty penny, but Saya has many pretty pennies. And she'll be doing All The Quests to work her feelings out on monsters. ]
[ Saya had anticipated he wouldn't like the idea of separation, however short-term. It would sting with horrible reminders. But if she doesn't take the time to work her stuff out, she might do something regrettable, something that could make a separation that's not fixable. (Part of her wants to. The spiteful, fearful part that says he's already got one foot out the door, might as well shove him out entirely, punish him for the hurt and insult of making her second to anyone. She's ignoring it.) ]
You can call me as well. It's important that you know you're free to do that. If you're doubting, if you're worried, if you want to check in, if you want me to feel closer, then reach out. It would make me happy if you did.
[ Other than not being able to handle the "my relationship with MK" issues, she doesn't want him to feel at all limited. At all like he has to wait for her to reach out first. If she can't answer right then, she won't, but she'll always come back to it when she can. ]
I have plenty of support, don't you worry. Endless support. [ There's a reason she can be so present with Red Son when he needs her and not, this conversation excepted, let her own feelings run the show. She has many sources to process her feelings. And she's a little worried that Red Son doesn't, and she's just removed herself as a source for at least some of his stronger feelings -- but, again, it's because the status quo would probably result in her making things really bad. She knows herself that far. ]
I could never burn anything you gave me. Never.
...But your consideration of my feelings is very much appreciated.
[ She pauses, then her arms hold him tighter. ] I love you. [ And there's a reason she hasn't said that in this conversation until now, because it makes her cry. Not altogether in a negative way, though she can imagine he'll take it as mostly negative. ]
I'm still with you. I'll come back to you physically in no time at all. Barely a blink. And I'll have myself managed, I'll be fine with you and MK, and you can have both of us without any worries about it. We'll make you so happy, you'll wonder if it's truly real.
...if it would make you happy, then I won't curb the impulse. [Because he planned to. He absolutely planned to let her approach and contact him on her own time. When it was a choice between Red Son and two people he loved with countering wants, he will choose with more selfishness even if it made things complicated for himself because there was no easy answer. But when the choice was to have someone he loved hurt, or hurt himself?]
[That choice was incredibly easy.]
[If reaching out would hurt her, he would swallow and suffer with his anxiety in silence. But if she wanted assurance he wanted to reach out, then he could do that too. Even if it was to bid her good night and assure his nerves she was still reachable even if he couldn't go to her right then.]
Good. I'm glad to hear you'll rely on them. [And he means it. He knows how much not having support weighs on someone. He's used to it. Even if he has decided to try and change that now. Without the Project, with the idea of 'what he wants' in his head, he is going to make the effort to at least find more friends. Perhaps that will be something to focus on during this period when he's not figuring things out with MK.]
[Still, it warms his heart to hear she doesn't want to destroy something he gave her, even if it was more a trinket compared to other gifts.]
[There is a sharp breath at the affection. The change in her voice, the risked glance up to see tears does worry him, but he can't deny hearing the affection does ease him a bit.]
I love you too. [It's a sweet promise. It's hard to believe, the dark voices telling him this was all a mistake, he's been too greedy and he would suffer for it.]
[But he wanted to believe better. He wanted the happiness this could give him.]
[He moves a hand to her cheek.] Am I allowed one more kiss for now?
It would. I'd feel better if you made time for me, even though it's over the phone. [ At present she's operating on the assumption that he'll be buried in MK all the time, with her as a very distant consideration, if he could even recall her name. Any evidence that it's not true all the time will help. ]
[ She is absolutely still in his reach. It's important that it be clear, that this not be one-sided. Asking for what she needs in no way means that she wants or expects what he needs to be off the table. ]
I'll always be there when you reach for me. Just in a bit of a different way for a while. Just a little while.
[ And, thankfully, once she's done her mental gymnastics about this, it won't be a problem when he takes other partners. Mei or anyone else. At least not as much of one, since the work will be done. It might take a mental revision but that's much more easily done than building from scratch. ]
[ She does her best to smile when he asks for a kiss. ] You're allowed a kiss, and anything else you might want.
I can always make time for you. [Even if it is just a good night or just to talk while he's cooking on his own. MK is going to take his time, but he's too aware of the pain of fully missed time to not take the reassurance for his anxiety. She's absolutely getting one call a day from him, even if it's short.]
[It'll be a relief when he can see her in person all the same. He can soothe the anxiety, but getting rid of it is a whole other matter.]
[He offers her a small smile, tinged with worry, but fondness as well.] Just a kiss. I don't want to make things difficult for you, but...it's hard to not ask for a little selfishness. [He pulls her closer, leaning in to kiss her. His hand drifting from her cheek to her mark. Something sweet and lingering, trying to share the love that was still very much there.]
[ She's not sure she buys that "always". If MK asked him to, Red Son would probably drop her at a speed that would defy the theory of relativity. She's sure MK wouldn't ask that, at least not now since he said he wouldn't, but the fact remains. She'll have to get used to being Second. ]
[ (What's really going to mess with her when she has space to think about it will be how Red Son talked about how special MK is and how he has an Effect on people and that probably terrifies her... when what he said about her is that she's strong and powerful and pretty and would work well on the demon court. If that doesn't say it all about the place they each occupy in his heart. She'll need to make sure she's past it before agreeing to talk to MK and see Red Son in person again, or else that resentment will just spill over everywhere and ruin what she has. Apparently she loves Red Son enough to be second because she's desperate to make this work.) ]
[ Her hand cups the back of his neck to keep him close, then her fingers stroke through his hair. Hopefully the hair pin she gave him will help, having a piece of her with him. She returns the sweetness of the kiss, tinged with a bit of pleading because she can't help it. She's so close to begging him to let her reconsider, the thought of being apart is a seed of panic in her chest, she doesn't want to do this-- ]
[ But she needs to. It's best for everyone. ]
[ She pulls away only slightly, her forehead pressed to his. ]
We don't have to part right now unless you want to. You made all this food.
[The real tragedy is he'd describe Saya the same way to MK. Because she is special and has an effect on people and he knows it terrified MK. It's just he didn't describe the way MK altered his brain chemistry like Saya did. For different reasons, but the fact of the matter was they both came in and altered how he thought in pretty big ways.]
[He understands why they feel threatened.]
[It's the same way he feels threatened by Wukong. Some people just have a large enough impact by just existing, it's hard to not be scared.]
[He didn't know what he would have done if MK had said he couldn't share. It was why it was the first thing he chose to talk about after feelings. It was the one factor he had to know other than MK's feelings before he could make even a single step into their relationship.]
[There is some desperation in that kiss. He can tell and it's hard to not want to pursue more. His grip tightening briefly over the mark.]
[He is going to be wearing the hairpin as much as possible.]
[He presses his forehead to hers, his other arm tightening around her.] Will it make it easier or harder for you? [A soft murmur.]
[ It might come back to bite him at some point that she heard what she did. That she thinks MK is the special one and she's what he had to settle for when he thought MK didn't want him. It's wholly possible that it might become a thing she can't hide. ]
Easier. I don't want to run off like I'm being chased. And I love nothing more than being with you. [ This is definitely not a separation she wants. ]
I think it would be good for both of us to linger here. It's a pretty view, and you made delicious things to eat, and we could savor each other since we'll have to be apart for a while.
[Red Son is doing his best to navigate the minefield of his two partners having The Worst Self Esteem. He'll get there eventually. Hopefully.]
[....frankly, thank Buddha Mei is full of self esteem because someone in his love life has to have a positive amount.]
Okay. I'd like that. [There is a soft sigh. A bit of a relief. He honestly wasn't prepared for the separation. He was kind of hoping the worst she'd run off and he'd have to go after her. Not...this request.]
[He can prepare himself while trying to soak up as much of her as he could.]
[Finally, he actually loosens his arm around her, no longer holding her here in case she was to try and run. Moving to take her hand in one of his as he reached into the basket.] I made a dumpling recipe of my father's. Its been a while since I've tried doing it, but its good for picnics and spice levels.
[He squeezes her hand, threading their fingers together as he pulls out the container. It takes a bit, but he even manages to open it one handed.]
[He leans against her side, holding up the container of perfectly made meat buns with incredibly spicy filling. Since he's long since learned what she can handle and enjoy.]
[ Saya takes the hint and shifts around so that she's sitting behind him and he can either recline back against her or rest his head in her lap, dealer's choice. ]
[ She will take a meat bun and try it, having no trouble with the spice. She waits until her mouth is empty to speak. ] It's delicious. It's going to take me five thousand years to make something like that.
[Hm, he's going to lay to rest his head in her lap. Because he wants to be able to see her. It may be less physical contact, but he can enjoy her smile more like this.]
[He smiles fondly, kissing the back of her hand.] I'm sure it won't take that long. I'm sure it'll only be two thousand.
[ He does... try to give it a bit. Wishing there were something as definitive in Ellipsa as Tokyo-F's team listing. Somewhere he could scroll through to find Venti's not-name still there.
Could just have gone out into the woods. That's always a possibility. And unanswered texts... well, what do those even mean? Venti still forgets he even has a phone sometimes.
Above all, he tries to keep up appearances. Busies himself with BVE, with quests, with... anything. Smiles when he feels someone watching him, because hell if he wants to deal with being asked about this.
Being asked about it would make it real.
But then Saya retreats into her spare bedroom, and — well. That makes it real, too. ]
[ Saya is resting on her side, facing away from the door. She's been turning everyone away -- her husband, everyone. But Yuri, he's allowed, and so she makes no protest. If anyone understands exactly how she's feeling, it's him. ]
Hey. [ She's obviously been crying, and doesn't try to hide it. ]
[ Sounds close enough to come on in for where they are today, so he does. Leans on the door to shut it behind him again — and for a moment, he genuinely doesn't know what to say.
Has she eaten today? Has he cooked today? It's all kind of a blur. ]
He might be back.
[ —Yeah, good job, mouth. It's true, but it's also useless. There's no guarantee either way.
And what if he comes back but it's like Zhongli and he's never actually met either of them? A more total and permanent amnesia than anything else they've dealt with. ]
...Yeah. [ She knows that, of course. Her tone isn't disbelieving so much as it is just overwhelmingly sad. Even if he returns, it still hurts right now. And it puts a very fine point on the fact that there is no one in her life who she can't lose entirely in exactly this way. ]
Can you just come here?
[ She wants to give him some comfort, and let him do the same. Like they did after Ideal Worlds. After every bad game. Usually they did it with Venti, but-- ]
[ There's a reason she asked. Knowing Yuri as she does, the way he'll hold himself perfectly, painfully tall unless someone gives him a reason not to, she knows he needs to let it in. Even if neither of them want to. ]
[ She pushes herself up and into his arms, resting full against him. ]
Thank you. [ For being here. For not staying back even though it might be more comfortable. ]
[ She starts crying not long after first feeling his fingers through her hair, not in a desperate, can't-hold-it-in way and more in a this-needs-to-happen way. ]
I know the answer to this question, what it has to be, but I still have to ask:
What are we going to do?
[ The move on, obviously. There's no alternative. She's more asking how. ]
[ God it hurts to think about Yuri's mortality right now. But they won't be going to the same place anymore after they leave here, in all probability, either. ]
We will.
...Red Son can travel through dimensions when this place isn't blocking him. [ That's where she's going, now. One might notice that she's wearing a red and gold bracelet with a symbol on it, it's his family crest. ] If you wanted to, we could visit. He just needs to do a ritual so he can lock onto you.
I'll like it if you're there. [ That's all she really cares about. Much as it sucks that they'll be scattered to the winds, at least there's a way to still see each other sometimes. ]
[ Assuming nothing else happens with dimensional games, that is. ]
[ ...Asterisk. Depends on what Yuri and Red Son talk decide. Even if they opt to tell Saya about Haji maybe being alive, more likely she'd just have Red Son take her back to retrieve him verses actually return there. ]
That part of this stings too. Not as much as not having him here every day, but I was looking forward to seeing Teyvat in person.
[ True there are still people here from Teyvat who they could visit, Childe in particular Saya could probably convince to let her stop by, but right now she can't even consider that. ]
Much as I'm usually inclined to argue with that sentiment, it feels good to hear right now.
I'd feel so much more lost without you. [ Sorry if that activates your tsun some more but ] Did I ever tell you that you're the one who built the entire foundation of me being able to accept myself at all? When you watched that first awful memory with me and didn't turn away.
I know it's very much a work in progress, but without that nothing else would even be possible.
--Leave it to you to never call me intolerable even when I was. Am still, sometimes.
[ She ignored him for a while for no damn good reason, just because she was stressed and preemptively grieving. Even if he forgives her, she absolutely doesn't. ]
[ She unties the knot in her stomach that says she can't take more bad news right now with the thought that it'll be nice to spend time with him, no matter what he says. It's probably not so bad if he's inviting her to his nest, right...? ]
[ She takes her bike over rather than fly, and skids to a stop outside the castle with just barely enough slowness to not mark up the pavement and trots up to the door. She's dressed differently than usual, a thin, cropped red sweater that falls off one shoulder and a black skirt with black tights. Same coloring, distinctly more cozy than normal. ]
[Wukong's waiting for her, in his usual comfortable clothing. He manages a welcoming smile, genuinely happy to see her, if not broadcasting his usual energy.]
I've been laying around a lot, so I figured I'd dress for it. [ She manages a smile in return, also genuinely happy to see him and also somewhat drained. ]
Besides, if I'm finally getting to see your nest I figured I should fit the vibe.
If you didn't something would be really wrong. And I mean REALLY wrong.
[He leads her inside, out through the garden/training area...where a certain rotted out peach trees lays...then inside, up the stairs, and into his bedroom.
He's collected a few random odds, but the room is pretty sparse outside of the nest, which is an assortment of the softest blankets and pillows he could find and a couple of soft pelts. It's obvious where most of his quest money went those first two months.]
[ She's not quite sure how much is wrong, exactly. But it seems not enough to kick up a fuss over until told otherwise. She takes a seat on the edge of the nest, running her fingers through one of the pelts. ]
[Well he meant between them, so nothing is wrong there.
Flopping backwards into the nest, he sighs.]
It's kind of about the other night...but mostly about Macaque. Since...he kind of may have made things about you. And that maaay have set me off in a way I'm not proud of.
I guess that all makes sense, I'm an outsider after all. [ Apparently Macaque knows MK enough to not make it a thing there, and she couldn't begin to guess about the deal with Red Son. ]
So, a few things.
First, I don't care what he thinks about me accepting you as you are, it's not his business. Second, I'm sorry that was used to hurt you, that's not okay. I don't care what history you have.
And third, I can understand someone having a problem with vampires as a matter of principle, however distasteful I find that. He might just be worried about you and is showing it in really awful ways.
[ She scoots over so she can give him a hug. Or lay on him. Or both. ]
Whatever his reasons, you didn't deserve that. And I know that from him it probably cut deep.
I know it doesn't bother you, or even affect you that much. But I figured you should know in case it comes up when you're around.
[He returns the hug, wrapping his arms around her so they can lay comfortably.]
One of the things that really cut was him pushing the blame for MK's heartbreak on you, especially when it turns out he slept with Red Son and let him mark him...just to twist the knife.
[He's quiet for a moment, just collecting his thoughts.]
He basically called me out on either running from, or killing all of my problems, including disappearing after everything with DBK. And...when I said I had been tired after losing everything, he told me that I was acting like a martyr because I got to keep my life. And he left.
[ She strokes his fur while he lets it out. It sounds like a lot of very old arguments got suddenly revived. ]
It sounds like he's picking out the most tender spots and attacking those. Your making new friends, sealing the Demon Bull King, all that. I know how I'd react if someone started poking the equivalent spots on me. [ It's enough to make her feel protective, which might be evident in her tone. ]
And... he was the last person you really were open with, yes? I know how hard you worked to be able to open yourself up again. So I can see why this is bringing up a lot.
[Poking, the last person he was really open with. The person he had cared the most about for the longest time.]
Then it was time to go after the gang, and Macaque was basically flaunting what he was doing with Red Son...after saying so many horrible things around you...and basically making me feel like my loss didn't matter...and...I thought we had been making progress before that. Before here.
And we started fighting when the job was done. Like we were telling two different stories. I was talking about him leaving me behind for more than 500 years. He was talking about what happened when I chose to seriously injure him to protect my new friends.
And I don't know if he meant to, it didn't matter in the moment...Red Son took his side. And everything went into no context theater after that.
[ She can see why Macaque and Red Son get along so well, they both have a Wukong Can't Do Anything Right mental filter. ]
[ (Also, how did Macaque even know that Saya said she accepts Wukong as he is? Did Red Son tell him? If so she'd be furious, but she tucks it away for now.) ]
I have a couple of questions, but I want to let you get everything out first.
[ She nuzzles her way into whatever area is most accessible. Purring slightly, an attempt at comfort. ]
[He actually tilts his head so she can nuzzle his chin.]
The last thing I remember doing was calling him out on why he has anything to do about me given the message he clearly sent the last time he came around.
Then Red Son said I was going into extremes.
I think that's when I lost it. Everything was just feelings and faces after that.
Macaque turned up here after that. We talked a little. He apologized. I apologized. I asked us to put off any in-depth talks so I don't ruin it because I don't feel in control of myself for it yet.
I can see why he'd argue with you about your mutual past. But it strikes me that bringing me up is a total outlier there. I mean, where did that come from? Why would he make a point to insult someone he doesn't even know and be so bothered about my accepting you?
The only answer I can figure is that he thinks you're moving on without him and it hurts him. I know the way he reacted wasn't kind, or fair, or reasonable. But trust me that nothing inspires irrationality like jealousy.
Because he didn't go back after you fought? [ She's taking a guess. ]
That could be a lot of things, including stubbornness if he's prone to that. Or that he didn't know how to broach the subject. Or that he didn't want to get hurt again.
But, another thing to trust me on, just because there's distance, or even active arguing, doesn't mean there's less love. My ex and I fought like cats and dogs sometimes. Part of it was me being unreasonable because I thought I was a replacement for someone else, actually, sort of the reverse of how he might think he's been replaced by someone who doesn't want you to change.
I'm not saying you need to roll over and take shoddy treatment, goodness knows I would never want you hurt. I am saying that when you love someone, the simplest things can be like pulling teeth.
[ She draws a shaky breath. ] One of my partners, we couldn't see our feelings for each other until we got in a mindshare. And we got along stunningly well, never had a single argument that wasn't caused by mind control. People have blind spots. Especially about things they fear might be true.
--I just want you to be happy. And it seems like making things work there would maybe do that.
Yeah, I mean...I don't blame him for not coming back, but it still feels like a few centuries is a long time to be stubborn if you still care.
And some things happened once I was freed that I'm not really up for talking about right now...and I dunno, I just...I thought we were working toward that before we got here.
[He holds her a little tighter.]
He did ask if I thought it was too late the other day...
[ Saya shifts to press a light kiss beneath his chin. ]
Assumptions are the death of happiness when it comes to emotions. When we try to rationalize what people do with their hurt feelings in the harsh light of day, it often doesn't work out. You won't really know unless you talk to him and he's willing to tell you honestly.
--Which I'm not trying to press you into. I promise.
[ Hm? That's certainly something. ]
I'm guessing you don't know if it's too late or not. Probably he doesn't either.
But no one says that unless they're hoping, with at least some part of themselves, that there's a chance.
And, speaking solely for myself, you're well worth fighting for. Even has long and hard as the two of you have fought.
...you're biased and I love you for it. Because I know I could be the most annoyingly drunk jackass you ever knew and you'd chew me out for it and then kiss me anyway.
[But it still means the world to hear and he smiles, starting to purr as his tail wraps around her arm.]
But speaking of people being them, that is another thing I needed to talk to you about. You.
Hey, now. I happen to like annoying drunk jackassery. I'd probably be too busy giggling to chew you out, but the kissing is certainly likely.
[ She's an affectionate drunk, to no one's shock. Most other times too, as exemplified when her fingers curl to stroke his tail when it wraps her arm up. ]
Yeeeah...but you've also made it clear you REALLY like that particular booze. Anyway.
[He pauses for just a moment.]
So i heard that you may have taken a certain comment I made early on in our friendship as me pointing out the real you. Which isn't even a little bit what I was saying, soooooooo...thoughts?
I'm not sure what my liking the booze has to do with liking you. I can multitask.
[ She huffs. Displeased, but not with Wukong, since she stays right where she is. ]
I asked him to leave it alone. But that's neither here nor there.
Maybe it wasn't what you intended to say, but it's what I know. And what I have to believe. If I let myself think I can relax, get complacent, I could go out of control again.
Continuing to believe that I need to keep a tight hold on my self-control is important. The stakes are too high not to. I don't hesitate to fight or even kill when I'm myself and there's no other choice, but another senseless massacre just isn't worth it. Maybe it's bad for my self-esteem but that's nothing when measured against the potential consequences.
I would, but that actually goes against the fact that I agreed to mentor you on ways to help with that. And you're being a bit MK by focusing on the negative implications.
[He smiles.]
I'm not asking you to not consider the danger, or pretend it's not there. I've killed more than my fair share of people, mortals and demons alike for as little as expecting me to be shaken down but not actually attacking me. Barely any of them were any threat to me, so almost none of them were an instance of there was no other way.
Do you think that means it's just who I am and I could just do it again it I let my guard slip and stop thinking about it? Is it just how MK is, the weremonkey just showing him what his natural monkey form is like?
[It's a loaded question, but not in the sense that he'll judge her for it. But no matter how she answers it'll be telling.]
And maybe after I get better control, I'll feel differently. I'm open to that... I'd love for it to be true. Right now, it just isn't.
I'm not sure those are analogous examples. You made bad choices out of ignorance or what have you, and you'd do differently now, but they were still choices. You weren't unable to decide for yourself. When I'm out of control, there aren't even thoughts in my head. It's not selfishness or impulsivity, it's a frenzy that I couldn't stop if I wanted to... if I even had wants.
And with MK, the weremonkey is a curse. Something inflicted on him. My situation is that I have these predatory instincts always whispering to me. Telling me to dominate and destroy everything around me. I hate it, but it's part of me. With me, it's not an altering of who or what I am, it's removal of my control over the dark impulses.
I don't really know what MK's natural monkey form is like, but has he ever slaughtered an entire city, one by one? Stopped to hack at the corpses just to inflict more torment on them? I don't think he has, from all he's said. So it's not the same.
...That's what makes me think your training could work, because it's strengthening control that is already there, just not strongly enough. I don't think the impulses will ever be gone, there will just be less danger that they'll be able to take over.
That's splitting hairs a bit. I did it because I had a short fuse and I was strong enough to do it, or just because I was insulted. I could have chosen differently, but I chose violence and in one case was willing to bring the body to the family that missed him, where I was staying as a guest, because "Hey, yeah. I saw your kid. He was a bandit, but you can have him to bury". And I've known plenty of demons who'd do what you're describing.
It's not that far off of MK's fear in his case. He's literally afraid that he's a harbinger of chaos who will have a legacy far more destructive than anything I ever got up to. And when he last turned, he almost forgot to hold back which almost destroyed to world. So the concept is the same at its most basic.
So it's still a relevant question since we're both fully capable of terrible things and the reason behind it doesn't matter to the people who have to deal with it.
Of course it doesn't matter to the people we hurt. That's a separate thing. Being unable to make up for what I did, or you did, that's about guilt or redemption or whatever one calls it. I'm talking about preventing it from happening again.
I don't think what MK fears might happen is quite the same as what I did. Sure he needs his own help with it, whatever that means, that's definitely not my area. He has a lot of power, yes he might do those things, but imagine how much worse he'd feel if it wasn't just a fear of a possible future, but also his past. He almost forgot, but he didn't. He almost destroyed, but he didn't. Normally I don't differentiate between types of pain, I will happily help anyone through their guilt without making them meet some minimum standard of terrible before they deserve compassion, but in this case the comparison doesn't feel right.
I'm not minimizing his situation at all. I know it's hard, for him and for you. But living with the fear is not the same as living with the fear and living with the grief and guilt and horror and revulsion.
And I don't even know why. It's not like I have this different form that comes out. One minute I was sleeping, the next I was putting my sword through a mother's back and having it come out her infant's face.
Maybe this way isn't the best for my mental health, I'll concede that. It's the best I've got right now, that's all. I struggled for a long time with whether I should even be allowed to keep living, and keeping a tight hold on myself feels like the only way I can let myself do that. If it happens again... I'll break. I won't be able to live with it.
So please, just let it go. This one thing. Just while we work on my control. And then you can say you told me so until the end of time.
My point isn't that they're completely the same. It's that if it's something that you can control, it's something that you're actively working to prevent, then it's not who YOU are.
And in MK's case, when a loss of like that almost results in the unravelling of the entire universe it becomes more than just a fear. He could very well be a threat greater than anything I've ever seen...IF he continues to treat it as something to fear and resist. You're not in exactly the same boat, but the idea is to learn focus and control over yourself.
I learned control before having any doubts, so I can't relate to that part. But I can say that your stance that "This is me, I have to have ironclad control" isn't going to help you master this side of yourself. It's actually going to make it harder, and possibly easier for a snap since the tension is already there. Even with training.
[ She doesn't seem to much like what he's saying, until that last part. ]
--Really? How so?
I understood that I'd have to release that control to try and master it, we talked about that, but I don't see how my mindset every other time changes things.
[He pulls a hair from his tail and turns it into a sturdy rope.]
Let's say this is the hold you've got on your killer instincts, the thing you're using to keep that wild violent side in check.
[He winds one end tightly around his tail, the other in his hand.]
My tail is that instinct, my hand is you, and- [He starts to pull with his hand while locking his tail so the rope starts to fray from the strain.] -this is what gradually happens by keeping that tension in place. Now, you can give it slack while training, sure. [He lets the rope go slack.] But the effects are still there. And technically you can periodically repair things, but the rope can still only take so much before it snaps.
And if you've been pulling too hard- [He yanks and the rope snaps, his tail slaps the nest from the sudden release, and his hand snaps back.] -then the force behind your snap could be at best the same as any other time, and possibly worse than any other time.
Not saying it will, but it could, and I know you would be devastated.
...But I want there to be some plan in place before we start anything. I know killing me will snap me out of it, but I get the feeling no one want that to be Plan A.
The plan is to help you with the control and the focus. I know you don't think your self-image is important, but it actually is more than your self-esteem.
But for a more, hands-on thing...pick someone, maybe two of us, to keep updated if anything starts making you feel that side of you stirring. For any reason. And especially when we're training or even just sparring.
That's not what I meant... I mean, of course I'll do all that.
I mean a plan if I lose it. What's going to be done to contain me. I can't really be stopped from my frenzy other than if I lose enough blood to get weak. Or I guess if there was a sedative that I wouldn't immediately metabolize. The last time they just killed me, which is easiest, but it seems like that's pretty hard on everyone.
So, planning out things like that isn't my strong point. That's more of an MK or Red Son deal. I'm good at reaction and working on the fly. I mean, I can come up with a plan that's not wrong, but I still need work.
[He thinks for a moment though, actually wracking his brain a bit.]
I do have some tricks I picked up that could definitely help in the moment though. But I need to know. Have you ever come out of it eventually on your own?
I'm good at planning, so maybe between us it might be okay. [ She's trying. ]
I had a panic room attached to Red Son's workshop. You can get into it from the outside, shut me in. It's comfortable but secure.
...No, I've never just come out of it. It takes a big shock. Death, unconsciousness in some form, blood loss until I weaken. I have no idea if I could, just that I never have.
Okay. Well, I know I can definitely both stop and get you into that panic room. And knocking you out I could manage easier than you'd think. Especially with help from MK.
I can't be knocked out with physical damage alone unless I'm anemic already, thanks to the instant healing. But if I have to heal a series of bouts of severe damage that would make me anemic. You'd have to beat me about the head for awhile is all.
Stuffing me in the panic room and waiting for me to run out of blood is probably the least difficult option, but if I get beat up a bunch beforehand it would speed up the process.
Now you're just underestimating me a bit. I might have overestimated you the first real fight, but I've mastered the art of "enough force to get the job done".
I've got you covered there, trust me. Especially since I'm practically my own army.
I was close to my hibernation then. And also anemic. And I only used a fraction of the effect my mind attacks can have because I didn't want to hurt you. And I never fight with all my abilities when I'm in my right mind because I don't want to lose control.
I know you're able to handle me fine but you can't operate on the assumptions of when we sparred or fight before. All that goes out the window when I'm out of control.
I wasn't basing that on our fight before. I was saying that was the only time I've made that mistake. That's two different things. And even if you hit me with your strongest mind attack, could you hit 15 or more of me all at once? Especially if each one is literally me in every way, down to the tiniest power?
Because if you can then you've been holding out hard.
I don't know if I could use telepathic attacks on your clones, actually. It depends if they think for themselves.
But if they do, then yes I could. [ Diva had been preparing to reach into the minds of literally millions of people when Saya caught up with her. ] It's possible I could hit every inhabitant of this world at the same time. My sister was trying exactly that when I finally took her down.
Possible's worth knowing, because my clones do think for themselves. I mean, you've met Porty right? But, keep in mind that I have a clone for every hair I have, and each of them have the same.
And if MK's helping he's got the same advantage.
I can also seal your powers and just immobilize you with magic. So, you know, so can all of the clones.
[He's taking the threat seriously, but he's not worried it's something that they won't be able to manage it. Overconfident? Maybe a bit, but when you've only really had a couple of beings that you couldn't beat it's a given to not be too worried.]
I'm not worried about you winning. [ She's practically crying by now. ] I'm worried about hurting someone. If not your or MK than someone less able to handle me.
It doesn't matter how minor the injuries are, harming anyone while I'm like that eats at me.
[ Saya breathes for a second and tries to focus past the fear. She concentrates on him, every place they're touching, how much she trusts him. ]
[ But she keeps seeing images of herself slaughtering innocent people, cutting and clawing her way through a room of people she loves who were all ready for it, all extremely powerful in their own right. This feels like tempting fate. ]
I do trust you. Even so, it's hard to sign up for my worst nightmare.
You're better at resisting me than most, that's why you mind it less. I suspect if I tried to wrap you around my little finger, it would end up rather the opposite.
[ She smiles sweetly, gives him a sweeter kiss. ] Not that I'd mind.
If I started listing everything I like about you we'd be here all night. There's a reason I couldn't accept Red Son's boundaries.
...Which are gone now, by the way. All of them. [ Biting and drinking his blood, even. Which she might be tempted towards by the way she leans forward and nuzzles into his neck. ]
I'm not trying to wrangle you, though. Why would I want to do that? I said I accept you as you are, I meant it. Even if it means I have to chase and never quite catch you.
I'm glad. Our history shouldn't be your restriction. [He tilts his head, completely relaxed and content.] I'm sensing some temptation on your part.
And you wouldn't. But if you did wrap me around your little finger, I'd be pretty much wrangled. You might not catch me, but I'll eventually come to you.
[ A low hum which substitutes for a chuckle ] You're picking up on my extremely subtle cues? Well, that's a relief.
--I'm not in any rush. The temptation is always there. [ And she knows he's not been in the best place, and isn't sure if her biting would help or hurt. ]
Oh, is that how it works? Wait patiently with a peach in my hand until you venture over? Patience isn't so much my strong suit, it takes something extremely worth my wait...
[ She kisses his neck just idly, as if she's thinking it over. She's never going to be tired of how his fur feels. ]
Ah, right. I stand corrected. Or lay corrected. [ Since they're very much not standing. ]
[ She does shake her head, gently. ] It's less self-care now than cravings. The cure kept me awake but messed with my bloodthirst a bit. Completely worth it, but it does mean that blood like yours is going to make me want more of it. It'll keep. [ She doesn't want to even almost get pushy in a way he's not ready for if he's not prepared to be a regular donor, and he's too emotionally wrung out to be making that call. ]
[ She does chuckle at the bat thing. ] I see you're as subtle as I am, lucky for you I'm especially cunning and I've deciphered the complicated puzzle of your meaning.
[ She pulls back and does a move like she's curling up and out pops a fuzzy silver bat. She cheeps at him and her red eyes seem to be smiling. ]
[ He should ask her sometime when no one is a mess, if such a thing ever occurs. Right now it feels like she'd be trapping him in something. Saya tends to be careful about this, is all. She has plenty of very willing donors, granted none of them have blood like his, but she's hardly desperate. ]
[ She has to use the hands on her wings and her feet to sort of hop closer, but she manages, and folds her wings to rest against him. ]
< And what am I usually since I'm not adorable, hm? > [ her telepathic "tone" is clearly joking. ]
[ Her big ears flick around in a sort of telescopic motion and she makes some cute chirping noises. ]
< Okay, that's a good answer. Mild indignation withdrawn. >
< You should have seen me during the maid cafe. I kept having to change clothes since I was taking requests in my usual form and my male form and sometimes my natural form too, but it was worth it. >
< We made the money we needed to make to fund Yuri's guild. And it was nostalgic. Where we all came from those things were a regular occurrence when one unit or another wanted to buy something. >
< Yuri even threw one for me, once. A surprise party to earn cash for a room upgrade. If you only knew how I hated that being sprung on me. I don't mind performing or whatever, but being the center of attention in that way... I'd have smacked him around if it wasn't so sweet. >
< We got brought here before the upgrade went through, but that's why I got the hot springs at my place. That's one of the things I wanted. It was going to be a volcanic beach with a hot springs heated by the volcano itself, with a hunting game in the surrounding jungle for when my instincts kicked up. Cost a fortune, too. >
[ She makes a calling chirp in the same pitch which sort of vibrates since her chirps are echolocation things usually. ]
[It's the night of the full moon once again - well, the evening, but Hijikata is already in full weredog mode (not that that means much, what with his outwardly minor transformation). He meets Saya in the same place they sparred in before a few months ago, the hood of his light hoodie down to leave his pointy black extra pair of ears free to catch every sound around him, black trousers sitting low on his hips to leave space for his thin tail in the back. He looks like nothing more than a doberman dogboy, really. When he sees Saya, he smiles.]
How are you?
[He assumes that she's been doing well, enjoying her freedom with her hibernation no longer looming over her head... but then he isn't exactly in the loop on all her ongoings.]
[ The training grounds are basically Saya's front yard which she's claimed as her own little slice of Heaven on the very outskirts of the Spring segment. She moves almost soundlessly but someone with a weredog's hearing will pick up the slightest sounds as she approaches, smiling away, sword in hand. ]
For once, my full moon isn't a complete disaster. And a good fight can only improve matters.
[On both counts. Half the full moon cycles this year so far had him engaged in some disaster or another, but these last ones have finally been looking up! Tonight, he has his two shortswords at his belt, apparently having left the longsword at home. Given Saya's incredible speed, he really should prioritise his weapons' range, but he doesn't seem concerned about his disadvantage as he draws both swords.]
I don't think we do. [ She's always ready, her muscles don't work like mortal ones so if there was any chance of injury it would just heal instantly. ]
Oh, are we dual wielding?
[ Saya's eyes glow red and her fingernails on both hands extend into claws, which she rakes down her opposite forearms to allow blood red gems in the shape of sharp blades to be pulled from her body. Chiropteran blood gems are nearly indestructible and she can make these into any shape she wants, so it's delightfully convenient. She makes her blades about as long as his, just for the sake of fairness (if there is such a thing when it comes to fighting Saya) and whips them both around in a brief but intricate warm-up. ]
[He watches that weapon creation with excitement. Saya never ceases to surprise him with her abilities! She'll probably kick his ass again tonight, but at least he should be able to hold out a whole lot longer than last time.
At her invitation, he dashes forward for an experimental exchange of blows - but knowing Saya, it'll probably turn into more than that right away.]
[ There aren't many who can beat Saya in a brawl, usually it takes a particular form of magic. But she can be fought to a draw, and there's still joy in a fight that you lose as long as it's all friendly, so it's all fine in her book. Her grin quirks into amusement as she catches his blades with one of hers flying to and fro in a blinding flash, then she uses her other blade to take a low swing before vanishing at her near-teleportation speed. ]
[ From behind him, she strikes again, both blades flying at him from either side. ]
[Hijikata is both stronger and faster than usual as a weredog, so he manages to block Saya's double strike, relying on his instincts and using his swords like claws - and suddenly he remembers the warning he needs to give her. His thirst for a good fight got the better of him! He dashes away to get some distance between them.]
Before we go on, I've got to tell you something! It shouldn't happen in a friendly fight, but there's a non-zero chance that I'll lose control of myself. If that happens, just take me out! Ideally pin me until I calm down, but if that's not an option, do whatever you've got to do.
[Very reassuring, isn't it... but after what happened during his group's encounter with the native werewolves months ago he's got to let her know about the danger.]
[ Saya's expression when he dashes off is at first playful, but that drops instantly at what he says. Her own loss of control and the resulting slaughter of an entire town haunts her too much to take it lightly or spout off platitudes for reassurance. ]
[ Her blades lower. ]
I won't let you hurt anyone. I promise. [ Whatever she's got to do. She killed her sister, her family, her entire species, she's all too familiar with harsh realities of the greater good. ]
[Luckily Hijikata didn't harm anyone when he went on his rampage - well, no one except the native werewolf, whose wounds healed just as fast as his own. He smiles at Saya's reassurance, sincerely appreciating her care.]
Thanks. I know I'm in good hands with you.
[He half-circles her, consciously aware of her scent for the first time. She really doesn't smell like a human at all! Despite knowing that she won't fall for simple tricks, all the less as a fellow summer power holder, he summones some goldfish made of fire to swim at her through the air. Maybe he just wants to show off that he learned to make more differentiated shapes...]
That means a lot. [ Saya knows exactly what it means to trust others with this, to believe that if the worst happens she won't hurt anyone. It's not a small thing. ]
[ She definitely doesn't smell human. Saya smells a bit like blood, but blood if it were a smooth, expensive wine. ]
[ Saya giggles at the goldfish, clearly impressed and charmed. She holds out a hand and emits a telekinetic pulse from it, intended to make the fire shudder, and while before the effect can get much last the fire Saya vanishes at her near-teleportation speed and reappears behind Hijikata, sword flashing for an attack. ]
[It really is a big deal to be able to trust someone to stop him from going on a rampage - but if anyone would be able to do it with certainty, it's Saya. Hijikata is sure that he wouldn't cause her the pain of having to kill him, either. For someone of her calibre, it'd be feasible to restrain a werebeast! Any wounds she might have to cause him in the process would heal well before dawn. Ideally, though, he'd notice any changes in his self-control in time and call the spar off.
The ripple she sends through his fire fish makes it seem like they're really underwater for a moment. He twists around as he senses her appear behind him, once more raising his swords barely in time to meet hers. While his performance so far is something he can pride himself of as a human, she certainly is keeping him on the defense with little effort!
Given their shared season and her general hardiness, he knows that using his fire in earnest would be a waste of mana more than anything else, but he does have a surprise up his sleeve... Saya will find 3 lava swords forming in the air above her, all coming down at the same time to slash at her from different angles. Hijikata knows that his ability to multitask will decrease the more he gives in to his animalistic feelings, but right now he can still focus on wielding both his physical and elemental weapons (the latter via telekinesis).]
( Night Sky didn't forget her time in Ellipsa so much as the magic of the Forest of Dreams had put a strange haze over her memories; making her think the entirety of it had been a dream or her mind simply conjuring images to pass the time. So when she returned it was... odd. And she kept finding herself standing outside of seemingly familiar places without realizing it until she was already there, clad in nothing but precariously placed leaves and twining vines around her golden-toned skin; antlers protruding from the wild mess of her dark hair how streaked with green.
She stared up at the vaguely familiar shape of Saya's home, curious and lost and uncertain, not even thinking to knock while she tried to discern if she was even in the right place.)
My head's all fucked from- ( hang on. Let her think. ) I went home. I should have been dead but I wasn't - I was alive for a long, long time in the Forest of Dreams and I kept having these visions. I thought they were daydreams, things I made up. Of you, and - ( Aymeric. Shit. Was he real too? ) I thought I imagined it.
[ Saya's never heard of a homegoing in which someone actually remembered their time here while they were home. Her mind spins out for a moment before deciding she'll never come up with an explanation that makes sense. ]
Alive is a good start. Although you'll have to help me out with what it means to be a dryad. I only ever was one for a couple of days and I'm pretty sure they played fast and loose with the rules.
[ Imeeji being not known for it's reasonable depictions of things, especially in a game where you throw magic beans. ]
You were one for a couple of days? ( What a wild thing to say. )
I'm like... a forest spirit? I mean technically I'm a Sylvan Elf still, but I was changed by all the fae magic into a dryad that's connected to the forest back home. Or. The one here now? I haven't really tested it out - Gods. Can we hug? I really want a hug.
...Oh. I sometimes forget not everyone was used to that madhouse. You know how that sometimes on quests things happen that effect you for a little while? Like they'll give you a physical or mental effect? That stuff happened where I was before all the time. I got turned into a sakura dryad for three days. One of the rare effects I didn't mind.
--Sorry, of course we can. [ Saya opens her arms. ] I just saw you according to my own memory so I didn't think of it.
( Saya always did. Night Sky easily sank into her embrace, fingers curling into her back to grip the fabric of her clothes. ) it's been like... four hundred years. Give or take. Time is weird. I missed you.
( She (reluctantly) loosened her grip so she could look Saya in the eyes again. ) That's good. I wouldn't want anyone crying over me being gone too long. You think Aymeric is worried - he's. He's real, right? Conjuring up the image of a beautiful man to occupy my thoughts isn't too off the mark for me.
It's more that I might have some news, that I didn't realise WAS news until recently — though I had been hoping to meet you sometime anyways! [ Would it be weird to say that both Kantera and Red Son had been kinda cute in their own ways whenever they brought Saya up? … Yeah. That might be weird, maybe -
So she carries on, ]
I remember it ending. Tokyo-F. The Imeeji Idol Production.
[ Neither weird nor surprising! But she can see it being odd to bring up when you're first meeting someone. In any case, that's not the subject at hand. ]
Finally. I'm relieved. I hope everyone was given a chance to go peacefully? [ Please say yes. ]
Yes! Including people who were transferred. Remembering that was a BIG relief
Speaking of memories though I should probably tell you that mine isn't the best (；′⌒`) If have questions or want more detail, I promise I'll try! It's just that there's a lot that's missing or fuzzy. I'm sorry.
That is a relief indeed, thank you for telling me. [ Even if it means that certain others won't be joining her here in all probability, if they've gone back to their home worlds, she'll take that over torture. ][ ]
I'm an amnesiac myself, so I'm hardly one to judge anyone for having a faulty memory. You have nothing to apologize for.
It's a quirk of my species. We have long hibernations, something like fifty years, and when I wake up I don't remember anything or have any personality. It's like being born all over again.
Luckily Red Son managed to put a stop to mine just before I fell asleep this time, so it looks like I won't have to hibernate anymore. Forever is a long time so I'm not assuming it's a permanent fix, but he knows the formula now so we're hoping we can make it stick.
Unfortunately it didn't give me my memories back though, so I still only have pieces of my past before I woke up in Imeeji. Basically I have only the memories I purchased there and a few fragments. Sometimes I get a piece of something when I have a strong emotion, but it's more like a flashback than a memory recall.
[ For all that Korone's seen and been through these past few years …
… She can hardly begin to fathom what that must be like. How lonely, how painful. ]
Amnesia's never a fun time, but being trapped in a cycle like that ... I'm truly glad that he was able to help you. He's a pretty special guy, isn't he?
Could having those flashbacks mean the memories are still there somewhere?
He was special to me before he fixed me, but even more special now. He offered me and my husband a home with him once we leave here, since neither he nor I have anywhere worth returning to. [ So far as she knows. ]
The memories are definitely in there. It's just a block from hibernation. An evolutionary thing that no one really deciphered the meaning of.
[Kantera is not the type to go gallivanting off into the fairy realm with known dangers - he'll stay in Nightwake, where it's safe and his loved ones won't have to worry about him.
Shouldn't have to worry about him.
Kantera had been tailed by a shadow in his own form on the way home from the clinic. After he'd failed to ward it off with magic, it had wrapped itself around him and-
-Saya asleep, looking peaceful and innocent and a different person than she was before, who will never remember Kantera and the time they shared-
Kantera with a sharp saw-]
No- Aliza-
[-working with effort to cut through flesh, the spinal cord, one of the few ways a chiropteran will stay down-]
No-
[-eyes red and dark, face cold, cutting and cutting and cutting-
Smoke surrounds him as he screams, frozen in absolute terror there on the street. It fills his lungs and he struggles to breathe through his tears.]
[ Although she can't see into the smoke, Saya knows that voice anywhere. She hoped never to hear it scream in that way, and she has to take a second to remind herself that this is Ellipsa and not Tokyo-F as she starts whipping around at her blinding speeds, trying to find him. ]
[ There's smoke everywhere, but fortunately she can smell his blood as well as hear him screaming so it takes little time for Saya to shove her hand into the proper area, grasping around for him. ]
[Her voice, filled with panic, the last thing he wants to hear now - but she's fine, he hasn't hurt her, he wouldn't hurt her, he's not that person-
He takes a hold of her hand with all the strength he can muster. Even now, even after seeing that, he's still asking her to save him when he doesn't deserve it - but he asks it of her anyway. Help me, wordless but clear in the terror in his eyes, glimpsed briefly between strands of smoke.]
[ Despite that her instincts tell her to yank him out rather than reel herself in, Saya doesn't want to hurt him, so she uses his hold on her to pull herself closer, emerging from the smoke and looking him over to make sure he's not physically hurt-- ]
[ And that's when she sees the images that made him scream. ]
[ She does yank him then, a short distance into her embrace, forcing his head down against her shoulder. ]
[ She already knew what he feared and hated most about himself, so at least there's that. As he does for her. They have nothing to hide from each other. ]
You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.
[ She gives him a gentle squeeze, trying to contrast the harsh horrors of the images. ] I know you would never.
Because that's not you, or me. It's a manifestation of your fears.
And I know that you are better than that. You've proved that to me very clearly. [ He could have let his fears overtake him and not been willing to see her while she had no memories, but he didn't. ]
I understand. [ Saya has her fears about who and what she is as well. Less than she used to, but a fear of hurting others is something she understands all too much. ]
Apologizes for the short safety confirmation earlier, there was a whole situation to deal with. [The simple word of 'safe' before he tried to warn Macaque so she didn't worry about bodily harm. Then his phone went flying.]
Wukong has amnesia. Not complete amnesia, just to when he's the most insufferable and my parents hadn't met yet.
I've been mostly assuring him he's important and loved to try and counter the hurt from Wukong forgetting.
And brainstorming things to fix Wukong if the magic doesn't just wear off on its own.
Its not a forever thing. By all considerations, we can use the scroll to definitely fix him, its just the nightmarish solution so that's going to be last.
It would be appreciated. MK is only going to be able to pretend he's fine so long in front of Wukong, Macaque is going to have his own time, and he already hates me.
Never underestimate the power of the subconscious. The fact that he has such strong feelings about you already means he's still in there. If that gives MK any comfort.
I have an outlet. You might be able to compartmentalize, but I can't. Not enough to forget that fact and that means I'd always be holding stuff back about him.
In my experience, things are always going to happen. But I know you probably want to plan something significant and that does take a period of relative calm.
After the new quests go up things are usually calm for a couple of weeks. I suppose I could delay going on some of the longer ones if that's my reward.
I guess it's true that we didn't get much time for that since before I started getting tired all the time. [ When he gave her the bracelet she was too tired to do more than lay in bed, the bite ritual was during a stolen moment at the party she threw, and the few times they sent extended time together between then and now were always about some big deal or another. ]
Just making time for me is special, though. I know you like the big productions so I won't fight it, but don't go thinking you need a month of prep time to see me.
I know, I know. Its just the drama. I had been hoping I could do it after this moon.
Except then this.
But I'm going to romance you properly. A full day just for you, doing things that I hope you'll be enjoying. And if not, I will have learned things for next time.
There's always going to be something happening in a place like this, and I know that, so don't worry over it.
I know I'll enjoy everything, since I'll be with you. [ Romantic at heart though she is, Saya has simple tastes about these matters. But he likes bg productions and he did have to scale down his courting gift delivery, so. ]
[Its true. He would have made it a Whole Thing except she was barely staying awake by the time he figured himself out and. Well. Better she had it than not.]
This place can be so exhausting sometimes.
Oh.
Yes.
Well.
That is good to know, but I still hope you like the actual stuff too. Double enjoyment?
[ At some point he definitely should segue into "btw the monkeys are taking over the room you haven't even slept in yet" because they are absolutely losing the plot here. ]
[ She was actually wondering if he'd at all made the connection that it might bother her. She wasn't going to hold it against him if he hadn't, there's a lot going on. ]
Mostly. It's not my first time on the other side of it.
I'd be the worst sort of hypocrite to be bothered if he didn't get them back. I've done it before, I'll handle it. It's not so terrible for me. I do worry about MK, he's not ready.
You don't know that and neither do I. Many people would say there's value in remembering the people who loved you beyond the day of their death, which is all I have of my father. I barely have more of Riku.
I'm sparing myself from pain, nothing more. And if any of them show up here then how would they find my choice to leave them mostly forgotten? What about those I don't remember at all?
Please don't make assumptions about what I have to gain or lose.
If any of those people showed up, it would be a different matter. Trying to live your life for people who might hypothetically show up wouldn't be fair to you because who even knows what those odds actually are. So it only makes sense to do what is best for you when it is just you.
[ "Wukong has people here"... her mind fills in another piece of that sentence: "and you don't." Little reminders of everything she lost crop up at moments like this, she supposes that's only natural when there's a whole life of loss. She knows that wasn't intended to hurt her though so no sense dwelling on it. ]
[Of course Saya has people here. Its just not the people she's forgotten. She's not hurting anyone. No one is suffering for her to not have her memories.]
[Meanwhile, people were for Wukong, because of the people he's met more recently, compared to everyone else he lost.]
Mostly keeping track of Wukong, if you're up for it. MK and Macaque are going to need breaks. I don't know if you will, but then we just switch out.
Keep the mental and emotional fatigue to a minimum while babysitting an overpowered brat.
[ She wanted to hear his unfiltered reaction to this: ]
Us being apart was hard on you, wasn't it? [ This is related to their conversation, honest. Saya needed some distance and time, but she no longer wants him to feel like he's being held at arm's length. That's not why she's saying that he should focus on MK and not her. It's worry for her friend and that's all, nothing like a desire to shut him out. ]
And do you feel like I'm still keeping you at a distance? Or do you fret about that? Is that why you think I was encouraging you not to worry about me?
I know part of it was that you hadn't told each other your feelings yet, but if it hadn't been for me you would have had lots of time, there wouldn't have been the same pressure.
It doesn't matter if it was my fault or wasn't, he got hurt. Weremonkey expresses things MK can't or won't, and he was miserable. You where miserable. How could that not effect me?
And he wanted you to himself. It was obvious. That's how he'd feel if he let himself. I'm in the way of that.
I couldn't possibly give you up, it's unthinkable. But that means he's giving up something he wants. It hurts me to think of how I've hurt him and how I'm still hurting him. I should want my friend to be happy but here I am in the way of it and refusing to budge.
It's difficult to reconcile. That's all. At least I know if I encourage you to be with him then you're both happy.
You think MK would want Mei, his very best friend in the world, thinking like you are right now? Being down and hating herself? Acting like her very existence was a problem to him?
[ Saya is going to make the equivalent of a swear jar for MK and Mei and Red Son will owe her several million dollars within a month. ]
Of course I don't think MK wants anyone hurting. That's the point. Weremonkey shows the feelings he tends to hide, so I know he's feeling that regardless of how he tends to shove it all to the side for the sake of others.
I can't just pretend I don't know that, even if he might deny it.
I can confidently say everything you say about you versus MK in this situation, you'd have to apply to her.
Those feelings were going to exist regardless of you. There was ALWAYS going to be a divide in my heart and it's not exactly easy to let go of feelings for someone who has part of my soul in them so even if MK got me to himself first, that was going to be a thing to deal with. No if, only when.
If you think tormenting yourself is a reasonable thing to do, you have to think Mei should do the same if she returns those feelings.
So, can you think someone should treat themselves like you treat yourself?
...I already understood your point without you making it. That's not what I'm getting at.
All I said was that it's difficult to reconcile the fact that what I want is something that I know hurts him. I'm trying to figure out how I fit into this picture while causing him the least amount of pain and giving you both the most possible happiness.
[ Clearly Saya distancing herself doesn't effect anyone's happiness at all, that's the truth inside her head. ]
I'm not thinking of it in those terms, okay? But yeah, compared to the thought of hurting him again, or hurting you, I don't care about hurting myself.
[ Why should she? She's used to pain, she's good at it. ]
He was so hurt that he lost control and almost killed us. So yes, in the face of that I find it hard to see why my slightly hurt feelings should matter.
It did, though. Have to do with me. I knew how he felt about you because he told me outright. I knew how you felt about him because, how couldn't I?
I wanted to let you two work things out so I didn't push you to talk to each other, I thought it wasn't my place, and look what happened! Even after you gave me the bracelet, I saw MK's reaction to it and we had this whole intense discussion about it and I tried to tell him that I was never going to limit what you could be to each other, but I didn't say it in a way that sank in because if I had then weremonkey wouldn't have been so devastated.
So much of him hurting and you hurting could have been avoided or lessened if I just-- [ she doesn't even know what, but something. Anyone with half a brain could have found a dozen ways. ]
It's not so easy to take myself out of it and be objective about something like this.
[ But fine, she'll try. This takes a moment. ]
I guess I'd say that loving someone can only be a good thing, and that fear about it is counterproductive. And probably that she should talk to MK about it.
[ But Saya can't talk to MK, that's not a thing anymore. ]
I spent years, centuries, being told, conditioned, manipulated, to put my own feelings last. To become a monster and a genocidal killer of my own family for the sake of the world and everyone in it. And then I went to Hell to be tortured and I had to do the same thing for the sake of myself and those relying on me not being tortured even worse.
There have been exactly two times that I put my own feelings first. Once was ten minutes before Haji died, and the other was in Hell where I insisted on not sending out poison in that game I told you about, where my punishment was hurting and trying to kill everyone I loved and getting chained up like a dog for five days.
I get the point you're making and not one bit of it makes me less afraid to give my own feelings any priority whatsoever.
The response I was hoping for. Cut me off if I go too far, but I would like to proposition both you and your charming husband at once. To be clear: my interest is less in being the center of attention here as the opposite.
[ Historically Saya has been hesitant to agree to rendezvous that also include her husband since she's nervous about getting possessive, but she's been circling the idea for a while and this sounds like a particularly fun spin on it. ]
Interested in watching at first, are you? I think we can help you out.
Got it in one. As always, I am willing to follow your lead the entire time, even if that means denying me longer.
[Especially if it means keeping her comfortable with being in charge and in control. She can tell Sylvain to back off her husband at any moment and know he would obey. He always does.]
"Long enough" could mean anything. [ Of course she's going to push. ] If you don't want to tell me now, I have my ways. [ If he wants to, she could tease him into admitting it later on. ]
You most certainly do... all right. Since about after I'd been with each of you a couple times, and it really sunk in for me that you both... do this. Having more than one, and are okay with it.
It works for us. In my species this is normal. [ Sort of. It would be normal for Saya to have as many partners as she wanted and for her partners to be exclusive to her. Queen Rules. But that would be horrendously unfair and she could never. ]
We're very glad you finally did. You're a lot of fun. [ Last part added to keep it from being sentimental, since that has seemed to make Sylvain uncomfortable. ]
[ Look, she's trying. She's not good at keeping a distance. ]
Are you free tonight? I have a room here that's specifically set up for guests. [ aka it's bloodproofed. If you want to see Saya and her husband get it on you're gonna see her biting. ]
[Of course Kantera would know. Sylvain is still delighted to see the doctor look so pleased. Like a cat with the cream. He chuckles mildly as he steps inside, reaching for Kantera's hand to lift it to his lips.]
I'll take tea before and after, but if you're very eager, I certainly don't expect to be wined, dined and eased into it, or anything like that.
[They are past that point in their relationships, surely]
[Even just this, seeing her hug Kantera from behind and the both of them swapping quips with him and with each other, has something warm starting to tingle in the pit of his stomach. This was his best idea yet.]
Hmm, would you like that, doctor?
[He teases as he steps over the threshold. Kantera got his little hand kiss, and Saya will get her's too. He slips his fingers under hers to pull them away from her husband for a moment, to press his lips to her knuckles.]
Watch me enjoy a cup of tea you made while I watch your wife turn you into drooling mess?
[ Saya smiles indulgently and allows Sylvain to take her hand and plant his kiss. As soon as it's done, she turns her hand to grasp his chin between her fingers, her grip loose but commanding. She'll take the initiative around here. ]
I suppose I can't argue with that. Do take care not to burn your tongue, I have plans for it eventually.
[ Her free hand rustles its way through her husband's hair, scritching slowly at the base of his horn. But then she releases both of them and steps backwards to give him room. Making tea with her attached would be a challenge. ]
[He's blushing already. Between the two of them he really will be a mess before long.
-But first, he hastens to the kitchen to put on a pot of Good Tea. He never serves subpar tea but if it's going to be in the bedroom then it especially needs to be high quality.]
[He lets her take that initiative, even leaning his chin up a little more, like a cat asking for more scratches, exposing more of the line of his neck... until Saya pulls back and the moment passes.]
Yes ma'am.
[He hums to himself as he watches Kantera scurry off. The poor man already looks a bit overwhelmed and they've only just begun to build up the tension. This might even be more overwhelming for Kantera than it will be for Sylvain. Well, there's still time for him to fall apart.]
Maybe I can have a brew that steeps at a softer temperature, if you're worried about my impulse control. [As if they would even be here if either of them questioned that.]
[ Saya giggles once Kantera's out of the room. He's cute when he's overwhelmed, and every other time too. But worry not, she can handle him, and has something for that. She knows how to run a show like this, not her first or fiftieth rodeo. ]
Not a bad idea. Did you hear that, my love? [ The latter is addressed toward the kitchen. ]
[ She turns to Sylvain and steps closer, but without reaching out for him. Angling her head and standing on her toes as if about to stretch up for a kiss and leaving the movement incomplete. ] So I don't run aground in there, how near to overwhelmed would you like to get before I invite you in?
[Sylvain would never doubt for a moment that Saya can handle everything and anything about either man involved here. Kantera's comment makes his smile flicker a little wider, before he is fully magnetized by Saya's movement. The suggestion of touch that doesn't quite reach. He knows better and is well behaved enough to not reach back out for her himself.]
[He swallows the temptation to say "whenever you decide you really want me to join" because he knows that demurring will not get him anywhere. He may have his bad habits, but he does learn, especially for these stubborn types.]
Until it seems I cannot take a moment more. If that suits you.
[ Don't you worry dear husband, she's got you covered. You'll enjoy your torment ♥ ]
[ Her smile deepens in ways which would be a challenge to define when he follows his implied order like a champ. He did specifically request look and no touch, at least for a while, and so she'll have your sense of self-control until she decides to give it back. (Her husband's, she captured long ago. Shame she can't keep them all lined up on a pretty little shelf.) ]
[Thankfully for all of them, it doesn't take too long for the water to heat and the tea to steep. Also because we all deserve to get to the really fun part.
Kantera returns with a teacup - not a fragile one, considering - full of assam tea.]
And I do so love to see a master crafter at her work.
[Sylvain feels something wobble deep in his stomach at the way her smile shifts. That he's already started on his way to that special place he goes when someone takes charge of him is visible in his eyes when he turns to take the offered teacup. As he does so, his fingertips do brush against Kantera's. One very small rebellion against the no-touch restriction that Saya has implied to have already begun, but so quick and nearly unavoidable it might not even be a rebellion at all.]
I'll endeavor not to disappoint you. [ Her tone implies that she finds the very idea quite impossible, but the endeavoring will be enjoyable indeed. ]
[ Saya strides through the house like the queen she is, opening the door to a large bedroom that's colored to accommodate her feeding, dark wood and sleek dark bedsheets and a wine colored rug, long flowing curtains. And a plush armchair which she directs Sylvain towards, with a small end table beside. In the corner is a large mirror which Saya covers with a piece of cloth. It's one of those portals from Riki's shop and this wouldn't be the time for someone to walk in. ]
[ She smiles sweetly at Sylvain once he's sitting and settled. ] Make yourself comfortable, now. I'd much prefer we were the only thing making you squirm.
[ Moving back beside the large bed, Saya beckons her husband with an extended hand and a promising smile. ] I have something for you before we get started, dear.
[The room itself reminds Sylvain of a decadent desert- all dark chocolatey colors and berry tones. He does, indeed, make himself comfortable at her invitation, blowing politely on his tea before taking a light sip. He hums approval and sets it aside so he can settle into the chair, making sure he's sitting at a good angle, and his legs are comfortable.]
[Kantera's smile and jolly attitude make him chuckle, though he also has no idea what Saya might be planning, here.]
[It'll be presented on the date, but for ease of finding what it IS.]
[He'll have modified her motorcycle. He took care to maintain the look of the motorcycle in its base form, but it has so many fun add ons. It has blades that will appear out of the wheels, it has grappling hooks to shoot out to help do sharper turns or help pull up walls or whatever else.]
[But of course there is a complex transformation into a full on HOVERBIKE. Because that's how he is. It also comes with a turrets, though build for paint balls because bullets would be quite deadly and she may not be for that, but paint balls can do a lot for knocking someone down.]
I had wondered, since you don't really need a motorcycle. [It was why he made sure to not alter the appearance of the bike in its basic form and kept whatever parts he replaced just in case there was some Sentiment involved.]
I don't, but it's fun. The girl who left it to me used to ride me around on it, I was mortal then and my anti-gravity ability was more floating than flying. And Chuuya has a bike, so we have plans. [ To terrorize the city with a race, normal shit. ] I can actually let him use his powers now that mine can hover.
--Come inside. Your main gift can't really be hauled around.
Mmhmm. [ Saya takes his hand as they walk into the house, kisses the back of it. ] Thank you for your hard work. It was incredibly thoughtful. [ Taking care not to change the look of it specifically. ]
[ She leads him to her bedroom, then releases his hand to walk into the closet. She rolls out her dress form. On it is a silk ballgown, done mostly in red and black and gold. The sweeping bottom half is pieced to resemble stained glass but with Chinese-style art and the fabrics have been chosen to make it look like it's glowing from within. The artwork is designed with bulls and fire and wind, with abstract Demon Bull Family sigils if you know where to look. As it reaches the waistline there is carefully placed black and gold lace to imitate curling smoke in a breeze. The fabric shines and shimmers in the light, the colors changing slightly depending on where your eye catches it. The top is more structured, hugging the torso like a corset. The panels are the same colors but sheer in between the seams, with the black and gold lace from the skirt curling through the design so that it is more pretty than risqué. The dress is made to appear strapless but the lace continues up to a high neckline to make sure to cover his neck. There are long, fingerless gloves made of the same lace. ]
[ This clearly took a lot of work, and a lot of thought. ]
You said you haven't had occasion to wear a ballgown in 50 years. I thought it was high time that changed.
[Saya has made her previous gifts, but this is definitely more complex than the corsets, and the hair piece was a courting gift, this is a holiday gift, a very different standard, and she went all out. She made something that took a lot of effort.]
[(People keep making him things)]
[It's]
[It's still so new, and his emotions have been all over the place, it makes his heart feel tight and he has to take a shuddering breath.]
It's gorgeous. [He approaches, running a hand over the material.]
I thought maybe I'd take you out to a nice dinner, a place with some dancing, then we could watch the fireworks.
I made something for myself to wear too... [ Back into the closet she goes, and emerges with a fitted black suit with red and gold metallic pinstripes. There are some subtle DBF symbols on the lapels and cuffs. ]
I was going to make a corset for it but I think I like it without a top under the jacket. Maybe with just a necklace... [ It would be sexy for sure with the deep v in the jacket, but not outrageous. ]
[He looks over, hair flickering in flames as he looks her over.] I think it looks good without it. Not that you couldn't make it look good with it, but...
You're very handsome like this. More of a suave look over pure sex. [He is definitely blushing as he talks.]
[ Saya smiles indulgently and reaches out for his hand. ] Thank you. I wanted something more subtle so you'd shine in the gown. Not that you need my help.
Is that a yes? You'll let me take you out and seduce you properly?
I guess we'll see about that, won't we? [ Saya knows that either of them, and certainly both together, could turn heads, but she designed that dress specifically to complement Red Son's features. Hopefully it'll be as stunning on as it is in her head. ]
I have some artwork for you, too.
[ Saya gathers some thick papers from the bed and hands them over. On them are portraits of the children they saw in his ideal reality: Diva and Rikku together, Jade, Huǒ Hou and Xiaotian. One of the monkeys with Wukong and Macaque. One of Rikku and Jade fighting. Diva playing with Princess Iron Fan instructing. All of them piled on top of the Demon Bull King and wrestling playfully. ]
[ There's something different at the bottom of the pile. It's a stylized fire, almost tribal in appearance, with some symbols in the fire: a bull, his mother's fan, the symbol of the Samadhi fire from Red Son's jacket. ]
That last one is a sketch of a tattoo I wanted to get, as I do with everyone important to me. Even though I hopefully won't sleep again, it's a tradition I'd quite like to maintain. I thought I should get your permission before I ink symbols of your parents on my skin.
[ She slides the jacket off her shoulder. ] I was thinking the back of my shoulder, opposite the dragon that represents Kantera. The flames could wrap over my shoulder a bit.
[An assortment of homemade baked goods - cookies of various flavors, brownies, cupcakes, the works. There's no note, but she should know precisely who this is from.
Also, a beautiful red ballgown in exactly her size.]
[ Saya can smell the baked goods a mile away, but the dress is a surprise! She picks it up and swishes it around, then glances around for her husband. ]
[ Her gift for him is in the other room, she can't really carry it or wrap it so... ]
Good. No taking it back after I give you your present. [ He might want to stay in and snuggle the kitten all day... and she'd let him. But eventually he's making good on that offer! ]
Come with me, your gift is a little hard to wrap.
[ Saya will take his hand and lead him to... the Pokémon playroom? She hangs back in the doorway and encourages him to go inside. ]
[ Something unseen bounds through one of the tubes and then sticks its head out to peek at the visitors: a tiny black kitten. ]
For really real. She's still getting used to me, but she's brave and young, she'll acclimate. She can tolerate me being in the room as long as I don't get too close.
MK helped me find her, so do thank him when you can. [ No way could she go look at cats without scaring them into a fit. ]
She didn't come with a name, so go in and meet her. I'll stay back so she's not frightened.
You're welcome, love. I want us to build a happy life, and I want you to have company when I'm off on quests or elsewhere.
[ And it looks increasingly like if Venti does return, he won't know them. Being gone longer tends to do that. So it's safe to have a kitty in the house. ]
I'm not quite sure what she and the rabbits will make of each other, but that's another reason I got a very little one.
[ The tiny kitten will take a few hesitant, wide-eyed steps before bounding over to Kantera and sniffing his fingertips. Then gently nibbling on one. Seems he is approved. ]
[It is a bit sad to think that he's only getting this present because Venti has left, but that's not something that's in their control. They can only work with what they have.]
She truly is tiny. What should I name her, I wonder... Something related to my stars and moon, perhaps?
[ It's so natural for her to say "don't worry about it" that Saya almost does. But he's reaching out when he's perhaps still off kilter, and that means a great deal. ]
Of course. I always want to spend time with you, and goodness knows I need practice meditating. [ She's not as bad as she claims she is, but sitting still isn't her strong suit and clearing her thoughts is worse. ]
[Instead of there being a fancy card or some long-winded love letter, Saya receives a stunning silver butterfly necklace with little white diamonds encrusted on every wing. It's a fitting gift worthy of a queen, and certainly an expensive one. The gift comes wrapped up in silver wrapping paper with a white bow on top and tucked away within a matching gift bag.]
[Hijikata wrecked his head about what to get Saya for Christmas, having gotten caught up in the gift-giving hype along with the rest of Nightwake City. What adornments could he get her that her husband or lovers couldn't choose better? What potion or weapon could provide someone as powerful as her with a meaningful boon?
Ultimately, however, he knows hat Saya cares about the thought behind a gesture more than anything, so he ends up simply choosing the most beautiful card he can find, one with layered cuttings of snowflakes in faint white and blue hues, with just the slightest shimmer effect. (Of course he second- and third-guesses his taste, but in the end he sticks with it.)]
Dear Saya,
I hope you're enjoying the holiday season with your loved ones. I wish you good health and happiness, both now and in the new year. Let's go questing again sometime! It's always fun with you.
[Sylvain leaves a package delivered at Saya and Kantera's doorstep. Saya's present is a pair of wines, dark and vintage. One of them is a regular alcoholic beverage. The other is both wine and potion, a bottled "mulled wine" that makes the drinker especially sensitive, able to orgasm far more easily, and if they are not otherwise able to have multiple without stopping, they are now. It says so on the label, with a neat little note from Sylvain. Sante, Saya. I hope you have a fun Solstice and New Year. Share these with whomever you like, I promise I'm not dropping hints.- Sylvain]
Hi Saya-san! ヾ(≧▽≦*)o I was wondering, could you tell me what Kantera-san's favorite color is? And his upper body measurements? And if he has any fabric textures he particularly likes or dislikes!
I'm getting him a kitten for the holidays so that works great. It's a surprise of course. We haven't had a cat before but he's always wanted one. [ They couldn't have one before because of Venti's allergies... but Saya is aggressively not thinking about Venti being gone. ]
I do. Everyone did their own sewing a few hundred years ago. [ Also blah blah she was a captive and not allowed contact with the outside world. ]
They're going to be spoilt rotten (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) Let me know if you need any recommendations for toys and food! My kitten, Hacchan, came along with me, so I ended up doing a lot of research and shopping around.
Ooh wow, so you've got a LOT of experience! What kind of things do you like making? ( ° ▽ ° )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
+ Kantera, frozen heart event
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 12:50 am (UTC)[ Her fangs score two bloodless lines down his neck. She wants to bite him just as much as he wants to be bitten. ]
But you could contemplate that while you watch me get out of my clothes. Slowly.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 01:05 am (UTC)Not being able to touch you would be sweet torture.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 01:13 am (UTC)...But you can touch me now. They say skin contact is the best for hypothermia.
[ She extracts herself from him just enough to shimmy out of her dress, and then in an instant she's back against him, her leg curled over his. One hand starts working his clothes out of the way. ]
I wonder if you'd react as well to my bite on places other than your neck. Your hip, for example.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 01:25 am (UTC)You could certainly leave far more marks there.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 01:42 am (UTC)[ Saya uses her free hand to unlace her corset enough to pop open the front busk, then she presses herself flush against him. ]
I just had this memory of the first time we were together, in that room with the pillows and the stormy skies in my dorm. I bit you and then tried to tease you and you asked me not to. Remember that?
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 01:49 am (UTC)[Like now, when he can't resist helping her the rest of the way out of that corset.]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 01:53 am (UTC)[ Once the corset's gone she shimmies closer. ] Touch all you like. The cold doesn't bother me at all.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 01:56 am (UTC)Perhaps you could, ah... sit on my face?
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 02:11 am (UTC)Never be shy about asking for what you want from me, my love. There's nothing I'd deny you... even if I might insist on teasing for a bit beforehand.
I can do that. It only seems fair if I'm to tease, that you get to tease me back.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 12:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 05:25 pm (UTC)[ He doesn't make a thing of her tendency toward sadism, for example, even if -- special tea excluded -- he doesn't engage with it himself. ]
[ She slowly kisses down his neck to get him more relaxed and comfortable. Nothing like a good dopamine buzz to get someone talking. ]
Tell me what you want, I'll feed the fantasy. I'm quite sure it'll be fun for me, too. [ Fulfilling these sort of wishes is nothing but gratifying. And then once he's well she can make it reality. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 05:48 pm (UTC)Could you call me a good boy? I believe I would enjoy that very much.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 06:15 pm (UTC)[ She guides one of his hands to her leg, which is still wrapped around him. Get to work. ]
I believe that will sound best if I gasp it against your ear.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 06:18 pm (UTC)Anything you ask, my dear.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 06:30 pm (UTC)[ Her mouth finds his in a kiss that's equally teasing and eager, and her hand starts working his pants open, slow and deliberate. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 06:49 pm (UTC)[Oh, she's kissing him, that keeps him from asking if his fingers are too cold. It was probably a silly question even. He slides the tip of one finger inside her, feeling just how warm she is for him.]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 15th, 2023 07:07 pm (UTC)[ One hand curls through his hair to scritch the base of his horn, the other pries his pants open and slips inside them, stroking him slowly. Usually she'd tease more, in this case more contact is better. She'll warm him up in every way possible. ]
Don't hesitate. Consider me a hand warmer. [ She probably feels quite good around his finger, all slick heat, so no need to go slowly. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 16th, 2023 07:23 pm (UTC)[She's warm everywhere, but especially around his finger, and he works it slowly deeper inside her.]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 16th, 2023 08:56 pm (UTC)More of that. You know what I like.
[ Her hand keeps right on teasing him, never forgetting that her first objective here is to keep him as warm as possible. That won't work if she's too quick about it. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 19th, 2023 04:57 pm (UTC)Aliza...
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 19th, 2023 09:39 pm (UTC)[ And he seems to be warming up, more or less. She curls her hips toward him since she's also heating up substantially. ]
[ Saya shifts so her mouth brushes his ear and he can clearly hear every staccato breath and every syllable when she fulfills her promise: ]
That's my good boy.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 20th, 2023 09:24 pm (UTC)T-th-thank you.
[...Definitely confirmed that he's into that.]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 26th, 2023 02:04 am (UTC)[ Saya withdraws her stroking hand and uses it instead to get his pants just out of the way enough, then gently tugs his wrist so his fingers slide out of her, instead rolling onto her back and pulling him on top of her, her legs curled around his hips. His chest pressing down on hers should be much more skin contact; outside of where they're in direct contact he's still clothed, and that will help with warmth too. She makes sure to pull the blankets along and tuck them in beneath her so they're encased in as much of a heat trap as she can manage. ]
[ It's a stunning amount of thought to put into sex, for her. But hopefully it'll help. ]
Go as slow as you can. Stop in the middle and breathe if you have to. It'll heat you up better. [ Whatever endurance he can manage will let heat build up beneath all the blankets, and at least when she has to leave to gather potion ingredients she'll be leaving him in a near-sauna. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 27th, 2023 01:34 am (UTC)I feel warmer already. [He presses soft kisses to her lips, another point of warmth.]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 27th, 2023 03:40 am (UTC)Good. [ She kisses him back, purposefully languid. ] I love you more than anything. You're the best thing to happen to me. I want you to feel as warm and safe as you've made me feel. [ If affectionate words help, that'll be easy. She has no end of them. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 27th, 2023 11:42 pm (UTC)[Kantera moves slowly, drawing back until just the tip of him is inside before pushing in too slowly to be called a thrust.]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 31st, 2023 02:19 am (UTC)[ She exhales against his mouth, fighting the urge to move or moan or in any way speed him along. At least for her, this is creating a good deal of heat already, but she needs more. She wants them both sweating. Uncomfortably overwarm would be a benefit, so when she leaves there will be a bit of time before he cools down again. ]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 6th, 2023 12:54 am (UTC)[He's shuddering inside her already. Restraint is not an easy thing with his beloved wife surrounding him.]
un: GREAT💥🔪GOD🧨MIGHT💣, the 15th
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 03:31 am (UTC)[His typing is a little panicked, so there's not his usual proper capitalization or punctuation in his typing as there would be.]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 03:34 am (UTC)He's not freezing to death. It's a cold sickness that should be slowed with contact, we've seen something similar before. Stay in bed with him and cuddle up as much as possible.
Kantera has it too. Let me see what I can find out.
It's going to be okay. I promise. [ And now that she promised she's going to the ends of this fucking world if she must. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 03:42 am (UTC)[The fact that Saya knows what it is immediately has Katsuki's heart at ease. The two had been cuddling so far, but he wasn't sure if it was doing anything. It's a good thing he asked, or he was going to try to brave the weather to get him to a hospital.
He gives his currently snoozing boyfriend a soft kiss on the top of his head, and he holds him even closer to his chest.]
Okay.
So he has time. Even if his skin feels so goddamn cold? Even if he's barely able to stay awake?
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 03:49 am (UTC)I ran out to the Research Center [ various people flinched hard at seeing Saya's face but whatever ] And they've seen this before. Words of affection also help, in addition to contact, so get romantic on him.
And they're making a potion. I'm going to help gather ingredients.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 03:54 am (UTC)Anyway, of course mushy stuff helps. Why didn't I just think of that before?
Thank god there's going to be some kind of cure. If you could help get some for us, that would be great. I really can't leave his side right now.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 04:02 am (UTC)Of course I will. I'll get enough for my loved ones and Izuku as well, and as many others as I can carry ingredients for. I'll give you the first dose I get my hands on.
Is there anything you need before I run off? As fast as I am it'll only take a minute to get over there with anything you need.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 04:06 am (UTC)[A nickname he's now picking up from Izuku.]
We need thicker blankets. We only have a light one since, you know, it's supposed to be SUMMER.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 04:18 am (UTC)I'll bring you a bundle of warmer blankets. Just unlock the door with your telekinesis and I'll come right in so you don't have to leave him.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 04:21 am (UTC)I can unlock the door with my telekinesis?
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 04:25 am (UTC)Anything you can do with your hands, you can do with telekinesis.
The only limit is how strong your ability is, and I know firsthand that yours is strong enough.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 04:28 am (UTC)[Sorry Saya he... he loves super powers.]
I know for a fact I'm strong enough to do it, so you can leave it to me!
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 04:29 am (UTC)Just unlock it, awesome one. I'll be there in a minute.
[ It takes only slightly more than a literal minute for her to be at the door, testing the knob. Did he do it? ]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 04:40 am (UTC)He's really been trying everything.]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 04:58 am (UTC)[ Saya makes her way over with a bundle of thick wool blankets, one of which is electric. ] Here. This way you won't exhaust yourself.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 17th, 2023 06:02 am (UTC)[Katsuki speaks softly, trying not to disturb Izuku too much.]
I'll give you updates if anything changes, but for now I'm just gonna make sure he's still breathing.
[He looks down at the green haired boy, worry just written all over his face.]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 18th, 2023 05:09 am (UTC)All you need to do is stay with him. I'll keep you updated so you don't have to wonder how much longer. There's one ingredient in each segment, but the new teleporters are up and running so it won't take so long.
[ Saya fluffs out two of the thick blankets and tucks them over Izuku, careful not to disturb either of them. ]
makes a new icon just for u
Date: Jul. 20th, 2023 12:02 am (UTC)I appreciate it, Saya-nee. And obviously he will too.
[It puts a lot of stress off his shoulders knowing he can just focus on Izuku, while someone else takes care of getting the necessary ingredients to save him. Though if he had to find them himself, he'd probably strap Izuku to his back like a backpack.
Thankfully, he doesn't have to do that.]
<3
Date: Jul. 20th, 2023 01:05 am (UTC)[ She reaches down to squeeze his shoulder. ] I'll be back before you know it.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 20th, 2023 01:16 am (UTC)[He has to tease a little, as he wraps the blanket tighter around the two of them. He's so thankful to have someone like Saya to rely on-- she fills the roles of his mentors, and of Pro Heroes, very well. A skilled adult who knows what to do in sticky situations, that he can rely on when he needs.
She doesn't see herself as one, but to Katsuki, Saya is one of the coolest Heroes he knows.]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 20th, 2023 02:10 am (UTC)Please, who are you talking to? I do plenty of stupid things for my own sake.
[ With that, she takes off. All the better to get back in a hurry. She doesn't need to sleep so she'll be back in just a couple of days (exhausted and anemic but back). ]
after the cure
Date: Jul. 25th, 2023 05:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jul. 26th, 2023 02:18 am (UTC)[ All that is to say, getting hammered and getting a decent meal sounds perfect. Sign her the fuck up. ]
Right now? I finally got everyone settled, your timing's great.
[ She sends Evangeline a map pin and drags herself off to turn down the bed in her bloodproof bedroom. She makes sure to shift into her silver harpy form before Evangeline gets there, she tries for a full monster shift but can't manage it. She is so damn tired. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 26th, 2023 07:07 am (UTC)You look really tired. Blood first, then we can drink.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 26th, 2023 11:17 pm (UTC)[ Saya gestures toward the open door of the spare bedroom she decorated to be as resistant of bloodstains as she could manage: dark furniture, sleek dark sheets, patterned rugs. There's a padded bench at the foot of the bed where she flops unceremoniously down. ]
I hope you're okay with this look, even after a feeding I should probably keep shifting to a minimum. [ She's backlogged after all, and she doesn't want to take too much from Evangeline. Drinking won't be any fun if she's too hypoxic. ]
Come here, then.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 26th, 2023 11:29 pm (UTC)[It applies in reverse, too.]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 27th, 2023 03:42 am (UTC)[ Saya leans close, giving herself another stern reminder not to take too much, and then she bites into Evangeline's neck and her silvery wings flare out just a little. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 27th, 2023 07:01 pm (UTC)There are the usual emotions present in Evangeline's blood (namely, horny feelings), but there's also a strong sense of relief. Thank god all that is over with and they can relax now, they deserve it.]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 31st, 2023 02:22 am (UTC)[ She pulls back and dabs at her mouth, reaching over to the nightstand for a handkerchief. This room is well prepared for donors. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 31st, 2023 02:25 am (UTC)[While Saya's wiping her mouth, Evangeline opens the crate she's brought. It's full of a glowing green liquid, which she fills up two cups with.]
It doesn't really taste like anything, but if it works on you you should feel it pretty much instantly.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 31st, 2023 02:31 am (UTC)[ She accepts a glass and peers at it for a second, then in a shrug that clearly communicates FUCK IT she drinks it down. ]
[ Hm. ]
It's having some effect, yes. [ Not immediate drunkenness but there is a spreading warmth that seems familiar from the only other time she managed to get drunk, bless BiT and their magic booze. ] Thanks.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 31st, 2023 02:32 am (UTC)-Woo! Yeah, for us mere mortals this stuff's a lot.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 31st, 2023 02:37 am (UTC)What were we going to talk about, again? Having a shitty past and other people not knowing how to deal with it, something like that?
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 31st, 2023 02:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jul. 31st, 2023 02:47 am (UTC)Like call it whatever you want to, friend or lover or whatever you are, disregarding people's wishes is shitty no matter what you dress it up as.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 31st, 2023 06:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jul. 31st, 2023 11:51 pm (UTC)I do get that it's frustrating for them, though. I really do. Especially when it's not my past we're talking about, but the present.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 31st, 2023 11:54 pm (UTC)[she's DEFINITELY drunk]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 12:01 am (UTC)[ Also a lot harder to convince people it was out of emotion. ]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 12:12 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 12:34 am (UTC)And it's not out of a lack of strong feelings, I assure you. My species has feelings that hit like a freight train. It's more like... a power surge that leads to a blown fuse knocking out the lights.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 12:39 am (UTC)[She's seen it firsthand in her work.]
-but I'm sorry people don't get you.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 12:49 am (UTC)Human-centrism is a problem even in multi-dimensional places, apparently. I don't mind it so much most of the time, but there are times when I wish people made more of an effort to remember things.
Like oh, you think I shouldn't think in short-sighted ways? Thanks for that, sure no problem, except that I don't get a long-term because it's not possible. At least have the good grace to look like you're sorry once I remind you. If I got an extra month for every time someone said something boneheaded about being patient I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 12:57 am (UTC)[She's not the biggest fan of humans, unsurprisingly.]
For me it's like, 'your world is awful you should revolt against the system-' if I do that I will instantly be killed and I would rather not, thanks.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 01:04 am (UTC)...People say that to you? Wow. I think everyone should care about systems that are awful but if you say there's nothing to be gained by fighting it then I believe you. I guess it's easy to cash checks from someone else's wallet.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 01:12 am (UTC)[This conversation was with Red Son, incidentally, which is why he's the only person Evangeline Does Not Like.]
People do try to change things, and they die miserably for it every time. I'm not any stronger than any of those people were, and I have a family to take care of before I go serving up my own head on a platter.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 01:20 am (UTC)Sometimes people don't get choices. Especially people who can die.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 01:27 am (UTC)[She's stronger and better-equipped than the average human, but she's still just a human.]
I already don't expect to have that long a time alive. Is it so wrong for me to try to enjoy the time I have?
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 02:38 am (UTC)I've been on both sides. One where I was the only one who could change things for the better. And I don't mean I was the strongest person or the person who felt chosen by fate or whatever, I was literally the only one. It was me, or nothing. And I hated it every day. I didn't get close to anyone except unwittingly, and even then I kept them at a distance. It was misery.
And I've been in a situation where I had as much power as the others around me over things, which was none. So I took comfort in those around me however I could, as did many others. If a chance arose to change things, I'd have taken it, but I wouldn't have resented those who chose otherwise.
I don't know if it's wrong for you on your world, I doubt anyone not from your circumstances could say one way or the other, and trying to would be the height of arrogance. [ Which explains Red Son, lol. That and a massive inferiority complex that he's overcompensating for. ]
So I'll say... I think wanting to enjoy the time you have is understandable. I wouldn't judge you for any choice you made.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 01:59 pm (UTC)[She absolutely needed to hear all of that and feel validated in her feelings.]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 04:44 pm (UTC)Of course you can.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 04:45 pm (UTC)I really needed to hear all that, so... thanks.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 07:08 pm (UTC)Sure, of course. That was the point of this.
[ Although Saya's beginning to seriously doubt that there even exists anyone who could make her feel understood. Hazard of killing your whole species she guesses. ]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 07:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 08:59 pm (UTC)You might not like the things I say. Not because they're about you or anything, but in general.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 09:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 09:24 pm (UTC)I dunno, it might not be worth it. I'll be gone soon and all, it feels wrong to whine about things that in a few months I'd give anything to hang onto.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 09:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 09:33 pm (UTC)Human feelings are sort of like a line, right? On one end there's, let's say, joy, and on the other, misery. Where you feel at any point about something can be found somewhere along that line. It can move, but it's not all that hard to define.
My emotions... picture a room full of magnets that are always moving around and changing strength, and there's a compass in the middle. The magnets are making the needle swing around wildly. [ She does some wacky spinning movements with her index finger. ] Sometimes it settles on one direction and stays there if there's some equilibrium in the arrangement of magnets at that particular moment, sometimes it's all over the place.
Between the ultra-strong feelings of my species and the amount of times my personality got completely revamped, that's what my feelings are like. So I'll explain I feel a certain way, and then later I'll explain that I feel a different way, or I want contradictory things at the same time, and people get frustrated.
-- Which I get. It's frustrating to live through. But it does lead me to just give up most of the time.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 09:38 pm (UTC)That makes sense to me. It's on other people for expecting your brain to work like human's.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 09:53 pm (UTC)I think it's more that they get really confused and upset at how often I "change my mind". Never knowing where I'm going to be about something has to be annoying.
And now layer on top of that mess the absolutely impossible situation my hibernation has me and everyone around me in, where there are only bad answers and everyone's feelings are running super high...
I will commonly say about myself that all I do is hurt people, and that's what I mean. When there's no way to avoid hurting people, that's what happens. It's inevitable. Any attempt I make to hurt people less ends up making things worse. I'm the very definition of the road to hell being paved with good intentions.
Take my first experimental cure test... thing. I'm sure you heard whispers about what a disaster it was. I knew it could go that way, so I asked a bunch of people to be in there to prevent me from getting out, hurting innocent people. There were some people I didn't want to be there for a lot of reasons, mostly being worried about what it would do to me or to them if things went the way they went, but I caved because they said it was what they wanted. And it went really badly, and I hurt everyone in terrible ways that I can't take back.
So now I'm thinking: okay. I have to try this again, and I'm scared to death. And I just want to avoid the same giant mess happening all over again. So I made other arrangements, so only one person would have to deal with it. And now people are hurt all over again that I'm "keeping them out" or however it was put to me... like I'm doing this out of spite or because I don't trust them. It's not that. I'm just trying my best, and my best sucks, but that's because this whole thing sucks. And I have to balance what I can handle with what everyone else wants, and not trying it again isn't an option because the people I love most in the world want me to keep trying and they deserve for me to keep trying...
So yeah, I'm pushing people away and at the same time wanting them close. I'm dumping my feelings all over people and at the same time holding back. Of course I am. Because shit is fucked, and my entire life and the feelings of everyone I love are on the line, and who could ever possibly deal with this gracefully?
[ Pausing here for more drinking. ]
Everyone has wants and expectations of me, and I can't meet any of them. Falling asleep is starting to sound like a relief.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 10:12 pm (UTC)I'm sorry, that sucks. For you and for everyone else, but especially for you.
[She has thoughts, but she promised not to try to give advice, so...]
Do you want another hug?
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 10:24 pm (UTC)...So you might as well tell me what you think. You can't do worse than some others have, trust me.
[ It helps that Saya's hibernation won't have much impact on Evangeline in the scheme of things. So there's only so much Saya could hurt her with a wrong decision (and they're all wrong decisions really). ]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 10:32 pm (UTC)However bad it is for anyone else, it's worse for you, of course your emotions are all over the place. Sometimes people just have to take everything personally.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 10:44 pm (UTC)People find all sorts of reasons that what I want or feel isn't valid. Either it's not valid because I'm basing it on what someone I love said they want, like I'm not supposed to care about what my romantic partners want, or it's because I don't know what's best for myself -- I mean I sometimes don't, but that doesn't give anyone the right to go over my head -- or they're determined to save me or whatever. Nothing patronizing about a shove toward the self-actualization they've decided is best for me without my consent or consultation.
Or they'll say they respect what I want and then in the same breath try to talk me out of it. That's a favorite lately.
I honestly just... there are moments I hope this next attempt puts me under so I don't have to hear it anymore.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 10:59 pm (UTC)[Let Saya Rest]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 11:30 pm (UTC)I know they're doing it out of love, that's the only reason I haven't. It's muddled and at times really insulting but I can forgive a lot when it's for that.
Besides, I think I've got the easiest role here. I get to just... forget. Painlessly. I won't know what I lost. Everyone else has to live with it.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 11:36 pm (UTC)...Maybe this is just a human perspective, but the idea of forgetting everything scares me more than dying.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 11:51 pm (UTC)Smiling in the face of someone you love, knowing they're not that person anymore and probably never will be again, having to mourn what you lost while it's also right in front of you... that does hurt.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 1st, 2023 11:55 pm (UTC)I'm sorry. I can offer weird not-booze and talking about other things as a distraction.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 2nd, 2023 12:35 am (UTC)Nah. Thanks but I need to just... get over myself. I don't have a lot of time, and I'll have a lot less soon probably, I don't want to spend it this way. Even if I have to take some crap, I want to leave the people I love with more than a giant burden to haul around with them.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 2nd, 2023 12:39 am (UTC)Well, if it helps any, I brought enough enkephalin for the household, so if you want to get smashed with your housemates later you can.
Late enough to be early
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 06:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 06:48 pm (UTC)I'm just getting off work. Do you want to meet up?
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 07:00 pm (UTC)And it helps to keep my hands busy. Noodle Boy's blood has actually been surprisingly helpful for helping refine the adjustments we need to make. A lot of the base things of the Monkey King that's similar, none of all the magical nonsense that would muddle the data.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 07:26 pm (UTC)Can you tell me what this is about before shop talk? If there are scarier words in any language than "we need to talk but I can't look at you while we do" I've never heard them.
[ If this is a break-up text kindly be out with it while there's still time for her to take a coworker or two home with her. ]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 07:29 pm (UTC)[...wait, wasn't there a romantic trope about it.]
This is only tangentially related to our relationship?
I can look at you when its very directly our relationship.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 07:34 pm (UTC)[ But okay she's got assumptions now, so concern warms into fond amusement. ]
Oh, well. In that case, stall all you like. [ All apologies to the coworkers that have been sniffing around her for months. ]
I'm glad you're making some progress, but I actually care more about whatever's keeping you preoccupied. Your choice.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 07:40 pm (UTC)I'm going to call you. I want my hands free.
[And after about a minute, there's the ringing.]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 07:45 pm (UTC)So, you're hiding from your house guests.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 07:48 pm (UTC)I can't believe I invited babysitters into my home. Did you even wait a day before turning them against me?
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 07:52 pm (UTC)I probably should have said to give you more leeway. I didn't realize they'd take to the task of dragging you out of that shop with such dedication. My fault. [ Sounding only about 10% guilty. ]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 07:54 pm (UTC)[There's definitely a crackle of fire when he huffs. The sound of clinking glass and rustling paper.]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 07:56 pm (UTC)He's doing his best to show care in the way he knows how. He's like a puppy. It's charming.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 08:00 pm (UTC)Even when we met, he couldn't focus for more than ten seconds. Who gets distracted from the person threatening to incinerate them?
Frankly, I don't know where he and the Dragon Girl get all that energy. I don't even need to sleep that much, but a day with them, and I was always out like a light.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 08:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 08:14 pm (UTC)They're tiring.
And yet its charming. Stupidly charming. It was ridiculous and infuriating. I knew they were a bad idea. I knew letting them in was only going to lead to pain, but then they kept insisting on how much of a help I was, how much they wanted me on their side, and then started throwing the word friend around like it was that easy.
Like there were no way we wouldn't be on opposite sides again. My entertaining them was on the edge of treachery, but they just made it easy and I kept responding when they reached out. Not everytime, but enough that they still kept trying.
It was getting to the point I felt I would have no choice, but to admit to my treachery to ask my parents for a century. They're mortal. They'd be dead and I'd have no conflict, I just-
I just needed to believe my parents would love me enough to put aside their ambitions and their anger at my weakness to grant me that.
[The rustling of the paper stops. A longer pause this time.]
But they were at the beach. According to the Noodle Boy. Its still hard to believe, but even if Noodle Boy can lie, I don't think he would lie to me about that.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 08:23 pm (UTC)[ She blatantly encouraged MK before, so it's not as though she has any doubt about where her feelings ultimately are. It's just as things always are, the dark and light of her clashing. ]
He's like me. We suck at lying, especially to people we care about. [ So no, not a lie. Red Son just has to stop being afraid of it and in disbelief about it and all the other things and accept it. Easy to say, perhaps not easy to do. ]
You've said this a few times. How knowing that changed things.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 08:33 pm (UTC)I just don't believe he would lie about something like this. I don't think he's so idiotic as to think such a lie wouldn't absolutely shatter my trust in him.
Whatever my reasons my parents had to be there at the beach, its enough to know I could have that century. Maybe longer if it turns out there is cause for them to live longer. As long as Wukong doesn't royally screw something up, its now a viable path. It means I don't need to hold them at a distance.
The heart ache will just be the limitations of their mortality. Still a pain, but a different pain from having to fight them.
And now thoughts I never entertained for what little guard I could keep around my heart have...started to bubble, as it were.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 08:40 pm (UTC)[ She doesn't love that reference to Wukong but she expects that bitterness. Red Son earned that bitterness. So she accepts it despite her personal feelings (feelings Red Son would despise, so he'll never hear them). ]
It's only natural. You have options you never had before. Don't try to fight it.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 08:48 pm (UTC)But I could hold back, at least. [He chuckles, a bit dryly.] Its how my emotions are. Its pointless to repress them entirely. So better to let them vent, a pressure valve so I could control how and when it shows itself. [Like how his fire will flare in his anger. Anger that made itself known, but never did anything he didn't want done.]
But now that the relationship doesn't have a time limit beyond mortality...
[There is a long pause.]
There is a Venn Diagram. With a rather large middle circle.
Of my feelings for you.
And my feelings for the Dragon Girl.
[Because of course he's not gonna talk about MK, he's not really to deal with THAT so directly.]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 08:53 pm (UTC)[ She's slightly dismayed when he moves to talking about charts, even if the stuff about Mei isn't at all unanticipated. Red Son ain't slick about these things, he's too new to them to be.
But this is how he explains the world to himself, and apparently explains himself to himself. So okay, a Venn Diagram. ]
Okay...
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 09:03 pm (UTC)At least the possibilities.
If I can fall in love with you, and there are numerous intense and similar feelings for the Dragon Girl, if not for the same reasons, just the general....sensation of feelings, it stands to reason that, given time...
What if I did fall for her too?
And that is the tangentially related because...
Well, I know our boundaries when it comes to flings and the like, but honestly, I never really thought I would have a serious interest in someone else and what that means.
I know you have people you love that aren't me, but also just assuming that its the same for me feels like poor form.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 09:14 pm (UTC)If you fall for her too, then I'd support you. I'd be happy for you.
I have a good deal of experience with this. My instincts are what they are, but I manage them. [ "I'm possessive as hell but I've trained myself out of reacting most of the time". ]
What I want most is your happiness. I'd like to be part of that happiness, but I've never assumed I'd be the only piece of it. When I said I consider you an equal, I meant it in all ways. I love more than one person, and I'd never restrict you from that.
[ Royals get harems, them's the rules. If Mei (OR WHOEVER) tried to force Saya out of things there might be problems, but that's a bridge no one can possibly cross right now. If it happens, they'll deal with it. MK already said he wouldn't want Saya to give up what she and Red Son have, incidentally enough, so that's good to have in her back pocket. ]
I don't need to know about flings. [ In fact she almost prefers not to, but sometimes things crop up. ] More serious ones, I'd prefer to know when you do. And my husband is absolutely off limits for romantic entanglements -- not that it's a worry, he doesn't get involved with others in that way, that's not how our arrangement works. [ Bless him. ]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 09:27 pm (UTC)[His voice is soft. Genuine. Easier to say when he doesn't have to look at her, when his flustered embarrassment might make it hard when he's dealing with. Other feelings.]
But also with the rate people from home are showing up, and if the Dragon Girl showed up, and then she starts blindsiding me as she tends to do...
I didn't want to be in it before I could try to counter it.
If I have a reason to resist, I could, but it would have been harder to try after the fact and...
I didn't want to hurt you.
[A pause.]
Romantic entanglements are just romantic feelings, or does that include flings?
[WAS THERE]
[A MISCALCULATION THERE]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 09:41 pm (UTC)I'd never give you a reason to resist your feelings for anyone else. Especially not someone you have such a bond with. As long as you don't shut me out, I never will. [ It's that easy. And he's made her feel quite the opposite of neglected so far. ]
As far as not hurting me... don't put up walls between us. That's all it takes, for the big picture. And I'm quite good by now at asking for what I want and need, so you won't have to wonder about the small things.
[ She laughs a bit. ] You're fine. Flings with Kantera are okay -- meaning, anything where romantic feelings aren't involved is permissible -- I just can't really talk about it much. I mean, I can, obviously we are right now, but if my possessiveness is going to flare up anywhere, it'd be about him. If it happens to come up casually then that's okay, just...
I can banter about a lot, but not about him and someone else.
[ She sort of expects that Red Son will get this. He has a claiming instinct too, and you can't get more claimed than being married. ]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 10:23 pm (UTC)It would be a temporary state of being.
[Listen, his family didn't deal with grief well and frankly its good she's a bully because he'll need it sometimes.]
[There is a sigh of relief.] All right. I just wished to check. And I wouldn't ask you to barter about him. Obviously he is always yours. I just wanted clarity.
...as well as the...
Dragon Girl situation. Which may not even come to pass, I can hardly claim to know of her own interests. I would say it would be a ludicrous possibility, but considering her choice of friendships, her taste may genuinely be that bad.
Which is not disparaging at myself, but usually murder attempts is not a love language.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 10:31 pm (UTC)I've learned how to cope with such moments by the way I was handled, thankfully. [ She can be taught! With time and a dump truck of patience. Fortunately Red Son missed the tutorial stage and now he's attached so he might actually not be driven to the brink of sanity by her ridiculousness. ]
[ She laughs again. Wryly. ] You're talking to someone whose natural mates are her enemies. I understand wanting to worship someone and murder them at once all too well. And if my understanding of mortal relationships is anything resembling accurate then it seems fairly normal there, too.
And given how you've reacted to seeing me fight in the past... [ she's just saying, there's precedent. ]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 11:05 pm (UTC)Noted. Though I can usually deal with tempers. [Well, from other people. Maybe it will be harder from Saya, always hard to say when he's Personally Invested.]
Admittedly, there are a great many love stories that start on the battlefield. My parents met on the battlefield, but after that battle, father grew very uninterested in the fight with mother in his view.
And violence is less commonplace these days. Mortals are much softer, even demons.
Killing people is treated more severely than it was even a century before.
Also you've never tried to kill me and strength is always attractive.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 11:16 pm (UTC)There's a reason for that. Violence and attraction kick up many of the same hormones. There's a reason I prefer the blood of those who have been fighting or who I've gotten in a different sort of ruffled state.
--Speaking of strength and attraction. I might have found something of interest to you. A topical treatment that suppresses otherworldly abilities, temporarily. I wanted you to test it before we actually try it, but...
[ She got it from a customer of all things, but went to the shop herself and it's not counterfeit or anything. Just highly kink-specific. ]
If the store owner is to be believed, one could control how long marks stay on me. Spring powers would still work on them, and it wears off eventually, depending on how much you use.
[ Interested? ]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 11:23 pm (UTC)[Excuse him, there may a crash of breaking glass and sudden cursing.]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 11:25 pm (UTC)My, I hope that wasn't anything important.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 11:31 pm (UTC)I can-
Easily remake it.
It's fine! [Oh his voice definitely raised a few octaves.]
I-
Would be interested.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 11:35 pm (UTC)I was hoping so. It seems perfect. Since it sits on the skin, it can only cause superficial injuries, no risk of anything serious.
[ And since it's meant for kinky stuff it's not toxic, not that it matters since he burns her blood off and anything else would be gone too. ]
I figure if anything could get you to stop working and relax for a little while this might do the trick. For a given definition of "relax".
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 11:47 pm (UTC)[Work important. But also.]
[BUT ALSO]
I could-
Definitely work that into my schedule.
For sure.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 17th, 2023 11:54 pm (UTC)Glad to hear it.
Want me to run the thing by sometime so you can make sure it's safe? [ She'd offer to leave it on his doorstep or something but with his luck the monkeys will find it and ask questions and then the house will be a smoking crater. ]
I must admit, this is on the short list of things I want to do before my next test. It's been on my mind for days. Different sort of trouble sleeping than you're having. [ Maybe not so different at this point, though. ]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 18th, 2023 12:05 am (UTC)I-yes. I should also test how potent it is. Wouldn't want for it to put out the fire in my mouth. I can test with a blood bag.
[A definite fwoosh.] Yeah, I-I would like to use it before the next test.
[It may not make her hibernate, BUT IT MIGHT, and then it could be a long while until he figures things out.]
[It's a memory he'd like himself, just in case.]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 18th, 2023 12:15 am (UTC)As soon as you're sure it's safe, then. For the sake of my impatience.
[ Hopefully he's not still holding anything breakable-- ] I would never have thought I'd like the idea as much as I do. But if a lingering mark causes even a fraction of what I feel when your teeth bite into me...
[ A breathy sigh ]
[ (Not sorry.) ]
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 18th, 2023 07:02 pm (UTC)[Or he purifies her blood in his mouth. Now that is a thought. He would need to drink less water then.]
[There is another crackle of fire.] I'm eager too.
I like how your marks look on me. I really want to see them longer on you.
(no subject)
Date: Aug. 18th, 2023 07:41 pm (UTC)It's quite different, seeing them on someone else. Tangible evidence that they're yours, for the moment. And in my case, something I've only experienced with you. [ None of her other partners, not her Chevaliers, no one has been allowed to bite her before. ]
With a lingering mark it'll be impossible for me to move without tugging it or twinging it, and so impossible to keep it out of mind. Constantly remembering the bite that put it there. That alone could turn my eyes gold.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 01:32 pm (UTC)[But he is going to check on Saya, holding a small box.]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 01:41 pm (UTC)Done working early? What's the occasion?
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 01:47 pm (UTC)[He sits on the arm of the couch, reaching down to gently stroke her hair as he looks down at her with a small smile.]
[If perhaps a touch nervous.]
There was something I wanted to give you. I just needed to finish a few adjustments on it.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 01:50 pm (UTC)Oh? Don't keep me on tenterhooks.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 02:02 pm (UTC)[Inside is a bracelet. The beads are garnet and gold, with a closer examination showing detailing of stylized bats and bulls moving amongst fire and wind lightly etched into the beads. With the main charm of the bracelet being a garnet with a symbol of the Demon Bull Family carved into it and filled with gold. Saya would have seen the symbol whenever Red Son has done ritual spells around her, it's a base symbol of sorts for him.]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 02:23 pm (UTC)... It's beautiful. Thank you.
[ She stretches up to kiss his cheek, and then the bracelet comes out of the box and she immediately puts it on. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 02:37 pm (UTC)[He reaches out for her hand with the bracelet. Still wearing the mermaid bracelet she gave him.]
We...lost a lot, after father was imprisoned. Mother and I were always moving around, looking for solutions. We could only bring so much with us. Things would often get lost along the way.
Since we got him back, we have been trying to see what we could locate again. You know how mortals are. They love collecting things, putting them in museums. [He runs his thumb over the back of her hand, looking down at the bracelet on her.]
Mother and I were able to find her old jewelry box. Most of the pieces were from after father started courting her. She had missed it when she realized it had gotten lost, it was nice to find again.
It wasn't in the best state, a number of pieces were broken. I offered to fix what I could and she...
She said I could keep them for the future. I know, it may not sound the best, but mother knows me.
An heirloom that needed to be fixed. Something that was my family's, and something where I could make part of the gift.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 03:02 pm (UTC)[ She shouldn't be surprised. He's such a romantic. ]
[ Saya might have had something to say here, but she knows how he likes to meander around to the point. So she squeezes his hand and smiles up and him and hums softly to let him know she's listening. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 03:21 pm (UTC)This piece was one of the earlier courting gifts mother accepted properly. It has his family's crest so when she wore it, it told him she accepted him as her suitor. It apparently caused quite the uproar amongst her family. [There is a small huff of amusement at the memory.]
It's not a courting gift. I'm not going to step into Kantera's place.
[But he looks up to her, face red, but the smile is fond.]
But the feelings are the same.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 03:51 pm (UTC)[ That's not the point here. Admittedly it does take Saya a second to grasp the point because he's coming at this rather obliquely and her mind is preparing for stasis, and she tends never to take good news at face value. But even she can't mistake what he's saying, and she has neither the time nor the desire to thrash about in denial. ]
[ He really did cut this awfully close, which somehow makes her smile. ]
[ There's been a bit of a pause while she processes all that. She reaches up to brush the fingertips of her free hand over his cheek, then stretches to kiss him properly, slow and sweet, which expresses what she feels better than words ever could. ]
[ She has some questions. They can wait a moment. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 04:10 pm (UTC)[He knows it's close, but between everything, untangling his feelings took time to understand. But at least he got there.]
[His hand moves over her's, leaning into the touch. Kissing her back, just as sweet and gentle.]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 04:32 pm (UTC)[ This also probably means he'll never be able to let up on trying to fix her hibernation cycle. She shoves that thought aside to feel guilty about later. ]
[ There's no hurrying through kissing him. She wants this moment to sink into her mind and heart so there's a chance her blank memory will still somehow feel it. ]
[ Eventually though she pulls slightly back, resting her forehead against his. Her eyes open enough to show that they're glowing mostly gold. ]
Will you say it plainly, please? Or else I'll convince myself that I somehow mistook your meaning.
[ Kantera had to admit his feelings for her when she had an effect where she was forced to believe anything someone told her, Venti had to do it in a mindshare, Haji when he had no other option to save her life, this is a Known Problem. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 11:46 pm (UTC)[There is a bit of an amused huff.] Well, now I have wonder at my ability to be properly poetic. [The tone is teasing, though his face is also growing red. A soft crackle in the air that is almost assuredly his hair starting to light up.]
[He squeezes her hand on his cheek, his other hand moving to her side as he matched her gaze.]
I love you, Saya. [Tone soft, gentle, but it doesn't waver.]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 15th, 2023 11:59 pm (UTC)[ She laughs softly at his light teasing. ] It's not your poetry that's at issue. I have a history of not believing good news the first time. [ SUCH a history. ]
[ The thing is though, that with Red Son she can't entirely disbelieve him. He was so deliberate and cautious with how he did this that he wouldn't say this casually. Even her looming hibernation isn't enough to make her run from it. ]
Besides, this way I get to say: I love you, too. [ Her smile turns a bit wry, ] Not that I expect you had any doubts. [ She's as subtle as a freight train. ]
I do have a few questions... [ Her tone indicates that this is nothing to be jumpy about ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 12:14 am (UTC)[He hums. He does understand why she asked. He's not surprised she struggles with good news. It makes sense with her...everything.]
[The soft crackle definitely was more of that fwoosh sound, the blush getting worst, eyes flicking to the side, before meeting hers again with a shy smile.] I suppose that is a pretty good reason. Not that I had doubts.
[She is too much of a freight train to really doubt. As long as he wasn't deep in the insecurity.]
...what is it? Was I unclear about something?
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 12:23 am (UTC)No, nothing unclear. It's more that "Kantera's place" thing. You could never step into his place... but he could never step into yours, either. I don't want us defining what we are based on what I have with him. Nor the other way around. What we have is only ours. [ She doesn't and will never rank the people she loves. She's not wired to think in that way. ]
So my question is... would you want this to be a courting gift? Because if you would, then I'll happily accept it as such. [ It's that simple, as far as she's concerned. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 12:38 am (UTC)[An unexpected turn.]
He's your husband. I didn't want to seem like I was disrespecting that. [The blush deepens at the question. Taking her hand, looking down at the bracelet, thumb tracing over her hand. Silent for several beats because he had already thought that it couldn't be a courting gift, so this was unexpected.]
I...
I think I would like that.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 12:45 am (UTC)[ The radiant smile on her face when he agrees was probably well worth the extra blushing. ]
Then a courting gift it is.
Which leads me to: I think we're at the point where I'll need an answer when I'm asked what we are to each other. [ The "no labels" thing doesn't work when you're wearing someone's family crest. And she doesn't think that's where he is anymore either. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 12:56 am (UTC)[Its nice. There is a feeling of certainty now that helps his nerves. Knowing where he's at, and having those feelings returned. There are complicated emotions about a lot of other things, but having that much soothes something in him that he hadn't realized had been wound up.]
Ah...
I didn't think that far.
[A pause.] One who gives a courting gift is a suitor, and usually when courting progresses, its to fiance. Girlfriend and boyfriend is a term mortals have been using that is in that quasi point.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 01:15 am (UTC)[ She wrinkles her nose in mild distaste. ] I never cared much for the mortal words. [ She spent so long letting humans define her. And anyway the words are so gendered. ] Chiropterans don't so much have a word for it, unfortunately. [ It's Chevalier or bust and she can't use that. ]
Suitor I like better. Or partner or paramour...
...It's not so important, I suppose. My resistance to being defined in human terms any further might be stretched too far in this instance, it's only semantics.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 01:25 am (UTC)I would be fine with suitor. Or partner or paramour. [He kisses her hand again.] Since....well, you have more experience in regards to these things. I would be fine with a word that feels good to you.
Part of me belongs to you and part of you belongs to me and that's what mattes.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 01:46 am (UTC)I do tend to use partner for even casual situations, just habit really. [ And so she doesn't call them hookups or something equally disrespectful, by and large these are people she cares for greatly.
A whole slew of them.][ Her smile softens when he kisses her hand. ] We can try some of them out. You're right, the sentiment is what matters.
I'm glad this could happen... before... [ well. The elephant in the room. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 01:57 am (UTC)We can start with partners as something solid, and try out the others to see what feels right.
[Ah. The elephant.] It'll still be happening.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 02:08 am (UTC)It's a little funny, assuming we get that far that would be my first wedding. My husband and I never really bothered. We did something together, made all the promises one makes, but not in front of anyone. [ They might also have had wedding trauma from D.Va's disappearing act. ]
[ Saya leans closer again to rest against him. Equally as a comfort as because she's tired. ] I know it will. I'll still know you. You called me back before, it won't be so hard to do again. [ Just a longer process. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 02:34 am (UTC)To be fair, a demon wedding isn't quite the same of what humans do either. We do have our politics and proper etiquette, but that's usually only the start. Well, if you don't count the courtnapping as part of it, that is always debatable. It can get rather rowdy. There have been weddings that have wrecked villages before. [Demons go hard.]
[His smile gets a little more sad, but he pulls her close, moving to bury his face against her neck.] I did. I'll call you back again. If our next test fails. [Which it almost surely will, but he doesn't want her to think he lacks hope. He's just realistic of his own abilities.] It all just takes time.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 02:50 am (UTC)That all sounds much better than the human version. Although now I'm wondering if I missed my chance to be courtnapped. That would be a shame.
[ Saya lets her expression falter when he pulls her close and can't see it, just for three seconds. Three seconds of being overwhelmed with grief about how very much she has to lose, and then she draws a breath and pushes past it. He needs her to. ] Whatever time it takes, it'll be worth it in the end.
Do you know when the next one will be? It's not an exact science to know how long before I...
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 03:34 am (UTC)Not necessarily. Courtnapping doesn't always have to be wholly unexpected. Its much like a proposal. If you've done the courtship right, you're aware your target isn't going to be truly invested in actually escaping. Testing is still common, of course, but not invested in succeeding at their escape.
...the next few days. I have some samples growing for the injections that will hopefully make the changes we need.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 03:42 am (UTC)Wonderful. Do be sure to stash me somewhere comfortable, since I won't be wanting to escape. [ She's just lightly teasing, since the other thing they're discussing is so un-light. ]
[ She nods at his timeline. ] That should be fine. Ten days, perhaps, is my best guess. [ More like six but the progression is exponential toward the end, which none of them have any way to know. Nothing like getting a "surprise, it's now or never!" text, right? ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 04:30 am (UTC)[Sometimes your family is full of a lot of trauma, bad personalities, and codependency issues, and you just kind of need to work through it some months in the desert.]
Well, of course. Part of courtnapping is showing off your wealth. Strength, wealth, and capability. The room should be the nicest in the home with the best security.
[THE ABSOLUTE WORST TEXT.] That does seem to be the rate with how often you're sleeping. But I'm hopeful. [Hopeful he's on the right path, but working this time-]
[Well, close enough.]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 04:42 am (UTC)Best security indeed. It would take your technological wizardry to keep me locked away. Not that I recommend you try it at any other time. [ As she's mentioned, she doesn't do well with confinement. (This will get worse after her cure turns her instincts up to eleven.) ]
If things get desperate there's always trying to transfuse me with the blood of some of the various gods and immortals that are floating around here. [ Such as Wukong but she's not trying to poke that bear. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 04:52 am (UTC)Of course not. I'll make sure its so nice you don't even notice. [He honestly would have skipped the courtnapping BECAUSE of that, but...well, she's the one expressing Interest.]
That is the base of the current premise. The Noodle Boy really was a lucky arrival. He's a clean stone monkey sample. Wukong has so much outside enchantments, it would be impossible to guarantee anything of the outcome, not without a lot more time than we had. Especially with Lao Tzu's work in the mix. A being born from a stone is closer to what you are than what we were working with before. [What with her turning to stone at death. There's definitely gotten be some similarities.]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 05:06 am (UTC)I don't doubt you for a second. You do things halfway about as often as I do. [ Which is to say, never. ]
[ The concept does interest her, mainly because it's a tradition of his culture's so how could it not? The confinement thing is easy enough to get around by wanting to be there, that's how she can be in small, crowded rooms without losing her mind. It's when she doesn't have the option, or can't convince herself that she has the option, that she starts getting twitchy. ]
Our initial chrysalis is petrified, as well. I wouldn't have made that connection until you mentioned it.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 06:27 am (UTC)It did take me a bit to think of it. Noodle Boy offered to help with my project and while thinking about if there was something, I realized the similarities could be very helpful. And he was willing to just give me blood without asking questions...
[Since he hadn't known if she'd told him about it yet.]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 06:40 am (UTC)I appreciate you letting me tell him myself. I didn't really know him yet, after all. [ And she generally likes to tell people about her horrific life herself. ] Even if doing it that way did lead to the scroll being here.
--By the way, his plan to use it to recover my memories won't work. While I was in there I found myself stumbling through the dark quite a bit. I thought there was something wrong with it until I started catching wisps of conversation or a flash of a scene. Only the memories I'm conscious of download into the thing and the rest is just a fog with occasional glimpses. Because I'm not from your world, I'm guessing.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 06:50 am (UTC)...more than likely, yes. Its a recorder. A robust recorder, to be sure, but if there is no reference, it can't make a copy. It likely only got as much of you as it did was because you went into it.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 06:56 am (UTC)In any case, I'm almost relieved. It would have been tempting if it had my whole history in there, and I can't imagine anything worse than walking through hundreds or thousands of years of memories that are mostly death and torture.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 07:02 am (UTC)That was also my concern. Its why I was going to wait a while to even try the tablet. Rewatching it all, especially that way...it could be far too overwhelming.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 07:09 am (UTC)Getting memories back suddenly, even one by one, is a shock to the system in my experience. We all went through it where we were last, and when you experience them in that way, devoid of all the surrounding context, it's more apt to cause distress.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 07:14 am (UTC)Hm, that does make sense. That's why I want to be careful about that. At least that should be more doable. There's plenty of magic for recalling past lives and old memories.
Just...first we need to make sure you stay awake first. So that was a secondary concern.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 06:40 pm (UTC)I'm sure you'll figure it all out in the proper order. Staying awake is far and away the first priority. It's the first fifty. [ After this cure test actually works she will push hard not to pursue her past memories. Too much could go wrong, and all she knows of her past tells her that she doesn't want them. She doesn't want her past back, she only wants to keep her present. ]
[ -- They've gotten off track. Saya cups his face in her hands and leans close, fighting exhaustion. ] I'm sorry. We don't need to talk about that right now.
How long of a break are you taking? [ She needs to lay down. She'd prefer not to do it alone. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 06:47 pm (UTC)[Not for that.]
There hours. [He gently touches her cheek, pulling her close to kiss her forehead.] If things went well, you would want affection.
...if it had gone badly, I'd have to work through the feelings somewhere. [It's hard to silence the dark thoughts.]
But I thought it'd most likely be the affection thing.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 16th, 2023 07:04 pm (UTC)[ She hums when he says what he would have done if this had gone badly. She can't blame him for considering it, she'd have done the same. She did do the same, as a matter of fact. ]
If your breaks are based on how often I want affection, your poor workshop will be deserted. [ She knows he just means now, her tone is obviously teasing. Besides it's not like she's constantly here, she has three thousand beds to rotate through. ]
Would you want to rest with me a while? [ And they can just pretend it's purely affectionate and not because she can't stay on her feet much longer. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 07:35 am (UTC)[Red Son was an overthinker and its easier to deal with the bad things if he already has a plan. And if he is ready to deal with the bad things, its easier to conquer his anxiety and take the risk.]
[He chuckles.] I really wanted to indulge you right now. Sometimes its fun when you have to persuade me. [He kisses her neck affectionately.]
I would. Do you want to stay here or move to the bedroom?
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 10:49 am (UTC)You call that persuasion? What I could--
[ Saya gasps and clings to his shoulders as her knees go weak. Damn. ]
...ah. Sorry. I felt it coming on, I just...
Didn't want to ruin it. [ He went to so much effort for her. ]
I was going to say move, but... [ not happening under her own power ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 10:59 am (UTC)It's all right. It's to be expected at this stage.
[He shifts then, and moves to pick her up in a princess carry.]
I can help you move. And if you're hungry or just wanting to be close without having to do much... [He kisses the side of her head.]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 11:09 am (UTC)Not hungry. [ Her appetite has ground to a standstill in the last day or so. ] But the second one, yes.
It's a shame, what I could do with three hours if I had any energy...
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 04:43 pm (UTC)I know. I have very much appreciated what we could do in a few hours.
But this is nice as well.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 05:03 pm (UTC)Mmm... in that case feel free to keep it up.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 05:05 pm (UTC)[He will lay her down on the bed, climbing in beside her and pulling up the blanket around them.]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 05:15 pm (UTC)You know what that nickname does to me. [ Just lightly teasing, since she can't do much else about it. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 05:17 pm (UTC)Then I'll eagerly await your payback later for my teasing.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 05:22 pm (UTC)[ Lightly huffing at the payback comment. Yeah, eagerly awaiting for a few decades... she swallows hard and wills herself not to get emotional. No ruining this further. ]
Payback in spades. I'm a whirlwind of affection as a hatchling.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 05:25 pm (UTC)[He lightly strokes her hair.] I meant when you can remember me. You have to know you're collecting payback.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 05:30 pm (UTC)[ The thought of how long it might be before she remembers properly and can get that payback hits especially hard right now. She tries not to show it, but she's awful at hiding things. ]
I think the whirlwind of affection still applies, in that case.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 05:38 pm (UTC)You are always a whirlwind. [Another kiss to her forehead.] Its going to be okay.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 05:49 pm (UTC)[ She swallows hard when he kisses her head. It doesn't feel okay, not when exhaustion is pulling at her and she feels like she just trapped Red Son in something that will only hurt him again and again, and for what? For the chance to maybe have a future together eventually? ]
[ But she can't say that. Can't give in to the unimaginable stress of her situation because it's harder on him, because he'll think she doesn't have hope, doesn't believe in him. There's only one answer she can give, and it's the truth, but somehow it also feels like a lie. ]
I know.
[ Her fingers move through his hair and she curls even closer to his warmth. ]
Can you talk a bit? I can listen for longer than I can speak myself. [ Even talking wears her out, but more the point it's easier to pretend she's not scared and stressed when she doesn't have to worry about her voice shaking. And she does like hearing him. ] Tell me the next project you're going to work on for fun.
[ She flashes one of those smiles that says she's not going to stop until she gets what she wants. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 06:10 pm (UTC)[He meets her gaze and huffs.] Well, I do have an idea, actually. Iggy asked me to help him design a rather interesting go kart race. The sort of thing that has unexpected obstacles, provided by the track and the racers themselves.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 06:38 pm (UTC)Yeah? That sounds like fun. [ As long as it's not a winter setting, Oregod Trail trauma. ] What kind of obstacles? Anything challenging to recreate?
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 06:57 pm (UTC)[MK is around. Maiming will be kept to a minimum.] Hmm, there is this idea of an item to temporarily disable the car at the front of the pack. That will be challenging, since it needs to know which car IS at the front and how to avoid a full on wipe out.
Some trackers would be good, but it does mean the track has to be firmly established and also avoid confusion is there are multiple lamps. Probably a counter each time the starting line is passed.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 07:09 pm (UTC)Go after the leaders, hm? I suppose that's one way to level a playing field.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 07:13 pm (UTC)[And yet a few more candles flicker to life with the petname.]
Hm, it encourages people to time tings better. You either need to be so far ahead you can recover before you're overtaken, or know how to be in second without overtaking first until you can win.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 22nd, 2023 07:21 pm (UTC)I must admit I haven't raced with anything like that on the table. Mostly I just have to contend with someone who can drive on the side of buildings or glide through the air like a total cheat. [ Boundless affection in her tone, though. ]
I can imagine it'll be fun to test.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 26th, 2023 04:57 am (UTC)[He huffs.] Well, I could certainly make vehicles like that but that level of all terrain does take some of the fun out of most races.
And it'd take a while to make a track truly befitting those kinds of vehicles for a fair race. I could do it. It just probably won't be the first go around. Its important to start a brand simple anyway. Then you have room to grow.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 27th, 2023 12:39 am (UTC)I'm sure you could. It's a natural ability on his part, though. Although if I could talk you into modding my bike for me I might stand a chance. [ Let's just pretend she's not about to fall asleep shall they? ]
I wouldn't know about starting a brand, I worked in the shadows like any good assassin. [ She doesn't call herself this very often, but it's true. Being tired makes her honest. ] But I have no doubt you'll make something incredible.
+ Karlach, elemental ribbon stick event
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 03:49 am (UTC)[ Saya laughs and makes her way over to the changing area and then tosses Karlach a glance over her shoulder as she starts undressing without a hint of shyness. ]
You'd be surprised how often that combination works for me.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 07:26 pm (UTC)I'm sure a lot of things work for you, doll. It's hard to say no to a face like that.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 07:37 pm (UTC)I like to think the rest of me is even harder to say no to. [ Indeed, by human beauty standards, she's just about perfect. Soft curves, perfect skin. A few tattoos, incidentally: a purple dragon on the back of her shoulder, a feather on her ankle, a cello bow with a blue ribbon around it on her wrist, and, when she lengthens her hair enough to pin it up (yes it resembles magic, her hair just gets suddenly longer) there's a fire butterfly on the back of her neck. ]
[ She turns to Karlach and stretches a bit in a very "please admire me" way. She's a show-off. ] All set?
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 07:45 pm (UTC)She was already looking. Saya didn't need to make a point of it, really, because Karlach was shameless. ) Yeah, I'm good. ( Said after snapping back to attention, following her out to the baths. )
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 08:16 pm (UTC)[ Saya reaches out to take Karlach's arm as they're walking over to the bath and presses against her side, a pleasant bit of contact. Fingers exploring and admiring all those marks on Karlach's skin. ]
I remember you saying your blood burns... okay if I bite a bit anyway? If not, no problem. [ She's fireproof, she heals, and her hibernation cure put her bite instinct up to about fifty. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 08:20 pm (UTC)If you think you can handle it. I don't - I don't want to hurt you.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 08:26 pm (UTC)You won't hurt me. [ Might give her a new kink, though. ]
[ She tugs Karlach into a bath, and as soon as she's at a more reasonable height Saya swoops in to kiss her. C'mere, gorgeous. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 08:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 09:05 pm (UTC)[ Which isn't to say Saya doesn't appreciate when Karlach pulls her close and dives in, she absolutely does. She shows it by curling close, still needing to stretch up to reach Karlach's mouth but doing a very thorough job in kissing it, her mouth and body like a revving engine. Her hands move over Karlach's scars and marks, drinking her in with her fingertips. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 17th, 2023 09:58 pm (UTC)After a moment she shifted one if her hands down between them, brushing her fingers between her thighs - two of which, funny enough, seemed to have been clipped a little shorter than the talon-like nails she usually had. )
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 18th, 2023 01:04 am (UTC)[ One hand winds behind her back to find the tip of Karlach's tail, which she swirls her fingers around for a moment before stroking her tail to where it meets her back. She's learned that on most inhumans, the spot where things connect to their body is pretty sensitive. Being the occasional owner of wings and a tail herself, it seems a fair guess. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 18th, 2023 12:57 pm (UTC)Saya's assumption that the base of her tail was sensitive was not incorrect, the sensation making her shiver. Karlach's fingers continued their delve between Saya's thighs, finding their way to her slit to gently slide upwards, swirling around her clit. She eased back from the kiss just enough to kiss along her jaw. )
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 19th, 2023 01:53 am (UTC)[ While keeping her neck exposed, Saya leans forward to lick her way to the tip of Karlach's long ear, then nip at it. She loves his feature on someone. ]
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 21st, 2023 02:28 am (UTC)Oh, you're good.
(no subject)
Date: Sep. 27th, 2023 02:09 am (UTC)[ She then moans sweetly, in such a way that makes it quite obvious she's a singer, and shifts her hips into Karlach's fingers. Her tongue winds its lazy way down Karlach's ear until her lips press just beneath it, at which point she bites down, fangs sinking in. Once again, the burning doesn't seem to bother her. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 1st, 2023 03:19 pm (UTC)The touch of teeth in her skin was expected, but still vaguely alarming, the instinctive response being to shove Saya away so she didn't hurt herself. But since she didn't even flinch, neither did Karlach, head tipping back as another moan rolled out of her. )
Roughly a week after the celebration party
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 12:34 pm (UTC)Not a romantic trope of dread talk.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 12:37 pm (UTC)Sure, that sounds nice. When?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 12:55 pm (UTC)Today or the next few days if you have plans. There's no pressing deadline, but soon is still best.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 12:59 pm (UTC)[ The timing isn't bad, actually. The gift she was having made for him is finally done. ]
Just give me a time and place.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 01:10 pm (UTC)[Somewhere nice, but isn't a standard sight in case things Go Bad.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 01:33 pm (UTC)That sounds nice. I'll see you then.
[ She'll fly out because why not, so when he sees her arrive it'll be as a silver blur plummeting toward the ground at alarming speed. Her wings snap open and stop her descent exactly six feet above the grass and she steps gently down, folding and vanishing her wings, her silver skin and hair returning to their normal coloring. ]
Hi, there. Need help setting anything up?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 08:31 pm (UTC)[But Red Son will be there, having teleported over, and has laid out a blanket and weighed it down with some rocks, and unpacking a basket with sandwiches and fruit and things that are just easier to eat outside.]
[He looks up as she lands and he offers a small smile.] No, not really. Come have a seat? [And he's pulling out a box that definitely doesn't appear to be for food, something that size of a cellphone.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 08:36 pm (UTC)You're supposed to tell me when there's a gift so I can reciprocate. But in this case I've got it covered.
[ But she doesn't pull anything out yet, just settles down beside him, tucking her sundress beneath her. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 09:05 pm (UTC)[A pause.] You got me a gift?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 09:14 pm (UTC)[ She reaches into her hammerspace pocket and pulls out a small box that's wrapped in folded red and gold fabric, just scraps from some of the DBF clothes she's working on. When he opens it there's a solid metallic hair pin inside, rounded in a way that makes it clear it's to hold his ponytail in place. The design has a cut red gem in the center and is shaped in such a way that invokes thoughts of a bat without strictly being one, with more red gems curling along the sides. ]
That's some of my gems in it. I wanted to give you one to wear, but I didn't want to interfere with your hands since you work with them so often. [ And necklaces were out of the question, of course. ]
Part of what took so long is that finding a machine that could cut one made from a live Chiropteran was an endeavor, part was that the enchantment took forever to get right.
Heat it up. Gradually, but don't hold back the heat.
[ As he heats it, the gem starts to glow a deep crimson like the magic of Saya's fires. As the temperature increases, a red flame rises from the gem in the vague shape of a bat stretching its wings. ]
I made it extra durable, no need to baby it. That sucker will survive anything short of the Samadhi fire.
[ So hopefully he likes it. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 09:22 pm (UTC)[Then he fully takes it in, smiling as he runs his hand over it.]
[Until she says its her gems and he looks up in surprise. He imagines gems from living Chiropteran wasn't as big of a deal as a live one, but he is also certain it still means a whole lot.]
[He hesitates a moment, looking down as he heats up the hair pin. And its thoughtful. Pragmatic too, with how often he sets his hair ablaze. He always has to regularly coat his hair ties in enchantments so they don't burn up like his clothes.]
[His face is getting red, embers flickering his his hair and]
[Ugh, he needs to talk to her, but this was-]
[He holds it back out to her with one hand.]
[Turning so his back is to her, tilting back his head so she can easily get to his hair.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 09:28 pm (UTC)[ She watches him take it in, hoping the silence isn't a bad sign. She doesn't think this is overstepping but... ]
[ Oh, that's why he's turning his back. She scoots forward, removes his hair tie and puts the pin in his hair. Then a brief kiss to the back of his neck. And she takes a quick picture with her phone, which she shows him. So he can see it in. ]
I had wanted to get something you could see, but this will have to do. We can't have you wearing something that will get in the way of your work.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 09:34 pm (UTC)Maybe it'll help me calm down.
[He's still blushing as he leans over to look at the picture.]
[Its sweet. Its so sweet and he doesn't want to ruin the memory of it, but they need to TALK and that's important-]
[He leans over, kissing her cheek.] Its beautiful.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 09:54 pm (UTC)[ Intensity isn't a bug, it's a feature. ]
[ She beams when he kisses her. ] I'm glad you like it.
--Do I get that box now? [ Or does the Talk come first ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 09:58 pm (UTC)[He's just saying.]
Yes, yes.
Its not as nice, but. [He'll open up the box for her to see a golden haircomb, with a red ruby heart and red ruby tears surrounding it.] The coincidence is amusing. [He takes the comb out of the box.] May I?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 10:03 pm (UTC)Honestly, that's too funny. Seems we're getting to know each other quite well indeed.
It's lovely. Thank you.
[ She lengthens her hair so it will be easier to put up, then turns her back. ]
Go right ahead.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 10:07 pm (UTC)[He will carefully gather her hair to put in the hair comb. He's done his mother's hair, so its easy enough for him to do it.]
[And leans down to kiss over the mark on her neck.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 10:12 pm (UTC)[ A brief hum when he kisses the scar. She does so love having that reminder. And the one on her wrist, and the new one in her hair. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 10:15 pm (UTC)I like your mind. [He sits down beside her and picks up a container of fruit sandwiches to hold it out to her.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 10:23 pm (UTC)Well, that's a relief.
[ She takes a sandwich and starts eating it in her dainty way. She has excessive food politeness syndrome. ]
So, what did you want to tell me?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 10:27 pm (UTC)[Steeling himself.]
[She just gave him a very sweet and thoughtful gift and he doesn't want to utterly ruin the mood, but he's already delayed ONCE because it would have been THE WORST TIME and if he keeps delaying, MK may start thinking he's ashamed or something asinine and there is a greater risk of Saya finding out some other way that WOULD make it hurt more and-]
[Better to ruin a good mood, than a bad one.]
[He just might never get to air this hair piece in front of her and she may never be able to look at pandas again, but...but that was the real worst case scenarios, right? The reasonable ones?]
[He takes a deep breath and lets it out.]
...Noodle boy and I spoke.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 10:33 pm (UTC)[ The first thing Saya does is shut her eyes, because she knows they'll be glowing a fierce red. Her instincts rising up enough to choke her. She doesn't want to project the wrong idea, and she's scary when she's -- angry. Hurt. ]
[ But there is more than hurt and anger, much more. As she's said, she never feels just one way about anything. So it's not a lie when she says: ]
Thank every deity in the multiverse. You two were driving me crazy.
[ And if her voice is a little pinched, a little bit too cheerful to be fully genuine, don't mind it. She's doing her best. Even if her instincts are screaming and roiling and she wants to hoard what's hers and unleash her fists and fangs on the threat, to take and take and-- ]
[ No. Breathe. She curls her knees to her chest, arms wrapped tight around her legs. Protectively. ]
[ She's not a hatchling anymore, she can manage this. Her newly enhanced instincts can't compete with how much she loves both Red Son and MK and wants them to be happy. She encouraged this, she pushed for this. She knew it was inevitable. (If she tried to forbid it, to make Red Son choose, she's so certain that she wouldn't like what he chose.) And she has a new partner herself, her sixth, and he's not losing his mind over it, in fact he's happy for her, so don't be a hypocrite. Red Son is so understanding of her having so many partners, and they have an agreement, and she knew, she knew this was coming, she should have been ready, she thought she was ready-- ]
[ She has his bite on her neck, his family crest on her wrist. Her position with him is secure. Unless he goes back to his world without her, unless he forgets... a fear that will become all the more potent within a few days when Venti is suddenly gone. ]
[ She pictures her wings bursting out, how quickly she could be up and away, the air a cold snap in her lungs as she escapes this feeling. Flee from her problems as she is so wont to do, fly at top speed to the edge of the map and maybe outrun all the dark thoughts in her head. ]
[ Breathe. ]
[ It's going to be fine. She knows he loves her. Without question. She knows MK wouldn't want her to feel this way, feel threatened. He wouldn't want her to run, she'd only hurt them both. So she stays put. For now. That could change at any second. Doing this outside was perhaps not the best move, there's too many ways she could run. She's considering all of them. ]
[ She doesn't dare open her eyes yet, or say anything else. ]
[ She just needs a minute. It might be a rough minute. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 10:44 pm (UTC)[And when there wasn't one....]
[Well, that's why there's a tracker in the hair comb.]
[A nice hair comb, a gift for her to keep, but in this specific instance, it was to be sure he would be able to go after her, regardless of how fast or where she chooses to run.]
[He'll tell her about it when this conversation is done and they're somewhere stable.]
[He glances at her at the sentence and just]
[Waits]
[Waits for her to say anything else. To ask questions. Or give a sign for him to talk.]
[Instead she just curls up and]
[This is difference. Because if she had any doubts in his feelings, it had been because he messed up. They had talked about Mei, but it was over the phone and hypotheticals, nothing solid and real.]
[This was something solid and real and it was the first time where Red Son had definitely turned eyes away from her for certain. Not pulled away, but his eyes weren't just for her.]
[He leans against her. Reaching out to put his arm over one of hers. Angles his arm so she can still see the mark.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 11:00 pm (UTC)[ Her feelings are what they are, and right now things are dark in there. She's wondering if she's destined to lose everything she loves, if part of him is already gone. ]
I just... need a minute.
[ She tries to focus on breathing. On the way her scar tugs when she moves her head. It doesn't work all that well, but it's something. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 11:02 pm (UTC)[She told him. She told him she isolates when she wants to hurt herself and to not let her.]
[So he keeps leaning against her.]
I'm not going anywhere.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 11:14 pm (UTC)I lose everyone I love.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 11:17 pm (UTC)That's why I'm putting together the addresses to get back to you and I'm going to get them tattooed onto my skin.
I have eternity to figure out the mystery and I will get back to you. That is what I do.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 11:27 pm (UTC)[ She doesn't want to hear that when she is struggling to believe it. And she tenses to move, to run, to get some space and do what she does, what she warned him about, which is be alone to punish herself. ]
[ She's not forceful about moving since she doesn't want to shove him off, so he has every chance to snag her. Hopefully he's ready for it. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 11:28 pm (UTC)Never.
You accepted my mark. This is part of the deal.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 11:39 pm (UTC)I'm sorry. It's not-- not that I object. Just...
[ She's struggling to put into words why she's having such a reaction. It's instinct, and those are not often able to be neatly described. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 16th, 2023 11:46 pm (UTC)[His hold tightens on her.] And that's terrifying.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 12:01 am (UTC)[ That's not it at all. She doesn't begrudge MK who he is or the bonds he makes. She happens to think he's wonderful and deserves every good thing. ]
I lost every piece of my past. Most if it gladly. Some of it...
[ Like Haji. Like Kai. Like... she can't think of his name, but she knows the feeling she gets when she thinks about him. Like Nem and Ren and Pentium, and soon Venti-- ]
I'll never have that history with anyone again. And my instincts don't take well to being... substract. [ It's an archaic word, but it's the closest one she can think of. An accessory, inferior, unnecessary... it's some combination of all those. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 12:11 am (UTC)Do you really think you're not a defining person for me, Saya?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 12:29 am (UTC)[ She'll never again have a guarantee that someone won't leave her, because she doesn't make Chevaliers anymore. And that leaves the part of her that needs to be Always First for someone just adrift. ]
You'll never need me the way you need them. The way you never shut up about them. [ She hadn't meant to say that since she never wants him to feel like he can't speak freely, but there it is. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 12:35 am (UTC)The way I need them...
How do you think I need them, Saya?
Let me understand where your head is at.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 01:09 am (UTC)I don't think I can put it into words.
I'm very aware of that history and how separate I am from it.
[ It's like Venti with Lumine. Yuri with Flynn. A connection she can't find anywhere anymore. She doesn't begrudge anyone that, but it still hurts. ]
I'll be fine. I knew this would-- I'll be fine. I just need a minute.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 01:38 am (UTC)The only reason I can put things into words is because of you.
I never needed to put things into words. Mother and I understood each other. Father and I were still struggling to find a way to connect and words wasn't how either of us did.
And I'm going to talk about them, but there is a point.
MK and Mei pursued me. They bothered me. I ran from them because our situation made me afraid what would happen if I didn't, you've certainly heard my fears, and they just kept coming, until circumstances forced me to reach out to them. If not for the Samadhi Fire, if Mei hadn't needed me specifically, I would have kept running after the Lady Bone Demon. The entire basis of our friendship is because they refused to give up on me and because Mei's ancestor.
Then I came here.
And in not so many words, you asked me what I wanted.
I spent my whole life never...really giving that any true thought. Of course I wanted my father back, I wanted my mother happy, but if mother hadn't been so determined to free him...would I have dedicated my whole life to that goal? Or would I have tried to move on and live my own life?
Ultimately, I never really had to think of anything I wanted for myself, free of what my parents wanted me to do. And the only thing I had wanted independent of them made me afraid of losing them, so I didn't think about it. I didn't try to put it into words.
But you wanted to know what I wanted. Did I want to explore something new, did I really want to dedicate so much time to helping you, did I want you.
I love you for many reasons. You're strong, you're powerful, you're beautiful, you're kind, you would do wonderfully in a demon court, you're fun to be around, you're passionate, you have a lovely smile.
But when it comes down to people I 'need' in my life...
I needed someone to ask that question.
What did I want.
Because if you hadn't asked, I would have taken years to realize I loved you, if I ever did. The same would be true of MK and Mei because I would have refused to even think about it. Because what it comes down to...I never had to think about what I actually wanted for myself. But you wanted to know. You pushed me to find that answer, but were patient, giving me the pressure and the time I needed to actually figure out what that answer was.
I can say what I want because of you.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 02:14 am (UTC)[ The natural question is probably to ask him what he wants. She absolutely doesn't want that answer. ]
I want you to have everything that makes you happy. I love you, and I love MK. [ Albeit differently. ] There's a reason I pushed you in his direction, too.
But I... that was never going to be easy for me. My husband doesn't have other romantic partners, nor do my others... except Venti, and he's the god of freedom, so it's a little different, and we were all friends and lovers before any romance happened. [ Yeah that's a whole kettle of fish, but it's one she has no problem digesting. ]
I hope it means something that I want that for you, even knowing what it would feel like for me.
[ Because it's the best she's got right now. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 02:48 am (UTC)I know. I understand. It's not an easy thing to let go of that desire to possess. To have. It's easier for me because I knew that was a fact before stepping forward with you. I got to accept the idea before hand.
Before Noodle Boy showed up, you couldn't have known if anyone would have my interest.
[....please understand, he doesn't know how painfully obvious he was.]
I understand you need time to adjust. To figure things out.
But I'm not going anywhere. I'm still here. I still love you. You make me happy and I'll do all I can to keep you. [His fingers brush over her neck.] That's why I made this mark. That's why I offered you to mark me first.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 03:16 am (UTC)[ So there are going to need to be some Logistics. ]
Can I ask for a few things? Just for a little while. I can tame my instincts given time, I just need that time.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 03:24 am (UTC)Of course. Whatever you need.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 03:36 am (UTC)I think I need some time apart. Not like -- broken up. I'd still want to talk over text or the phone or video or whatever. Talking, but at a distance. I just want to get my head on straight before I see any bite marks on you, because I know that would really kick me off. [ She knows he won't want to heal them, and she wouldn't feel right asking him to, so best that she get her stuff figured out all at once rather than drag it out. ]
And -- you and he can take some time. There's a masquerade on one of the airships in a while, so after that I'll assess where I am.
[ Venti's disappearance would have made that inevitable anyway. She won't want to see anyone but Yuri, and then she'll only want to see people she's okay being in that particular kind of pain in front of. ]
It would also help if I could add a bedroom with a bathroom to your house where we could stay when I'm over. Where only you and I go, and Shen Hong if she wants to, no one else. I know from my husband that it helps if there's a place where I won't smell someone else, especially someone else's blood. [ This would also eliminate the concern he had about other flings. Plus she could leave some clothes and things over and it wouldn't be in MK's face. ] We could also put the mirror portal in there so it's unobtrusive.
[ She's not going to ask him to moderate talking about MK, since she hadn't intended to say anything like that. ]
--I'm sorry, I know it's asking a lot.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 04:07 am (UTC)[Which is still worrying and he wonders if this is wise with what she said before.]
[He would heal the bitemarks if asked. He'd be sad to do so, but he would understand. It was why he had been doing so the past week whenever MK got his hands on him.]
I can add another room. None of my room plans are time sensitive, I can make adjustments easily enough. [He just needed to get a bathroom, added on to one, which should be simple enough.] It's not too much. It's the same reason I had no problem with our living situations. It's different when the smells seem...invasive.
As for time, I...
I can agree to that.
IF.
You promise, promise me to not do the self isolate thing that you hurt yourself with.
Because you told me to not leave you alone and I am only considering this because of the phone contact and you seem to be thinking carefully of this and I think the dangerous isolation would involve you being more...impulsive.
But I'm not certain.
But you know how serious I take promises and I would frankly never forgive myself if my misjudgements caused you to be harmed when you warned me to watch for this vein of behavior. [He knows the last part is kind of manipulative and a selfish lens, but he figures if Saya doesn't want to take care of herself, the confirmation it would hurt Red Son to do it would keep her from doing so.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 04:28 am (UTC)[ Sylvain is living proof that she can conquer this particular problem, she just needs that time. ]
I can use one of my room expansions for it, I am honestly out of ideas for what else to add to our place. What more could I ask for than a training room and a music room and a hot springs?
--The room will help. I don't even have words for how much. I hate to make you stay else where but we can make sure it's to your liking and comfortable. Bloodproof and burnproof. Candles.
[ If she's pulling him out of his room sometimes, she wants to at least be kind and considerate about it. ] Thank you, I feel better already.
[ Not better enough to not need the time away, unfortunately. ]
This isn't self-isolation, I'll be with my husband and housemates and partners. I promise I won't isolate or punish myself.
But you and MK deserve better than to have me hurting and resentful when I look at you. This is something I can tame if I feel safe enough, and don't feel like I have to be constantly clenching down on my reactions. I need to be able to get ugly sometimes.
I'm sorry, though. I know how it sounds. Believe me that I'm not trying to put emotional space between us, not for more than I absolutely need. Because I'll miss being with you more than you can imagine.
Just take the time with him so that when I'm able, I can steal some of your attention again. [ She knows how new relationships are. You struggle to come up for air. That's also part of her wanting the time away, so she won't have to ask if he's free and then wonder why he might not be available. ]
When I can, [ aka no time soon ] I'll probably talk to MK about making some kind of non-rigid schedule so we're not both staying over at the same time for a while. Since I'm not there anything close to half the time it won't be an imposition on him, I'd hope. [ She has such demands on her time and her nights. She'd want to be there more than a sixth of the time but definitely nothing near half. ] Obviously if things come up then they do, but it would probably do both of us good to step into things slowly.
Are you okay with all that? If you're not, tell me and we can figure it out.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 07:04 am (UTC)[But making the relationship dynamic work would take priority, but doing both is definitely better.]
Also soundproof. We should...definitely do that. [He knows he gets noisy and that was probably a better move overall.] And make sure its comfortable for you as well. Its both our room.
[His hold tightens on her and he kisses her temple.] Anything for you.
[He presses his face against her shoulder as he listens.] Thank you. [At the promise.] You just warned me and I wanted to be sure. [She said to pursue, and this was a kind of pursuit.]
You have been incredibly patient with me. Its only right I offer you the same. [He took weeks to figure out his own emotions. Took longer to figure out his issues with MK and even that probably has some more work to be done, they were just figuring it out. Patient with him when he broke down on her, at several points.]
[How could he not offer her the same?]
[Even if he hated the thought of being distant, of not being able to see her, if she needed time, he could give her time.]
[He nods if she asked it was okay.] Whatever you need. A schedule for as long as you need it. And...and it would probably be good for you and MK to talk anyway.
Our relationship was the first point we covered after the confirmation there were feelings, and he made no protests against it. Encouraged it in wanting you and I to be happy. But with how he is, [the garbage self worth] he may be panicking about your friendship, so if you weren't already planning it, I would like to ask that you reassure him in regards to that. If you can. And when you're ready. I can handle that part until you're in a space for it.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 01:29 pm (UTC)--All the rooms here come sound proofed. Have you not noticed that? [ Living in a house with so many people, so many couples, so many booty calls, you figure these things out. ]
[ She moves her arms around him, the movements almost tentative. Holding him loosely. She's still fighting the urge to run off -- but she isn't. It's something. ]
We'll talk often. I'll make sure that at least once a day you can hear my voice. [ She doesn't want to fade out of his life, that's not the point here. ]
Just -- please use the time to work out whatever needs working out with MK the best you can. And if you need to process that with someone, I think that, for now, it would be best if someone else helped you with that. Although I'm very glad you trusted me that far.
[ She can't be the confessional anymore, not about this. Not for a while. ]
I'll let you know when I'm ready to ease back into talking about those things. I'm fairly sure I can do it gracefully. I'd never want you to feel like MK is off-limits entirely for discussion [ because probably it would mean he never says anything at all ] but as far as working out your relationship issues, it will take some time before I can manage to listen to it. Not much time, just a little.
[ There is a marked hesitation when he mentions her talking to MK, her entire body tensing sharply. ]
I need time for that. I can text him and let him know things are going to be okay, that's manageable because it's the truth. But he made me promise not to lie to him, and if I tried to tell him that I'm not angry right now, it wouldn't be true. My instincts are what they are -- but I'll simmer down. You described your emotions to me, the reactivity, how the initial burst isn't the real feeling, and my anger isn't the real feeling. It just takes longer for mine to burn away.
I'm not sure how long it will be until I can have a conversation with him, even over text. But I'll do it when I can. I have no desire to hurt him or have distance from him.
...I really am sorry. I know this isn't the way you wanted this conversation to go. [ She tried to run, she said things that probably hurt to hear, she's going to refuse to see him for weeks on end, and she can't talk to MK. It's not a fun list of things. But that's why she needs the time away. She can see what would happen if she didn't take the time, tried to grit her teeth and force it, and she knows it would be ugly. She doesn't want that even though she's hurting. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 02:22 pm (UTC)[He squeezes her briefly.] I'll be sure to prompt to answer your call. Even if it's a simple good morning. [It would help. Immensely. He doesn't like forceful separation. He knows it's temporary, but there are those lingering scars of what it's like to know where someone is and be unable to go to them. And while he had many tricks to try and remember things about his father....he had forgotten his voice.]
[Hearing her voice would keep him centered.]
[He doesn't say all that. He's brought this difficulty to Saya and he can swallow that anxiety for her sake.]
[She is right though. If she didn't want to hear about MK, he would never say anything at all unless it was entirely unavoidable.]
[It may be the case regardless going forward. It's hard for him to not overcompensate.] I'll work things out with Noodle Boy. I promise. [There's been enough pressure release that the fear is no longer choking him, eating at his rationality. He can make the promise.] Don't worry about us. Take care of yourself.
[He nods against her shoulder. A shuddering breath. He squeezes her again.] I understand. I appreciate letting him know, and I can take care of him until you can talk to him. Neither one of you wants the other to hurt. I'll keep his dark voices at bay until you're ready. Please have someone for your own.
What matters is you're okay. Don't rush. I can be patient for you, and take care of things on our end until then. I knew this would be a difficult conversation to have. It's why I didn't want it anywhere that mattered to you. The haircomb is affection, but less sentimental in case you couldn't stand to ever see it again. I wanted you to still have evidence of my care, but the freedom to burn it all if it became a painful association.
Whatever I hoped, what matters is what makes it the easiest for you. Even if it's something ugly for a while.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 02:56 pm (UTC)[ Saya had anticipated he wouldn't like the idea of separation, however short-term. It would sting with horrible reminders. But if she doesn't take the time to work her stuff out, she might do something regrettable, something that could make a separation that's not fixable. (Part of her wants to. The spiteful, fearful part that says he's already got one foot out the door, might as well shove him out entirely, punish him for the hurt and insult of making her second to anyone. She's ignoring it.) ]
You can call me as well. It's important that you know you're free to do that. If you're doubting, if you're worried, if you want to check in, if you want me to feel closer, then reach out. It would make me happy if you did.
[ Other than not being able to handle the "my relationship with MK" issues, she doesn't want him to feel at all limited. At all like he has to wait for her to reach out first. If she can't answer right then, she won't, but she'll always come back to it when she can. ]
I have plenty of support, don't you worry. Endless support. [ There's a reason she can be so present with Red Son when he needs her and not, this conversation excepted, let her own feelings run the show. She has many sources to process her feelings. And she's a little worried that Red Son doesn't, and she's just removed herself as a source for at least some of his stronger feelings -- but, again, it's because the status quo would probably result in her making things really bad. She knows herself that far. ]
I could never burn anything you gave me. Never.
...But your consideration of my feelings is very much appreciated.
[ She pauses, then her arms hold him tighter. ] I love you. [ And there's a reason she hasn't said that in this conversation until now, because it makes her cry. Not altogether in a negative way, though she can imagine he'll take it as mostly negative. ]
I'm still with you. I'll come back to you physically in no time at all. Barely a blink. And I'll have myself managed, I'll be fine with you and MK, and you can have both of us without any worries about it. We'll make you so happy, you'll wonder if it's truly real.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 03:18 pm (UTC)[That choice was incredibly easy.]
[If reaching out would hurt her, he would swallow and suffer with his anxiety in silence. But if she wanted assurance he wanted to reach out, then he could do that too. Even if it was to bid her good night and assure his nerves she was still reachable even if he couldn't go to her right then.]
Good. I'm glad to hear you'll rely on them. [And he means it. He knows how much not having support weighs on someone. He's used to it. Even if he has decided to try and change that now. Without the Project, with the idea of 'what he wants' in his head, he is going to make the effort to at least find more friends. Perhaps that will be something to focus on during this period when he's not figuring things out with MK.]
[Still, it warms his heart to hear she doesn't want to destroy something he gave her, even if it was more a trinket compared to other gifts.]
[There is a sharp breath at the affection. The change in her voice, the risked glance up to see tears does worry him, but he can't deny hearing the affection does ease him a bit.]
I love you too. [It's a sweet promise. It's hard to believe, the dark voices telling him this was all a mistake, he's been too greedy and he would suffer for it.]
[But he wanted to believe better. He wanted the happiness this could give him.]
[He moves a hand to her cheek.] Am I allowed one more kiss for now?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 03:56 pm (UTC)[ She is absolutely still in his reach. It's important that it be clear, that this not be one-sided. Asking for what she needs in no way means that she wants or expects what he needs to be off the table. ]
I'll always be there when you reach for me. Just in a bit of a different way for a while. Just a little while.
[ And, thankfully, once she's done her mental gymnastics about this, it won't be a problem when he takes other partners. Mei or anyone else. At least not as much of one, since the work will be done. It might take a mental revision but that's much more easily done than building from scratch. ]
[ She does her best to smile when he asks for a kiss. ] You're allowed a kiss, and anything else you might want.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 09:51 pm (UTC)[It'll be a relief when he can see her in person all the same. He can soothe the anxiety, but getting rid of it is a whole other matter.]
[He offers her a small smile, tinged with worry, but fondness as well.] Just a kiss. I don't want to make things difficult for you, but...it's hard to not ask for a little selfishness. [He pulls her closer, leaning in to kiss her. His hand drifting from her cheek to her mark. Something sweet and lingering, trying to share the love that was still very much there.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 10:09 pm (UTC)[ (What's really going to mess with her when she has space to think about it will be how Red Son talked about how special MK is and how he has an Effect on people and that probably terrifies her... when what he said about her is that she's strong and powerful and pretty and would work well on the demon court. If that doesn't say it all about the place they each occupy in his heart. She'll need to make sure she's past it before agreeing to talk to MK and see Red Son in person again, or else that resentment will just spill over everywhere and ruin what she has. Apparently she loves Red Son enough to be second because she's desperate to make this work.) ]
[ Her hand cups the back of his neck to keep him close, then her fingers stroke through his hair. Hopefully the hair pin she gave him will help, having a piece of her with him. She returns the sweetness of the kiss, tinged with a bit of pleading because she can't help it. She's so close to begging him to let her reconsider, the thought of being apart is a seed of panic in her chest, she doesn't want to do this-- ]
[ But she needs to. It's best for everyone. ]
[ She pulls away only slightly, her forehead pressed to his. ]
We don't have to part right now unless you want to. You made all this food.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 10:32 pm (UTC)[He understands why they feel threatened.]
[It's the same way he feels threatened by Wukong. Some people just have a large enough impact by just existing, it's hard to not be scared.]
[He didn't know what he would have done if MK had said he couldn't share. It was why it was the first thing he chose to talk about after feelings. It was the one factor he had to know other than MK's feelings before he could make even a single step into their relationship.]
[There is some desperation in that kiss. He can tell and it's hard to not want to pursue more. His grip tightening briefly over the mark.]
[He is going to be wearing the hairpin as much as possible.]
[He presses his forehead to hers, his other arm tightening around her.] Will it make it easier or harder for you? [A soft murmur.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 17th, 2023 10:58 pm (UTC)Easier. I don't want to run off like I'm being chased. And I love nothing more than being with you. [ This is definitely not a separation she wants. ]
I think it would be good for both of us to linger here. It's a pretty view, and you made delicious things to eat, and we could savor each other since we'll have to be apart for a while.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 18th, 2023 01:33 am (UTC)[....frankly, thank Buddha Mei is full of self esteem because someone in his love life has to have a positive amount.]
Okay. I'd like that. [There is a soft sigh. A bit of a relief. He honestly wasn't prepared for the separation. He was kind of hoping the worst she'd run off and he'd have to go after her. Not...this request.]
[He can prepare himself while trying to soak up as much of her as he could.]
[Finally, he actually loosens his arm around her, no longer holding her here in case she was to try and run. Moving to take her hand in one of his as he reached into the basket.] I made a dumpling recipe of my father's. Its been a while since I've tried doing it, but its good for picnics and spice levels.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 18th, 2023 04:21 am (UTC)[ He's welcome to her hand, since she can't do much about the rest of it. ]
Oh? I'm looking forward to trying it. [ Saya likes everything, but his father's recipe sounds especially like something she'd want to taste. ]
[ She rubs the back of his hand with her thumb. It's going to be okay, she promises. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 18th, 2023 04:25 am (UTC)[He leans against her side, holding up the container of perfectly made meat buns with incredibly spicy filling. Since he's long since learned what she can handle and enjoy.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 18th, 2023 04:32 am (UTC)[ She will take a meat bun and try it, having no trouble with the spice. She waits until her mouth is empty to speak. ] It's delicious. It's going to take me five thousand years to make something like that.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 18th, 2023 04:39 am (UTC)[He smiles fondly, kissing the back of her hand.] I'm sure it won't take that long. I'm sure it'll only be two thousand.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 18th, 2023 04:41 am (UTC)[ But she is indeed smiling. ]
same day Venti disappears | 1/2
Date: Oct. 24th, 2023 11:56 pm (UTC)Could just have gone out into the woods. That's always a possibility. And unanswered texts... well, what do those even mean? Venti still forgets he even has a phone sometimes.
Above all, he tries to keep up appearances. Busies himself with BVE, with quests, with... anything. Smiles when he feels someone watching him, because hell if he wants to deal with being asked about this.
Being asked about it would make it real.
But then Saya retreats into her spare bedroom, and — well. That makes it real, too. ]
2/3
Date: Oct. 24th, 2023 11:58 pm (UTC)3/3
Date: Oct. 24th, 2023 11:59 pm (UTC)Hey.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 12:01 am (UTC)Hey. [ She's obviously been crying, and doesn't try to hide it. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 12:08 am (UTC)Has she eaten today? Has he cooked today? It's all kind of a blur. ]
He might be back.
[ —Yeah, good job, mouth. It's true, but it's also useless. There's no guarantee either way.
And what if he comes back but it's like Zhongli and he's never actually met either of them? A more total and permanent amnesia than anything else they've dealt with. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 12:12 am (UTC)Can you just come here?
[ She wants to give him some comfort, and let him do the same. Like they did after Ideal Worlds. After every bad game. Usually they did it with Venti, but-- ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 12:18 am (UTC)Even if some masochistic part of him isn't fully sure it wants to feel better right now — he doesn't want to deny her that comfort.
Even if it makes this that much more real. Even if it feels like admitting—
He takes the seat next to her and opens his arms for her. ]
I'm here.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 12:23 am (UTC)[ She pushes herself up and into his arms, resting full against him. ]
Thank you. [ For being here. For not staying back even though it might be more comfortable. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 12:37 am (UTC)Heh. You're welcome.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 01:00 am (UTC)I know the answer to this question, what it has to be, but I still have to ask:
What are we going to do?
[ The move on, obviously. There's no alternative. She's more asking how. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 01:39 am (UTC)We survive.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 02:06 am (UTC)You being here will help with that. More than I can express.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 02:23 am (UTC)We'll remember him. [ His lips quirk. ] You for longer than me.
...and if he comes back. We'll be here.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 02:30 am (UTC)We will.
...Red Son can travel through dimensions when this place isn't blocking him. [ That's where she's going, now. One might notice that she's wearing a red and gold bracelet with a symbol on it, it's his family crest. ] If you wanted to, we could visit. He just needs to do a ritual so he can lock onto you.
I would really like that, if you don't mind.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 03:59 am (UTC)Of course I don't mind. Heh — hope you like my world.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 04:04 am (UTC)[ Assuming nothing else happens with dimensional games, that is. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 04:41 am (UTC)[ Softer. He... knows she probably doesn't want anyone to ever see her world. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 04:45 am (UTC)[ ...Asterisk. Depends on what Yuri and Red Son talk decide. Even if they opt to tell Saya about Haji maybe being alive, more likely she'd just have Red Son take her back to retrieve him verses actually return there. ]
That part of this stings too. Not as much as not having him here every day, but I was looking forward to seeing Teyvat in person.
[ True there are still people here from Teyvat who they could visit, Childe in particular Saya could probably convince to let her stop by, but right now she can't even consider that. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 04:51 am (UTC)—Yeah.
[ A little bit more. Distant for his part. ]
Something to talk to Flynn about.
[ Because he'd already talked to him about Teyvat. Because impossibly, Flynn had agreed to come with him to Teyvat. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 04:53 am (UTC)...I'm sure that whatever you want, he'll be all too eager for the same. [ Love does that. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 04:59 am (UTC)Yeah, well.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 05:01 am (UTC)You'll tame that reaction sooner or later.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 05:02 am (UTC)[ but he doubts it ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 05:03 am (UTC)[ So there's that. Look on the bright side et cetera. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 05:20 am (UTC)My life's ambition.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 03:23 pm (UTC)At least I'm sparing you most of my own mushy feelings, it could always be worse.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 26th, 2023 02:18 am (UTC)With friends like you, I swear.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 26th, 2023 02:32 am (UTC)[ Saya is a Certified Handful on the best of days, and not all her days are even good. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 26th, 2023 03:28 am (UTC)Definitely in a bad way.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 27th, 2023 08:37 pm (UTC)I'd feel so much more lost without you. [ Sorry if that activates your tsun some more but ] Did I ever tell you that you're the one who built the entire foundation of me being able to accept myself at all? When you watched that first awful memory with me and didn't turn away.
I know it's very much a work in progress, but without that nothing else would even be possible.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 01:32 am (UTC)...I'm just glad to have helped at all.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 01:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Dec. 1st, 2023 05:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 12:20 am (UTC)[ She ignored him for a while for no damn good reason, just because she was stressed and preemptively grieving. Even if he forgives her, she absolutely doesn't. ]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 02:04 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jan. 2nd, 2024 04:15 pm (UTC)You're the worst. [ Worst here meaning definitely not worst. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 29th, 2024 04:19 am (UTC)Voice
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 02:39 am (UTC)I think there are a few things we shouldn't leave hanging.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 02:43 am (UTC)Anytime you like. I took a couple of weeks off work so I'm mostly hanging out at home.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 02:45 am (UTC)I can come to you then, or we can relax in my nest.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 02:47 am (UTC)Now, or...?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 02:52 am (UTC)> action
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 02:58 am (UTC)[ She unties the knot in her stomach that says she can't take more bad news right now with the thought that it'll be nice to spend time with him, no matter what he says. It's probably not so bad if he's inviting her to his nest, right...? ]
[ She takes her bike over rather than fly, and skids to a stop outside the castle with just barely enough slowness to not mark up the pavement and trots up to the door. She's dressed differently than usual, a thin, cropped red sweater that falls off one shoulder and a black skirt with black tights. Same coloring, distinctly more cozy than normal. ]
Re: > action
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 03:24 am (UTC)You're looking nice and cozy today.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 03:27 am (UTC)Besides, if I'm finally getting to see your nest I figured I should fit the vibe.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 04:05 am (UTC)[He chuckles and steps inside, holding the door for her.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 04:07 am (UTC)[ In she goes, following him to wherever he'll be leading. Fidgeting a little but not abundantly more than usual. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 08:57 pm (UTC)[He leads her inside, out through the garden/training area...where a certain rotted out peach trees lays...then inside, up the stairs, and into his bedroom.
He's collected a few random odds, but the room is pretty sparse outside of the nest, which is an assortment of the softest blankets and pillows he could find and a couple of soft pelts. It's obvious where most of his quest money went those first two months.]
Well here it is. Make yourself at home.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 09:03 pm (UTC)So, you had something to talk about?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 09:17 pm (UTC)Flopping backwards into the nest, he sighs.]
It's kind of about the other night...but mostly about Macaque. Since...he kind of may have made things about you. And that maaay have set me off in a way I'm not proud of.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 09:21 pm (UTC)Okay... I don't really understand why.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 09:27 pm (UTC)I don't know if that was low-hanging fruit, or he really has that issue, but the main thing was you accepting me without expecting me to change.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 09:34 pm (UTC)I guess that all makes sense, I'm an outsider after all. [ Apparently Macaque knows MK enough to not make it a thing there, and she couldn't begin to guess about the deal with Red Son. ]
So, a few things.
First, I don't care what he thinks about me accepting you as you are, it's not his business. Second, I'm sorry that was used to hurt you, that's not okay. I don't care what history you have.
And third, I can understand someone having a problem with vampires as a matter of principle, however distasteful I find that. He might just be worried about you and is showing it in really awful ways.
[ She scoots over so she can give him a hug. Or lay on him. Or both. ]
Whatever his reasons, you didn't deserve that. And I know that from him it probably cut deep.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 09:40 pm (UTC)[He returns the hug, wrapping his arms around her so they can lay comfortably.]
One of the things that really cut was him pushing the blame for MK's heartbreak on you, especially when it turns out he slept with Red Son and let him mark him...just to twist the knife.
But...that's jumping ahead a little.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 09:43 pm (UTC)It bothers me that you're bothered, that's all I need to know.
[ She waits though, since it seems there's an order here and she doesn't want to plow over whatever he needs to say ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 09:56 pm (UTC)[He's quiet for a moment, just collecting his thoughts.]
He basically called me out on either running from, or killing all of my problems, including disappearing after everything with DBK. And...when I said I had been tired after losing everything, he told me that I was acting like a martyr because I got to keep my life. And he left.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 10:39 pm (UTC)It sounds like he's picking out the most tender spots and attacking those. Your making new friends, sealing the Demon Bull King, all that. I know how I'd react if someone started poking the equivalent spots on me. [ It's enough to make her feel protective, which might be evident in her tone. ]
And... he was the last person you really were open with, yes? I know how hard you worked to be able to open yourself up again. So I can see why this is bringing up a lot.
[ A gentle squeeze ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 11:01 pm (UTC)[Poking, the last person he was really open with. The person he had cared the most about for the longest time.]
Then it was time to go after the gang, and Macaque was basically flaunting what he was doing with Red Son...after saying so many horrible things around you...and basically making me feel like my loss didn't matter...and...I thought we had been making progress before that. Before here.
And we started fighting when the job was done. Like we were telling two different stories. I was talking about him leaving me behind for more than 500 years. He was talking about what happened when I chose to seriously injure him to protect my new friends.
And I don't know if he meant to, it didn't matter in the moment...Red Son took his side. And everything went into no context theater after that.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 11:09 pm (UTC)[ (Also, how did Macaque even know that Saya said she accepts Wukong as he is? Did Red Son tell him? If so she'd be furious, but she tucks it away for now.) ]
I have a couple of questions, but I want to let you get everything out first.
[ She nuzzles her way into whatever area is most accessible. Purring slightly, an attempt at comfort. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 11:17 pm (UTC)The last thing I remember doing was calling him out on why he has anything to do about me given the message he clearly sent the last time he came around.
Then Red Son said I was going into extremes.
I think that's when I lost it. Everything was just feelings and faces after that.
Macaque turned up here after that. We talked a little. He apologized. I apologized. I asked us to put off any in-depth talks so I don't ruin it because I don't feel in control of myself for it yet.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 11:23 pm (UTC)Did he agree to keep it off your plate until you're ready? [ Or does she need to go turn Macaque into a pelt, cause she will. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 11:25 pm (UTC)He did. He actually thought I was asking him to leave. But neither of us really wanted it.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 11:29 pm (UTC)[ Saya might be neck-deep in her own grief right now but she still is who she is, she's quite confident about that. ]
I'm going to ask this, and it's okay if you don't have an answer. You never have to push yourself beyond what you're comfortable with for me, okay?
Do you still love him?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 11:33 pm (UTC)[He rests his chin on her head.]
I know I miss us being together though.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 11:40 pm (UTC)I can see why he'd argue with you about your mutual past. But it strikes me that bringing me up is a total outlier there. I mean, where did that come from? Why would he make a point to insult someone he doesn't even know and be so bothered about my accepting you?
The only answer I can figure is that he thinks you're moving on without him and it hurts him. I know the way he reacted wasn't kind, or fair, or reasonable. But trust me that nothing inspires irrationality like jealousy.
And he went to see you. Didn't want to leave.
He misses you, too.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 25th, 2023 11:55 pm (UTC)But it's almost funny since I was always pretty sure he moved on first.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 26th, 2023 12:05 am (UTC)That could be a lot of things, including stubbornness if he's prone to that. Or that he didn't know how to broach the subject. Or that he didn't want to get hurt again.
But, another thing to trust me on, just because there's distance, or even active arguing, doesn't mean there's less love. My ex and I fought like cats and dogs sometimes. Part of it was me being unreasonable because I thought I was a replacement for someone else, actually, sort of the reverse of how he might think he's been replaced by someone who doesn't want you to change.
I'm not saying you need to roll over and take shoddy treatment, goodness knows I would never want you hurt. I am saying that when you love someone, the simplest things can be like pulling teeth.
[ She draws a shaky breath. ] One of my partners, we couldn't see our feelings for each other until we got in a mindshare. And we got along stunningly well, never had a single argument that wasn't caused by mind control. People have blind spots. Especially about things they fear might be true.
--I just want you to be happy. And it seems like making things work there would maybe do that.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 27th, 2023 08:32 pm (UTC)And some things happened once I was freed that I'm not really up for talking about right now...and I dunno, I just...I thought we were working toward that before we got here.
[He holds her a little tighter.]
He did ask if I thought it was too late the other day...
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 27th, 2023 08:44 pm (UTC)Assumptions are the death of happiness when it comes to emotions. When we try to rationalize what people do with their hurt feelings in the harsh light of day, it often doesn't work out. You won't really know unless you talk to him and he's willing to tell you honestly.
--Which I'm not trying to press you into. I promise.
[ Hm? That's certainly something. ]
I'm guessing you don't know if it's too late or not. Probably he doesn't either.
But no one says that unless they're hoping, with at least some part of themselves, that there's a chance.
And, speaking solely for myself, you're well worth fighting for. Even has long and hard as the two of you have fought.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 27th, 2023 08:50 pm (UTC)[But it still means the world to hear and he smiles, starting to purr as his tail wraps around her arm.]
But speaking of people being them, that is another thing I needed to talk to you about. You.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 27th, 2023 08:56 pm (UTC)[ She's an affectionate drunk, to no one's shock. Most other times too, as exemplified when her fingers curl to stroke his tail when it wraps her arm up. ]
Me? What'd I do? [ Gently joking. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 27th, 2023 09:30 pm (UTC)[He pauses for just a moment.]
So i heard that you may have taken a certain comment I made early on in our friendship as me pointing out the real you. Which isn't even a little bit what I was saying, soooooooo...thoughts?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 27th, 2023 09:38 pm (UTC)[ She huffs. Displeased, but not with Wukong, since she stays right where she is. ]
I asked him to leave it alone. But that's neither here nor there.
Maybe it wasn't what you intended to say, but it's what I know. And what I have to believe. If I let myself think I can relax, get complacent, I could go out of control again.
Continuing to believe that I need to keep a tight hold on my self-control is important. The stakes are too high not to. I don't hesitate to fight or even kill when I'm myself and there's no other choice, but another senseless massacre just isn't worth it. Maybe it's bad for my self-esteem but that's nothing when measured against the potential consequences.
So I'm asking you to leave it alone, too. Please.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 27th, 2023 09:48 pm (UTC)[He smiles.]
I'm not asking you to not consider the danger, or pretend it's not there. I've killed more than my fair share of people, mortals and demons alike for as little as expecting me to be shaken down but not actually attacking me. Barely any of them were any threat to me, so almost none of them were an instance of there was no other way.
Do you think that means it's just who I am and I could just do it again it I let my guard slip and stop thinking about it? Is it just how MK is, the weremonkey just showing him what his natural monkey form is like?
[It's a loaded question, but not in the sense that he'll judge her for it. But no matter how she answers it'll be telling.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 27th, 2023 09:58 pm (UTC)I'm not sure those are analogous examples. You made bad choices out of ignorance or what have you, and you'd do differently now, but they were still choices. You weren't unable to decide for yourself. When I'm out of control, there aren't even thoughts in my head. It's not selfishness or impulsivity, it's a frenzy that I couldn't stop if I wanted to... if I even had wants.
And with MK, the weremonkey is a curse. Something inflicted on him. My situation is that I have these predatory instincts always whispering to me. Telling me to dominate and destroy everything around me. I hate it, but it's part of me. With me, it's not an altering of who or what I am, it's removal of my control over the dark impulses.
I don't really know what MK's natural monkey form is like, but has he ever slaughtered an entire city, one by one? Stopped to hack at the corpses just to inflict more torment on them? I don't think he has, from all he's said. So it's not the same.
...That's what makes me think your training could work, because it's strengthening control that is already there, just not strongly enough. I don't think the impulses will ever be gone, there will just be less danger that they'll be able to take over.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 01:38 am (UTC)It's not that far off of MK's fear in his case. He's literally afraid that he's a harbinger of chaos who will have a legacy far more destructive than anything I ever got up to. And when he last turned, he almost forgot to hold back which almost destroyed to world. So the concept is the same at its most basic.
So it's still a relevant question since we're both fully capable of terrible things and the reason behind it doesn't matter to the people who have to deal with it.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 02:01 am (UTC)Of course it doesn't matter to the people we hurt. That's a separate thing. Being unable to make up for what I did, or you did, that's about guilt or redemption or whatever one calls it. I'm talking about preventing it from happening again.
I don't think what MK fears might happen is quite the same as what I did. Sure he needs his own help with it, whatever that means, that's definitely not my area. He has a lot of power, yes he might do those things, but imagine how much worse he'd feel if it wasn't just a fear of a possible future, but also his past. He almost forgot, but he didn't. He almost destroyed, but he didn't. Normally I don't differentiate between types of pain, I will happily help anyone through their guilt without making them meet some minimum standard of terrible before they deserve compassion, but in this case the comparison doesn't feel right.
I'm not minimizing his situation at all. I know it's hard, for him and for you. But living with the fear is not the same as living with the fear and living with the grief and guilt and horror and revulsion.
And I don't even know why. It's not like I have this different form that comes out. One minute I was sleeping, the next I was putting my sword through a mother's back and having it come out her infant's face.
Maybe this way isn't the best for my mental health, I'll concede that. It's the best I've got right now, that's all. I struggled for a long time with whether I should even be allowed to keep living, and keeping a tight hold on myself feels like the only way I can let myself do that. If it happens again... I'll break. I won't be able to live with it.
So please, just let it go. This one thing. Just while we work on my control. And then you can say you told me so until the end of time.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 02:27 am (UTC)And in MK's case, when a loss of like that almost results in the unravelling of the entire universe it becomes more than just a fear. He could very well be a threat greater than anything I've ever seen...IF he continues to treat it as something to fear and resist. You're not in exactly the same boat, but the idea is to learn focus and control over yourself.
I learned control before having any doubts, so I can't relate to that part. But I can say that your stance that "This is me, I have to have ironclad control" isn't going to help you master this side of yourself. It's actually going to make it harder, and possibly easier for a snap since the tension is already there. Even with training.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 02:33 am (UTC)--Really? How so?
I understood that I'd have to release that control to try and master it, we talked about that, but I don't see how my mindset every other time changes things.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 02:55 am (UTC)Let's say this is the hold you've got on your killer instincts, the thing you're using to keep that wild violent side in check.
[He winds one end tightly around his tail, the other in his hand.]
My tail is that instinct, my hand is you, and- [He starts to pull with his hand while locking his tail so the rope starts to fray from the strain.] -this is what gradually happens by keeping that tension in place. Now, you can give it slack while training, sure. [He lets the rope go slack.] But the effects are still there. And technically you can periodically repair things, but the rope can still only take so much before it snaps.
And if you've been pulling too hard- [He yanks and the rope snaps, his tail slaps the nest from the sudden release, and his hand snaps back.] -then the force behind your snap could be at best the same as any other time, and possibly worse than any other time.
Not saying it will, but it could, and I know you would be devastated.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 03:02 am (UTC)[ If he was trying to make her feel hopeless with that, mission accomplished. ]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 03:05 am (UTC)[He hugs her tight, with both arms and his tail.]
What I'm saying is that you need to rethink your perspective on this side of yourself. And that's why I offered to help you, isn't it?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 03:09 am (UTC)I'm not sure I even know how to relax that control if I wanted to. My handlers hollowed me out so many times I don't even know where it ends.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 03:13 am (UTC)[He starts to nuzzle her hair, purring softly.]
All I need is for you to trust me, as your teacher and your friend. I want to help you through this.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 03:26 am (UTC)...But I want there to be some plan in place before we start anything. I know killing me will snap me out of it, but I get the feeling no one want that to be Plan A.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 03:44 am (UTC)But for a more, hands-on thing...pick someone, maybe two of us, to keep updated if anything starts making you feel that side of you stirring. For any reason. And especially when we're training or even just sparring.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 02:10 pm (UTC)I mean a plan if I lose it. What's going to be done to contain me. I can't really be stopped from my frenzy other than if I lose enough blood to get weak. Or I guess if there was a sedative that I wouldn't immediately metabolize. The last time they just killed me, which is easiest, but it seems like that's pretty hard on everyone.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 04:27 pm (UTC)[He thinks for a moment though, actually wracking his brain a bit.]
I do have some tricks I picked up that could definitely help in the moment though. But I need to know. Have you ever come out of it eventually on your own?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 04:31 pm (UTC)I had a panic room attached to Red Son's workshop. You can get into it from the outside, shut me in. It's comfortable but secure.
...No, I've never just come out of it. It takes a big shock. Death, unconsciousness in some form, blood loss until I weaken. I have no idea if I could, just that I never have.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 04:41 pm (UTC)So that should be fine.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 04:47 pm (UTC)Stuffing me in the panic room and waiting for me to run out of blood is probably the least difficult option, but if I get beat up a bunch beforehand it would speed up the process.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 04:58 pm (UTC)I've got you covered there, trust me. Especially since I'm practically my own army.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 07:32 pm (UTC)I know you're able to handle me fine but you can't operate on the assumptions of when we sparred or fight before. All that goes out the window when I'm out of control.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 07:39 pm (UTC)Because if you can then you've been holding out hard.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 07:59 pm (UTC)But if they do, then yes I could. [ Diva had been preparing to reach into the minds of literally millions of people when Saya caught up with her. ] It's possible I could hit every inhabitant of this world at the same time. My sister was trying exactly that when I finally took her down.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 08:10 pm (UTC)And if MK's helping he's got the same advantage.
I can also seal your powers and just immobilize you with magic. So, you know, so can all of the clones.
[He's taking the threat seriously, but he's not worried it's something that they won't be able to manage it. Overconfident? Maybe a bit, but when you've only really had a couple of beings that you couldn't beat it's a given to not be too worried.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 08:14 pm (UTC)It doesn't matter how minor the injuries are, harming anyone while I'm like that eats at me.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 08:20 pm (UTC)[He presses his forehead to hers.]
You're the first line of defense so we work on beefing that up. The rest of us are your safety net. So that's your focus. Leave the if-then to us.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 08:32 pm (UTC)[ But she keeps seeing images of herself slaughtering innocent people, cutting and clawing her way through a room of people she loves who were all ready for it, all extremely powerful in their own right. This feels like tempting fate. ]
I do trust you. Even so, it's hard to sign up for my worst nightmare.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 08:39 pm (UTC)[He purrs quietly, watching her eyes. His are nearly back to being cheerful for the first time in awhile.]
It's not an overnight change to get over a fear like this. But you're not dealing alone.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 08:44 pm (UTC)Watch yourself, if you keep giving me hope then I'll be even more of an emotional terrorist, and then where will you be?
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 09:08 pm (UTC)[That's what he's been waiting for.]
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 09:16 pm (UTC)[ She smiles sweetly, gives him a sweeter kiss. ] Not that I'd mind.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 09:56 pm (UTC)[He kisses her back and relaxes back with a smile.]
But I like to think I'm rather hard to wrangle.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 10:09 pm (UTC)...Which are gone now, by the way. All of them. [ Biting and drinking his blood, even. Which she might be tempted towards by the way she leans forward and nuzzles into his neck. ]
I'm not trying to wrangle you, though. Why would I want to do that? I said I accept you as you are, I meant it. Even if it means I have to chase and never quite catch you.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 10:14 pm (UTC)And you wouldn't. But if you did wrap me around your little finger, I'd be pretty much wrangled. You might not catch me, but I'll eventually come to you.
(no subject)
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 10:21 pm (UTC)--I'm not in any rush. The temptation is always there. [ And she knows he's not been in the best place, and isn't sure if her biting would help or hurt. ]
Oh, is that how it works? Wait patiently with a peach in my hand until you venture over? Patience isn't so much my strong suit, it takes something extremely worth my wait...
[ She kisses his neck just idly, as if she's thinking it over. She's never going to be tired of how his fur feels. ]
Luckily, you are.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 9th, 2023 03:21 am (UTC)[He smiles though, genuinely touched by the consideration.]
It's not a rush. I may not be ready for more yet, but I'm open to this since we've already done it for self-care.
[Okay that makes him laugh, just the mental image of Saya in the middle of the forest with a peach and waiting patiently.]
Or you could just be a fluffy adorable bat. Debatable which would work faster though.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 9th, 2023 03:36 am (UTC)[ She does shake her head, gently. ] It's less self-care now than cravings. The cure kept me awake but messed with my bloodthirst a bit. Completely worth it, but it does mean that blood like yours is going to make me want more of it. It'll keep. [ She doesn't want to even almost get pushy in a way he's not ready for if he's not prepared to be a regular donor, and he's too emotionally wrung out to be making that call. ]
[ She does chuckle at the bat thing. ] I see you're as subtle as I am, lucky for you I'm especially cunning and I've deciphered the complicated puzzle of your meaning.
[ She pulls back and does a move like she's curling up and out pops a fuzzy silver bat. She cheeps at him and her red eyes seem to be smiling. ]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 9th, 2023 03:41 am (UTC)[He grins wider when she transforms, stroking her fur happily.]
I didn't mean right now, but I'm not going to say no to this. Probably ever. You really are just too darn adorable like this!
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 9th, 2023 03:45 am (UTC)[ She has to use the hands on her wings and her feet to sort of hop closer, but she manages, and folds her wings to rest against him. ]
< And what am I usually since I'm not adorable, hm? > [ her telepathic "tone" is clearly joking. ]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 9th, 2023 03:55 am (UTC)[He'll ask if it occurs to him. Right now though, she's a comfort and he rubs between her little ears.]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 9th, 2023 04:02 am (UTC)< Okay, that's a good answer. Mild indignation withdrawn. >
< You should have seen me during the maid cafe. I kept having to change clothes since I was taking requests in my usual form and my male form and sometimes my natural form too, but it was worth it. >
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 9th, 2023 04:16 am (UTC)[He chirps back, just because he can.]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 9th, 2023 04:25 am (UTC)< Yuri even threw one for me, once. A surprise party to earn cash for a room upgrade. If you only knew how I hated that being sprung on me. I don't mind performing or whatever, but being the center of attention in that way... I'd have smacked him around if it wasn't so sweet. >
< We got brought here before the upgrade went through, but that's why I got the hot springs at my place. That's one of the things I wanted. It was going to be a volcanic beach with a hot springs heated by the volcano itself, with a hunting game in the surrounding jungle for when my instincts kicked up. Cost a fortune, too. >
[ She makes a calling chirp in the same pitch which sort of vibrates since her chirps are echolocation things usually. ]
Blossomcrown Sparring Grounds
Date: Oct. 28th, 2023 01:40 pm (UTC)How are you?
[He assumes that she's been doing well, enjoying her freedom with her hibernation no longer looming over her head... but then he isn't exactly in the loop on all her ongoings.]
sobs sorry I got pneumonia but I'm almost alive again!
Date: Nov. 12th, 2023 12:54 am (UTC)For once, my full moon isn't a complete disaster. And a good fight can only improve matters.
Take it easy!! 🍵
Date: Nov. 12th, 2023 03:40 am (UTC)[On both counts. Half the full moon cycles this year so far had him engaged in some disaster or another, but these last ones have finally been looking up! Tonight, he has his two shortswords at his belt, apparently having left the longsword at home. Given Saya's incredible speed, he really should prioritise his weapons' range, but he doesn't seem concerned about his disadvantage as he draws both swords.]
I don't think we need a warm-up, do we?
[His tail, if nothing else, is wagging!]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:19 am (UTC)Oh, are we dual wielding?
[ Saya's eyes glow red and her fingernails on both hands extend into claws, which she rakes down her opposite forearms to allow blood red gems in the shape of sharp blades to be pulled from her body. Chiropteran blood gems are nearly indestructible and she can make these into any shape she wants, so it's delightfully convenient. She makes her blades about as long as his, just for the sake of fairness (if there is such a thing when it comes to fighting Saya) and whips them both around in a brief but intricate warm-up. ]
After you.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:00 pm (UTC)At her invitation, he dashes forward for an experimental exchange of blows - but knowing Saya, it'll probably turn into more than that right away.]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 23rd, 2023 02:34 am (UTC)[ From behind him, she strikes again, both blades flying at him from either side. ]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 23rd, 2023 02:30 pm (UTC)Before we go on, I've got to tell you something! It shouldn't happen in a friendly fight, but there's a non-zero chance that I'll lose control of myself. If that happens, just take me out! Ideally pin me until I calm down, but if that's not an option, do whatever you've got to do.
[Very reassuring, isn't it... but after what happened during his group's encounter with the native werewolves months ago he's got to let her know about the danger.]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 24th, 2023 04:29 am (UTC)[ Her blades lower. ]
I won't let you hurt anyone. I promise. [ Whatever she's got to do. She killed her sister, her family, her entire species, she's all too familiar with harsh realities of the greater good. ]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 24th, 2023 10:25 am (UTC)Thanks. I know I'm in good hands with you.
[He half-circles her, consciously aware of her scent for the first time. She really doesn't smell like a human at all! Despite knowing that she won't fall for simple tricks, all the less as a fellow summer power holder, he summones some goldfish made of fire to swim at her through the air. Maybe he just wants to show off that he learned to make more differentiated shapes...]
I'm so sorry for being The Latest with tags, if you only knew how my life got eaten
Date: Jan. 2nd, 2024 04:22 pm (UTC)[ She definitely doesn't smell human. Saya smells a bit like blood, but blood if it were a smooth, expensive wine. ]
[ Saya giggles at the goldfish, clearly impressed and charmed. She holds out a hand and emits a telekinetic pulse from it, intended to make the fire shudder, and while before the effect can get much last the fire Saya vanishes at her near-teleportation speed and reappears behind Hijikata, sword flashing for an attack. ]
No worries!! I hope the new year will go easier on you. ♡
Date: Jan. 3rd, 2024 04:35 am (UTC)The ripple she sends through his fire fish makes it seem like they're really underwater for a moment. He twists around as he senses her appear behind him, once more raising his swords barely in time to meet hers. While his performance so far is something he can pride himself of as a human, she certainly is keeping him on the defense with little effort!
Given their shared season and her general hardiness, he knows that using his fire in earnest would be a waste of mana more than anything else, but he does have a surprise up his sleeve... Saya will find 3 lava swords forming in the air above her, all coming down at the same time to slash at her from different angles. Hijikata knows that his ability to multitask will decrease the more he gives in to his animalistic feelings, but right now he can still focus on wielding both his physical and elemental weapons (the latter via telekinesis).]
11/01
Date: Nov. 1st, 2023 04:51 pm (UTC)She stared up at the vaguely familiar shape of Saya's home, curious and lost and uncertain, not even thinking to knock while she tried to discern if she was even in the right place.)
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2023 12:49 am (UTC)Hey, Sky. You look hot like that, wow.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2023 03:26 am (UTC)Saya? ( It sounded right. ) ...I didn't think you were real.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:12 am (UTC)[ Saya hops down from the roof as casually as one gets out of bed and lands in front of Sky. ] What do you mean?
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:17 am (UTC)My head's all fucked from- ( hang on. Let her think. ) I went home. I should have been dead but I wasn't - I was alive for a long, long time in the Forest of Dreams and I kept having these visions. I thought they were daydreams, things I made up. Of you, and - ( Aymeric. Shit. Was he real too? ) I thought I imagined it.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:26 am (UTC)[ Saya's never heard of a homegoing in which someone actually remembered their time here while they were home. Her mind spins out for a moment before deciding she'll never come up with an explanation that makes sense. ]
Are you okay? Relatively speaking.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:36 am (UTC)Besides thinking my loved ones were figments of my imagination? Not terrible. I'm alive. Oh, I'm also a dryad now. ( So... yay? )
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:45 am (UTC)[ Imeeji being not known for it's reasonable depictions of things, especially in a game where you throw magic beans. ]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:49 am (UTC)I'm like... a forest spirit? I mean technically I'm a Sylvan Elf still, but I was changed by all the fae magic into a dryad that's connected to the forest back home. Or. The one here now? I haven't really tested it out - Gods. Can we hug? I really want a hug.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:59 am (UTC)--Sorry, of course we can. [ Saya opens her arms. ] I just saw you according to my own memory so I didn't think of it.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 05:32 pm (UTC)( Saya always did. Night Sky easily sank into her embrace, fingers curling into her back to grip the fabric of her clothes. ) it's been like... four hundred years. Give or take. Time is weird. I missed you.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 24th, 2023 04:30 am (UTC)[ She gives Sky a gentle squeeze. ] I missed you as well, and in my own memory it's been a couple of days only.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 27th, 2023 03:22 am (UTC)( She (reluctantly) loosened her grip so she could look Saya in the eyes again. ) That's good. I wouldn't want anyone crying over me being gone too long. You think Aymeric is worried - he's. He's real, right? Conjuring up the image of a beautiful man to occupy my thoughts isn't too off the mark for me.
November 4th
Date: Nov. 6th, 2023 01:30 am (UTC)My name's Korone. I used to be on Wild City, in Tokyo-F.
Red Son-san and Kantera-san recommended that I reach out to you.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2023 12:47 am (UTC)Not a problem at all. Is there something specific I can help with, or are you jus reaching out to your fellow torturees?
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2023 01:12 am (UTC)So she carries on, ]
I remember it ending. Tokyo-F. The Imeeji Idol Production.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2023 01:13 am (UTC)Finally. I'm relieved. I hope everyone was given a chance to go peacefully? [ Please say yes. ]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 12th, 2023 05:38 pm (UTC)Remembering that was a BIG relief
Speaking of memories though
I should probably tell you that mine isn't the best (；′⌒`)
If have questions or want more detail, I promise I'll try! It's just that there's a lot that's missing or fuzzy. I'm sorry.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:11 am (UTC)I'm an amnesiac myself, so I'm hardly one to judge anyone for having a faulty memory. You have nothing to apologize for.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 02:02 pm (UTC)[ She sends that message, then hesitates, typing and untyping, typing and untyping. ]
Please don't feel obliged to answer this - at all if you don't want to, or in any detail
Is your amnesia because of Imeeji, or something else?
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 02:33 pm (UTC)It's a quirk of my species. We have long hibernations, something like fifty years, and when I wake up I don't remember anything or have any personality. It's like being born all over again.
Luckily Red Son managed to put a stop to mine just before I fell asleep this time, so it looks like I won't have to hibernate anymore. Forever is a long time so I'm not assuming it's a permanent fix, but he knows the formula now so we're hoping we can make it stick.
Unfortunately it didn't give me my memories back though, so I still only have pieces of my past before I woke up in Imeeji. Basically I have only the memories I purchased there and a few fragments. Sometimes I get a piece of something when I have a strong emotion, but it's more like a flashback than a memory recall.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 25th, 2023 08:39 pm (UTC)… She can hardly begin to fathom what that must be like. How lonely, how painful. ]
Amnesia's never a fun time, but being trapped in a cycle like that ... I'm truly glad that he was able to help you.
He's a pretty special guy, isn't he?
Could having those flashbacks mean the memories are still there somewhere?
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 2nd, 2024 04:24 pm (UTC)He offered me and my husband a home with him once we leave here, since neither he nor I have anywhere worth returning to. [ So far as she knows. ]
The memories are definitely in there. It's just a block from hibernation. An evolutionary thing that no one really deciphered the meaning of.
event nightmare time (tw: imagery of murder, decapitation, suffocation)
Date: Nov. 17th, 2023 03:10 am (UTC)Shouldn't have to worry about him.
Kantera had been tailed by a shadow in his own form on the way home from the clinic. After he'd failed to ward it off with magic, it had wrapped itself around him and-
-Saya asleep, looking peaceful and innocent and a different person than she was before, who will never remember Kantera and the time they shared-
Kantera with a sharp saw-]
No- Aliza-
[-working with effort to cut through flesh, the spinal cord, one of the few ways a chiropteran will stay down-]
No-
[-eyes red and dark, face cold, cutting and cutting and cutting-
Smoke surrounds him as he screams, frozen in absolute terror there on the street. It fills his lungs and he struggles to breathe through his tears.]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:09 am (UTC)[ There's smoke everywhere, but fortunately she can smell his blood as well as hear him screaming so it takes little time for Saya to shove her hand into the proper area, grasping around for him. ]
Doctor?!
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:14 am (UTC)He takes a hold of her hand with all the strength he can muster. Even now, even after seeing that, he's still asking her to save him when he doesn't deserve it - but he asks it of her anyway. Help me, wordless but clear in the terror in his eyes, glimpsed briefly between strands of smoke.]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:23 am (UTC)[ And that's when she sees the images that made him scream. ]
[ She does yank him then, a short distance into her embrace, forcing his head down against her shoulder. ]
Don't look at it.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:37 am (UTC)[Gasped out, a gulp of air, as he wraps his arms around her and clings.
She knows, she saw, she understands what he fears and hates the most about himself. She knows and there's no hiding it now.]
Aliza, I... I'm...
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:43 am (UTC)You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.
[ She gives him a gentle squeeze, trying to contrast the harsh horrors of the images. ] I know you would never.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:45 am (UTC)[He understands she loves him. But he may never truly understand why.
The smoke swirls at their feet, forced back a fraction by their embrace.]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 03:48 am (UTC)And I know that you are better than that. You've proved that to me very clearly. [ He could have let his fears overtake him and not been willing to see her while she had no memories, but he didn't. ]
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 21st, 2023 08:33 pm (UTC)[Even if it wasn't him - he knows what it was like to be that kind of selfish. He remembers it clearly now.]
Will you remind me who I am now, when I forget?
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 24th, 2023 04:32 am (UTC)Of course I will. As you have always done for me.
(no subject)
Date: Nov. 24th, 2023 07:21 pm (UTC)[The shadows finally recede, driven away by their faith in each other.]
...I think I would very much like to go home and cuddle, if that is alright.
Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 18th, 2023 04:34 pm (UTC)Wukong has amnesia. Not complete amnesia, just to when he's the most insufferable and my parents hadn't met yet.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 18th, 2023 05:56 pm (UTC)Goodness.
Is MK handling it alright?
If you two need anything just say the word.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 29th, 2023 06:07 pm (UTC)I've been mostly assuring him he's important and loved to try and counter the hurt from Wukong forgetting.
And brainstorming things to fix Wukong if the magic doesn't just wear off on its own.
Its not a forever thing. By all considerations, we can use the scroll to definitely fix him, its just the nightmarish solution so that's going to be last.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 29th, 2023 06:37 pm (UTC)And, like I said, if anyone needs anything I'll make the time.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:19 am (UTC)I know it doesn't sound like it, but it is one.
We may need eyes on Wukong.
He's more volatile like this.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:25 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:27 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:29 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:35 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:37 am (UTC)Feel free to deposit your stuff on me instead of MK, his plate is overfull as it is.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:40 am (UTC)But I don't think he's going to be in a place to ask, so its all fine.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:41 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:42 am (UTC)You care about him and it doesn't feel right.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:43 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:46 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:47 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:50 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:56 am (UTC)[ She's kind of waiting for the punchline then? If he doesn't need to talk then surely there's some other point being circled around? ]
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 01:58 am (UTC)Things just keep happening and we should have one when it calms down.
[And before he has to add yet more Happening by telling her about Haji.]
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Nov. 30th, 2023 02:06 am (UTC)In my experience, things are always going to happen.
But I know you probably want to plan something significant and that does take a period of relative calm.
After the new quests go up things are usually calm for a couple of weeks. I suppose I could delay going on some of the longer ones if that's my reward.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 3rd, 2023 07:06 am (UTC)But I want to. Something to make you feel special, and for fun.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 3rd, 2023 07:18 am (UTC)Just making time for me is special, though. I know you like the big productions so I won't fight it, but don't go thinking you need a month of prep time to see me.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 3rd, 2023 07:43 am (UTC)Except then this.
But I'm going to romance you properly. A full day just for you, doing things that I hope you'll be enjoying. And if not, I will have learned things for next time.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 3rd, 2023 07:50 am (UTC)I know I'll enjoy everything, since I'll be with you. [ Romantic at heart though she is, Saya has simple tastes about these matters. But he likes bg productions and he did have to scale down his courting gift delivery, so. ]
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 3rd, 2023 07:54 am (UTC)This place can be so exhausting sometimes.
Oh.
Yes.
Well.
That is good to know, but I still hope you like the actual stuff too. Double enjoyment?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 3rd, 2023 05:26 pm (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 05:28 am (UTC)[A pause.]
[And then he sends a selfie, hand over half of his face, letting her see how much he's blushing.]
[This assault of emotions. But he figures she likes seeing him affected.]
I try.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 05:31 am (UTC)You succeed. And you're adorable.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 07:05 pm (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 07:08 pm (UTC)[ At some point he definitely should segue into "btw the monkeys are taking over the room you haven't even slept in yet" because they are absolutely losing the plot here. ]
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 07:17 pm (UTC)Will you be okay?
Meeting Wukong with amnesia?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 07:18 pm (UTC)Mostly. It's not my first time on the other side of it.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 07:28 pm (UTC)It is only going to be temporary. I promise, he is going to get his memories back.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 07:39 pm (UTC)It's not so terrible for me. I do worry about MK, he's not ready.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 07:54 pm (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 08:00 pm (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 09:59 pm (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 10:02 pm (UTC)I'm sparing myself from pain, nothing more. And if any of them show up here then how would they find my choice to leave them mostly forgotten? What about those I don't remember at all?
Please don't make assumptions about what I have to gain or lose.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 12th, 2023 10:19 am (UTC)Wukong has the people here. Who do remember him.
If any of those people showed up, it would be a different matter. Trying to live your life for people who might hypothetically show up wouldn't be fair to you because who even knows what those odds actually are. So it only makes sense to do what is best for you when it is just you.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 12th, 2023 06:39 pm (UTC)Right, I get it.
Well like I said, however I can help.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 13th, 2023 11:16 am (UTC)[Meanwhile, people were for Wukong, because of the people he's met more recently, compared to everyone else he lost.]
Mostly keeping track of Wukong, if you're up for it. MK and Macaque are going to need breaks. I don't know if you will, but then we just switch out.
Keep the mental and emotional fatigue to a minimum while babysitting an overpowered brat.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 13th, 2023 03:03 pm (UTC)So whatever they need.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 13th, 2023 03:41 pm (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 13th, 2023 03:46 pm (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 13th, 2023 04:01 pm (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 13th, 2023 04:16 pm (UTC)I know it's hard for you to see MK miserable.
And like I keep saying, I'm used to this. So please don't worry.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 13th, 2023 04:31 pm (UTC)And you could be that kind of miserable too.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 13th, 2023 05:35 pm (UTC)And if I was I'm still experienced at this kind of thing in ways MK isn't.
He needs you. I can manage myself.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 13th, 2023 05:42 pm (UTC)If you need support, you'll ask someone for it, right?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 13th, 2023 05:51 pm (UTC)If I need support I'll make sure you know it. Okay?
So you're aware even if you are needed more elsewhere.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 13th, 2023 05:55 pm (UTC)Thank you.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 13th, 2023 06:40 pm (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 14th, 2023 10:52 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 14th, 2023 02:39 pm (UTC)[ She wanted to hear his unfiltered reaction to this: ]
Us being apart was hard on you, wasn't it? [ This is related to their conversation, honest. Saya needed some distance and time, but she no longer wants him to feel like he's being held at arm's length. That's not why she's saying that he should focus on MK and not her. It's worry for her friend and that's all, nothing like a desire to shut him out. ]
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 15th, 2023 01:17 pm (UTC)[He's not going to deny that.]
But I understand you needed time. That doesn't mean I didn't miss you.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 15th, 2023 08:37 pm (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 16th, 2023 09:06 am (UTC)It feels like you're always pushing me at MK lately.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 16th, 2023 09:12 am (UTC)That's because of him needing your support with recent events, and also I want the two of you to be happy.
And I don't want to be selfish.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 16th, 2023 09:17 am (UTC)But it feels like you're doing it even when MK doesn't actively need support.
We're in a relationship, you're allowed to be selfish to a degree.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 16th, 2023 09:22 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 16th, 2023 09:25 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 16th, 2023 09:29 am (UTC)I know part of it was that you hadn't told each other your feelings yet, but if it hadn't been for me you would have had lots of time, there wouldn't have been the same pressure.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 16th, 2023 09:32 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 16th, 2023 09:39 am (UTC)I'm just trying to respect his feelings. And yours about him.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 16th, 2023 09:45 am (UTC)And neither one of us want you to be hurting yourself for how you think we want you to act.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 16th, 2023 08:05 pm (UTC)And he wanted you to himself. It was obvious. That's how he'd feel if he let himself. I'm in the way of that.
I couldn't possibly give you up, it's unthinkable. But that means he's giving up something he wants. It hurts me to think of how I've hurt him and how I'm still hurting him. I should want my friend to be happy but here I am in the way of it and refusing to budge.
It's difficult to reconcile. That's all. At least I know if I encourage you to be with him then you're both happy.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 12:28 am (UTC)You think MK would want Mei, his very best friend in the world, thinking like you are right now? Being down and hating herself? Acting like her very existence was a problem to him?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 12:45 am (UTC)Of course I don't think MK wants anyone hurting. That's the point. Weremonkey shows the feelings he tends to hide, so I know he's feeling that regardless of how he tends to shove it all to the side for the sake of others.
I can't just pretend I don't know that, even if he might deny it.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 12:51 am (UTC)Ah, so it's Mei who will be the terrible friend if she returns my feelings?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 12:55 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 01:03 am (UTC)Those feelings were going to exist regardless of you. There was ALWAYS going to be a divide in my heart and it's not exactly easy to let go of feelings for someone who has part of my soul in them so even if MK got me to himself first, that was going to be a thing to deal with. No if, only when.
If you think tormenting yourself is a reasonable thing to do, you have to think Mei should do the same if she returns those feelings.
So, can you think someone should treat themselves like you treat yourself?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 01:11 am (UTC)All I said was that it's difficult to reconcile the fact that what I want is something that I know hurts him. I'm trying to figure out how I fit into this picture while causing him the least amount of pain and giving you both the most possible happiness.
[ Clearly Saya distancing herself doesn't effect anyone's happiness at all, that's the truth inside her head. ]
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 01:17 am (UTC)[That isn't a question.]
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 01:24 am (UTC)[ Why should she? She's used to pain, she's good at it. ]
He was so hurt that he lost control and almost killed us. So yes, in the face of that I find it hard to see why my slightly hurt feelings should matter.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 01:35 am (UTC)Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 01:45 am (UTC)I wanted to let you two work things out so I didn't push you to talk to each other, I thought it wasn't my place, and look what happened! Even after you gave me the bracelet, I saw MK's reaction to it and we had this whole intense discussion about it and I tried to tell him that I was never going to limit what you could be to each other, but I didn't say it in a way that sank in because if I had then weremonkey wouldn't have been so devastated.
So much of him hurting and you hurting could have been avoided or lessened if I just-- [ she doesn't even know what, but something. Anyone with half a brain could have found a dozen ways. ]
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 01:48 am (UTC)Take yourself out of the situation a minute.
What would you tell Mei to do? She brings that whole situation to you and asks for help. What do you tell her?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 01:56 am (UTC)[ But fine, she'll try. This takes a moment. ]
I guess I'd say that loving someone can only be a good thing, and that fear about it is counterproductive. And probably that she should talk to MK about it.
[ But Saya can't talk to MK, that's not a thing anymore. ]
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 02:01 am (UTC)Talk to MK about his feelings or....?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 02:05 am (UTC)And I'd say that she should talk to you about feeling like she had to pull away or stay away, whatever one calls it.
[ Which is what Saya's been trying to do here. ]
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 03:24 am (UTC)And anything else Mei should cover?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 03:30 am (UTC)Probably apologies for making assumptions.
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 03:37 am (UTC)And what do you think MK should say to Mei?
Re: Amnesiakong start day
Date: Dec. 17th, 2023 03:46 am (UTC)I spent years, centuries, being told, conditioned, manipulated, to put my own feelings last. To become a monster and a genocidal killer of my own family for the sake of the world and everyone in it. And then I went to Hell to be tortured and I had to do the same thing for the sake of myself and those relying on me not being tortured even worse.
There have been exactly two times that I put my own feelings first. Once was ten minutes before Haji died, and the other was in Hell where I insisted on not sending out poison in that game I told you about, where my punishment was hurting and trying to kill everyone I loved and getting chained up like a dog for five days.
I get the point you're making and not one bit of it makes me less afraid to give my own feelings any priority whatsoever.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 3rd, 2023 05:03 pm (UTC)I have a proposition to suggest
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 3rd, 2023 05:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 06:01 pm (UTC)The response I was hoping for. Cut me off if I go too far, but I would like to proposition both you and your charming husband at once. To be clear: my interest is less in being the center of attention here as the opposite.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 06:07 pm (UTC)Interested in watching at first, are you? I think we can help you out.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 06:16 pm (UTC)Got it in one. As always, I am willing to follow your lead the entire time, even if that means denying me longer.
[Especially if it means keeping her comfortable with being in charge and in control. She can tell Sylvain to back off her husband at any moment and know he would obey. He always does.]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 06:19 pm (UTC)Sounds like fun. When are you thinking?
Just how long have you been considering this? [ Which she's only asking for Fun. ]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 06:28 pm (UTC)[He's counting on it.]
About as soon as I get my hands on this contraption that bottles sex energy. We might as well make a little spending money while we have fun, right?
Long enough.
[Will she push it and make him tell?]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 06:35 pm (UTC)"Long enough" could mean anything. [ Of course she's going to push. ] If you don't want to tell me now, I have my ways. [ If he wants to, she could tease him into admitting it later on. ]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 06:54 pm (UTC)You most certainly do... all right. Since about after I'd been with each of you a couple times, and it really sunk in for me that you both... do this. Having more than one, and are okay with it.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 07:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 07:13 pm (UTC)Right, which you and Kantera so patiently explained to me. It was still so far from my own experience it took a little while to get my head around it.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 4th, 2023 07:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Dec. 5th, 2023 06:10 pm (UTC)[Very obvious vibe adjuster is very obvious, but Sylvain isn't about to point it out.]
I am glad to be enjoyed. Let me know when both of you are available, yeah?
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 5th, 2023 06:30 pm (UTC)Are you free tonight? I have a room here that's specifically set up for guests. [ aka it's bloodproofed. If you want to see Saya and her husband get it on you're gonna see her biting. ]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 5th, 2023 07:20 pm (UTC)[Honestly it's good for him to be forced to accept the sentimentality. Exposure therapy or something.]
I will get in line for the vials and contraption today then <3
action
Date: Dec. 5th, 2023 09:28 pm (UTC)How lovely to see you, Sylvain. Normally I would offer you a cup of tea, but perhaps that's best saved to refresh ourselves later, hmm?
[If it isn't obvious: he is in on the plans and he is delighted.]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 5th, 2023 10:12 pm (UTC)[Of course Kantera would know. Sylvain is still delighted to see the doctor look so pleased. Like a cat with the cream. He chuckles mildly as he steps inside, reaching for Kantera's hand to lift it to his lips.]
I'll take tea before and after, but if you're very eager, I certainly don't expect to be wined, dined and eased into it, or anything like that.
[They are past that point in their relationships, surely]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 5th, 2023 10:41 pm (UTC)Don't tease him, bien-aimé. That's my job.
[ She crooks a finger at Sylvain, don't linger in the doorway. ]
I'm sure he'd rather watch you eat out of my hand than drink out of a teacup.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 5th, 2023 10:46 pm (UTC)He could do both. Dinner and a show.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 6th, 2023 12:03 am (UTC)[Even just this, seeing her hug Kantera from behind and the both of them swapping quips with him and with each other, has something warm starting to tingle in the pit of his stomach. This was his best idea yet.]
Hmm, would you like that, doctor?
[He teases as he steps over the threshold. Kantera got his little hand kiss, and Saya will get her's too. He slips his fingers under hers to pull them away from her husband for a moment, to press his lips to her knuckles.]
Watch me enjoy a cup of tea you made while I watch your wife turn you into drooling mess?
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 6th, 2023 12:15 am (UTC)I suppose I can't argue with that. Do take care not to burn your tongue, I have plans for it eventually.
[ Her free hand rustles its way through her husband's hair, scritching slowly at the base of his horn. But then she releases both of them and steps backwards to give him room. Making tea with her attached would be a challenge. ]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 6th, 2023 12:19 am (UTC)[He's blushing already. Between the two of them he really will be a mess before long.
-But first, he hastens to the kitchen to put on a pot of Good Tea. He never serves subpar tea but if it's going to be in the bedroom then it especially needs to be high quality.]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 6th, 2023 12:25 am (UTC)[He lets her take that initiative, even leaning his chin up a little more, like a cat asking for more scratches, exposing more of the line of his neck... until Saya pulls back and the moment passes.]
Yes ma'am.
[He hums to himself as he watches Kantera scurry off. The poor man already looks a bit overwhelmed and they've only just begun to build up the tension. This might even be more overwhelming for Kantera than it will be for Sylvain. Well, there's still time for him to fall apart.]
Maybe I can have a brew that steeps at a softer temperature, if you're worried about my impulse control. [As if they would even be here if either of them questioned that.]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 6th, 2023 12:34 am (UTC)Not a bad idea. Did you hear that, my love? [ The latter is addressed toward the kitchen. ]
[ She turns to Sylvain and steps closer, but without reaching out for him. Angling her head and standing on her toes as if about to stretch up for a kiss and leaving the movement incomplete. ] So I don't run aground in there, how near to overwhelmed would you like to get before I invite you in?
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 6th, 2023 12:37 am (UTC)[Kantera's frankly more worried about his own impulse control than Sylvain's at this point.]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 6th, 2023 12:55 am (UTC)[Sylvain would never doubt for a moment that Saya can handle everything and anything about either man involved here. Kantera's comment makes his smile flicker a little wider, before he is fully magnetized by Saya's movement. The suggestion of touch that doesn't quite reach. He knows better and is well behaved enough to not reach back out for her himself.]
[He swallows the temptation to say "whenever you decide you really want me to join" because he knows that demurring will not get him anywhere. He may have his bad habits, but he does learn, especially for these stubborn types.]
Until it seems I cannot take a moment more. If that suits you.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 6th, 2023 02:03 am (UTC)[ Her smile deepens in ways which would be a challenge to define when he follows his implied order like a champ. He did specifically request look and no touch, at least for a while, and so she'll have your sense of self-control until she decides to give it back. (Her husband's, she captured long ago. Shame she can't keep them all lined up on a pretty little shelf.) ]
Just my specialty.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 6th, 2023 02:07 am (UTC)Also because we all deserve to get to the really fun part.Kantera returns with a teacup - not a fragile one, considering - full of assam tea.]
Here we are. This way, if you please.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 6th, 2023 07:52 am (UTC)And I do so love to see a master crafter at her work.
[Sylvain feels something wobble deep in his stomach at the way her smile shifts. That he's already started on his way to that special place he goes when someone takes charge of him is visible in his eyes when he turns to take the offered teacup. As he does so, his fingertips do brush against Kantera's. One very small rebellion against the no-touch restriction that Saya has implied to have already begun, but so quick and nearly unavoidable it might not even be a rebellion at all.]
Lead on.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 6th, 2023 01:58 pm (UTC)[ Saya strides through the house like the queen she is, opening the door to a large bedroom that's colored to accommodate her feeding, dark wood and sleek dark bedsheets and a wine colored rug, long flowing curtains. And a plush armchair which she directs Sylvain towards, with a small end table beside. In the corner is a large mirror which Saya covers with a piece of cloth. It's one of those portals from Riki's shop and this wouldn't be the time for someone to walk in. ]
[ She smiles sweetly at Sylvain once he's sitting and settled. ] Make yourself comfortable, now. I'd much prefer we were the only thing making you squirm.
[ Moving back beside the large bed, Saya beckons her husband with an extended hand and a promising smile. ] I have something for you before we get started, dear.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 6th, 2023 10:35 pm (UTC)[Kantera approaches the side of the bed with an equally wide smile.]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 7th, 2023 03:08 pm (UTC)[The room itself reminds Sylvain of a decadent desert- all dark chocolatey colors and berry tones. He does, indeed, make himself comfortable at her invitation, blowing politely on his tea before taking a light sip. He hums approval and sets it aside so he can settle into the chair, making sure he's sitting at a good angle, and his legs are comfortable.]
[Kantera's smile and jolly attitude make him chuckle, though he also has no idea what Saya might be planning, here.]
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 2nd, 2024 04:37 pm (UTC)[ Saya pulls out a little string and goes to tie it around Kantera's little finger. ]
Promise me that you'll leave this string on until I say to remove it.
[ She smiles sweetly. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 2nd, 2024 04:40 pm (UTC)I promise not to remove it without your permission.
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 20th, 2024 03:15 pm (UTC)[Both the boys are fully ignorant of what the string is or does, it seems. Sylvain simply watches, quiet for now.]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 20th, 2023 11:56 pm (UTC)[He'll have modified her motorcycle. He took care to maintain the look of the motorcycle in its base form, but it has so many fun add ons. It has blades that will appear out of the wheels, it has grappling hooks to shoot out to help do sharper turns or help pull up walls or whatever else.]
[But of course there is a complex transformation into a full on HOVERBIKE. Because that's how he is. It also comes with a turrets, though build for paint balls because bullets would be quite deadly and she may not be for that, but paint balls can do a lot for knocking someone down.]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 23rd, 2023 06:45 pm (UTC)That looks like so much fun! The person who gave it to me would definitely approve. I can't wait to test it out~
[
Do we want to do Saya's gifts here too just so we don't need separate threads?](no subject)
Date: Jan. 2nd, 2024 11:52 am (UTC)But they are quite a lot of fun.
[
That works really.](no subject)
Date: Jan. 2nd, 2024 04:49 pm (UTC)--Come inside. Your main gift can't really be hauled around.
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 3rd, 2024 03:17 pm (UTC)Oh? [Will follow her inside.]
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 3rd, 2024 03:47 pm (UTC)[ She leads him to her bedroom, then releases his hand to walk into the closet. She rolls out her dress form. On it is a silk ballgown, done mostly in red and black and gold. The sweeping bottom half is pieced to resemble stained glass but with Chinese-style art and the fabrics have been chosen to make it look like it's glowing from within. The artwork is designed with bulls and fire and wind, with abstract Demon Bull Family sigils if you know where to look. As it reaches the waistline there is carefully placed black and gold lace to imitate curling smoke in a breeze. The fabric shines and shimmers in the light, the colors changing slightly depending on where your eye catches it. The top is more structured, hugging the torso like a corset. The panels are the same colors but sheer in between the seams, with the black and gold lace from the skirt curling through the design so that it is more pretty than risqué. The dress is made to appear strapless but the lace continues up to a high neckline to make sure to cover his neck. There are long, fingerless gloves made of the same lace. ]
[ This clearly took a lot of work, and a lot of thought. ]
You said you haven't had occasion to wear a ballgown in 50 years. I thought it was high time that changed.
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 3rd, 2024 04:18 pm (UTC)[Oh]
[Saya has made her previous gifts, but this is definitely more complex than the corsets, and the hair piece was a courting gift, this is a holiday gift, a very different standard, and she went all out. She made something that took a lot of effort.]
[(People keep making him things)]
[It's]
[It's still so new, and his emotions have been all over the place, it makes his heart feel tight and he has to take a shuddering breath.]
It's gorgeous. [He approaches, running a hand over the material.]
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 3rd, 2024 05:14 pm (UTC)I thought maybe I'd take you out to a nice dinner, a place with some dancing, then we could watch the fireworks.
I made something for myself to wear too... [ Back into the closet she goes, and emerges with a fitted black suit with red and gold metallic pinstripes. There are some subtle DBF symbols on the lapels and cuffs. ]
I was going to make a corset for it but I think I like it without a top under the jacket. Maybe with just a necklace... [ It would be sexy for sure with the deep v in the jacket, but not outrageous. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 4th, 2024 01:03 pm (UTC)You're very handsome like this. More of a suave look over pure sex. [He is definitely blushing as he talks.]
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 4th, 2024 03:49 pm (UTC)Is that a yes? You'll let me take you out and seduce you properly?
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 5th, 2024 11:12 am (UTC)But yes.
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 5th, 2024 06:00 pm (UTC)I have some artwork for you, too.
[ Saya gathers some thick papers from the bed and hands them over. On them are portraits of the children they saw in his ideal reality: Diva and Rikku together, Jade, Huǒ Hou and Xiaotian. One of the monkeys with Wukong and Macaque. One of Rikku and Jade fighting. Diva playing with Princess Iron Fan instructing. All of them piled on top of the Demon Bull King and wrestling playfully. ]
[ There's something different at the bottom of the pile. It's a stylized fire, almost tribal in appearance, with some symbols in the fire: a bull, his mother's fan, the symbol of the Samadhi fire from Red Son's jacket. ]
That last one is a sketch of a tattoo I wanted to get, as I do with everyone important to me. Even though I hopefully won't sleep again, it's a tradition I'd quite like to maintain. I thought I should get your permission before I ink symbols of your parents on my skin.
[ She slides the jacket off her shoulder. ] I was thinking the back of my shoulder, opposite the dragon that represents Kantera. The flames could wrap over my shoulder a bit.
Delivery
Date: Dec. 22nd, 2023 07:54 pm (UTC)Steam these before eating them. Happy holidays.
-Evangeline
delivery-ish
Date: Dec. 22nd, 2023 08:32 pm (UTC)Also, a beautiful red ballgown in exactly her size.]
Re: delivery-ish
Date: Dec. 23rd, 2023 06:48 pm (UTC)[ Her gift for him is in the other room, she can't really carry it or wrap it so... ]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 23rd, 2023 11:59 pm (UTC)Good morning, my dear. I see you found your gifts.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 12:22 am (UTC)After I give you your gift, that is.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 12:23 am (UTC)[That's more than enough of a gift to him, but he won't say no to another thing.]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 12:38 am (UTC)Come with me, your gift is a little hard to wrap.
[ Saya will take his hand and lead him to... the Pokémon playroom? She hangs back in the doorway and encourages him to go inside. ]
[ Something unseen bounds through one of the tubes and then sticks its head out to peek at the visitors: a tiny black kitten. ]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 12:40 am (UTC)Kantera takes a few steps closer and kneels down to get a better look at the itty bitty kitten.]
Truly?
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 12:45 am (UTC)MK helped me find her, so do thank him when you can. [ No way could she go look at cats without scaring them into a fit. ]
She didn't come with a name, so go in and meet her. I'll stay back so she's not frightened.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 12:47 am (UTC)[He offers his hand for the kitten to sniff.]
Hello there, little one.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 12:51 am (UTC)[ And it looks increasingly like if Venti does return, he won't know them. Being gone longer tends to do that. So it's safe to have a kitty in the house. ]
I'm not quite sure what she and the rabbits will make of each other, but that's another reason I got a very little one.
[ The tiny kitten will take a few hesitant, wide-eyed steps before bounding over to Kantera and sniffing his fingertips. Then gently nibbling on one. Seems he is approved. ]
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 01:08 am (UTC)She truly is tiny. What should I name her, I wonder... Something related to my stars and moon, perhaps?
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 01:17 am (UTC)[ Seeing her dear husband get something he's been wanting does her good, actually. ]
Night Sky is already taken, alas.
(no subject)
Date: Dec. 28th, 2023 04:45 pm (UTC)[If he named his cat after Night Sky, people would get the wrong idea.]
Starlight doesn't seem to fit a black cat... Eclipse, perhaps?
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 5th, 2024 05:49 pm (UTC)[ Saya hates that she has to hang back, but she does it. The kitty will get used to her eventually. For now she just watches. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 5th, 2024 05:52 pm (UTC)[He gives Eclipse a scritch.] What do you think of it? Should we call you Eclipse?
[The kitten purrs loudly.]
That sounds a resounding yes to me.
Delivery
Date: Dec. 22nd, 2023 08:47 pm (UTC)There's no note but like, who else would give you this.]
gift
Date: Dec. 22nd, 2023 10:56 pm (UTC)UN: CuteNPeachy - Post-Lich
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 05:07 am (UTC)You wanna hang out and talk? Maybe get some meditation in?
Re: UN: CuteNPeachy - Post-Lich
Date: Dec. 24th, 2023 05:10 am (UTC)Of course. I always want to spend time with you, and goodness knows I need practice meditating. [ She's not as bad as she claims she is, but sitting still isn't her strong suit and clearing her thoughts is worse. ]
Re: UN: CuteNPeachy - Post-Lich
Date: Oct. 18th, 2024 12:16 am (UTC)Gift
Date: Dec. 25th, 2023 04:09 pm (UTC)Delivery
Date: Dec. 25th, 2023 11:45 pm (UTC)Ultimately, however, he knows hat Saya cares about the thought behind a gesture more than anything, so he ends up simply choosing the most beautiful card he can find, one with layered cuttings of snowflakes in faint white and blue hues, with just the slightest shimmer effect. (Of course he second- and third-guesses his taste, but in the end he sticks with it.)]
Dear Saya,
I hope you're enjoying the holiday season with your loved ones. I wish you good health and happiness, both now and in the new year. Let's go questing again sometime! It's always fun with you.
-Hijikata
Christmas day- gifts.
Date: Dec. 28th, 2023 09:12 am (UTC)[Sylvain leaves a package delivered at Saya and Kantera's doorstep. Saya's present is a pair of wines, dark and vintage. One of them is a regular alcoholic beverage. The other is both wine and potion, a bottled "mulled wine" that makes the drinker especially sensitive, able to orgasm far more easily, and if they are not otherwise able to have multiple without stopping, they are now. It says so on the label, with a neat little note from Sylvain. Sante, Saya. I hope you have a fun Solstice and New Year. Share these with whomever you like, I promise I'm not dropping hints.- Sylvain]
Early/Mid December
Date: Dec. 28th, 2023 10:30 am (UTC)I was wondering, could you tell me what Kantera-san's favorite color is?
And his upper body measurements?
And if he has any fabric textures he particularly likes or dislikes!
Re: Early/Mid December
Date: Jan. 2nd, 2024 04:52 pm (UTC)His favorite color is purple, a jewel tone is closest I think. It was his color on Heart Soldier.
His measurements are [ insert those here! ] Good thing I sew, I have them handy!
He tends to like soft and drapey things like yukatas.
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 4th, 2024 02:35 pm (UTC)(☆▽☆)
I was thinking something like sweater or a hoodie with a kitty pocket
since I know he really likes cats
You sew too?
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 5th, 2024 05:46 pm (UTC)It's a surprise of course. We haven't had a cat before but he's always wanted one. [ They couldn't have one before because of Venti's allergies... but Saya is aggressively not thinking about Venti being gone. ]
I do. Everyone did their own sewing a few hundred years ago. [ Also blah blah she was a captive and not allowed contact with the outside world. ]
(no subject)
Date: Jan. 8th, 2024 09:30 am (UTC)Let me know if you need any recommendations for toys and food! My kitten, Hacchan, came along with me, so I ended up doing a lot of research and shopping around.
Ooh wow, so you've got a LOT of experience!
What kind of things do you like making? ( ° ▽ ° )